Lessdodis

So I worry about what I can do to prevent people from hating me. Suggestions? Comments? Memoirs? I accept all types here. I worry because I make a lot of friends to start with, and then lose them steadily as drama unfolds. I don't really know what I do wrong or even if I really do anything wrong. I think I might be the only person I know that regularly actually laughs when they type 'lol'. It's kinda fun.
I think my nervous habit of licking my lips is gonna get me into trouble. I can't seem to stop! And it causes my lips to turn red and get raw and feel very very baaad!!! So then I use chapstick, but it doesn't help because it's flavored, so it doesn't make me stop at all. I've tried eating lollipops instead, but I feel awkward eating those in public, and today bought hard candy to try. I hope that goes well.
My friend has a Finnish accent in Japanese, and I like it, but I think she took offense to my mentioning of it. She then said *I* have an American accent in Japanese as well. I was flabbergasted. I'm always complimented on how accentless my speech is, regardless of the language. She then lost confidence and said "Sometimes" followed by "I think". This left me wondering if I do, and Ikuchin says I'm fairly perfect with my accent, so I can't help wanting to ask everyone I talk to about it.
I had curry! It burned my mouth! And then I had it for breakfast! Owchies! But it was oddly yummy too....
Okies, there's alot more I wanted to talk about but bf is going away, and I'm super tired, since it's past midnight here. bf is telling me to go to bed, so I'm going already, Yeesh! ^o^ G'night~!

Trip to the hospital....fun

Same blog title, different content. Since I have to get up at like 7 to leave for the train by 7 50, I'll try to make this fairly fast and short.
Ikuchin is showing me a movie based off a manga. It's a little bit...okay, really amusing.
My weekend has been rather busy, but yesterday I was able to relax and do laundry. There was the issue of it not being hot enough to dry without the sun's help, but I left it out overnight and solved the problem. Papa came home, and I got to talk to him and Mama for a bit before I left for the hospital today.
.....wow....that's some really ....uh....interesting acting.....heh. Hehehehehehehe.
 Japanese movies and commercials are so awesome.
Its hard to believe I've only been here for two weeks. It feels like so much longer. I'm adjusting really well. I just realized I recognize one of the actors in this drama. Psh. Too much dramatic silence for me. He's crying....because of the pressure? I'm not sure....but now they're all crying...and they haven't lost yet...they're about to win if he doesn't screw up. Yeesh. At least lose or win before you cry.
They won. Go figure.
Anyway, I was trying to look up the actor I recognize, but it's not showing up. I'm really surprised by how many of the mangas I read have been made into movies. I wanna go see them all now!!! But that costs mooooneeeeey! Gaaaah!!! I'm supposed to start helping Ikuchin's niece with her english on Tuesdays starting this week. Must remember!! Gaaaah! This Friday also, I'm supposed to go to see the Salon-tachi. I'm looking forward to it.
Ah, found him. Wow, I'm surprised I recognized him. I didn't even like him in Hana Kimi. FWAAAAH! So many movies!!

I keep getting compliments on my hair, but it just makes me want to cut it.... It ends up matted and sweat soaked so often that I really just don't even know why I haven't cut it yet. Though I did think of a reason recently. I've always wanted to donate it or something, but I don't know how to do that here.....*sigh* I guess I'm creating reasons to keep it long, so maybe subconsciously I don't want to cut it. Really, I don't even know. It's just annoying to figure out what to do with it each day, and still try to keep from getting a headache from it. Any suggestions?

