Now without discussing it first, but my husband and I felt that the tattoo wasn't like my sister, and it seemed like the kind of thing a guy would have put on her. We didn't think it was like her at all. Yesterday while I was talking with my mom about my sister, She asked if I knew what the tattoo was about. I mentioned it didn't seem like her, because it was a blueish crown on her R Temple (which is a dangerous spot to get a tattoo anyway), and it seemed like something a guy would have told her to get. Mom scoffed and said yeah, let me tell you.... Apparently Cin has a pimp named King, and the crown is his symbol. Any girl wearing that crown 'belongs to him'. I felt sick and wanted to cry when I thought about it. She's basically sold herself into sexual slavery, and will probably never be free of it, because that tattoo will always be on her face.
Mom mentioned Cin would have to make a lot of changes to get her support, and one of them would be removing that tattoo. My mental retort was 'with what fucking money?' She wouldn't need a pimp if she had a job and money to live. Hubby, when I told him, mentioned that if she'd just gone to jail a few days before, she could have avoided being branded like cattle.
That's the tattoo. I have a couple ideas of how to make it something else, but they all obviously look like coverups. *sigh*And again, that's a dangerous spot for a tattoo. Looking at pricing to have it removed, it'd run about $300 to remove it. I may start setting aside some money so I could offer that as a Christmas/Birthday gift if she wants it.
My feelings.... I am confounded and heartbroken she has become so desperate that she became a full fledged prostitute, and that she has a vulgar enough pimp that he permanently marks them infuriates me. She's beautiful, sweet, and kind. She has so much potential, so much ability, that I think it cripples her. She could do other work, but inevitably feels she could do better, and disdains the menial labor she's able to get (she cant get anything better because of prison records). This ends up with her not gettting along with others, or quitting in a snit. Which damages her reputation even more.
I wonder if she enjoys the sex. I'm sure it's not like the sex I'm familiar with at all, and hopefully even if its unsatisfying, it's quick and/or painless. Looking at her photos from facebook, and reading the micro-expressions around her eyes and mouth, I can tell she's near the edge of tears. I feel like a failure of a sister, that she's come to this, and I've been unable to help her enough. When all else fails, you should be able to rely on your siblings, and I don't feel like I've fulfilled my required duties.
I think..... if she enjoyed her work, I could feel better about it. If she had a pimp that wasn't so vulgar as to mark up her face (for goodness sake, she's 34, she's already going to start losing her looks soon. WHY is he rushing her descent? Why is he making her less attractive?), maybe I'd feel less upset. I don't care that she's a prostitute, so much as I care that she's unhappy. Please tell me you understand what I mean. I really don't care that she has sex with people for money, but I care that I can rarely see a photo of her being happy. I want her to be happy, and while I feel she has so much potential in her life, I understand she's shot herself in the foot so much it looks holier than swiss cheese. This would make most other types of work difficult for her.
I just looked her up online in the correctional facility locator, I'm trying to figure out how to visit her. I am pretty sure I've already told you all that I can't really identify people in photos. I have to have confirmation that the photo is the correct person, so while I'm sure he thinks it's weird, I have to have my husband confirm that the photo is my sister. It actually helps a bit that there's a tattoo on her face to help me see that it's her. The photo was too blurry for me to be sure without Hubby though.
I think the only other feeling I have that should be addressed is this interesting urge to go find her pimp and scream that she's belonged to me far longer than she'll ever belong to him. I want to put a tattoo showing she's mine on her to remind her that her life is, for better or worse, forever entwined with ours, and she should always remember that her actions affect us.
Thoughts, comments? I would greatly appreciate all input, as this situation bothers me rather more than most situations tend to.
Thanks Dears!
6 comments:
My feelings are....if she didn't want the tattoo, she shouldn't have gotten it in the first place. She's a grown-ass adult (though I admit she doesn't act like that at all), and I for one am certainly not inclined to pay for fixing her mistakes. I have my own family to worry about, which by the way includes her kid. On that note, I think that you often overlook how much you are doing for her just by raising her kid for her. I sure as hell am not doing it for her, but I don't think anyone will argue how much us raising her kid ultimately benefits her. I feel like that should be enough and you shouldn't have to feel like you need to do more for your sister. Everything that has happened to her has been pretty much a direct result of the actions she herself chose to take. Just about every decision she makes turns her bad situation into a worse one. I honestly don't get it. I get that her life is hard. But I don't get why she has to do things that make it worse. I don't feel like I will ever understand her.
