Mia's notes to me

In December, I made an advent calendar for Hubby and MJ. She wrote notes back to me for some of the days. They say:

Dec 1- You're important!
Dec 2- I love you!
Dec 3- I NEED you!
Dec 4- Never let go

I think these are short but heartfelt, and wanted an immortal record of them. Thats all.

As Mr Frosty once said

Happy Birthday!

Its the Hubby's birthday once again, and like in recent years, he's impossible to shop for. He buys whatever he needs, and I distinctly worry about buying the wrong thing and wasting money. One thing that never turns out badly however is sweets.

On that note, he's getting a cute little pudge in his belly. I love it, but it seems to stress him a bit, and blood pressure is something to keep an eye on, so I'm reluctant to ply him with sweets this year. His mom does that enough for me anyway.

I'm making steaks for dinner, and just hope I do well, considering I dont actually have a grill. After all the steaks I've had lately though, I may insist on going vegetarian for a few days to get some relief from it. Meat is great, but veggies are more versatile and less heavy.

Part of his present is this post, as I've neglected to blog much. Teehee?

Hmmmmm..... Heartfelt thoughts: Holy Moly we've been together nearly ten years and are still in love. Isn't that amazing? I'm so very glad I chose you, and that you chose me. I love you. Thanks for sticking with me on this rollercoaster we call life.

Family Therapy Is In The Cards

Yes, I know 'Is In The' is technically wrong, but it always bothers me when we decide oh, these words aren't as important, lets not capitalize them even though all the others are. Anyway, so as a result of the assessment MJ had a few weeks ago, we are all facing Family Therapy for the next six months (is the expected time length, but I'm fairly sure it'll be longer, as we all have issues, and MJ takes the cake on them all). They do not do Individual Therapy and Family Therapy at the same time, (insurance policy) so we're looking to have more focus on MJ, though it's already been stated that she'll want to work alone with each of us to assess our needs and work through them.

 I think we really relieved her when she was talking about parenting help and counselling and we both started nodding immediately. She's used to more closed minded families that don't think they do anything wrong. We know we need help, but my family says to beat her, and Hubby's family says ....well, not much, as they don't have experience with these issues. Neither is really much help in parenting a child that is so desperate for attention, and so pig-headed at the same time.

We saw 'On the Edge of Seventeen' a few weeks ago. I liked that the protagonist was a legit normal stupid bitch, as we don't often have that happen in movies. I didn't like her, I wouldn't be her friend, but I also really appreciated the honesty of the movie and how life can work. The ending was a little unrealistic, but it was still really good, and Hubby and I both really want MJ to see the movie, because the protagonist reminded us both of her, but it's rated R. It's not that out there, really, but it does have some ....uh, overly honest sentiments of a sexual nature.

 Speaking of, MJ wrote a suicide note on Monday, and 'tried' to commit suicide. What she really did was scratch up our walls, the counters we prepare food on, and scratch her arms twice. As a result, she has to write two pages back and front of two people she's grateful for and has to be able to call them and tell them about it. Bint wanted to write them to celebrities because 'she doesn't feel grateful to anyone that isn't an idol.'

 We asked the therapist we'll be seeing (she'll come to our house twice a week starting in the new year, but for now she'll just check in as she's booked, and going on vacation) about 'how do we punish this??' in regards to her scratching up the walls and herself, and she kinda redirected the conversation in an uncomfortable, I don't know how to answer that, kind of way. I don't really blame her, as the follow up question was relevant, but not helpful for us. Hubbity didn't say much of anything during the entire interview, besides requesting that MJ get a psych assessment to get some medicinal help in controlling her moods. Not to the extent that she came to us in, but enough to prevent the lows from threatening her life.

 Today Hubby had lunch with his parents. I was supposed to go as well, but when he didn't give me a breakdown of the 'where and when' like I asked for, I lost patience and decided to stay in bed. I didn't want to go if there was going to be Mexican food, as my stomach was a little iffy, but since Hubby couldn't tell me what he'd decided on for sure, I got too frustrated to bother asking the same thing for a third time. As a result, when he came home from work tonight, we had a fight and ended up not speaking for most of the evening. We've kind of just pretended it didn't happen at this point.

