Health and other things

I may delete parts of this, because I'm trying to get my mind to settle so I can go to sleep and not all of it is meant for public consumption. On the other hand, I may get lazy and just post whatever. Let me know if I get too intimate for you. ^.^

I went to get a physical from my doctor on Monday. She had my bloodwork back, and said most things were normal. My thyroid hormones were odd though. She told me I may have hypothyroidism and we scheduled again to meet next month to test my blood levels and see if the problem was persisting.
Now, from what I've looked up, the major thyroid problems can hit when you get pregnant, or have body changes. I'm sure everyone remembers that I'm on birth control (I'm sure I've complained enough) and in general, bc tricks your body into thinking it's pregnant. I'm not saying this is the cause; it's just a factor I'm acknowledging. I honestly don't think it's helping, if you know what I mean.
My mom told me she's had thyroid problems off and on, which is strange. I was told if I have a thyroid problem, it's easy to fix, but I would be on the medication for the rest of my life. I think some doctors have either messed up my mom's health with this, or the doctor was mistaken. I think you can guess which one is more likely.
Some of the effects of hypothyroidism include hypertension or hypo-tension  (which can cause) headaches, weight gain (because your metabolism isn't being controlled properly), dry skin, infertility (BIRTH CONTROL???), and other things.
I'm going to describe how things have been for the last year, and then I'm going to add a link of some girls' testimonies of their experience with Implanon.
First couple of months on Implanon: I was emotionally stunted. I would get angry out of context, mood swings that surprised me, and slowly my period decreased until I didn't have it anymore.
Months 3-9 (approximately): Extremely irrational anger, mood swings, I would be pissy over the stupidest things, and didn't get a period until the 9th month, at which point not only was I angry, I was sad. When I cry? Husband and I BOTH tend to panic. Also, breasts tend to be tender (continues even now. Lovely, right?).
Months 9-11: My anger fits started to end, my equilibrium was restored, and while I worried a lot, especially over my weight gain and irrational craving for sweets, I was pretty okay. Except for my periods, which only got worse. I had an eleven day, heavy period. Never in my life have I had a period last more than six days before that.
11-12 (which is now): I'm frickin' bipolar. Seriously. I cry over happy things, sad things, angry things, tragic things, funny things. Anything can set me off. I also tend to be irritable, and sometimes browbeat others into either agreeing with me, or just shutting up. My patience is minimal. A worrying thing that I hope is just sleep deprivation is this cloudy-mind. I nearly hit a car because I didn't see them coming up beside me, but I really wanna blame that on their speeding. But boy, if something good happens, I'm good. I had a new cashier take my order at McD's, and she was so cute, fumbling for the right keys, that I went to work humming. Not just humming, skipping and grinning and acting like I just got proposed to. I stayed in that good mood for hours, too. Reb (hubby) is the ultimate cause of happiness. If he touches me, I'm happy. If he hugs me, I can't stop smiling. If he kisses me? I'm over the moon, I'm so happy. If he spoils me, by buying something I wanted, or taking me somewhere, or picking out a pretty dress for me? I'm ready to cry, I'm so ecstatic. I'm also apparently possibly hypothyroid positive.

Now, Imagine going through those mood swings in one day. I did that. Today. I laughed, I snapped, I cried, I lost patience, then found it again. It's really hard, but I can handle the mood swings. It's what's going on UNDER my skin that worries me. IF this product causes Hypothyroidism (for which you will be on meds FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE), I would have wanted to know. Especially as my family history indicates a genetic possibility of it developing if I'm not careful. I'm not saying I wouldn't have done it, because lets face it. I'd rather know it now, than when I'm pregnant with a child that I might lose or give malnutrition because the doctor doesn't catch it. I may even POSSIBLY prefer it to being pregnant before hubby and I are ready for a child. But I still would have wanted to know.

Now, here's the link to those poor girls, and I hope you'll read a few. The short ones have just as much info as the long ones so you can skip around if you want.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Thyroid-Disorders/Thyroid-and-Implanon-side-effects/show/327750

Mark Lupo, M.D. wrote in response to some of these questions

Would consider Hashimoto's thryoiditis if there is a prominent thyroid with borderline low-normal thyroid function (ie TSH of 3 or greater).  It's unlikely the Implanon caused it but sometimes changes in hormone status can bring out underlying tendencies (genetic predisposition) to thyroid problems.

