I finally got rid of EVERYTHING dealing with the jerk. Good riddance! I feel like I should feel freer than I do. I don't feel like the shackles are gone yet.
I wrote that over a week ago. Now I can proudly say the shackles are gone, and all I can think about the guy is 'Good riddance'.
This song makes me think of MJ. On the one hand, we ARE a temporary home for her, because she'll eventually grow up and make her own. On the other hand, hopefully we'll be her final 'childhood home'. This reminds me of a bittersweet article I read about becoming a mother. Here's the link (Yes, I looked it up, it's so good): http://www.geekfill.com/2014/06/30/mom-gives-best-explanation-ever-how-life-changes-after-pregnancy-this-is-perfect/
There's a lot of good points in the article, but the one I was actually thinking about was the one that said that you'll wish for more time on this earth, not for yourself, but to watch over your children. I feel that way for sure. I've never valued my life very highly, but I value it more knowing that MJ would be lost without us, and that Hubbikins would be stuck between a rock and a hard place if I weren't here too. I'm not suicidal, but I've never had a strong survival instinct. MJ appears to be the same way. The only solution I can find is to give her things (REALISTIC GOALS) to reach for and achieve. Becoming an idol is too high, because it'll be years and years and she'll lose faith in herself. But something like becoming a good tennis/violin/soccer player is doable because she can check herself against others frequently and see progress. Books were my salvation. I lived to read the next volume, if you know what I mean.
I worry about MJ alot. For the last week or two I've actually been trying to treat her more like a mini-adult, and use manners and lead her in conversations rather than treating her like a child. Apparently that isn't working at all though because she burst out today about how we're so rude and mean to her. *rolls eyes* She just doesn't like being told no, and having things taken away because of misbehavior.
This is Hubby's perspective:
MJ continues to build up her frustrations and then let them out in unproductive ways. Today in particular, she was seriously testing the boundaries. She started off by trying to lie her way out of doing work she knows she is required by us to do every day. When I challenged her on it, she got this disrespectful tone and said "How do you know? You don't spy on me in the back seat." I took out the books from the car and told her to watch her tone. Later on, things seemed to be going fine until she tried to threaten that she wouldn't do her reading because the math and science workout books we have her do are "too much" and that she would compensate for it by basically just skimming over the reading and saying that she completed it when in reality she didn't. Both Runa and I made it clear to her that was not acceptable and that if she really tried to skimp out on the reading, we would give her reading quizzes and such to make sure she did it. Eventually Runa ended it by saying that if she was going to continue to complain about it, then we would increase her page number for math and science from 2 pages each day to 4 pages each day, and that she was complaining about stuff that was taking her an hour at most each day, if that.
Then, when we got home, she started dragging a bag with her books on the ground, and Runa told her to stop dragging it on the ground. She argued and said that she dropped it. So for the arguing and dragging the bag on the ground (after several warnings and second chances) Runa decided to cancel watching the end of the movie for tonight. Then she started doing it repeatedly on purpose since she thinks that once we remove her reward or whatnot, that she can act however she wants. And I turned around and warned her that if she ever wanted to see the end of the movie, she would stop it immediately. And she made some comment about when did I get so bossy. *rolls eyes*
And then when she went in the house, she thought it was ok to throw the bag down on the ground. Runa took away the movie for the foreseeable future right then and there. And then she had a meltdown in the kitchen where she said that she was tired of being wrong and always in the wrong. And that everything about her life is wrong, her hair is wrong, etc. So she essentially said that she wants us to let her get away with stuff because she hates feeling like she is in the wrong all the time. She also brought up how she thinks that she has a demon side and that that isn't her and she forgives herself every time she goes to this imaginary world in her heart/mind. And Runa stressed to her that she has to learn to accept the good and bad side of her and control the bad side. She also said she hates her father because of the stuff he supposedly did to her mom and for leaving her at the age of three. Runa sort of minimized it since, while he didn't necessarily do anything for her, she has never met him and it is sort of ridiculous to hate someone based on what someone else has said about him. She made the rather doubtful claim that he has been in jail more than her mother has. She brought up that she was still mad about us taking her too soon because of X/Y/Z. I pretty much said sorry that blah blah happened and made you feel sad, but there was really nothing we could do about when they decided to send you to us. She has attachment issues to her friends in her past. She thinks that she will just keep all the numbers and then call them all up one day and that they will still be close friends. I don't think it's sunk in with her that that is not how normal, run of the mill friends usually turn out. Usually they just forget you or don't care that much. Because you grow apart. A concept that seems pretty foreign to MJ.
Rules we should prolly go over with her again at the next available opportunity:
Rewards/Going out to places/etc are always based on good behavior. Bad behavior results in loss of privileges no matter what promises or deals are made.
No arguing
No disrespect, in tone or in words. We can provide examples of disrespectful tone if necessary.
No comments:
Post a Comment