And oh god, I feel icky. Let me start from the beginning.
See, when she asked for dick picks last week, we had her write a paper on why she did it, and she admitted she has sexual urges that she doesn't know how to deal with. She's struggling to reign in her hormones and her curiosity about sex in general, and not doing the greatest job of it. That's why she looks up porn, that's why she solicits picks, that's why she thinks being raped would be fine as long as they don't kill her.
She's curious, and we as parents have a responsibility to help her understand the urges. Historically, she would be looking for a husband, if not already married. In modern times, these urges have no legal outlet, no relief and no understanding. As her parents, we need to assist her before she indulges in boy-girl exploration.
This in no way is easy on me. Hubby seems to think it's no big deal, but I have strong mental blocks. I'm not sure if it's because I've actually been with her since birth, because I was always taught any sexual exploration should be discrete and out of sight of parents, or because until I turned 16, I genuinely believed sex was illegal if you weren't married. All of it culminates in my reluctant assistance. I actually only assisted because the Family Therapist said it was not strange, and that Hubby found it's not illegal to buy a toy for a minor. Possibly frowned upon, but not illegal. Additionally? I don't want to imagine her shoving random things up her body out of the need for relief. Just. Ugh.
The trip to the store was interesting. I wanted Hubby to go, but ended up going by myself. I felt way too awkward to say 'I'm buying this for my daughter, can you show me anything you'd recommend for a beginner that's not sexually active?' so ended up walking down every aisle, looking at a lot of toys, asking lots of questions, and finding a lot of interesting things in general. In the end, as I always do when I visit that type of sex shop, I bought a 'mystery gift bag' that guarantees the contents to be worth twice as much as you spend, if not more.
Ironically, the contents had a sex toy that I already have. I had bought her a 'discreet travel kit' with three attachments for different 'textures' but the one I now had a second of is actually a REALLY good toy. Like, worth $60+, lasts a long time, safe for beginners, and simple to use. So I gave her that one instead. We didn't tell her that I have the same one (that'd just be really awkward), but I'm fairly certain she'll have her name on it in no time, so I won't have to worry about any mix-ups.
I'd considered giving her both, but hubby said to let her get used to one first, and that she'd prolly lose the attachments if we gave her the other one. Both good points, I'll admit.
Before we gave it to her, we had her write the 'Rules of the Vagina' (her term, not mine), and I explained how tampons work. I didn't mean to her scare her off them, but that's what seemed to happen. Incidentally? She thought pads dissolved, and was flushing them down the toilet. CRAZY ASS CHILD.
Phew. So, yeah. Just felt this was a good 'for posterity' moment. Thanks for reading!
2 comments:
This gave you a much harder time than I thought it would. But it was a good discussion and hopefully it will facilitate an open dialogue about when she actually will start having sex, using condoms and birth control, etc. I feel like she is at a much higher risk for trying unsafe stuff and not telling us about it, so we need to do everything we can to try to push things in the opposite direction.
You're a parenting champ. It sounds like this was incredibly important moment for her and you guys handled it in the perfect way.
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