My new job

So I've had a job since 10/21/2015 but I was really leery of getting fired soon after getting it, like what happened with my last office job, so I've held off on saying anything about it. It's an 'Asset Preservation Assistant', and basically I'm helping keep homes that get foreclosed on to stay in good shape until they can get sold. We're given work by banks and people representing the banks, and then we take that work and find a crew that can do what needs doing in a time frame that the client will accept. Sometimes we go over the allowed time, and sometimes we get it done early. It really just depends on location and crew.
I feel like I'm basically a maintenance dispatcher, if that makes sense. And interestingly, I really like my job. I like talking with the crews, and making nice with our clients. I like finding work for crews that need it and editing their photos to be what our client asked for. I even moderately like my coworkers.
My problems are generally when management step in. There's been many a case where I got lectured for something I didn't do, or something that I originally did right, and then they changed what they wanted me doing and now it was 'wrong' until they look closer and decide, oh no, do it again the way you originally did it. That's rather frustrating. Also frustrating is that we're STILL cleaning up the mess of trying to give some work to an Indian Company, and they were shit at it. We nearly lost my client over it, and we DID have a knock-down fight via email where we refused to work with a client representative anymore because of all the miscommunication.
Often I feel like I'm not speaking the right language because they don't understand what I'm trying to say has happened, or is going on. I think I'm perfectly clear most of the time, but then there's issues of clarity, or me writing notes that are too long, of me not explaining enough, etc. Some of this is because I'm too eloquent, don't have the right vocabulary or I take too long getting to the point. Other times I'm told I'm too direct like 'Gimme what I want' instead of 'This is what we need, can you provide it please'.
These things are all true. I do like to write long paragraphs detailing the intricate situation. I also like to be short and sweet with my emails, when I can. It does come across as callous, and I am working on all of these things. Sometimes they catch me out doing something wrong. Most often, I was taught wrong, or wasn't taught at all and had to feel my way because my supervisor is the most popular lady in the office, it feels like.
I'm not afraid to admit when I do something wrong, like when I invoiced for less than we actually charge earlier today. My excuse in this case was: It wasn't written what we charge the client, I asked two supervisors, waited ten minutes, got no responses, so I went ahead with what I found as a viable price. I was wrong by $5. I regret not waiting longer, especially since my supervisor got back to me literally the second after I pressed Submit.
So I started training on one client, then they pulled me off of it and gave me another client. Then just when I started to get used to that client, they gave me this brand new one, and said 'Here, use the outsourcing to India to help you get the 100+ work orders you have for this client taken care of.' That was SUCH a bad idea. THEN, as soon as I had half a handle on this client, they gave me ANOTHER one on TOP of this one. And my supervisor isn't nearly as helpful as I could wish. Or as accessible. She has pulled me aside and told me to come to her with EVERY question I have, because I can't be asking other people that might give you the wrong answer. Yet often she's missing from the office, too busy to listen, or never gets back to me. It's a work in progress, we'll say.

The reason I was worried I would get fired quickly is two-fold. First, I have a bit of trauma from being fired after two weeks with no other comment besides 'you aren't a good fit'. Second, I wasn't their first choice at all. By that, I mean I was told I would hear back from them on Friday if I got the job, and I didn't hear back until the next Wednesday, asking if I would like the job, and have training the next morning. I missed 3 days of training, so I think it's pretty clear that someone didn't work out. The next week or maybe the week after that, one of the ladies that got the job 'on time' and had all the training offered,...... well, she couldn't kick it. She was stressed out, she couldn't remember how to make a daily task (I have no issues with it), and she made so many mistakes that it took weeks to clean up after her. One morning she came in, couldn't get the daily task uploaded, freaked out, went to the supervisor, and came back to pack her stuff. She said she felt relieved, and then she left. ......And then they dumped her client on me.
Yes, yes they did. I hardly knew the client, and they dumped it on me. I scrambled for two weeks to understand the client, and finally got things going smoothly last week, until the whole blow-up with miscommunication I mentioned earlier. It was not fun. So anyway, they promised me another new person for my team, and they did hire someone. But not for my team. My team is my supervisor....and me. That's it. The person they hired? That's for a position as Team Trainer. He's giving us 'homework' and shares my office. Apparently he worked for them for three years, and just now came back as the Trainer for them. It annoys me that I have to write a 'report' for him and take 'tests' for him. I wouldn't mind, but they just dumped another client on me, and they're depending on me to help with a third client as well, so I'm already swamped.
I like being useful though. And I like having someone in the office, though I feel kinda embarrassed and constricted because I like to play music while I work, but it's usually techno or rock or something and I don't think I project that image at all to my co-workers.