I haven't blogged....my bad

Momma and bf complained. My bad. So, in an (obvious) effort to get you guys to read my other blog, I won't expound on what I already wrote about. What I will mention is:

-I went drinking socially. Didn't get tipsy, drunk, or lightheaded, even on top of a mountain.
-I was called Motherly for taking care of the group of freinds I went back down said mountain with. "Come this way~!" and "Look out, Car!" are motherly, apparently....damnit....
-I was called motherly repeatedly when I helped take care of Nyunya (not actual name) and she started to call down and go to sleep on me even more than her mother. I literally took her while she was crying from her mom so her mom could eat. She then got quiet and didn't make much noise at all while I tinkered with her. It amazed all 12 of the other adults I played badminton with. *hangs head*
-Wednesday, I wore a skirt to school. This translates to: I SUCCESSFULLY RODE A BIKE IN A LONG SKIRT!!! Praise me! I'm so impressed! I wore said skirt for hula dancing. Hula dancing did not happen. Damnit. I couldn't find my Nihongo partner, and if I understood her right when I saw her briefly yesterday, its because the club didn't meet that day, or met somewhere else.
-I did laundry today. Yippee! I also saw the boy living next door to us while doing laundry. In a short dress that showed too much breast. .....Yeah....a little awkward. Especially when he then kept sneaking peeks through the little gap all ninja-like. *sigh* Yes, yes, foreigner here. Gape away....I'll be here all year.
-Ikuchin bought me a bed today. It'll arrive on the 12th. I didn't know. I also didn't know she'd noticed how much my back had been hurting me from the 'bed' (Read: futon metal frame thing) I'd been using. But really, I could have easily moved to the couch if it had been hurting me too much. I've just been trying to get used to it. I can't believe she's spending so much money on me! I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything! I feel like soon I'm gonna make her hate me and regret spending all this time and money on me. I'm so worried!

Okay, now that I opened that can of worms I'd been suppressing, Ooh, wait. I have another can of worms.

My sissie got married yesterday. Le sigh. To the brown-noser. Go figure. It was just a courtroom thing, but they did it. She says they'll have a real wedding when things settle down. My niece has been having breakdowns about all sorts of things. I'm so worried about her. She's breaking down about how she is fat (She's chubby, I'm not gonna lie, but she's damned beautiful how she is. She wouldn't be nearly as pretty if she were thin.), about how she has no friends (she really doesn't have a stable enough environment to make lasting friends. And the 'friends' you make in the neighborhood where we have all lived and she's currently at, are backstabbing bitching crazy ass freaks in the disguise of cute, sweet young girls anyway, so I don't think her lack of friends is her fault, or a bad thing, looking at her options), among other things. I feel like a fist is clenching in my gut when I think of my Mimi. Mkies. I sent out an email just now to my sissie to let her know I want Mimi if anything happens, and to make it legal now. I doubt she will, but damn, how many times can I remind the girl before I become uber obsessive about it?

Okay, I'm too tired to think of anything else. Le video(cause it's what is playing right now on my playlist):

Phwee!

I'm so tired!! I always am here! I never feel like I've slept enough. And there's not enough hours in the day to do everything I WANT to do. Really. I never have enough time. It's ridiculous.

So on the scale of weird events.....Jeez. I'm not even sure where to start. I guess...

First, I got interviewed, and then the dude like, disappeared! Oh well....I wanted Mommy to get a copy though, since she's worried sick.
Second, my bottom HURTZ!!! The bike....it's bruised my bottom!! *Cries* And this is the second time it's happened! My bottom JUST GOT USED TO THE OLD ONE!!! Owies. But it's definitely easier to use, and it's got some nifty gadgets.
Third, a Japanese student blew a kiss at me and my friend when we were watching him dance. They have some seriously skilled dancers here!!
Fourth, I'm gonna try Hula Dancing. It's a club, but laid back. For that reason, I'm wearing an adorable skirt and shirt combo that Naobe helped me pick out. (from my closet. I'm so close to broke, it isn't funny)
Fifth, Everything is so expensive!! I need some income, fast! And since I'm kinda teaching (though it's not official, and it's not allowed by my school) maybe I won't have to beg Papa for money. I know textbooks are gonna be a problem..... Waaaah.....
Sixth, There's a guard that speaks to me everyday in English. It's kinda cute, I have to admit.
Seventh, Oh my goodness! Trains are so crowded!!! I tend to press against the side of the door, to the side of it, where there's this bar I can hold from behind. It makes me more comfortable than holding my arms over my head in a crowded area.

