Why is life so damned difficult? Ugh...in the old days, one could grow up learning your parent's trade, learn to clean house, look pretty, and conversate. After these basic requirements you get married and have children that fill the hole in your heart where a good job would normally fit. *drops head* Even with me this depressed, sleep-deprived, and annoyed with life in general, that STILL doesn't appeal to me. V__V Maybe RB is right, and I really am a masochist. So, first off, GO ROZY GO! Do your best, kay? Take the courses you want to, and you can actually apply to med school with any regular degree. There's no really set course you have to account for (by course I mean series of plans and pathways, not a specific class) before you apply and get into med school. hmmm, I think, with your parents, they just REALLY want you to be able to take care of yourself properly. So do your best, dredge up some numbers for good paying jobs in the field you wanna be in. Maybe it will help.
As for me, I'm reconsidering my childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian. It's probably useless...I don't like the thought of hurting animals...but I would love to see if I could. And the pay is probably going to be better than an editor's job....(btw, there are SOOOO many types of editors, its making my head spin around! @_@) I really like editing, but I love animals even more.... I feel complete with animals, whereas I feel amused when I write. I'm not sure which one is more important in a job, but I know mom would prefer I take the higher paying one. I wonder if I could get an internship in a vet's office.... and in a book-writing-place. (No idea what it's called....>.<)
I didn't realize it, but the ONLY class I failed, that affected my GPA, that was actually necessary for my plan of work, was the one that based 60% of its grade on the tests. The ONLY one. I don't know if I'm going to have to retake that class, or maybe find a way to not make it a concentration course for my plan, or what. I don't even know if retaking it would help me at all, since the syllabus will likely be the same, and I'll still fail the tests. I need to talk to my advisor or something. Life would be so much easier if I could just convince myself to take a normal path. I'm not unique to the point that I honestly have to create my own path like this, but at the same time, I don't think I'm able to settle for being normal enough to take a regular set path in life. V__V I want at least two to four people to talk to about this. I need a variety of opinions. Educated opinions. Ones that can help my decision without thrusting me into a direction I hadn't decided to take.
I'm beginning to accept that I'm never going to be a skinny girl that can fit into anything. I'll always have meat on my bones, and I'll probably always have a chest that annoys and amuses me. But I guess that's just something that I could come to like. Fitting into clothing is always somewhat of a challenge. (Think about finding good bathing suits....it just doesn't happen with this shape) But I suppose I'm up for it. There's plenty of things I like about myself, and I can even be proud of how little time it takes to find something I like about myself.
I went home today, and had to tell my mom about classes and how they were going, and while I didn't lie, I felt cornered and guilty. I don't think I've told her that I basically failed two classes last semester. I think of the quote "This new generation of women was raised being told "You can be anything," but all they really heard was "You have to be everything,"." (I wonder if that ending for the quotes is correct...now I wanna ask my teacher....>_< So curious!) I have so many varied interests, and I want to explore, but at the same time, I don't feel a particular pull of one thing over anything else. It's horrible. Everyone tells me that I will know when I find something that will make me happiest to work there for the rest of my life, and if I can't understand that then I just haven't found it yet. I don't believe it though. I could happily take any one path that I've found for myself, and I know I'd be satisfied and happy with them. But I feel a constant ache to not just settle for one thing. That it's being ....well, unlike me. I'm very passionate about multiple things. I don't want to take the hardest path when it isn't more rewarding than the others, but likewise, I don't want to take the easiest path, because it feels like I'd be a sell-out. Maybe I should set up an appointment for a counseling session to see if they can offer any insights. Heck, I'll do it right now. Augh. I need to go in to make an appointment to go on another occasion. *rolls eyes* This is ridiculous in many ways.
Oh well. As anyone can see, I'm not the best person to deal with right now, so I feel bad for all my friends, including bf. I keep having heavy thoughts, and there's no way to share them all when my throat is as painful as it's been lately, but at the same time, I want others to sort of instinctively understand me. It's not fair of me, and it's mean to them. I'm impatient, needy, clingy, withdrawing, obsessed with keeping my promises, and outright rude most times. I know this. But....damn. I don't know. I think I should offer a choice to my freinds and family. They can deal with the blunt me described above, or they can deal with me as I deal with strangers. Offer them my kind, un-obtrusive, courteous, soft, sweet with a touch of maturity side. They're both me, so I can't say one is fake over the other, but I feel like it notes the closeness I feel to my loved ones when I can be childish and selfish, and even bitchy. I shouldn't though. I should treasure them and treat them like royalty so they can see how much I treasure them..... *sigh* But that feels like I'd be putting them on a pedestal and not really communicating and loving them and allowing them to really love me in return. auuuuugh....WHY IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT?!?!??!!?
