By that, I mean she had the audacity to scream at me today. I checked to be sure there were no other cars around (I'd just pulled into our parking lot) and slammed the brakes so we stopped quickly. I then turned around and chewed into her until she was crying more than she has in the last month, combined. Then I parked and shredded her some more. She was VERY mouthy today. In fact, my throat is really painful, simply because I ended up using a very stern voice and occasionally yelled. I've never been one to yell, so just think of the frustration she sent me to in order for my throat to hurt from yelling/sharp tones.
She also decided 'she didn't have a reason to live, so she might as well cut her own throat with a kitchen knife when we got home'. ....Well, I couldn't let that slide, now could I? I'm pretty sure she was lashing out to say the most hurtful things she could, but that doesn't excuse her choice of topic and decision. I steadily dealt blow after blow into that idea until she was crying, apologizing, saying she was so sorry, and she was wrong, and that killing herself was a bad idea. So you don't think that I was being needlessly mean, I told her how she doesn't see or understand the sacrifices people make for her. And how plenty of people would be sad and upset if she died. Also, I confronted her on how we're supposed to tell her little sister she died because she didn't have a reason to live. I asked her how she thought that would effect the littlin. She burst out crying, and said not to mention her sister or mother (cause I went all out and brought up everyone). I told her (essentially) tough shit, she's gonna hear everything. I even explained to her that as she's Christian, committing suicide is usually professed to send you straight to hell.
I find suicide to be a silly thing to do. You never know what will happen tomorrow, so to take a life, even your own, is a very.... offensive thing. And for her to think she can believe shit like that around us, well. She'd better rethink her words, is all I'll say about that. She asked what sacrifices we had made for her, and I told her that frankly, it was none of her business, and she had no right to know. That we were happy to make the sacrifices for her, but that her behavior has been appalling and I expect to see changes.
New topic! She had a cut on her hand, and kept tinkering with it with dirty hands (cause she had the goats today and didn't wash her hands afterward). I asked her if she wanted it to be infected and lose her hand. She had the gall to say yes. She said she didn't need two hands. Well, I took her up on that challenge. She will have her hand wrapped the fuck up in a fist for the next week. She will be unable to use it for anything except blunt force pushing. Good luck with the goats, Missy. She already found that putting on a seat belt, eating, opening doors, carrying bags, using the toilet, and holding a towel are very difficult with only one hand. Even better, she will be using it for her science project if she can come up with a question/hypothesis and experiment that her teacher approves of. No use wasting a good experience, right? To that end, she's keeping a journal of all the things she had difficulty doing without both hands.
I also talked to her teacher today after the meeting about her first teacher leaving (I'll get to that meeting in a bit). We're setting up a homework relay between the teacher and me via MJ so she can no longer say 'I don't have homework' when she does. Her teacher will also make copies of all of MJ's tests, and we will go over every problem she either got wrong or guessed on. Then we will do similar problems until she fully understands the hows and whys. She got a freakin' 47 on her midterms!!! And she's averaging about 60 on all of her tests.
Another thing I found out today: She didn't make GT (which is another reason I think she had that breakdown today). Our neighbors are FUCKING LOUD. I have headphones in. And my music is fairly loud. And I STILL hear their stomping around. That's ridiculous.
Let's see. The meeting about the teachers for the remainder of the year: They're essentially having their K-4th grade support teacher take her test so she can be a 5th grade teacher (she volunteered, it seems, but MJ really doesn't like her, so I'm not too excited). She will then take over the reading/vocabulary portion of the class. She will actually have two support personnel (substitute teachers/special assistants) to help her as she's 'new' to this, but essentially, they're trying to keep the teacher changes minimal and the hiring 'in-house'. MJ's original teacher was being 'unprofessional' and 'disruptive' so they had police escort him off the property the day before his final day (as he'd resigned already because he didn't feel he had the support he needed here). They wouldn't give any more details than that, and I don't really care that much. I mean, he was nice, but I didn't feel that MJ was learning anything. I'm much more concerned about her math, and we're taking steps to improve that, including a tutor starting in January.
Speaking of the tutor, I told her in no-uncertain terms that if she was disrespectful of her tutor, her new boots would be donated the same day I heard the complaint. And she would not get another pair. That got her immediate compliance. We'll see how long it lasts. Honestly, her new boots are hard to put on, so it'd be a relief to not have to deal with it.
We went roller skating on Saturday. I'd like to go back on a common basis, simply because I enjoyed it. Admittedly, I fell and hurt my wrist, so I've had to ice it for the last two days between and after massages, but it was still fun. What I couldn't believe is that we had to threaten to leave before MJ would willingly get on the damn rink. I had to count down to 1 before she got on it, and then she argued 'I'm on it!' and tried to get out of having to move on it. When she started actually trying, and I complimented her, I saw a brief flash of pride and happiness on her face and that made me happy. Until she got cocky and defiant again. Seriously, sometimes I see myself in her, and sometimes I see flashes of the child she used to be, but mostly I see her damn mom's destructive tendencies. I think she's clinging to them as a connection to Cin, but they HAVE to go, or we're going to lose her to something ridiculous like a man's dick.
I felt this song was a good follow-up to my previous post's. It's pretty funny, honestly. I've been watching Bart Baker's parodies. They're pretty good. I like how most of Taylor Swift's parodies call her the devil. Not because I think she is, but because I think it's funny for America's sweetheart to be a devil.
2 comments:
I know you were making a point, but.....please don't slam the brakes anymore. We already use them enough as it is; we don't need to make what is arguably one of the most important parts of car worse off.
At this point, we just have to do the best we can to make sure she doesn't turn out like her mom. I don't think we should take it too personally if she chooses that kind of life for herself.
I agree that it was ridiculous we had to threaten her with leaving to get her to skate, but at least it was effective and worked out in the end.
I think my current strategy of forcing her to work through the multiplication before being able to read or do other things she wants to do is already working since she has mastered her x3 tables. If we keep it up and extend it to other things (like extra practice on concepts she is working on in school that she has trouble with), I think we can turn her math grades around eventually.
'Unprofessional' and 'disruptive' and needed the police to escort him away??! This makes me nervous given what you said about one of the previous teachers in the school molesting the children.
What do her grades mean? Is it possible for her to pass 5th grade still?
What is GT?
And yay about her improvements in math!
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