It's a viable answer, and if there were any proof to back his claims, I might be mollified. But he doesn't offer any. He just tells you what he wants you to believe. Sad day.

I'm pretty desperate to lose weight right now. I've steadily increased in weight since the new year. I've gained nearly twenty pounds and I don't feel very attractive. Of course, body issues help me to feel even less attractive than mere weight gain could normally do to me. I think the worst thing is that I CANT BUY ANY BOOKS because of the agreement I have with hubby. He's doing a very generous weight loss incentive. He'll buy me a book for every pound I lose and keep off. It's hardly working. I cannot stop eating sweets. Really. I tried. I have cried because I denied myself sweets. That's utterly fu***** ridiculous. No one should want sweets that badly. I can't even limit myself to one a day. I've tried.

Anyway. I'm losing my job at the end of the month. They are cancelling the contract to save money. So I've been looking for a new job. I'm thinking of trying a new direction and type of job. I'm bored with security work, and I don't like the shit pay. I'm also thinking of taking a break and getting my knee fixed while we have the money and I have the time. If I can fix my knee, my shoulder (which is generally aching all the time and I'm going to PT for), and my weight, I'll feel so much better about myself. I don't even have to fix the weight. If I can fix my knee, I can start jogging again. I seriously miss jogging. Which is funny because I'd barely learned to enjoy it before I messed up my leg. If I start jogging, that's an hour (yes, that was the average time I was out running) of activity that isn't me stuffing my face. That HAS to help me lose weight. So just getting my knee fixed is steadily growing in priority lately. I'm just very scared that it won't work, and we'll have spent all that money for nothing. It's a lot of money to throw away, you know? I've also never really had surgery before (that I remember) except for that root canal. I'm sure you can remember my horrible experience (think constant crying and dependency on husband. Wow. I'm crying just thinking of it. See what my body is doing to me lately???), so I'm understandably not excited at the idea.

Now for less depressing topics. We saw Oblivion today. It was pretty good. Not as predictable as you would expect. Reb said that it borrows from a lot of movies, but even so, I think it probably does it better than the others because the movie flow was pretty great except for a few plot knots. I won't go into them because I don't want to spoil the movie.

My cat is wrapping us around her paw so tight, I don't expect either of us to get free. When hubby was checking his pictures today (his phone said he'd used too much memory) he discovered most of the pictures were of our cat. And he still protests that he doesn't even like her. He's told me (excited) about when she lets him touch her belly. And now she's started giving him the gentle warning bites she gives me when she's had enough. Essentially she bites down gently and holds. I don't let her do that to me unless I've done something bad to her (like maybe when we're trying to cut her claws). But she used to do it all the time. She still lets me torture her (i.e. picking her up, laying her on her belly, using her as a pillow, using her as a belly warmer, massaging her whole body, etc.) in ways I can't even imagine Reb succeeding at.

We've been watching Lie To Me together. I think it started out as a scientifically fascinating show, and progressed to a Drama + some science. That's okay though, I like character development.... *shrug* I like the show, generally. I'm excited to see what the next episode will be like, you know?

I think I'm finally getting tired enough to sleep. Tomorrow I want to go through my clothes and get rid of a lot of clothes that I don't wear, or that don't suit me anymore. I'm gonna try and get Reb to do the same. We've collecting a LOT of stuff and it's all my fault. So I'm trying to kick this pack rat mentality. The funniest thing is that he has more clothes than I do. Some music to finish up:

I really like this song. I think its well-rounded.


I think Reb likes this one. I'll admit the video is fascinating after the first forty seconds or so.

A recent Dream I had

I wrote this right after I woke up, so forgive any mistakes.


