Challenges I did this week

So Hubby saw me writing on the Health Club wall in answer to some challenges the creator offered, and commented that it 'looks almost like a blog post' so I decided to cheat and share my challenge answers with you! First I'll write the challenge, and then my answers. There's three, and if you want, I would love to read your own answers to any or all of the same challenges. :) Or just comments about my responses. I welcome it all!

EMOTIONAL CHALLENGE WEEK!

This week, the challenge is super simple, but will be very difficult for most of us. At least it will if we are being completely honest with one another.

ON MONDAY: Post to the group wall the following three things. Label your post, “Challenge Day 1!”

1) The #1 part of your physical body that you hide from others (pictures optional, remember the group rules if you do)

2) A short paragraph about why you hide it and why you struggle with that part of you.

3) What you will do by the end of the week to help yourself take a big step in overcoming that insecurity.

1) I hide my stomach most of the time. I've come to terms with my body overall, but my thighs and stomach still make me nervous.

2) Growing up, my mom was going through menopause, and she just got bigger and bigger, and while I love her no matter her shape, it horrifies me a little to look in the mirror and see HER stomach on ME. I used to be able to do 200-300 sit-ups and crunches easily, and often did them when I was bored. I want to get back to that, because I'm struggling to do 20, let alone 200. 

3) I've been doing belly dancing lately, but like most things, I've tapered off of it. I'm going to make it a goal to belly dance a whole song length every day, no matter how long the song. I'm also going to try to get back into the 'March Six-Pack' challenge. I only managed it the first day, and I really don't like that. With both of these goals, I'm also going to try to suck in my stomach and use proper posture as much as possible whenever I remember. Hopefully this will make me more confident. My husband has helped me lose any shame I have over my body, but I still need confidence. :)

ON TUESDAY: Post to the group wall the following three things. Label your post, “Challenge Day 2!”

1) The #1 habit, vice, or addiction you struggle with and constantly hide from others.

2) A short paragraph about why you hide it and why you think you hide it instead of overcoming it?

3) What you will do by the end of the week to help yourself take a big step in either overcoming it or accepting it as part of you?

1) My eat a-little-eat-alot problem. I try to cut down on what I eat, and sometimes I even succeed for a while, but then, even if I'm not hungry, I find my mouth searching for something to chew! I've tried using gum, mints, and fat-free/calorie-free options, but it just ends up makng me eat a ton more later.

2) I'm so embarrassed at my lack of self-control. I used to have iron-control over myself, and now I can't even stop myself from eating a damn Cadbury's Egg. I don't know how to explain how I just find myself eating something without consciously choosing to do so, or how I overeat when I get too hungry. My husband actually noticed it before I did. He said he didn't need to order much food because he knew I would order too much and then he would just have to help me eat it. (I actually have a small stomach, and eat a lot over the course of time, but not all at once, so restaurants can suck)

3) I think I like my husband's solution. I'll plan to share meals with him, and try not to stock too many fattening options in the house. And maybe order less when I get stuff to go from fast food places. Not sure I can commit to the last one though.....>.<

ON WEDNESDAY: Post to the group wall the following three things. Label your post, “Challenge Day 3!”

1) The #1 biggest personality flaw you struggle with and strive to hide from others.

2) A short paragraph about why you hide it and why you think you hide it.

3) What you will do by the end of the week to help yourself take a big step in improving this part of you.

As my Momma always says, I'm a day late and a dollar short, but I'm here. ;) 
Wednesday Challenge:

1) My vindictive and mean side. When people that don't know me really well are so surprised to hear that I hate someone, I'm astonished. I mean, I do my best to be fair, nonjudgmental, and honest, but I didn't think I was hiding my vindictiveness that well.