I've really only made a few Japanese friends so far. I'm a little worried about it, honestly. No one seems to want to do more than gawk at us. Admittedly, we're rarely completely on our own, but that's because we're just utterly outnumbered! I walk alone to school, but after class, I almost always have a freind around. It's too scary otherwise. They all look, but they never speak to me! And they stare so much!

Ikuchin is helping me diet, so I'll hopefully lose some weight before I come back! Wish me luck! She feeds me so much food.....And I think I AM losing weight. I really don't get it, but hey, that's Japanese food for you....

Nowadays, when I'm trying to think in English, the Japanese word pops into my head and I have to think for a minute before I know what the right word is. So if I take a minute to answer, it's because the English word isn't coming to me.

That doesn't mean I'm any better at Japanese. It seems like my every effort to learn more Japanese is just going down the toilet. Nothing seems to stay in my mind. I'm not sure what to do to keep the information there.

Ikuchin buys grapes for me almost every other day because I'm eating them so much. They're so yummy! And they're different from the ones in America.

I'm trying to get over my aversion to photos, but it's not working out that great.....Ah well, points for trying?

Okay, I've reached my "swaying in the seat" stage of tiredness. Owwwww. I just got a cramp in my leg!!!!

Heyla

My tiredness is catching up to me. Today was boring enough that I nearly contemplated falling asleep. I also got to drink my beloved iced cocoa again. And I made friends with another person. In the bookstore, while looking at a dictionary, I realized I was the only American, in fact, the only native english speaker in the entire group. This only mattered because I wanted an english/japanese dictionary. I found a nice Kanji learning book instead. It's for children, so it suits me perfectly.

If my post looks a little random, it's cause I'm tired. Yesterday Ikuchin was gone, and I ate lots of bad stuff, like sweet bread and ...candy....and other bad things for my body. I didn't like it. Tonight Ikuchin came home late, but she still made dinner for me. It was the egg thing, with mushrooms and meat and ketchup and some sorta sauce that was great. SO yummy. She also had me try the Japanese Pear, which I didn't like as much, but I liked it better than the American ones. I worry sometimes that my comments of "Meh, I don't like it, but I don't dislike it either" are going to annoy her. But I really just don't know how else to describe half of these things. Usually they're really delicious, so there's no problem, but sometimes I just can't say I really like whatever it is.

Tomorrow I'm going on a field trip, and I'm risking wearing short shorts. We're going to Nara again! Yes, the big buddha statue place. I wonder if we have to stay in a group. After our field trip, I'm meeting Ikuchin at the station and we're going to her nephew's beauty saloon. I'm going to be speaking to everyone in English there. I worry that I'll be too strict. I'm not a very nice teacher. At least I don't think so. And that's saying something.

I got to talk to bf and mommy today/yesterday. We used Skype so they could see me and vice versa. Today Momma got up early to talk to me, but I wasn't here, cause I went out with some new freinds. Speaking of that word, the only way I can remember to spell it correctly is to think "Friends end". Isn't that a REALLY sad concept?

Huh. I just realized I sat among ants today cause I was that bored, had some crawl over me, and even found one on my shoulder, and I don't have a single bite on me. The one on my shoulder I let crawl onto my hand and then put my stuff down and walked (quickly) outside and let it off of my hand. Yay no bites?

I'm a level 2 japanese speaker/writer/learner. Out of 6. 6 being the best. Yes, I feel inadequate. I'm also taking as many classes as I can, and I've already found two 'circles' I want to join. One is Hula Dance, and the other is this cute International  one.

It takes so long to eat breakfast here when Ikuchin makes it....she makes so much....and honestly, I really look forward to it. Bread just really didn't cut it for me these last two days. She brought back omiyage~! Anko, specifically. Yuuuuum.