Funny AMV: (i guess....humor's not my strong point right now)
Hmmmm....
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Dude....Rozy.....
Your videos are.....fascinating......BTW, I've seen the blonde one before. As to your classes..... goooooooood job. I'm so proud of you. *sniff sniff* I raised you so well! *sniffle* *proud stance* **sniffle* NOT! You're awesome. Staying on top of things and still finding extracurriculars you like. Good deal.
For me, I've been.....well, busy. I work, I sleep, I eat, I work out and stay sore for multiple days, I run around helping roommates start their cars, I order tons of take-out food, and I am apparently self-absorbed. I feel like that sort of suits me, because I do talk about myself, and worry about what others see about myself a somewhat large amount of time, but still.....I feel like it doesn't suit me because I'm so much more concerned for others than myself. I talk about myself so much because I want deeper connections with others, and I want to feel that they can know me. But at the same time, I want to just be able to talk about me, and see their expressions. =__= I guess I AM self-absorbed. It's annoying but prolly true.The first step to fighting a battle is recognizing the enemy, right?
I've felt a bit of a distance with bf lately....not a bad one per se, but definitely worrisome to me. >.>.....I'm a worrywart....<.< I know that I've been a bit colder lately, but I've been waiting for him to either ask about it, or understand past that coldness. I'd like a bit of initiative to spend time together. I was shocked at how disoriented him not calling after he got off work yesterday made me. I was like 0_0....What? He hasn't called? He's not online? He's not picking up? He doesn't want me anymore????? Before I got ahold of myself. >.< It's ridiculous!!! I REFUSE to be so dependent/set in my ways/oooh, it's raining. OHHH!! It's raining HARD!! I wanna go play in it!!! OMGISH! i wanna go i wanna go i wanna go!!!kyaaaaah!!!! it's not going to last very long, is it? so sad.....nooooo don't esase up!!! i wonder if there's any youtube videos of it raining..... i wanna look it up, but i don't wanna look away from the rain in my sight currently. woooow the pavement is already soaked. Good thing I'm picking bf up at his place for our trip today instead of making hi mwalk to me. He would be sooooo mad if he has to walk back. Which reminds me....did he take his umbrelly with him when he left? i don't remem ber seeing it, but......anyways, So, everything before now was unedited, so you could see how i type when I'm distracted, and because, quite honestly, i'm lazy. BTW, kk, did you know that when you go to "pineappleunderthesea"'s blogspot, it's by Jane Doe, and totally blank except for "Loose lips sink ships" as its title? Awwww...the rain stopped....
Today I'm going home for a bit. My stepdad is having a cookout (I think the rain will disagree, but not me) with all of his freinds. And I need to pick up my last check from my summer job. Bf is going with me, and I'm taking boxes to my mommy. I hope she'll let me do my laundry there, and maybe she'll do my shirt that is beautiful except for a few sweat stains that I don't think I myself can get out. I really really really need to pee....but I still have 15 minutes til my relief comes. I should be in a pee-holding contest. I would totally win. After all that stuff, I'm coming home, hopefully spending time with bf, and then picking up RB and going to see TJ at a club. It's a straight club, my first real one. I don't think the country club I went to really counts as a regular club, nor a specifically 'straight' club. I hope my sis will let me borrow her halter top, so I can wear some jeans and be good to go. They need to invent shoes for females that look sexy, but still have steel-tipped toe covers for clubbing. You could say boots, but it's summer, and it's hot as hell in clubs, so I say NOOOOOO! Then I'll have to go to work again, and then have a meeting two hours after I get off of work! So I think that tomorrow I will just go to a coffee shop and chill until the meeting time, and then after that finally go to sleep. I keep biting the inside of my cheek, and I can hardly stand it! But I can't make myself stop, and it's really bad for me. I'm trying to memorize my kanji, but I fail....and also, I have hw due on Tuesday about "Adjectice + suru" and "~tehoshii" if anyone is familiar with these things. >.< Teach hasn't gone over them, but the hw is due at the beginning of class. I cry, so HARD!!!! I don't really wanna change my background, but it's past time I did.....I like it though, so I think I'll leave it for just a little bit longer. I'll find a cute AMV to post, and then I'll be done with this.
