So, to go ahead and answer pinapple's question: my first day was exhausting. So has every day been since. It's been getting a little better, but my wrists still hurt and likely will continue to do so while they strengthen up. I enjoy the work, I like my coworkers, my clients are a mixed bag but none of them have sent off the 'DANGERDANGER' signals so I have no issues there either. The percentage rate of working is kinda killing me (slash taking money out of my pocket) but it's not such a large amount that I'm actually bothered by it yet.
No, the issue that has me frustrated is that the ICPC has been submitted. And it came with a long list of conditions and recommendations. Honestly? It's enough to make me want to move back to NC just to have one set of standards to adhere to.
Lady mentioned worries about my mental stability, my childhood abuse and said inconsistencies (Lady, it was all over by the time I was 6. Why the hell would I have clear memories of it when I can't remember what I ate yesterday?), and my ability to handle being a parent in light of them. It also says that they're concerned about my ability to express negative emotions, simply because she asked about "What would you do if someone does something to you?" and I said "Nothing." I also said "If it's to someone I love, I'll react, but I don't really care if it's just me." and while I know that isn't the best response and not the healthiest manner, I also thought she was referencing someone OUTSIDE the family accosting me. She apparently took it to mean that I would do nothing if Mimi tried to hurt me. As a parent, it behooves us to teach our children healthy ways to deal with their anger, and to nip bad behaviors in the bud, so of course I would take her aside and explain to her why that's not okay, how it makes me feel, and what I would like her to do to understand that. But since Lady was super vague, I couldn't respond like that.
She also didn't seem to understand that I was ALSO attending school. She merely stated that I was unemployed and seeking a job, and had been for months. Do you realize how bad that looks?? We graduated within a week of each other! She lauded hubby, had no issues about him, but my goodness, I seem unstable. We were in the same situation!!!! She doubted my ability to get a job, and I landed one my last day of internship, and started work a day after getting my license!! I guess this is a good case of her assuming things and being proven wrong. That makes me feel a little better.
She did recommend a visit with Mimi to see if we fully understand what raising her would be like, and that could be good, because we'd get a chance to have a trial run with her. I'd like that, actually. It would give us a good chance to see what we're up against without being stuck for good if it's utterly horrible. I have extreme doubts as to it being that bad, but hey, it could happen.
She worried about my ability to cope with the changes (i.e. moving to hubby's new job location, graduating, getting a child) and admittedly, it'll be difficult. But it won't be impossible, and I've done the impossible before. She worried it would cause me to sink into depression or have an emotional set-back due to it. It's true, if we move somewhere and I'm unable to find a job for months on end, I'll be depressed, but so would 100% of people in the world. It would also mean I could take care of any issues that come up in Hubby and/or child's life though, so I don't think it'd be that bad for the first couple of months. At worst, I'd have to go back to school for more hours to get a license in a different state, but that's also totally doable.
She said she had concerns about our financial ability to care for Mimi. Right now, money is a little tight, but we have money saved up, we have the essentials, and we both have jobs. We'll be okay. There may be issues with medicare for her, but the social worker said she would look into that, as it's never been an issue before.
They wanted us to have an alternative storage for medicines, like a lock-box or something. I suppose that's fine. I just don't wanna get a heavy box right before we move.
Concerns about Mimi's ability to adjust to moving out here with us were presented, and even though we told her we have a therapist lined up that can provide recommendations for all other needs the little one may have, she neglected to include that. That is an issue, and one we have already addressed. *sigh*
They wanted background checks done, since we've both lived outside of TX, and we're doing them on Wednesday. It takes up to 30 days after, so we may not have them back by court. Damnit. But we're doing it!!
They recommended a therapist review my 'previous childhood trauma and how it may affect my childhood raising ability'. So essentially, they'd like a mental health evaluation, because there's concerns that I'm secretly crazy. They haven't ordered one, but it's likely they will, so I should probably go get one ahead of time. I'm wondering if the therapist we found for Mimi would do the honors. I'm waiting for her response to my text now.
I also need to provide proof that I am employed (now), graduation credentials for both of us, assurance that we're submitting to FBI background checks, AND speaking of background checks, they want one on any friends we see more often than once a month. Do you realize what a damper that will be on any budding friendships we have? On the plus side, one of my coworkers has a 17 yr old daughter that is used to babysitting that I could possibly use instead (if I pay her) and getting a background check on her would probably seem to be cool to her. Probably.
So I think that's all the list said. I need to write up another letter for court with the updated information (FBI, graduation, mental health check, therapeutic childcare classes (if we do them this time), new job info, etc.). I'm..... just gonna post this and wait for comments. Because I'm calming down now, but still feeling fairly targeted and angry.
This song is funny:
3 comments:
Is it bad that I think it could have been alot worse? At least they didn't recommend a "Hell no." Yeah, it's annoying, and yes, the picture it paints isn't very flattering, but I also feel that it's important to not just focus on the negatives. You said it's a 23 page report, so there could be alot of positivity as well that we are missing here. The judge isn't just going to skip over all that. The person who interviewed us was obviously not the most intelligent or competent person we've ever come across. But I think the important thing is that none of this will probably stop us from getting Mia eventually.
The problem is that the judge sees over 20 cases a day, and he WILL skip over all but the recommendations. The social worker HAS to tell them all the concerns and conditions they listed. No one else has to read the report. I'm not even sure they all get a copy of the report.
The person who wrote the report has over eight years in the field doing this and good graduation stuff, so they are very likely to just follow what she said.
I don't mind if we get Mimi eventually, but I do mind the aspersions cast on me because of vague questions and a past I cannot help having.
I'm with ck thinking that it could be worse. A trial period sounds like it could be a good thing. At least they didn't say there is no way they will let you have her!
The concerns about money and a possible move seem legit. You guys are really young and this stuff is hard to cope with. I know you will be great parents if you get her, but it makes sense that an outsider would be worried.
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