Now I'm just chilling, waiting for bf to get back from class. We're finding times where we can talk now. Momma was really put out that my computer needed to restart a few hours ago, and I just didn't get back on it for a while after Ikuchin came home. She'd been waiting for me. I hadn't known. So I felt bad. Momma  told Ikuchin thank you for taking care of me, but it didn't come across very well, and Ikuchin didn't reply with the customary "I'm happy to" or "Of course" or anything....it was a little awkward. But I liked having them meet. Bf should be getting online any minute, after which they'll meet.

Mommy asked if I was homesick. I'm not, so I had to tell her no, but I think it made her sad that I wasn't withering away from lack of Americans. I've experienced a bit of culture shock, but it's mainly just sleepiness. I sleep alot lately.  But I do that elsewhere too, so I'm not sure it's culture shock.

Okies. Bf is here, so I'm gonna go. Love you guys.

Oh, and I have skype now, and it's under Runadaemon, so look me up!!

Contacting me

Heyla,

I've been finding it hard to work out meeting online with peeps, so here's when I'm online:

When I first wake up, it:s between 6-7am here, and 5-6 pm there. If you:re available, get online! I can use all messenger systems. Of course, if I keep missing people, I:m not going to bother. I like my sleep, and I don:t like getting on the wrong train cause I was in a hurry. (Yes, I did that)

When I get home from school, and stuff, like dinner is done, I:m online between (not always at these times. I have a life, you know) 4 pm and 11 pm here, which means 3 am to 10 am there. Which essentially means I:m available morning and night. And of course you can email me anytime. I:ll answer if you ask a question. If you:d leave a comment, I:d know you:re there. But that:s neither here nor there. 

Now, I:m wiped out, and tired, and bruised in weird places, so I:m going to sleep. I:ll have to blog about today tomorrow or something. I can:t manage it tonight. (Also, all my 's are : because I:m on my host family:s computer. Sorry)

Heyla from Japan

I'm sitting in our living room, the only cool room in the house, and though it's prolly around 80-85 degrees in here, it's so hot everywhere else, that I'm actually rather cold. Don't get me wrong: We have AC (in every room, actually) and such, but if we're not in the room, there's little point to having it on. I think when I go to get my clothes for my baths at night from now on, I'll just close my window and turn on the AC so it'll cool down while I'm getting clean, and then I can sleep without tossing and turning. I'm on an incredibly low to the ground futon that actually is very thin, and the least bit uncomfortable, but I don't mind. My room is super cute. And I think I've got everything I need. They even have a bicycle I can use to go to school, so I don't have to take the train. Which is a relief, honestly. But it's pink. *grimace* I wonder if Iku-chin will go with me to school tomorrow. I don't know how to get there from here. Everything feels like it was a gift, or it was bought from a brand-name, type thing. Which makes it really interesting. Every window has an amazing view. My window's view is right onto the balcony of a ton of people, including one buff, shirtless guy. Yup, quite a nice view. *grin* The living room's balcony shows buildings for miles, and looks over a garden a few floors down. The doors here almost all slide, the toilet is seriously confusing, the tub is scarily deep, and the kitchen is small but efficient. I really rather like it all. And I think that quite a few people I know would hate it. I never wished to bring a camera until I saw the inside of the apartment. Everything is so efficient, and I adore efficiency. I'm not gonna go into my daily life, unless something upsets me, because I'm blogging on the other one, runaandjapan.blogspot.com and I don't like making peeps read the same thing multiple times. I really, really like my family so far. I worry about being in inconsiderate American, but unless someone tells me, there's not much I can do. I'm their first American. The rest were Canadians and Philippines and Chinese. So I'm a new ground. *grin* For everyone. *strained grin*
Last night they were telling me about all these people that want to practice their English on me. I agreed to it. (If I don't, I may not be speaking English out loud for a long time. Plus, I really don't mind) Her nephew is a hair dresser, and everyone at the shop wants to practice their english, so twice a month I'm supposed to go there. She said I could prolly get my hair cut for free there. I mocked being horrified, but they didn't get it because they didn't realize how long my hair was. I'm a little horrified by how limited my humor is now. I can get the meaning of what I'm trying to say across, but all of my humor tends to require words I don't know. Makes me sad. Okay, Ikuchin's home now, so I'm gonna go. I may write on the other blog as well. I didn't quite expect her home so early, and I don't like typing while she sits there waiting. Love ya'll!

