5 minute Post

I'm limiting myself to 5 minutes because it's late and I'm tired. For Caitikins: Yes, I feel overwhelmed quite often, but I actually find doing massage to be refreshing. I think partially it's because I've missed helping people, and partially because I already know if I feel ill-used, I can leave that job and look for another one at any time. Like-wise with CPR, I'm prepared to just stop at any time, and with that little thought, I'm able to weather the pressure much better than I would if I felt stuck with no wiggle room. It's like when you're trapped and can't move your limbs versus being trapped in a room. You'd really freak out a LOT more about the first possibility than you would the second.

Also: I'm pretty sure CPR lied to me about making me a team lead, and after talking with my now 'retired' previous lead today, I am seriously doubting whether I would want to be one anyway. She said you're required to take your labtop home each night, you're responsible for any mess-ups, and you're expected to work as many hours as necessary for no increase in pay over 80 hours. And apparently yes, you do work 80+ hours regularly. And the pay was 'In the 20s, but definitely under 30' and since it's salaried, I believe that means 20-30 thousand a year. So I'm like 'Yeaaaaah, that won't work for my family and me....'

So Hubbikins tends to think I'm angry at him when I'm just hurt. I let him think I'm angry because at least he has ideas of how to handle the anger, and that way he won't hug me and make me cry. For example, I am super discouraged because he semi-scolded me like 'I thought you were gonna put in more effort to be healthy if you survived to 26' was the basic gist of what he said. And I was so discouraged because I changed my habits as soon as I made it to 26. Yes, we've eaten out, but I've been choosing the healthier options as much as possible. Yes, I had some chocolates today, but I ate 1/3 less for dinner (pizza/breadsticks) than I normally do, and I didn't have dessert yesterday at all. I made my smoothie with no sugar, and when I was given a super sweet and creamy coffee today, I poured half of it out (a little more than half, honestly) and filled it with pure black organic coffee instead. Instead of watching a movie or show with dinner today, I made Reb take us the park, where we ate outside and talked about our days. Then we went shopping for an hour, which counts as exercise to me, because it's standing and walking (and kinda excruciatingly painful). So anyway, I'm making efforts, and it's discouraging that he doesn't see it yet. That's fine though, it's not for him, it's for me, and I keep my promises.

So this is over the five minute limit I set..... Teehee..... Gnight. >.<