I've been asked to blog more... And this is the first topic I could think of. I honestly can not understand why she cries over everything. She cries over going up stairs. She cries over not getting the food she wants (sometimes). She cries over things we cannot change and cannot help her with. Essentially, she cries. Over things I would never cry over.
So my empathy is fairly low. I mean, sometimes I try to console her, but since that seems make her cry more (give her license to continue this crying indefinitely), I've taken to just silently waiting for her to get over it and be ready to talk.
When she starts spouting venom after crying (as is common), I refuse to engage until she's calmed down enough to be fair. Just as often, when she calms down, she gets really happy and in a good mood. Therefor, she acts bipolar. Considering her mom is bipolar, I think it's a strong possibility. And I just go with it. I still believe that a lot of her crying is helpful for getting her emotions recognized and released, but it doesn't mean it's not frustrating to me.
Also, interestingly enough, her class had a lesson on frustration and how to calm down. They had about six suggestions, one of which was 'take a step back and calm down' but MJ decided she had her own way of handling frustration and chose not to try any of those. She does, however, repeatedly sing the song her teachers taught them 'Stop! Name your emotion and caaalm down!' and it keeps getting stuck in my head. I don't need help naming my emotions, damn it. I know very well when I'm frustrated or angry.
Hmmmm.... Yesterday was the 3 month mark. Pineapples congratulated me on being a mom for three months and it took me by surprise, because I hadn't thought of it like that. But yes, three months of fighting with a child, and sometimes getting too frustrated with a child and sometimes having fun with a child.
I recognize that I haven't been giving MJ as much attention as she probably wants/needs, so that's something for me to work on. It's difficult because I always want to read, not pay attention to people. I may suggest that the family all crawls in bed together and reads their own book, but is still 'together' you know?
It's been a little shocking to look up from my own materials and see both Hubby and Child reading their own books quietly.
I think MJ craves approval. I'm not in the habit of being enthusiastically approving over little things, but if she needs that, I'll try to comply. My mom suggested something like that weeks ago, and I mentally scoffed at cooing to MJ 'Awwww! You brushed your teeth so well! Good job! Awwww, you picked out your clothes without asking! Good job!' but I think I'll start trying it. *sigh* It can't be worse than scolding her all the time. I am actually sick of scolding and arguing and punishing her. Honestly sick of it.
Speaking of sick, our little princess angel sweetie has gotten sick. Most likely strep (it's going around right now), and most likely gave it to me as well. Joy. I'll be taking her to the doctor this week to find out. Except her doctor doesn't have any appointments available online. Hrm. I'll have to call and see when I can bring her in, then. *sigh* And my phone is dying.
I can't think of much else going on right now. Oh, Hubbikins will be taking a trip home in January to see his ailing aunt. He asked my opinion, and it's simply 'Go.' especially since we don't have to pay for the travel. I'll miss him, but it's something that could give him some good closure.
Hmmmm..... I liked this song to start with, but lately it's just been a little annoying. I like the ideas behind it, since there's no silly 'She belongs TO me' nonsense, but I just don't think I like this boy band.
Oh, and this is HILARIOUS and I FULLY understand!!
Teehee?
3 comments:
Pretty sure Mia just likes drama and she cries because maybe it has gotten her far in the past (by getting attention). She is a bipolar child. But I think it is important to teach her to deal with whatever this is on her own. It's an important life skill. She does seek our praise and stuff, but I don't think we should just hand it out when she does stuff she should be doing anyway. It's hard to find a balance, and I'm not sure we have found it yet.
I tried out using more praise today, and like I said, she was really good. She didn't argue with staying in bed (well, I can understand why she wouldn't, but I always did when I was sick), she didn't ask for everything in the store (in fact, she asked to leave because she didn't feel well), and she was willing to try new foods without being coerced (holy shit, right?). I'm not a natural praiser over little things, so I don't think you need to worry that we're going to weaken the praise. I'm just trying not to be such a tightfisted praise-giver.
She doesn't cry nearly as much as I'd expect her to be doing. *shrug* That's progress. Not much, but enough for me to be satisfied. I just get mystified by her crying, and don't really understand how to handle it.
Glad to hear it seems to work.
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