On a new note: It's been GREAT for my sleeping. I am *always* tired nowadays, and my insomnia is nearly gone. I get so tired I get dizzy though. And I'm sleeping about 8 hours a night. So it's impressive that it tires me out that much. At first it gave me headaches and made my butt hurt a lot, but I did get used to that stuff really quickly, like they said I would. I also had to take a 15 minute break, and only took about 5 minutes to eat, so I started walking up and down some stairs outside to work out the kinks in my legs during my lunch. But now I use my break to take Hubby to work and come back with the car because his new location is like 5-10 minutes from my job. I felt really bad dropping him off 6+ hours early for work, so I was relieved when this became the new norm.

Aaaaand it's nearing my bedtime and I still need a shower, so I'm going to sign off. Good night!

Foster/Kinship care difficulties.

Hi All,

I was asked to provide my story for some mom's trying to push a law through the Senate to hold DPS accountable for not following their own laws today. In the end, I decided it would double quite well as a blog post. It's long, it's depressing, and it's all true. Enjoy?

Heyla,

I was told you need stories of things that have happened with court cases involving foster care, kinship placement, etc. Well, these are mine:

My sister tried to get her kids back for THREE YEARS via the court system in North Carolina, despite the fact that at every meeting, they declared if she didn't do X they would terminate rights and places the children up for adoption. My understanding is that a court case is required to be resolved within a year. This tortuous case was more harmful for my oldest niece, who I now have custody of than it was for her mother, who their were actually prosecuting. I'll get to that in a minute. I am not protesting that they did not return my nieces and nephew to her. I am protesting the constant threats without delivery. My sister tried, but she is an unfit mother. I am frankly insulted however, that the deadbeat FATHER who did NOTHING that court ordered has the SAME visitation and rights as my sister who at least tried, and did everything she could. The sickening thing is that two of the children are with his parents, so he actually gets regular visitation whereas they won't even allow a phone call from my sister to her children. 

Now for the foster system: I recognize that my niece is a hellion, first and foremost. She is not easy to handle, and we all know it. She has never however, deserved to be hit by a foster parent. Nor has she deserved to be pitted against a foster sister, and forced to fight each other for the foster parent's amusement. She also assures me that one foster parent tried to stab a hole through her hand because she accidentally hurt the foster mom. I would like to state that all of these were different foster parents. At least 3 of the 12 homes she lived in were unfit for children by my standards. You understand, some families just aren't suited for coexisting. This is possibly the case for a few placements. But in two years, she lived in 12 different homes, and this has left in incredibly horrible experience/trauma in her. She has insecurities I could never have imagined her developing when she was a child, and that was DESPITE her having been molested as a toddler by my sister's boyfriend! The last year of the court case, she lived with me, 9 months after our application to take her, which we applied to do a week after my sister admitted she didn't think she could get her back. 

I would have gladly taken my niece from the start if I was able, but I was 22 when she was taken, and still in college. I didn't have a job, I wasn't stable, and my sister was confident she could get her back. After a year and half, she wasn't as confident, I was married, my husband and I were living in Texas, and my husband was reluctant. When she admitted she didn't think she could get her back, and court had refused to give my niece to her maternal grandma because of issues between biomother and grandma, there wasn't any other option. I didn't give my husband a lot of choice, but once he met her, we knew she needed help and she needed us. We went for it. We've had her for well over a year now and she's stabilizing. She's over-sexualized, she believes she's a slut, she had anger outbursts to rival the Hulk, she's careless and infuriating on a regular basis, but it was the relief of our life when court closed her case and gave custody to us. If it wouldn't have severely hurt my sister and niece we would have applied for adoption. We're still considering it, simply to escape my sister hanging a 'You have to let me do this, it's ordered!' over our heads. 