I SWEAR there's no meaning behind this song, it's just the only PG one I've listened to today.

No plans

Heyla,

I haven't really anything to say, but I felt the urge to blog. I'm near exhaustion, having done an all nighter, but I guess that makes me more chatty? (I've never thought it did)

I told my kids that I was leaving in the morning. And wouldn't be back for a year. Their reaction? "If I didn't have school, I'd go with you!" from both of them. I also heard, "Arent they gonna hate you cause you're American?"Interesting dears, aren't they? Of course there was the typical "Don't go! Stay here! I'm gonna MAKE you stay here! Why do you have to go?!" questions as well.

My sister made cookies for me. It was very cute, since she's not good in the kitchen. She kept running to me with "Where's ____?" and "How do I ____?" I'm the youngest, but she feels like the youngest at times like that.

My mom bought me a really nice carry on, and gave me a laptop case as well, so we've been trying to pack everything up tonight. I've finally finished everything and I'm ready to roll.

I'm getting up at 6 am to send the kids off to school, but I haven't figured out where I'm sleeping tonight. My sister's been using my bed, and like usual, my skin crawls at the thought of sleeping where others have been sleeping. (It doesn't seem to bother me if they're sleeping with me, or on other rare occasions, like in C-kun's case. I still don't understand why I like his bed so much. I just always have.)

My sissie did my hair for me today. It's actually really adorable. I don't wanna take it out. I think I'm gonna find a song/video and then head to bed. I've regained the fever, sore throat, stomachache, and nausea that accompany my typical all nighters. Love ya'll~!

No broken hearts allowed!

BF! Stop it! I'm still yours, I just happen to be physically inaccessable! *pout* We're just an old married couple that is separated by distance. Temporarily!

Warning! Underwear visible.


I heard that song while driving home today, and it kinda spoke to me. BTW, the lack of clothes is representing their comfort with themselves. *shrug* It amused me, but I was only really into the song.

Hm. Sorry, I got preoccupied with reading fanfiction. Didn't mean to. BF got me a webcam! Yippee! So expect me on Skype once I figure out how to use it. I'm in the midst of persuading my mom to buy me a carry-on. I wannit. But I have just over $250 dollars. *clenched fists* I'm gonna do my best to make it last me until January! (yeah, I realize the impossibility) But I can work once November rolls around. Assuming I can find a job. I already have an offer as an English tutor for my host family. So I'll be able to make a little bit.

I've got to be up in a few hours to talk to Papa over Skype. Momma says he just wants to talk to me before I leave. It IS a little sad that I'm only missing him by two weeks.

So, apparently there was access to one of my blogs...that should not have been accessible. I would destroy said blog if I knew how. I can't find the destroy button. Any suggestions?

I guess I'll head to bed soon.

Comments about this weekend:

~YAY PINEAPPLES!!!!! I was so happy I got to see her! And so mortified when I looked at that old blog. I'd completely forgotten about it. Tell me how to get rid of it!
~YAY TJ! Midnight PB&Js were awesome. 3 am Fire alarms....not so much. lol. It was still kinda nice to see some yummy college guys shirtless and sleep-tousled. Thanks for brunch. ^.^
~So...well....fed....Bf....I may never feel hunger again....blegh. Also so well-loved. Cuddles and playing and movies and games and anime and helping with my school stuff really does make you amazing.
~Kei-chan made me worried she hated me on the phone, but when I got there, she was normal. She was actually fairly cute. Heh.

