I don't know if I believe it, but I have noticed that my gut feelings are very good. Maybe not though, cause I had a good feeling about this chiropractic clinic's front office position, and I haven't heard back from them. But they were supposed to start the person tomorrow morning, so I guess I have to believe they didn't choose me. In a way it's good, because I have a make-up class on Wednesday for the exam I missed when I had the flu. And because I would have to two more days after that for court. I mentioned that I felt bad about not mentioning that upfront to Hubby and that I felt a little like it was back-stabbing. HE said 'I think Mimi is worth backstabbing for. Don't you?' I was kinda like 0___0 Well when you put it that way......
But I've been thinking about it. If you can compromise your morals because '______ is worth it' doesn't that mean you can be bought? And doesn't that make you corrupt? Regardless of your good intentions, once you start that slippery slope, it's very difficult to make your way back into moral safety again. I know. I climbed that sucker as a kid. It was difficult, especially because I'm SUCH a good liar when I forget to give off the 'I'm lying' signals. =.= And I generally purposefully give those signals off so that others have the chance to not be tricked. I still remember in 9th grade when I was startled by the principal coming to our class while we were playing UNO instead of taking a test (we finished early, and cards were banned in school, regardless). When he questioned what we were doing, I was startled, so I lied automatically to save the guy whose cards they were. "We were comparing our answers from the test. We're sitting close so the ones still taking it won't hear." He nodded, and went on, and all the people playing UNO just stared at me. A girl I didn't particularly like was open-mouthed in amazement, and said "I had no idea you could lie like that!" I was so ashamed. V___V I slipped down the slope so easily. Just because a lie is easier is no reason to not bear with the consequences of the truth. *sigh*
I made no bake cookies today. :) They were yummy. Hubby says they're too good, cause he couldn't stop eating them. Tomorrow we're gonna make peanut butter cookies, and then we'll have a nice variety for S's birthday gift/party on Saturday. We're going to Buffalo Wild Wings. Hubby and I have never been there, so I'm a little excited.
I worry that Hubby is stressing out a lot and keeping it bottled. I suppose airing out your worries doesn't necessarily improve your mood, but it makes the playing field clear, don't you think? :/ Or maybe it just makes the listener feel important. I mean, we're both worried about the future, but while my stress apparently comes out in my shoulders and insomnia, Hubby's comes out more subtly, and I worry that I might be missing signs of unhappiness. I never want to make Hubby unhappy (unless he made me unhappy first, and then it's just fair for him to become as miserable as me for a while), so I worry that marrying him might be bad for him sometimes. I don't wanna be a burden. :( I think this translates to: Talk to meeeeee!!!
He's filling out a lot of applications, for a lot of places. I feel like I should be too, but court in is a week, so I feel like I need to wait so I'll be properly available to meet and get the job. There's one that was posted that suits me pretty well earlier. It's from 6:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. every day, and I don't mind the early hours as long as I can have a nap. No one seems to believe that I can get up early, but usually it's me getting people up when we have to be up super early. :/ I mean super early, not noon or so. I can do it. I did it for years. I just don't like being up before the sun, and once the sun's up, I wanna nap in it. It's a fun conundrum. The point is, I CAN do it, even if I don't really want to. We need the money, you know?
We got our court letter notarized, and I took pictures of the house but.... >.> The bedroom photo had some sexy-time-things sitting out and now I have to retake it. The bedroom for Mimi is also kinda 'storage area' looking, so I have to clean it up before I take that photo. .... Actually, I took one. Here it is!
Look! I learned to upload photos!! :D I'm amazing! Oh, I've been listening to this song lately, and I realized: It sounds a lot like learning a second language and living in a new environment. Then when I thought back to the movie, it reminded me of my first few weeks in Japan when I couldn't communicate my more complex thoughts very well. Which is really similar to Ariel!
Oh my goodness! This guy is amazing!! Even MY voice won't go that high!! My ears can't even tell he's a guy! :0 ...The pervert in me is wondering if he actually has a penis or if he's a eunuch.....