2) Being vindictive is not very ....nice. And I like being nice. Also, (the darker side of it) if you don't show it, it’s twice as effective when someone goes too far over the line and you pull it out. By vindictive, I mean that I can definitely be just nasty with my anger and really hit people where it'll hurt them. And if they hurt someone I love, after I'm assured that it's legitimately their fault (because as I said, I want to be fair, so I listen to both sides), I will beat them down with words, actions (ignoring, disgusted looks, etc. Just not gossip. Gossip is for cowards IMO), and (it hasn't come to this, I can usually use words to reduce people to tears) physical violence. 

3) I've been working on it for a while, and when I really notice it is when I'm reading a book and I get extremely angry that one character has treated another character badly and is forgiven simply because they SAID they were sorry. If you don't atone in some way, there's no reason you won't do it again. But lately I've been coming to terms with it by thinking 'It's the injured party's decision of when they have done enough to earn forgiveness, not mine.' So I'm reading books that normally make me mad and trying to ease my anger over it. Any suggestions would also be super appreciated. While my husband takes a guilty pleasure in my evil side, I do feel bad for some horrible thoughts I tend to have.

So yeah, this is everything I did this week. :3 I've also had to do laundry twice (i.e. Hubby had to do laundry twice this week, because he's home and awake more than I am), go to a make-up class twice.... because I was more than ten minutes late for the first time. Bleh, traffic, work in the clinic, do a Private Teaching Session (Got a 96, btw), and do a bit of shopping. Yay? Enjoy this music. :) Doesn't this video sound a lot like this video?

This is just... wow. Yeah. .....wow.

I've posted this one before, but I still like it.

She needs a little work, but the integration of the song was very well done. I love this song, and this cover wasn't nearly as bad as the first one I tried.

And finally, I LOVE the imagery of this song, but not the original video. This one is by far the best, but it's still completely different from the images I was looking for. :( I'm so uber tempted to make my own video. I think I'm even willing to learn how, if someone wants to give me some advice on it.

Hubby said I haven't posted lately...

Thanks for your thoughts on a fulfilling life!

In new news (teehee, made a funny), I signed up and paid for a pregnancy massage intensive workshop! I will be full of confidence when working on the prenatal crowd after this! YAY!

Over the weekend, I had two clients come back to me by request! They wanted me! I'm so happy! But then in class today I found out that they could only request you five times total, so I'm super sad and worried about it. I'm glad to know that ahead of time, but I wanted to work with them more often. I really liked these ladies, and I wanted to keep working on their issues and watching their progress. :(

I also did my final Private Teaching session today. I got a 96, which is amazing. I spent three minutes on each leg! I can't believe she felt it was a complete, filling massage when my time was so very staggered against it. I had to complete an orthopedic protocol (my assignment was shoulder rotator cuff issues) and include treatment for carpal tunnel syndrome. And yet I still managed a full body massage, so I'm kinda proud of myself.

I felt in general that today was just a bad day over all. I woke up so tired that I couldn't drag myself out of bed without help. Then I drove to school where every parking space in both lots was taken. So I parked super far away. Then there was scheduling issues with my PTS, and they had me scheduled for a different teacher. That got worked out easily enough. I completed my massage with few mistakes, and she genuinely was upset that I would likely be moving away soon after graduating. :)

Then I came home and sulked and read a Korean manga based off of 'Little Women' while I waited for hubby to come back. When he came back, I attacked him, backed him up to the bed, and snuggled in for an hour or so of pure lovey dovey cuddling. Feeling better, we got up and figured out dinner, which I wasn't really hungry enough to eat, but Hubby was, so it was fine. We both really liked the chicken we got from Lucy's Fried Chicken, though mine was grilled... and in the cancer presentation we had today, they said that foods grilled on too high of a heat can cause cancer..... ;__; Whoever said knowledge is power must not have known enough to develop a phobia. I HATE our pathology classes. I need the knowledge, but I don't want the fears that come with it.

Then we worked on chest and neck massage for the evening, and finished up rather early. The techniques he taught us were really interesting. I wanna try some of them on a regular basis, but others seem like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Then we came home, and I talked to a few friends, and now I'm sitting here feeling myself start to roast with a fever while I type this out. @__@ So on that note, I'll say goodnight.