I went to work, worked on one client, met another new therapist (They just hired four), chatted, had a no show, and got to go home in time to tuck the princess into bed (though that's Hubby's job, cause I don't do it right). I consoled her when she 'sprained' her wrist getting into bed.

 There's been an outbreak of chicken pox at her school, and we don't know if she's had chicken pox already. I vaguely recall having to soothe her when she was little and had some rashes but don't remember if it was chicken pox, so we're waiting for my sister to call so I can ask her. She didn't get it during her time in foster care, which is the only medical records she came with.

 Tomorrow I have tutoring for a Japanese woman, then I'm going to get adjusted and a massage because I haven't had one in five weeks due to getting sick 4 times in that period, and having a cold sore the other week.

 I cleaned up the area around my bedside because I was sick of tripping over things. I was still angry with Hubby while I was cleaning, and I don't like to having people around when I'm cleaning anyway (Growing up, if someone was around, they'd either make a smart ass comment or purposely mess it up for me, so I just dislike it now), so I asked him to leave. I managed to go through my clothes and get the summer/spring ones packed away, and pull out winter clothes. I have a lot of dresses I love. I didn't realize quite how many I had until I was unpacking them all. The closet looks so much better now.

 I bought a selection of wines from brightcellars that is supposed to mathematically match you with the perfect wine for your tastes. It tastes pretty gross unfortunately, and the first sip always numbs my tongue. Does anyone else have that happen? It's always done that to me, actually. I just don't know anyone else it happens to.

 Here's a song I like, though I'm a little confused by all the sex talk considering it's Bruno Mars and I feel like he's becoming jaded.

Yay Keyboard power!

This post isn't likely to have much depth to it. I made advent calendars for MJ and Hubby this year. The suckers took me all night to make, and they're not quite MJ-proof yet. I'm still waiting for her to come in '.....It broke, Can I have a new one?' and I'll have to tell her there's no replacing it, because my brain was fried by the end of the making, and I don't remember half the shit I wrote, only that I tried very hard to be sweet and loving and not 'Get off your ass and do jumping jacks for 20 minutes, and then I'll give you a prize.' We just watched Don't Breathe, and I have to say, by the end of the movie, I hated the female lead, and hoped she would be kidnapped and raped. Don't get it? You gotta see it to believe it. Otherwise, I do recommend the movie, it was well done, and you don't feel the movie is too unrealistic, and there's a hell of a lot of 'Oh shit' moments. I have a cold sore on my mouth again. It only happens when my immune system drops a significant amount. I've been fighting off viruses for three weeks, and yesterday I fell at the end of my interview/lesson, and hurt my ankle and wrist. I'm actually not going to type too much more, because it's straining my wrist. Hubby is reading Angel Densetsu (I told him to), and he's loving it. I think it's a great story, and I'm glad he likes it. Everyone should read it. There's been a lot of songs coming out lately that I think are catchy and nice, though Maroon 5's don't want to know is absolutely hated by Hubby. It's pretty funny, really. Work is going okay, though I'm conflicted about whether I should ask to have my hours shortened until my ankle heals or not. I've begun tutoring ESL with Japanese immigrants who are usually here for their husband/father's work transfers. My Japanese is so rusty!! Ok, wrist is hurting, stopping now. Sorry loves! I really like this one song:

Mjs getting an assessment right now

Some things have come to light that I didn't know, such as her scratching herself with a sharp pencil 'to make the pain go away for a few seconds' because she doesn't like being left out from her friends. I guess they don't realize how easily I can hear them, as they're not moderating their voices at all. I'd feel guilty but I feel I should know what's bothering her. She's back to saying how she doesn't trust anyone, and doesn't tell us things because we're only going to punish her. For the most part, we've moved away from punishments, so I'm a little confused how she can say we're just gonna punish her. I'm seriously thinkning we should get a fidget cube for MJ, as she couldn't stop messing with things while she was sitting at the table.