For me, I've been.....well, busy. I work, I sleep, I eat, I work out and stay sore for multiple days, I run around helping roommates start their cars, I order tons of take-out food, and I am apparently self-absorbed. I feel like that sort of suits me, because I do talk about myself, and worry about what others see about myself a somewhat large amount of time, but still.....I feel like it doesn't suit me because I'm so much more concerned for others than myself. I talk about myself so much because I want deeper connections with others, and I want to feel that they can know me. But at the same time, I want to just be able to talk about me, and see their expressions. =__= I guess I AM self-absorbed. It's annoying but prolly true.The first step to fighting a battle is recognizing the enemy, right?
I've felt a bit of a distance with bf lately....not a bad one per se, but definitely worrisome to me. >.>.....I'm a worrywart....<.< I know that I've been a bit colder lately, but I've been waiting for him to either ask about it, or understand past that coldness. I'd like a bit of initiative to spend time together. I was shocked at how disoriented him not calling after he got off work yesterday made me. I was like 0_0....What? He hasn't called? He's not online? He's not picking up? He doesn't want me anymore????? Before I got ahold of myself. >.< It's ridiculous!!! I REFUSE to be so dependent/set in my ways/oooh, it's raining. OHHH!! It's raining HARD!! I wanna go play in it!!! OMGISH! i wanna go i wanna go i wanna go!!!kyaaaaah!!!! it's not going to last very long, is it? so sad.....nooooo don't esase up!!! i wonder if there's any youtube videos of it raining..... i wanna look it up, but i don't wanna look away from the rain in my sight currently. woooow the pavement is already soaked. Good thing I'm picking bf up at his place for our trip today instead of making hi mwalk to me. He would be sooooo mad if he has to walk back. Which reminds me....did he take his umbrelly with him when he left? i don't remem ber seeing it, but......anyways, So, everything before now was unedited, so you could see how i type when I'm distracted, and because, quite honestly, i'm lazy. BTW, kk, did you know that when you go to "pineappleunderthesea"'s blogspot, it's by Jane Doe, and totally blank except for "Loose lips sink ships" as its title? Awwww...the rain stopped....
Today I'm going home for a bit. My stepdad is having a cookout (I think the rain will disagree, but not me) with all of his freinds. And I need to pick up my last check from my summer job. Bf is going with me, and I'm taking boxes to my mommy. I hope she'll let me do my laundry there, and maybe she'll do my shirt that is beautiful except for a few sweat stains that I don't think I myself can get out. I really really really need to pee....but I still have 15 minutes til my relief comes. I should be in a pee-holding contest. I would totally win. After all that stuff, I'm coming home, hopefully spending time with bf, and then picking up RB and going to see TJ at a club. It's a straight club, my first real one. I don't think the country club I went to really counts as a regular club, nor a specifically 'straight' club. I hope my sis will let me borrow her halter top, so I can wear some jeans and be good to go. They need to invent shoes for females that look sexy, but still have steel-tipped toe covers for clubbing. You could say boots, but it's summer, and it's hot as hell in clubs, so I say NOOOOOO! Then I'll have to go to work again, and then have a meeting two hours after I get off of work! So I think that tomorrow I will just go to a coffee shop and chill until the meeting time, and then after that finally go to sleep. I keep biting the inside of my cheek, and I can hardly stand it! But I can't make myself stop, and it's really bad for me. I'm trying to memorize my kanji, but I fail....and also, I have hw due on Tuesday about "Adjectice + suru" and "~tehoshii" if anyone is familiar with these things. >.< Teach hasn't gone over them, but the hw is due at the beginning of class. I cry, so HARD!!!! I don't really wanna change my background, but it's past time I did.....I like it though, so I think I'll leave it for just a little bit longer. I'll find a cute AMV to post, and then I'll be done with this.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Bending Arms and Taking notes
So, yesterday I wanted to go to a club and dance. Bf said he would go with me. Later that evening, around when it was a good time to go, bf said he didn't really want to go. I really wanted to go. I really didn't like the idea of going alone though. So I bent his arm, figuratively. I said Okay, but when he asked if that was okay, I was completely honest. I said no, that it wasn't okay, that I wanted to go clubbing. So he capitulated, agreed to go, even though he was already tired, not really dressed for it, and not in the mood. I was satisfied that I won, slightly impressed that he didn't put up more of a fight, and relieved that we didn't have to argue about it more. But I was also really upset with myself. It's true that I was completely honest, and that it's better to get my real feelings out, but I still felt like a total selfish bitch. I didn't like it. I didn't like myself about that. But then, today happened.
