One Sappy Post.....Darnit

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Sometimes I look at my hands with the fingers spread and I ache for your fingers to be in between them.

Sometimes I see a cute picture of a couple kissing on the cheek and my lips tingle to kiss your (always) stubbly cheek

I look at post cards or Christmas cards and turn to comment on them to you and realize you're not here and there's no way to share that moment with you. It really makes me sad then.

I read articles on the internet and want to laugh at them with you, but realize you're sleeping due to the time difference, and by the time you wake up, I won't find them funny anymore. I bookmark them anyway.

I eat something that I find delicious, and my lips curl all by themselves because I'm thinking of the disgusted face you'd make if you were here.

I sometimes look at my underclothes and find myself smirking because there's no way you can see them, and that amuses me. No embarrassment or nervousness = Score.....but then I want to show you something cute I just bought....And I'm back to frowning.

I watch a comedy show and want to share the joke with you. It's only when I'm fumbling to translate it for you that I realize it loses its humor....and I didn't want that.

You tell me you want hugs and kisses, but that just perplexes me because I don't want them. I need them, and I know you're saving them up for me for when I get home, so I'm just looking forward to my homecoming. I know you won't disappoint me.

I still haven't sent the gift to you because it's a couple set, and I'm unusually scared to separate the couple, but giving you both feels wrong.


I looked back at posts from years ago, and feel like it's laughable that we tried to pretend we weren't a couple.

Damnit....I'm going to go cry in the shower now. I may take this damn thing down in the future. It's incredibly embarrassing. .....*sigh* But I still love you.

Happy Early Birthday BF!!!

Heehee. I'm three days early, but I kinda wanted to be the first. ^.^ I still remember when we pretended not to know each other on here in an effort to keep who we were anonymous and leave comments without it being detrimental to our relationship.

Okay, *claps hands* that's all for the sap. Ooh. Bf's back on aim. Yay!

I'm only typing for as long as I feel like it since I'm utterly drained of energy.

Today I had a disturbing dream that was basically a fighting dream (physically fighting), where since it lacked closure, I didn't want to end it there, so I spent the next 5 hours kicking ass in my imagination in bed. Yes, I was that awesome. (Any 'that's what she said' comments will be flamed)

After that I got up, dressed, made my lunch all by myself (only one person commented on it, so I was kinda disappointed), ate breakfast, and still got there early enough to go buy a drink from the store before we had to leave.

We went back to the elementary school today. I'm going tomorrow too. The kids.....mimicked me. I was vaguely offended. But since mimicry is a form of flattery, I tried to keep that in mind and somehow kept my humor.

After that.....we ate lunch together, played dodge-ball together (one of the most intense games I've ever played, and I didn't even really get to participate), had basically the same class with different kids, and came home. Yeah, that simple. But it was fun, even though one little girl kept telling me to "Hurry Up" when we finishing up lunch....I eat so slow. *cries*

Then on the way home I bought some taiyaki. I don't understand why they made sweets in the shape of fish, but they're really yummy and I kinda wanna try the apple custard ones.....I ate it together with Ikuchin and she bought donuts for us to share, so we actually had a bit of a sweets fest. ^.^ At 4 pm.....so dinner was a little bleh.

After that we went to Off House (Though I don't have the money to spare) and got a new DVD player. We also got kimono accessories for little girls, and I got some bath stuff and a little measuring tape giraffe that has photo frames for Kay (my nephew).

I've been building up my Queue on Youtube so I have an awesome list. Wow. Nicole Kidman really was quite beautiful. She's still pretty, but there's a difference between young-pretty and mature/aged-pretty, and you can see it well on her. Huh. I wonder if that makes sense.

.....On that note, I give up, and I will be going to bed/bath shortly. G'night

Yay Self Reflection

Because really, I haven't the money to go play right now. Before I get into boring questions about myself, read what goddess I am. I like these results quite a bit and would be happy to be this way.:

Ishtar - The ancient Babylonian Goddess of sexuality, love, healing, courage and warriors, and also rules the sexual dynamic between men and women. When you fancy someone, it's Ishtar at work! Shes often depicted as an angel whose eyes burn with passionate energy. Although she's very compassionate, when crossed she can become wrathful and destructive so beware of these times.
Harness her strengths and beauty!

You're brave, strong, dynamic, passionate and sexually alluring. A bit of a diva, you like to indulge and pamper yourself with sensual pleasures such as delicious food, ornate clothes and uninhibited sex. You're one of life's great survivors and you triumph over adversity, emerging like a phoenix as a transformed and stronger person. You're compassionate, non-judgmental nature means you feel just as at home with the down-and-outs as you are with the celebrated and wildly successful.

Call on this Goddess when you feel life getting the best of you.

 

Doesn't that sound interesting? ^.^ I like the last sentence of the last paragraph best. 

I've been called cute quite a bit lately. I have a theory about it that makes me a little less confused by it. Just by looking at me, you would NOT say I'm cute. I don't have 'cute' features. I recognize and (honestly, I embrace it) accept this. But my personality, and the movements and sounds I make color people's perceptions of me and make me 'cute'. That's the only way I can believe that someone means it when they say I'm cute.  *nods* What do you guys think?

 It occurred to me earlier, that helpless is seen as cute because it provokes the urge to protect in the watcher. ....Oddly enough, this occurred to me while washing dishes because my sleeves were kinda long. I thought that if they were super long, like the ones everyone tells me is really cute, then I wouldn't be able to wash the dishes. This makes me 'helpless' and would make others smile and want to help me out. I don't know if that's accurate or not, but I think it makes sense.

The genuinely (and somewhat unhappy) shocked faces of people when I let them know that I'm cutting my hair has been amusing me quite a bit lately. I have every intention of cutting it off in March as a birthday gift to myself. I've never had short hair and I really wanna see what it's like. I'm reading lots of lovely Yaoi right now. Poor bf had to endure a conversation on it. 

Now I think I'll just add some music because I haven't posted in a while. :) 

Fall Out Boys's videos are generally REALLY interesting. :)

 

My subconscious

is a scary thing. I mean, seriously scary.

I read years ago a description of Aries, and remember thinking "Oh, it matches me pretty well. It'd be great if it matched me perfectly." ....Reading it yesterday, it matched perfectly.
I think to myself, I should improve my skin. Weeks later, blemish-free skin.
It's not always a good thing.
If I think to myself, "I'm going to mess this up." I usually do.
If I stress too much, I literally make myself sick with worry. 
I think I'm not capable of living entirely without help, and now I'm not. I used to be. Now I need opinions and help getting up, and just little things. *sigh*

You're prolly sitting there thinking I'm overreacting or that it's a coincidence, but I'm fairly certain it's not. Even my body's shape, abilities, and limits are determined nearly entirely by my subconscious. I have never truly wanted to be a skinny girl. And I haven't been since I realized I don't like feeling my bones. Medium-size is fine, since this size makes exercise hard for me.
But essentially, I have to be careful what I find myself thinking, because it will become true if it's in regards to myself. That's not only scary, it's amazing.

My body has been shaping up. That's good. My language skills have been improving. That's great. I found myself thinking I might not remember all the english I've learned up til now a few weeks ago. Writing this report tonight, I found myself thinking of all the japanese words, but not any of the English. I could probably write a good half of this report in Japanese with no problem, but I sit here trying to remember the english equivalent for a good twenty minutes. That's kinda messed up.

So essentially, I scare myself. That's kinda normal for me, right?