Facebook, and how it keeps us connected

I've heard a lot of bad about FB, and I also have some complaints about it, but I also think its a very useful tool. Perfect example is this flooding. As soon as people are able to get online, they logged into fb and confirmed they were safe. When I have photos to share with family of our child, I post it to our family's group to keep it private. Of COURSE my sisters don't respect that though, and they post my photos all over the internet when the whim strikes them. They're especially fond of saying ''Look at my cute niece!/daughter!" That pisses me off to no end, which is why I very rarely post photos now. If I wanted everyone's friends to see them, I wouldn't have posted them in the family group. Anyway! It's very helpful though, in that I didn't really even have a face to put with the name of a cousin of mine, and we're now fb friends. This has really helped me to get to know her, and for the most part, I like what I know now. That's kinda rare with any cousins I know. Actually I have two cousins pending because I refuse to friend them again. They had their chance and blew it. Something I really don't like though, is the ads that are now showing up on my feed all the time. I don't always realize it's an ad until I get to the page and it looks like a scam, or I get inundated with emails about stuff I only took out of curiosity. I also don't like the Friend Trolls that scan your page, and complain about what they see. There's an easy option of 'Hiding' me for a while if it gets too much and you want a break. I don't want to hear how it's a waste of your feed space to have a picture with just text. That's exactly what the hell a status message is, it just takes up a little more room. If you need a background of an unrelated flower to confirm to yourself that it's worth reading the message I posted because I found it interesting, you need to go for a walk outside, and appreciate life instead. Hubby says I could just unfriend them, but that feels like losing for one thing, and running away from a challenge for another. Hubby took a shot at shooting down the troll once, and argued back and forth with him about THE PICTURE for far longer than the Troll was worth spending time on. If they really piss me off, I'll just delete their message. Maybe they'll get pissed in return and unfriend me. Sounds like a winning strategy to me! I like being able to watch videos without clicking on them, but it does it silently that way, so I appreciate subtitles even more now. I don't like when the video buffers a lot while I'm basically just mildly curious, so if it takes too long, I'm skipping it. And now, for a long awaited quote: "I prefer the term 'Trumpkin' thank you very much."

I'm an adult! Hear me roar!

TJ came to visit us today. We haven't seen each other in years, and his voice has gotten deeper and softer, so he has to be fairly close to hear him speak. But he's still just as engaging and ready to help as ever, and his sense of humor is still similar to mine, which is a relief, because Hubby and MJ don't share my humor much. Originally I thought he was coming at 3, but Hubby needed more time at his experiment before he could go to lunch with me, so I pushed TJ back to 4, then he texted and said he'd be about 4:30. Turns out he didn't anticipate traffic, so he didn't show until after 5, and while I was waiting for him to get here, I did nervous cleaning, including putting up the Halloween Door Cover I bought, putting a plastic cover on the table in the back porch (no chairs yet, except one I bought for Mummsy who didn't show), stacking boxes, sweeping the front porch, putting out the recycling, and clearing up all the stuff that's been set on my desk. I also had time to put Maya's cat collar (flea and tick protection yay!) on her, and give her a catnip toy for my amusement. While I waited I was thinking with amusement about our nosy neighbors, and how they always have their blinds open, their little boy is staring out the window, and they seem to watch our house whenever we leave or come home. I imagined them having a heart attack seeing me invite an unknown man into the house while my husband isn't home, and entertained the idea they would automatically assume I was having an affair. Realistically though, Hubby was home within 20 minutes of TJ getting here, and I don't know about you, but I would be PISSED if my sex time was limited to 20 minutes of fun, plus shower (shower obviously needed). So I don't think they would think of that. Oh well, it was amusing to imagine what they would do. We made chicken curry for dinner, and of course TJ joined us. I felt bad about making him help us cook, but he says he's been cooking a lot lately, and offered to help. So I put him and Hubby to work in the kitchen with me, and the cooking went by a lot faster because of the entertaining conversation. MJ is intimidated by TJ, but also I think, a little attracted, because she tried hard to impress him during the conversations, and I think it's funny. At one point we were talking about farts, and I mentioned hers, and she shot me such a look that I nearly laughed out loud. She's fun to tease. I ended up showing TJ my Sailor Moon Drops game on my phone, because it's addicting and I wanted to whine about how Hubby (who even now could be on my computer, but has instead chosen to play on my phone) keeps stealing my phone to play it, and draining the battery so it has to be charged every day. I changed the blanket in our bedroom with Hubby's help because he stole the blankets last night, and I genuinely didn't get warm until he got up for work because of it. Now we have a warm, King sized fluffy duvet covering our bed, and I'm surprised by how pretty it looks and how it matches the walls (this is an old blanket we haven't used since TX because it's so thick and warm and we just didn't need it last year). I think that's it for now. Thanks for reading!