Hm, you know, it really trips me up when people say "I wish I were going to Japan!" and "You're so lucky!" and things of that nature. It's hard to go to Japan. I've been alternating between wishing to be rejected and thanking the nonexistant gods for allowing me to go. I don't have a ton of money, so I'm worried about supplementing my income and keeping myself out of debt in order to do this. This isn't even considering the academic workload and transference of credits. I was flabbergasted when my advisor signed a blank paper for me to fill out for approval. He honestly didn't believe it mattered. *sigh* I shouldn't complain, since it made things easier for me, but it was still just a little heartbreaking. I really put a lot of work (okay, so bf is the one who put a lot of work into it) into those papers. He even tried to quiz me!

Honestly I'm alternating between fear of my Japanese language levels and pride. I wonder how I'll place on their scale, and while I'm worried about how low I'll score on writing and reading, I'm confident in my speaking abilities. I've always wanted to be able to speak as much Japanese as I can handle for days on end, but now that I'm so close to doing just that, I'm slightly terrified. I really want to, but I also really want to make a good impression. Waaaaaah. I know, I know. You're all gonna say "You have nothing to worry about! You'll be fine! We all like you!etc. etc. etc." BUT! There ARE ppl that do NOT like meeeeee!!!! I can't change myself to suit their preferences, because that wouldn't be me, but neither do I want to impose myself where I'm unwanted!! And it's hard to read social cues from a different culture!!!!! Waaaaaah...... *cries*

Okay, I'm gonna finish this thing now. I've been writing on it for goodness knows how long. Love you guys. I'll try to update this one as often as I update the Japan one. Wish me luck! >.<

I like the video aspect of this much more than the song, though when I listen to the song, I don't find much to protest about either:

NNNnnnnn.....

I have run on approximately 3 hours of sleep (and that's being generous) all day. Consequently, a headache, frequent heartburn, fatigue, irritability, irrational emotional variance, and inability to eat have plagued me all day. I'm tired and ready to retire to bed. I have to be up at 6 30 yet again tomorrow, because I'll be taking my niece to school and then I will shower. After that, I will pack my bags, clean my room up, and go to meet Pineapples! *YAY* Then I will stay with TJ, stay with bf, and possibly stay with Kei-chan. I have a meeting with my advisor on Tuesday, so it won't all be pleasure, but enough of it will be that I'm both very excited, and highly apprehensive. I'm so happy I'll be meeting everyone, but I'm so nervous about imposing on everyone as well!

Today, I was woken up super early (i'd just gotten to sleep a little earlier), had to take Mimi to school, got lost, bought myself some coffee to console me, showered (cause i didn't have the chance last night), went out with my brother to search for gifts for my host family, and ended up picking my cousin up at the drug store after she was abandoned by her ride.

After I returned home, I found that my mom was taking my youngest nephew, and going to see said nephew's father, with only a invalid aunt for company. I immediately invited myself along. And then proceeded to play with KayKay the entire ride. The father wouldn't meet us, and his mother had to impart all of the news. He's getting married and expecting a child soon. That's well and dandy. But if he hasn't put this thing with my sister behind him, it doesn't look to be a fortuitous event. Oh well. On the way back, the toddler fell asleep on me, and we both kinda reached this pinnacle of "I wuv you, now shut up." I don't know what's going to happen to him while I'm gone. Mom's not a very good penpal, so I may come home to family I no longer recognize.

I'm super tired, so I can't think of much else to say. Yay I blogged?

Haha. Bf is somewhat amazing.

He asks some really pertinent questions that just don't even occur to me anymore. My mother doesn't believe that I'm lactose-intolerant. She says that while *I* am not really allergic to milk, Chay *IS*. I was more upset (I use that term loosely) that she thought I would lie, than I was curious about why she would think I would lie. And about something I've been telling her for years. But because a doctor assures her that Chay is allergic to milk (personally, i wanna know WHAT in the milk he's allergic to), he is immediately the real one, and I'm lying to get attention.