4 comments:
Yeah, you've fallen really far. You've gone from lying about playing uno to lying (by omission) about having to miss a few days due to going to court. Seriously, I think that small lies like this are okay if they are for a good cause. Yes it is easy to let yourself use this reasoning to justify any lie, but...do you really see yourself doing that? I think you are so scarred by this one experience of shame due to lying that you wouldn't let that happen. Honesty is a great thing to have, but there are situations where it is not the most important thing. I would argue that supporting your family is one of those things.
My life is just stressful right now because I am really busy and I don't know where I am going to be next year, if I will be able to support a kid, etc. I have alot of things to get done, and I feel alot of pressure to support our family. It wouldn't be the end of the world if you had to find a job as a massage therapist, but it would be the first time I wasn't working and had to rely on someone else to support me. As the man/provider I think for some reason its been ingrained in me that that is unacceptable. Even if you don't feel that way, I can't help but feel bad that I've went to do all this schooling in this supposedly good field and I can't get a job. I know it's really early in the application process for me, but I am afraid that that will happen. Doubts begin to creep in like "maybe I won't be good enough for anyone" or "maybe no one will want me". In a way it is the first time I am testing myself in the real world and asking "am I employable?" or "did I learn enough in college to be useful?" I have side jobs of course in mathnasium and private tutoring, but I am talking about getting a real job in the field that I have been studying for a good portion of my education.
I've talked to you before about being stresed out about applying for jobs, so I figured that repeating this concerns over and over again would just get boring and repetitive for both of us. I tried to bottle it because I think that I am overthinking it and the stress won't really help anything. But at the same time, I don't think those feelings are going away. So I don't really know what to do about that. But I think that for the most part I was particularly stressed recently because of the hone interview and I felt like I might not be a great candidate for the position. I feel alot better about it now. And applying to more jobs helps my stress levels as well because it gives me something to prove to myself that I am at least doing something to chip away at the uncertainty and fear that I don't have a job yet and don't know where I will be.
In a way, I like the uncertainty of not knowing where we're gonna be in a year or three. This is something that most people don't experience because they have some plans and ideas, even if they don't know for sure and it ends up different from what they were expecting. I think you should treasure the freedom we have right now to choose our lives. It doesn't happen often, and recognizing the power you hold right now is something that I think is incredibly important. Yes, it's scary and stressful, but our lives together will always be an adventure, and we'll be together, so we're gonna be okay no matter what.
Even if your experience and degree ARE useless (And I firmly believe they are actually quite valuable), you know how to work, we know how to get by on not too much, and we will survive. We will. I am absolutely certain of that. So just believe in me, relax, and enjoy the adventure of choosing our new home-scape. :)
As for the honesty thing: I just think if most people were honest, despite the inconvenience and the terror it can cause (and believe me, committing to the truth is terrifying most times), the world would be a much more understanding place, and drama would be halved at the very least. Wouldn't that be a good world??
The findings seem pretty sketchy to me. I'll believe it if it has been published in a peer-reviewed journal. But I do agree with the idea, sort of... I don't think that positive thinking sends happiness beams from your brain that bend reality. But I do believe that your way of thinking influences they way your life turns out.
I've been trying to tell college (and also anyone else I know who is applying to jobs) that you should apply to the jobs you want to do, not the ones you think you can get. I think the mindset a person has plays a tremendous role in the quality of jobs people get.
Take shodor for example. When he graduated from college, he applied for jobs at Walmart and Chick-fil-A. He truly did not believe that he could get a good job. I would say 100% of that was self-esteem related. It took him a long time to get to the mental state he is in now, which is why I was so scared of him moving to Pittsburgh with me. I don't want to do anything to ruin the awesome mojo he has now, and I know that being unemployed is a quick way to ruin people's self-esteem. As it is, he got a phone interview for a software development position. He is basically the same person qualifications-wise that he was 1.5 years ago, but he is completely different in his thinking. That's what made the difference between getting an interview for a cool job vs. an interview for Walmart. A remarkable and awesome difference, but it basically doesn't exist on paper.
College, you have the qualifications 100%. Keep on doing your best to ignore the feelings of doubt and don't let them influence this application process.
In regards to the lying, I don't believe in slippery slopeness unless it comes to addictive things. So doing any amount of addictive drugs is a very bad thing. Maybe lying is addictive to some people though, so if that's the case it would be best for them to try to never do it. That doesn't seem like it would be the norm though.
I just noticed there is a precious kitty in Mimi's room!
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