Young woman in a strange world that is all she remembers is surrounded by friends and frenemies that are always familiar to her. Acrobatic feats, magic, and strange coincidences collide in this world where she occasionally hears her name, and can't let go of her music box, despite EVERYONE's wishes for her to. Eventually it is revealed all her friends and frenemies are actually dead, and this is the in-between world. While they assure her she is also dead, she can't quite believe them, and her horse, with the strangest and most familiar haircut, still won't talk to her. Finally, she things to talk to him in French, and as they are walking around in some woods, she sees the city. The city stirs her heart, especially a certain tower. The horse tells her she isn't dead yet, but if she doesn't hurry, she will be. They are both suddenly attacked by all the others, intent on keeping her with them, as she is the center of their world. Once more she has the strange feeling of being called to, and decides to jump off this mountain to reach the city, where she is certain her body and the mysterious voice is.
Cut to a new scene: A more mature version of the girl is laying sickly in bed, nearly emanciated from a coma, while a handsome boy resembling her horse clings to her hand and calls for her. Her parents are sitting at the end of the bed, with sorrowful and determined eyes. They explain to the boy that they have decided to let their little girl go, and he protests so violently and eloquently that they agree as long as he is beside her, they will not cut it off. In the heat of the argument, they don't notice the girl beginning to stir as inside her mind, she draws closer to the city of her consciousness.

Wouldn't that be an amazing story or movie??? At least, I think so. A song I've been liking more and more lately:

Yoga and losing weight...

The other day my sister called and told me my mom is losing weight. She's been trying to lose weight to help her diabetes, but by ignoring her medicine. So of course the doctor railed at her and got her back on her medication, but she's really depressed and sick from the meds. We talked for a while and I told her about hubby's awesome offer to buy me a book per pound lost and kept off. She was duly impressed. We hung up and I went on patrol.
She called me back a few minutes later with an idea. Why not make our weight loss attempts into a competition? See who could lose weight the fastest. I agreed, because really, I can't back down from a challenge issued by my mother, and we hung up again. So now I have the "I really don't want to lose!!" attitude.... But apparently terrible karma.
My coworker decided to come to work an hour and a half early and bring pizza to share. Not twenty minutes after I finished eating my chicken noodle soup (home made, from scratch. Be impressed, be very impressed). *cries* I couldn't say no, because the poor man apparently buys pizza once a year, and got a large because he wanted to share with me and hubby. But oh, how I lamented. It's not fair.... I just got my determination, and someone gives me a social situation I'm not churlish enough to refuse. So I ate one piece, and immediately felt very full, and a little sick. (I don't ever eat pizza. I eat the breadsticks.) Then we went on walking patrol, where I had to slow my pace to a crawl because the poor guy has a lot of trouble walking, but didn't want to be left behind.
Then I get home.... where hubby has been making cookies. What I thought would be a huge temptation (because his cookies are amazing) turned out to be not much of a temptation because they really weren't his best. Maybe I just don't like chocolate chips in my peanut butter cookies. But I was glad for it.
Then we took a shower, and I finally got a look at my aching, crying legs. There were red dots all the way around at the tops of my thighs, and I had pure redness down the insides of my thighs. I knew they were hurting, but I didn't know they were that bad. Touching them hurt. Cleaning them was nearly hellish. And later I decided to play scientist and experiment. I put lotion on one leg but not the other. Turns out lotion helps, though it makes them colder quicker. But they both still hurt, and I still have work again today, and yoga every day. But I'm not giving up!! I want those books! I mean, I want to be healthier and lose weight despite my crippling weakness for sweets.... yeah..... that reason..... >.> <.< >.<
New topic. My cat! I love talking about her though I'm sure a lot of people get sick of hearing about it. She keeps climbing on top of me when she gets cold and then she won't budge until I get ruthless about removing her. She also crawls in bed with me and once she's in the bed, I find it incredibly hard to get out of the same area. Same with hubby. When one of them is in the bed, providing a lovely warmth and incredible level of comfyness, getting out of the bed is ridiculously hard. But! Hubby makes it even harder.
This meanie head actually comes crawling out of the bed (on the days I manage to get out of it) rubbing his eyes, squinting at the light, and pouting at me, saying "Don't go.... Why did you go?...I don't want you to go...." and he's so damn cute that I can hardly resist!! I would do it to him, but it doesn't seem to bother him when I come zombie-ing out the bed going "Haaaaauu? Nnnnnnmmm!!!" like I did this morning.Oh well. I'll get revenge eventually. Maybe my revenge will be kids that wrap him so completely when they look up at him, he's unable to go against what they want.... Evil? yes. Effective? Hell yes.