Something I've noticed over the last few days: They tolerate my opinion, but they don't really want to hear it, and they dont really want to listen to me at all. They don't solicite my advice, they don't take it, and they certainly don't respect it enough to even listen until the end. I'm frequently interrupted, and rarely get to the end of any statement before I see their eyes and minds begin to wander. The sentences aren't even long! Any explanation is automatic loss of interest. The only time they pay complete and undivided attention is if the sentence is less than 5 words long. Like "I refuse." or "I said no.". Those are given attention.

I asked bf rather bluntly, if my opinions were just that low in the interesting scale, or if they were that self-absorbed. He took less than 20 seconds to type an answer of "self-absorbed." There was no doubt or hesitation. And he said it wasn't a hard question. I really admire him when he's so blunt and open about things like that.

My family seems to be gossiping about me lately, but they never seem to want to seriously talk to me. It's like I'm notorious or something. I've noticed that to preserve my own emotions, I've taken to suppressing any and all emotions I feel in anyone's presence (except the children. I play and laugh and openly miss them). When my sister remarked that she would miss me, I barked out a laugh and told her flat out she wouldn't. I didn't mention my private thought of "well, you will when you want something from me." I wonder where they'll be when I come back. I get the feeling the only difference will be that they're gonna be a year older and not a hair wiser. My family can make me doubt myself like no one else. I always wonder if I'm actually as self absorbed as they are, and just can't tell. It's a sobering thought.

I've admitted to Cin that I'm sadistic. When she admitted she didn't really know what that meant, I explained it all, and now I find that she and my mother have been discussing my attention towards the children in light of it. I cautiously wonder if they think I should be kept from the kids. I don't delight in hurting children unless I feel it's justified. Of course, 'hurt' means 'punished' and not even a lot of pain needs to be involved in that. In fact, a healthy dose of fear is much more conducive to good behavior than actively acclimating them to pain and yelling, in my opinion.

Speaking of the kids. They were getting them ready for bed, but I could see the parents were on a short chain, temper-wise, so I stepped in like I usually do. I got the kid's attention on me, got everyone smiling, and made the babes feel loved and enthusiastic. They got excited, which "isn't good, when they're going to bed" and the parents got mad at me, acting like I did it on purpose, with the express wish of causing them difficulty. I fulfilled my role excellently. They remarked "Now the kids are all wound up and we'll never get them to bed." so of course my response had to be "Good! Now that *my* job is done, I'll go out!" Which set them to grumbling and 'confirmed' their opinions that I do these things on purpose. In all honesty, I'm just sick of hearing children get yelled at. At least if they're yelling at me, I can yell back without bodily harm befalling me.

Of course, all this makes me sound like a great person, doesn't it? *flutters lashes* I only provoke others to keep the helpless babes safe, and I'm sorely mistreated all around, and no one in my family even WANTS to understand me. *tch* Sounds like some heroine that will meet a tragic end. I don't mean to sound like that. I just don't always like being seen as the villain. I admit, I take perverse pleasure in rankling my mother and sisters. I adore thwarting their attempts to get their way with me. And succeeding where they fail gives me infinite pleasure, even when they won't admit I've done it. That sounds like a villain. I dont mind being a villain. But living that lie every day wears on me like little else manages to.

Okay, I've had enough sulking. I think I'll try to talk to my mother privately tonight and failing that, I have a really yummy book series I've started. I need to finish it soon anyway. Love ya'll.

Oh, right. I started a blog for my Japan trip. It's RunaandJapan.blogspot.com and I'd appreciate if you follow it. If not, I may content myself with reposting it here, and then adding private thoughts to it, since that's a very public blog that I know some administrators will be following. As always, (and as always never taken up) leave a comment, or contact me somehow~!