It's worth it to have her, but the only assistance we ever had was medicaid. And we don't even have that right now because NC is taking forever to give us coverage for her since we've moved here. We don't even qualify for respite, food stamps, or any other assistance my sister regularly got from the state. In fact, we couldn't claim her on our taxes because we only had her for 5 months last year. That's a LOT of day care we can't get any help paying for. 

I'm not sure what points you're trying to push through the Senate right now, but I hope that helps. Thanks for reading to the end.

Our Drama Princess

Hello,

It's been nearly a month since I've blogged, and so much has happened. Halloween, the first real family holiday we had with Mia was shared this year with her mother. I never expected the feelings that invoked within me. It's really hard to explain, but I'll try.
It felt like every sacrifice, every effort, and every bit of what made us her parents got erased, just like that. There were brief moments when it was recalled that 'oh, yeah, we're the ones in charge' but mostly.... It was the Cin and MJ show, and we were just unwitting victims. I say 'we' but I can't vouch for Hubby's feelings in this matter at all. I don't think he took it nearly as hard. His words were 'It's like two MJs, that's all.' When we met with neighbors we'd grown up with, Cin acted like she was still MJ's parent. Like she had any part in the raising of her in the last year. And it infuriated me. Who fought with MJ until she began to understand why what she did was wrong two weeks ago? Sure as hell wasn't Cin. Who bought that damned $40 mask because MJ loved it and wouldn't take it off? Sure as hell wasn't Cin. Who drove for hours to get there so she could have the first family Halloween in years? NOT CIN.
There was a silver lining. MJ recognized all on her own that we're still her parents. She even gave me a look that said 'Okay, I've had fun, but I'm ready for her to go now.' That was a relief. Up until Cin managed to secrete her make-up bag in our trunk and 'forget' it. So we had to go back today, but refused to get out of the car. Hell, I didn't even park. Just had MJ hand it to Cin and let that be the end.

But oh, once we got home..... There was a little while of peace before Hubby returned and asked about my flute. MJ was supposed to find it today if it was at home. My step-up flute, worth over a 1,000 dollars USED. MJ shrugged, acted like it was no big deal that it's most likely gone forever, and then to top it all off, had the gall to tell me it was my fault. ''If you didn't want it lost or destroyed, you never should have given it to me,'' I believe she said. For her to blame me for her carelessness when we'd been planning to let her go to her friend's house for a sleepover this coming weekend was like being slapped.
Since then she's been moping and crying, but still not cleaning her room like I told her to. She even 're-pierced' her ear. I looked at her blankly, told her it was likely to get infected and hurt a lot worse, and why wasn't she cleaning her room? She said she was bored. Now she's in the shower.

Frankly, I don't know how to get her to take me seriously right now. And to be utterly honest here? That comment about my prized flute has literally dimmed my love for her. I still love her, would no matter what, but her disregard for me just..... it's damaged me. I'm seriously giving thought to no longer punishing her, no longer advising her, and no longer helping her. It's what she thinks she wants, and while I know that's not a good way to raise a child, I'm finding it very hard to care about her beyond making sure she isn't dead right about now.

I get the feeling I'm going to be in trouble with everyone once you all read this, but I've always been committed to being as honest as I can. It's not even that I loved my flute more than I do her. It's her attitude about it. Her lack of empathy, of caring. She's been crying for hours, but it isn't for my flute. It's because she knows it's gone, and so are her chances of going to her friend's birthday sleep-over. Though really, I'm reconsidering. I want her gone for a while, and that would be convenient.

I'm sure all children are insensitive little beasts at times, but she's rather consistent in her lack of regard for me and anything I own. I don't know how much longer I can continue to love and care for her as earnestly as I have up til now. I just don't know.