Good morning! It's 6:41 in the morning here. I'm sitting around waiting for MJ to be ready for the bus stop. It's nice that she does her chores, but man, does she take forever.
It's so early that someone, like me, who stays up late, is actually dizzy. I would send her to get on the bus by herself except my mom watches too many documentaries of people getting snatched, and my gut clenches at the idea of someone taking her just because I was too lazy to escort her to the bus stop. That was a really long sentence, but I'm not sure how to shorten it. Oh well, too tired to care right now.
Mia had her first little meltdown last night, and demanded to go home, and that she wanted her Mother, or Nana, but not us. She wants to go back to NC, and she wants to go 'home' but I don't think she really has an idea of where that is for her anymore. After handling that with honest, serious, quiet and clear (but hopefully not condescending) refusal, she said something about how I return her 'I love you's with smart and hurtful comments. I don't remember ever doing that, and Hubby also doesn't remember doing so, but we'll watch for it. Hubby says he thinks she's exaggerating it, and that what she means is that she'll say 'I love you!' then make a smart comment or ask about something I have to say no to, and hence, 'my smart comments' are made. She said it really hurts her feelings to have her love returned with mean comments. I do think that's true, and will watch out to not do that, but I don't think I have.
She also said that she treats me like any other foster mom. Hubby was confused, but I told him she probably meant that to hurt me, since I'm not just a foster mom, and for her to call me that means that she doesn't think I'm family anymore. I'm fine with it. It didn't hurt my feelings because I knew she'd try to hurt me, and a foster mom is still a mom, and that's what I am to her right now.
Phew. Just got her on the bus. The stop is a little far, and my ankles hurt from walking there and back, so it's a nice little mini-workout in the morning. My legs really shouldn't hurt, but I've gained enough weight that I think it's inevitable, but I won't stop doing it because otherwise I won't get used to it.
We're supposed to have sex in the mornings once she leaves, but yesterday we were too tired, and today I'm super tired even if Hubby is not, so it'll be an interesting attempt.
MJ called our Grandma yesterday and we tried to talk to her. She wants pictures of MJ and Maya, and couldn't hardly hear us. I think she had trouble with MJ because her voice is 'fuzzy' to put it one way. She has a burr that makes it difficult to understand what she's saying, while I can make my voice/accent clear and easily distinguished. She was happy we called.
MJ wants to go to Nana's house for holidays, and even though I told her we have to work, she's very insistent. Hubby thinks if she believes that if she can just get to NC, she'll be able to see her mom. That makes sense to me. She doesn't believe that court had good reasons for ending her mothers rights, so it's a bit of a headache talking to her.
Hearing her defend her mom hurts my heart a bit. I could easily start to hate my sister, listening to my niece say 'Court doesn't know anything. They don't know how hard she tried. She tried her best, so she should get me back.' She's very stuck on 'If you try your best, you'll succeed.' and I blame elementary schools and their ceaselessly optimistic attitudes. It's all well and dandy to apply that to getting better grades, or getting into shape, but when it comes to a person's safety, I don't wanna hear 'Oh, well I tried my best at the defenses' I wanna hear 'Oh, the only person getting through those defenses will be a smoking dead corpse' you know? Keeping people safe is very important, and just trying your best isn't going to cut it.
It made me VERY angry to hear MJ say 'Do you know they took Max from Momma without any warning? They gave Momma warning with us, but they didn't tell her anything with Max! That's messed up and they're evil!' I agree with the social worker that She. Should. Not. Know. That. Not in that detail, and not from the perspective of an adult. It has 'my sister really confided this shit to her' written all over it, and I can't help a burning anger in my gut that my sister would tell her little girl about her own problems that way. Don't get me wrong, YES she needs to know Max was in the system as well, but you don't tell her details!! You simply say 'Your little brother was also put in a foster home so your mom could work to get all of you back without having to care for a newborn' or something!! I can visibly imagine Cin laying her head on MJ's lap, crying about this, her wording was so clear.
So as you can see, we're struggling a little, but it's not so bad. When she was having a bedtime snack (salad), she burst out with 'Why can't I see my Mom?' and I got sick of it. I pointed at Hubby, told her to talk to him, because I was through for the night, and got up to get stuff for today ready. Hubby handled that conversation fairly well, but I think Mia just sees it as 'adult buffer' and isn't really listening once we mention court.
Alrighty, I'm done. Shout out to fourthmonth for being in good health and commenting on my bloggity! Have a good one ya'll!
I'm not sure I like the video, but the song is pretty interesting. Hm. Frankly, I don't even wanna watch the video anymore. I don't like it very much.
4 comments:
Pretty sure she is just testing us. We didn't let her get her way on alot of stuff, and we took away her chocolate milk/talking with Nana for being bad, so she cried. And then she felt that it sucked to live with us, and that things would be so much better with her mom. Because her mom would even give her beer if she asked for it. Her view of her mom is what is really messed up, but there is no use in trying to correct that. That would be one of the losing battles I don't want to fight. And even if we succeeded in getting her to see why her mom is horrible, what would that really accomplish? Alot of hurt feelings and sadness and anger directed at us. Let her be mad at the courts or think it is unfair. She needs to deal with life being unfair and not getting her way all the time. I feel like there is a good chance that she will go back to her mom when she is older. But hopefully by then she can understand why things happened the way they did and that living with us is the best thing that could have happened to her for her situation. I planted that idea in her head when she mentioned God's plan and you developed it a bit further by getting her to think about it. I think things are going okay and that she is a bit bipolar but nothing we can't handle together.
Poor kid. You seem to be handling things well.
Do you think that she might have had hopeful feelings that living with you would mean getting to live with her mom or at least see her mom often? I wonder if her mom told her that would happen. I remember one of you guys saying that you thought Cin was under the delusion that you guys would give mj back to her.
I'm not sure at all, but I don't think so. I think she's so insistent because we already have a connection with her mom, unlike all the other foster situations she's had.
I think maybe Cin could have said something of that nature to MJ, but it would only have hurt our case, really. I really don't know what the child is thinking.
honest and insightful post. glad to hear you are being strong with the things she says to get at you
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