TJ asked me to pick him up from S&M along with one of his freinds so I did. I asked him to go clubbing with me and RB after i picked him up, and at first he agreed to. Then he called later, asked to be picked up later than we'd originally agreed, and then told me we'd discuss it after I picked him up. So we did, and he told me he didn't really wanna go to another gay club. What could I do? I smiled, told him it was fine, to have a good night, and that I'd see him later. I dropped him off after some confusion over where he lives. He invited me up, but I needed to get back, since RB's phone broke, so I had to say no. So I find myself completely torn.
On the one hand, I spoke my mind, but it was selfish and bratty. On the other hand, I held myself back, but ended up feeling disappointed and slightly upset over it. *sigh* To be a bitch, or to be let down. To be totally honest, or sensitive to others wants and wishes. Hard choice. *shrug* I guess it depends on the relationship. This makes me depressed.
TJ asked me to pick him up from S&M along with one of his freinds so I did. I asked him to go clubbing with me and RB after i picked him up, and at first he agreed to. Then he called later, asked to be picked up later than we'd originally agreed, and then told me we'd discuss it after I picked him up. So we did, and he told me he didn't really wanna go to another gay club. What could I do? I smiled, told him it was fine, to have a good night, and that I'd see him later. I dropped him off after some confusion over where he lives. He invited me up, but I needed to get back, since RB's phone broke, so I had to say no. So I find myself completely torn.
On the one hand, I spoke my mind, but it was selfish and bratty. On the other hand, I held myself back, but ended up feeling disappointed and slightly upset over it. *sigh* To be a bitch, or to be let down. To be totally honest, or sensitive to others wants and wishes. Hard choice. *shrug* I guess it depends on the relationship. This makes me depressed.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wow, it's been longer than I thought
I really need to do laundry. I mean really do.
I'm so out of shape it isn't funny. I've decided that Wednesday is going to be my 'workout' days, because I have a huge 4 hour block right after a PE class. I only hope bf will work out with me, but I think he probably will. Until then, I will suffer my muscle pains with very little dignity, lots of complaining, the occasional whimper, and tons of puppy dog eyes that plead for a massage. I feel sorry for my freinds. >:P
My new roommate, who was my senior sister at S&M and I are getting along pretty well. We have different sleep schedules and different work schedules, heck, we even have different class schedules, but somehow I feel like we can live together really peacefully. I like our door. It has amusing signs on it. I might get some good posters and such to hang up. Otherwise my walls are a little too plain. (Roommate, now to be referred to as RB for as long as I remember, has some posters up, but I don't yet) Classes, classes.....what to say....? Erm....
Yesterday I had two classes.
-The first was Self Defense, and it looks as though it is going to be a hell of a class. The instructor is nice, funny, open, strong, knowledgeable and very approachable, my favorite characteristics in a teacher. I think that class may become my favorite. Not really a surprise, but....
-The second one was Intro to Editing. It looks....somewhat difficult. But it also seems to be really interesting, and the instructor is very nice. There's a lot of work, but I want to be able to do everything! (Says the girl that hasn't done a lick of homework yet, while reading about how many assignments are gonna be coming up next week)
On Mondays I'll have a class between these two that is a counseling class, but I haven't had it yet, so I don't know much about it.
Today, I had four classes.
-Philosophy was so amazing!!!! The teacher doesn't mind when you argue with him!!! And oh did I argue. It really made my day to be able to start off with a class like that. He'll argue back, and even though I felt really bad about talking so much, I was just too happy about being able to hear others' thoughts about things. >///< I should behave better, but it makes me so happy to be able to discuss points and possibilities with others.
-After Philosophy (squee~!) I had Japanese. @__@ It's been a little bit too long since I had a Japanese class. I felt totally inadequate. But I also was not the only one. EVERYONE looked like "Oh shit..." and tried their best. I love when peeps try their best. ^///^ Our teacher has a slight accent that rolls all the syllables into one type of sound, so it's a little difficult to understand him a lot of the time and you have to pay close attention. HE TOOK MY KANJI FROM ME!! The kanji that Arisa-chan gave me....that I use for my name....he TOOK IT!!! He said it was incorrect, and then he also changed the katakana of my name. I didn't make my own, S-Sensei did!! I want my kanji back....;__; I wonder if he'll ever let me have them back?