Since hubby already blogged about our date, I'll leave that one. My birthday is in a few days! We're having a dinner party with some friends, and going out just the two of us tomorrow to a meat house that I wanted to take hubby to on his birthday but it was too late. I also bought myself some new bras for my birthday, cause mine are getting old, and I haven't gotten any in over a year and a half (More, I think, but I'm not sure). Need to go pick out a cake that's big enough for six people. I'm still trying to decide between chocolate and vanilla. Oh well.


Disturbing...


What I was looking for

Food, sleep, and preferences.

Today we had a birthday dinner for our Korean couple. J&J (another couple) made sweet and sour chicken and brown rice, while J&M (the korean couple) made a kind of BBQ pork and sushi rice. I made cheesecake. Hubby really liked the cheesecake and all the meat. He was the last one eating.
We also got J&M gifts. M wanted a tea cup set, and couldn't find one, so I found one at Rosses that was cheap and cute. It was a black and white set with roses on the cups and saucers. She looked like she was so happy she would cry, and I got really embarrassed. I'm so glad she liked them. J likes to meditate, so we got him a little water fountain that sprinkles water over some rocks and all six of us spent a while trying to get it to work. Eventually J managed to get it working, and then he dismantled it and put it away. Then we all played Bohnanza.
When we left, I felt like shopping (ironic) so we went to Walmart and spent an hour or so just going around looking at things. We ended up getting a few random things, and it wasn't bad. I got a little ladybug pillow thing for my niece. Hubby got toothbrushes, and was looking at water guns. I vetoed them. lol. They generally break and soak things you didn't want soaked. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Then we came home and I finally bribed hubby into watching 'Vampires Suck'. I bribed him with more cheesecake, ice cream, and hot fudge on top. Hefty bribe, isn't it? He laughed at a lot of the jokes in the movie, but still said it was a horrible movie. Admittedly even I was annoyed at the awkward nature of the main chick, but it's still a terribly funny spoof.


I snickered just watching the trailer. Admittedly, this one is funnier than the first two Twilight movies (which it makes fun of). Unfortunately, that doesn't make it a good movie. I don't regret buying it though.

Recently I've been having trouble with my sleep. I find myself sleeping anywhere from nine hours to thirteen. I really only need seven or so, and think it might be my birth control cycle kicking in. I remember sleeping a lot more after it activated the first time. I think the BC has a nine month cycle, and repeats. Hopefully this will be very temporary. I wanna get up early and do yoga damnit!!!
On the plus side, I don't seem to be gaining weight anymore. On the minus side, I'm not losing either, and my BMI is 32.2. BMI really is a more interesting way to keep track of your health. I wish I had always kept track this way. I think it eliminates the embarrassment of what a person's weight is, and focuses on what percentage of fat the person has instead. When I was tall for my age and my weight reflected that, I felt ugly and now I know I didn't need to. Oh well. I should work on getting to a more healthy BMI. ^.^; Which is easier said than done, I know. If I could just sleep less!!!
Tomorrow we're going out for Sushi. Well, I am. Hubby's gonna get Hibachi something, since he doesn't like raw fish. .....Darn. There's a really good sushi place, but it doesn't have hibachi. Then there's another place that's decent, and has hibachi. I guess we're going to the decent place. I don't think hubby can eat sushi alone and still be okay. I'll have to try the other place with my girl friends sometime instead.
I feel my japanese skills slipping away!!! It isn't fair!!! >__< Now I'm gonna listen to Japanese music a lot to try to reclaim a bit!


At about 24:00, they sing a song about Vegetable Juice..... so weird....

Love note

I just got caught up on everyone's blogs. :P I'm really impressed with how often Caitlec say 'I love you'.... I get 'tired' of saying it after a few times, and feel like I need to hold the words close and only use them in high emotion situations. lol. In other words, I try to make them count because otherwise we're cheapening the words. BUT that's only my own opinion on it, and why I sometimes refuse to say it back to Hubby.