My feelings in regards to that is: I'm not raising MJ for Cin, I'm raising MJ for MJ. Her kid is now our kid, and what we do for MJ doesn't relate to Cin any more. What have I done for Cin besides give her a bit of money to help her stay off the street for a few nights that last time I saw her? What could I do for her that could really help her? I'm thinking of visiting her because I want to talk to her, and I miss her. I'm thinking of sending her books to read because she is bound to be bored, and I always encourage literature. Beyond that, I can't offer much, and that saddens me.
It is sad. But you can't fix her life. The only one who can really do that is her.
this is sad. her life is sad. no, sex work in and on of itself is not a bad thing, but the conditions are bad and the desperation leading to it is bad.
and i’m sorry you feel responsibility but sometimes the best thing to do is just to make sure your life is on track and realizing it is not your obligation to be the hero for someone that has already messed theirs up so much. sometimes the best thing you can do for a messed up family is get out of it - so at least one person is doing well.
and you’ve already done so much for her and the family with getting MJ. MJ is a huge responsibility but she is also a child who doesn’t have the means to change her home life, so she doesn’t deserve to have a shitty one -- saving her is different. like college kid said, Cin is an adult. at some point growing up, we learn about consequences for our actions. I’m not a psychologist, so I can’t say how much is brain structure and how much is experience, but it sounds like she continues with poor choices for some reason. is one of them ever going to be a wake-up call?
could hiding the tattoo be as simple as parting her hair on the side? I feel with college kid about fixing the tattoo - you have your own family that you are working hard to take care of. plus would she learn from a bail out? i’ve heard stories or seen media portrayals or for some reason have it in my mind that pimps can be scary so i understand the desire to spend $300 to help rid her of that sign, but still, that is a huge gift.
also, because blogs are a place to vent, I think I only ever rid bad things about Cin. what are some things you like about her?
and thinking about the help you mention in your comment - - it’s tough when a human being, a family member would be on the street if you don’t help them out. thankfully, i haven’t had to experience it, but sometimes i think about what will happen to my sibling at home when my dad dies. they are 28 years old and have never worked, but they have food, shelter, and spending money for hobbies because of my dad. I’ve tried to give them resources to get them on their feet but it doesn’t stick. ((yes, I’ve suggested the doctor to get some meds because I know depression can sometimes lead you down a hole and kick the ladder, so i try to address that it could be a problem like that.))
but I've told them more than once: if you want it you’ll find a a way, if not you will find an excuse. they don’t want to work and leave their current lifestyle and you can’t want more for someone than they want for themselves. you just can’t help someone who won’t help themselves.
my own family situation also makes me think about protests and how what you see in other countries, the actual images, of the common man asking the government to change can be so much more passionate than what you see here. and it’s because things may not be ideal, but it is still comfortable here. things aren’t bad enough, they aren’t desperate enough.
I don’t think visiting her would be bad. If it was me, I would go into the visit with the mindset that I will see where my family member is at - are they visibly sad and scared? wanting to open up or pushing me away? and then taking it from there. but also go into it hoping that I wouldn’t let myself be an enabler for further destruction and could put my foot down for some tough love.
This is a tough situation. :(
There was a really nice moment at your house with the kids when we were there. K was talking about how he wants to be a scientist when he grows up and I told him that college was a scientist. He looked shocked! With his mouth in an "o" shape. Then MJ said, super super proudly, "He's a genetics engineer."
I thought that was so precious, and after reading this it makes me think a lot about all the good things you are doing for her. If she thinks about growing up she can think of scientist as a real option for what she will do with her life. Because she sees what it looks like every day. With her mother she would only be exposed to menial labor, unemployment, jail, and prostitution.
I know you raise MJ for MJ. But from past posts it seems like she thinks you are doing it for her. So in her mind you are doing a great service to her. I think that's enough.
Post a Comment