Here's a song that made me think of Pompeii even before I found out that it was written with erupting volcanoes in mind:

Okay that was a surprisingly short and creepy video.

Fulfilling Life

How do you define it?

My definition is simple, and vague. A fulfilling life is one in which you are happy you have lived, and one in which you are able to do things you have wanted to do.

I was talking with Rozy earlier today, and mentioned how I don't think my sisters are going to be able to have fulfilling lives (well, one in particular, but it's a danger for both, simply because of their perspective on life itself). Then I started thinking how a fulfilling life can be defined so differently by different people. So I want to hear your definitions! Please comment below with it.

Here's a song that I like. I think the video is really, really funny. Enjoy!

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Sleep-sleep-sleep-sleep

Sleeptidy-sleeeeeep-sleep-sleeeeeeep! There's a tune to that, though I rather doubt that you'll hear it the way I do.

Heh. Hubby's obligatory blog post is cute and frustrated at the same time, just like he often makes me. :P Rozy gave us a good site for changing around his resume and cover letters to be more appropriate for what he's applying for. If you need the link, let her or me know. I've saved it for a rainy day.

I would like to go ahead and answer this worry of hubby's: I'm fine with working at massage here in Texas until he can find work. I'm just worried that my income will either not be high enough to keep us in comfort (when you are hired by someone else, you only make about $17-25 an hour, and you can only reasonably work up to 25 hours a week if you don't want to burn out) or that I'll sign a contract for 1 yr plus and then some awesome company comes calling for him and we'll have to separate for a while or break contracts. That's a full 10,000 less dollars a year than we're currently living on. If I were to be self-employed/outcalls/incalls, my income would be much higher, but I would also have to market myself a looooot more (and we all know I market myself about as well as a cow milks her own udders). And while I know I would choose breaking a contract over being away from Hubby, it would really tear my self-respect and confidence apart.

Massage school is still going well. I'm working in the clinic more and more, and I'm a little ashamed to say that I constantly hope my client doesn't show up. It's not that I don't enjoy what I do: I've just been so unbelievably, hopelessly, irrevocably TIRED lately that my energy feels like the moon's own light (i.e. non-existent). It's entirely possible that I've developed Hashimotos Disease (which most hypothyroid people have), but damn it, I don't want another label on me. Let's put it this way: When I wake up hungry? I roll over and go back to sleep. I'd rather sleep than eat nowadays. And food is still delicious! And my dreams are so freakin' vivid, I would almost swear they depict real things happening. I'm even dreaming in color consistently. Most people dream in black and white. Half the time they're debauched, disgusting dreams that I don't want to recall ever again, and I would STILL choose more sleep over food.

My clients are all REALLY interesting! Once I get my hands on someone, I generally forget I'm tired until I start swaying (which I've been doing with dismaying frequency) and explore their body with delight. It sounds vulgar, but it's a magical experience. Part of our paperwork is supposed to reflect what we got out the session, and I always write about my client's body (If I haven't written 'Ooh! Rare body type!' (and I actually have at least once), it's only because I know they can demand to see their paperwork and might take offense), or what I want to do for them next time, or how I feel inadequate to the task because they need so much help and I only had one hour to 'fix' as much as I could. I got told that was wrong and I need to write about my own reflections and epiphanies during the massage, but for me, those ARE my reflections.

I guess one bonus of being so tired is that I don't have the energy to get mad at hubby over stupid things most of the time. I really hope once I'm off of this birth control that my body will return (at least somewhat) to the wonderful obedient body I had before.

I joined a Health Club on FB, and I really love it. It fills my feed with people's struggles and triumphs, and I love how when someone posts about a problem everyone jumps to help solve it. They've even arranged some work out buddies via the club. We do Challenges and work-out-selfies (I don't do those, because I just don't do pictures). It gives me great ideas. :)

Phew. Now it's 10 p.m. and I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna see if I can coerce Hubby into sleeping early.