We do, however often growl 'Mine' at each other. In many ways it conveys the same thing. Or at least, it does to me. Damn, we sound like possessive idiots if I leave it at that. .....Hmm. Explanation: When I say mine, I'm marking him as a part of me, as my territory, mine to protect and be protected by, and mine to claim in all ways except forgery/impersonation. Heh. We might even say it as often.

Hubby said that he's still glad he married me. That I make his happiness ...more? I certainly feel a sense of wonder and happiness every time I realize we can be together until death, and that he will always be mine. I take a certain pleasure in knowing I'm his as well. ^.^ I hope this feeling also lasts until death.

A while back, we looked up how long the 'honeymoon' phase was supposed to last. The responses varied quite a bit. Anywhere from two months, to your first child, to five years. lol.

We bought seven movies at Blockbuster the other night. One of them was 'Vampires Suck' and it's a hilarious parody of Twilight. I have my work cut out for me, getting hubby to watch it. He really doesn't want to see it, but there's parts that I really want him to see. Wish me luck!



Also, my first thought when this video started "Is that a naked woman?" I think if you were on some kind of drugs, this would be a really cool video. I always really like David Guetta's videos because they usually have interesting stories.

Valentine's Day

Just a quick note: April blogs every day! WOW! I shall strive for that.... and fail for a long time, I do not doubt. :P

Valentine's Day.... *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

So, hubby pretty much convinced me that Valentine's is for the guy to get girls stuff, and he said instead of me getting him anything, he wanted to celebrate "Steak and Blow job day" =.=; so I agreed to that.

We arranged to meet for lunch (I would pick him up) and eat at a place that has really good hamburgers (so he says). I don't eat the hamburgers, but they have the best pancakes in Austin. We ate there, and then he didn't want to go back to school, so we went to the book store and I picked out a few books. Then I was late getting him back to school, but he went.

I decided to pick up something 'sexy' for him, so off to the store I went! I found a few things, had a hard choice between a red lacy thing and a blue corset, and went with the red because I know he prefers that color. I checked out, went to my car, and got ready to leave.
Well, here in Austin, nobody waits for you to pull out. You have to watch carefully to be sure no one is coming or they speed by, nearly hit you, and honk at you like it's your fault they couldn't wait. So I was watching the sides, and when I looked to my left (slowly pulling out) out of the corner of my eye I saw a golden something. I checked my rear view, and it was a gold van pulling out right behind me!!
I panicked, hit my horn, and then hit the brake. Then I shifted gears and paused to see if the danger was over. Enter the bump feel and the crash. I pretty much screamed "SHIT!!" and then pulled back into my parking spot. Then I got out and asked the other driver if she was okay. She said she was, I noticed she spoke Spanish and didn't seem to understand english very well, and motioned for her to pull back into her spot. I looked at the vehicles, sent a pic to hubby asking what he wanted me to do (since it IS his vehicle), but he never responded to it. She pulled back into her spot, we exchanged information, and she asked if I would call the police. I noted that it was superficial damage on both vehicles, and shrugged. I wasn't planning to call them, but she asked a few times, so I did. I called the non-emergency line, and they couldn't patch me through, but they put me on a call list that would respond between ten minutes and three hours from then. I tried to explain it to her, and ask if she wanted to wait. She didn't understand enough, so I asked if she had a friend that spoke english and spanish. She called the friend, I relayed that bit, her friend explained, and then she said she would wait. We didn't exchange stories, because of the language barrier, and then a little while later her father showed up. I know this because he said 'Miha' and it rang a bell. He looked at the cars, saw that my dent was a foot by like ten inches (huge), but superficial. Then he looked at his daughter's, saw it was like 5x6 inches, and said that the bigger dent meant that I hit her harder. He said I should give him six hundred dollars, and they wouldn't call the insurance company.
Anytime someone says something like that to me, I shut down. It reminds me too much of extortion. I refuse to dignify such things with responses, so I refused. I tried to suggest that she file on her own insurance if she wants it fixed, I would file on mine, and we would both be good to go. She nodded, but I didn't stupidly think it meant she agreed. I just hoped she was thinking the same thing. Her dad said they wouldn't wait for the police, and we all went on our way. The police called me a few minutes later, and I told them we'd all left already.
Later, I got a phone call from my insurance. She'd filed a claim against me. She said that I hit her when she was shifting gears to leave. Honestly, memories are subjective. I'm not 100% sure she's wrong, but I think she is. Of course, who really wants to think badly of themselves? Anyway, I got home, got dinner started, and waited for hubby to text or call or get home. I also put on the sexy clothes, and waited.....for hours. He called two hours later (an hour after he was supposed to have gotten home) saying he'd been held up in lab. He said he would be another hour before he'd get home. During that time, I got the call saying the woman filed on my insurance. I called back, but I guess he left the office for the day.
Then hubby came home, and we ate the healthy dinner I'd prepared. Then he said he had a surprise place to take me. That meant I had to change clothes.... again. It was supposed to be a Japanese bubble tea shop.... but it was filled with Chinese/Taiwanese things and Ghibli stuff. The owner was actually Taiwanese, and they were out of the tapioca for the bubble tea. I got coffee jelly with my taro root tea. It was good, but I wanted bubble tea..... *sigh*
Then we went to buy me flowers (yes, he left ALL of this to the last day), and found that all the flower shops were closed, and Walmart had maybe ten arrangements left (all picked over). I ended up picking two to make up for the lack of good stuff. Then I asked if he was going to get me the jewelry we'd seen months ago that matched my wedding rings. He said he was going to get me those for my birthday, but if I wanted them, he would get them now and figure something else out for my birthday. I admitted that I wanted it, and he got them for me. They're beautiful! :)
Then we got home, watched Modern Family while I arranged flowers, and then had happy time. We subsequently discovered that I was on my period. For the first time in eight months. When I wasn't supposed to have one at all because of my birth control. So of course I didn't have any supplies for it! And back to Wally world we went.

