Tethered

Without MJ here, its given me a lot of time for philosophical thought. This has led to a realization. I don't like being tethered physically, or emotionally unless I do the wrapping. Stand near and don't reach for me? I'll wrap around you happily. Try to tie yourself to me or get me to blatantly attach myself to you? I'll drift away until you stop.

This is relevant because Hubby is aware enough to not reach for me too often, or I pull away. He often sits near and just waits. I'll wrap my hands/legs/thigh/etc around him loosely and go on. If he grabs me though, I'll accept it for a minute or two but after that I'm squirming to be released. Not because I lack love, but because the constraint eats away my contentment until I'm incredibly uncomfortable.

MJ on the other hand grasps for me whenever she can. It's difficult to not instinctively shy away from her. I dont want to be grabbed and restrained and held hostage. She hasnt learned to let me come to her though. She's always so desperate for attention that she feels neglected and needy if someone isn't holding her, laughing with her, engaging constantly with her. I genuinely cant do it. In my mind, she's too old to need constant care like that, and even babies sleep and let you be for short periods. MJ feels that our job is to entertain and engage her. Its not.

Our job is to love and provide for her. The attention is extra, and I can handle maybe (at most) an hour before I start itching to get away. Thats not to say I can't spend hours and hours with someone; I can. Just not with constant need for me to look at them, be looked at, be touched, and be touching them. I want to sometimes, but I can't. I need to explain this to her soon. I think it'll help our relationship.