As you can see, it was a good, and awful day. First Valentine's Day as a married couple? .... Well, it's an experience. I liked the thoughtfulness and spending time together. I didn't like the car accident and surprises..... Hope ya'll's was better. Or at least as good. ;P

Quickie

April inspires me to blog, because sometimes it's just a few lines for her, but she still does it. lol. You joined us late, girl, but you're showing us up.

Work has been going well, but after our trip to NC and back (I'll try to remember to blog about that someday) I gained nearly ten pounds!! TT__TT So I've been trying to lose weight, and I started working out in our apartment gym, but all I've really managed to do is hurt myself. My muscles became so strained that I had to get up and go stretch for a good while before my body would let me go to sleep one night, and other nights I've begged hubby for massages, or soaked in the tub attempting to ease the pain. So I've (painfully) come to acknowledge that I need structured exercise. I need a class, a common circuit, or something of that nature. I'm counting down until I can go swimming again, but I already know that won't make me lose weight.
Something else that I've noticed over the years. When I start losing weight,  my body (and I) freak out, and start ingesting enough calories to get me back where I started or worse.
I have also performed the experiment where I abstained from all sweets for a month. Contrary to everyone's (except my own) expectations, I did not lose weight. I gained it. As soon as I was allowed to eat sweets again, I started losing weight again. I think it's because I'm completely willing to have sweets instead of a meal. But especially when someone else knows what I'm eating (America....husband....roommate.....mother....etc.), I feel obligated to eat a meal as well to offset my sweets, which really just increases my calorie intake, and doesn't really help my body.
Another thing that I have done (I was too sick to do else) is eat nothing but crackers. I think I did that for three days straight. I was fine with it. They were salty, but if you chew long enough, they become sweet, so I was satisfied. And they helped me ingest a lot of water, which is good. But it also caused my body to use some of the fat I have stored up, so I think that's a viable short term diet, but I don't really know what it could do to the body long term. Therefore, I'm not willing to do it. Besides, I like food a lot. Too long on crackers and I may go crazy.

Well this is awkward. The post is a lot longer than I expected, and focused completely on my weight problem. *sigh* I'm really going to have to find something I can stick with for a while, because I would like to lose at least 30 pounds without damaging my body or causing undue stress on either myself, my body, my husband, or my coworkers. Ironically, all of my coworkers are also dieting. 'Tis the season?