-I then went to the wrong classroom for my history class. There were 5 of us, and we all went together to the right classroom, though none of us ended up sitting together. I had a seat free next to me, and a little afterward, a group of like 15 came in together. One girl came and sat with me, and she seemed interesting enough, but I wanted to try to hear with the teacher was saying, so I didn't talk much during class. She had japanese hirigana on her notes though, so i asked about it, and told her that i was designing my own major in japanese. We went out to a coffeehouse together because we got out of class at least 30 minutes early, and talked there. We exchanged AIMs, and names, and it seems like we'll get along rather well. I just hope I can recognize her next time. -.-
-After the coffeeshop experience, we separated and I went to Cultural Anthropology. My teacher, before I talked to her, before she spoke, seemed rather ....unfriendly. But once she got started, I wished that I had sat closer. Not only was the room too big for us to hear very well, she was interesting and clear about her explanations, and then it started raining. I'm rather excited about the class now, even though I wasn't before. She had a writing assignment for class, and you chose to write about American views on body fat, or views on the homeless. She totally cut straight into the meat of people's insecurities, sensitive subjects, etc. It impressed me a little.
After my last class, I thought bf was picking me up, so I hurried to use the restroom, and then ended up waiting for a long time. I called him twice, wondering if he was alright, wishing I had a physical copy of his schedule *hint hint* before I noticed that I still needed to turn in my form to be a Rape Hotline Advocate again this semester. >.> I'm not sure whether I really want to do it again, because it certainly makes me nervous, but I feel a little bit like I'm obligated to do it, if only because it scares me. So anyway, I went to turn that form in at the Women's Center and I met the Director of the Women's Center. She insisted I call her by her first name, which I stuttered out, and blushed, and dropped my eyes. Yes, I was thoroughly embarrassed about it. We had a huge in-depth discussion about the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule. For those not in the know (like i wasn't), the Platinum Rule is to treat others the way they want to be treated. It's really hard to know how they want to be treated though. I ended up going through an Allies to GLBT notebook, because of a random comment, discussing the suggestions and rules in it, before bf called. Turns out he's in class later than I am on these days. 0_0; But I wrapped up my conversation and went downstairs when he finally caught on that I had no idea where the coffee talk I wanted to go to was. ^__^ Heehee. He hugged me in the stairwell. Yay hugs~! Which reminds me. I got to see E today. He said I'd been avoiding him....it wasn't like that, it was simply that he doesn't show up on my list at ALL when he's away, and I think he's permanently away. ;__;
We went to the coffee talks, which weren't like I thought they'd be at all, and then got free pizza at a meeting for IRC. I think I'll be an At-Large Member, since I don't want to run against anyone for anything. I really wish bf would be a member too, since he's gonna get sucked into it anyway. He should get the credit he deserves for it, and it makes a good resume-builder. *pout* I hate advertising things like that. I'm just gonna stop now, cause I feel foolish.
After that, we went back to my place and played until he eventually ended up giving me a massage. Yays~! It made me really happy, and I was ready to pass out, but my roommate called and said she was stopping by Subway before she came home, but that she'd be back in a few minutes, so I told bf to take a hike (nicely, of course. ;)) and hopped into the shower. I took my shower in the dark. YAY! Then I got out, stayed up a little bit, but I honestly was really tired, and while I tried to wait for RB to be ready for bed, it wasn't happening, so I turned out the lights and layed out. My back has seriously been hurting though, so I groaned after just about every movement I made. Eventually I fell out, but I found that I was late for work! >.< So I rushed, while still trying to not wake RB (FAIL!) and it was just sad. There was a 15 minute lateness that I am now ashamed of. It's been a quiet shift, so I'm going back to my room and going to sleep as soon as I change my blogger layout.
I was gonna scold bf for not blogging, but then checked my own first and realized I had no right to say anything. It's been a busy week. ^_^; Eheh...
I like this song, but I'm really sure why...it seems like the type I would DISlike.
I'm so out of shape it isn't funny. I've decided that Wednesday is going to be my 'workout' days, because I have a huge 4 hour block right after a PE class. I only hope bf will work out with me, but I think he probably will. Until then, I will suffer my muscle pains with very little dignity, lots of complaining, the occasional whimper, and tons of puppy dog eyes that plead for a massage. I feel sorry for my freinds. >:P
My new roommate, who was my senior sister at S&M and I are getting along pretty well. We have different sleep schedules and different work schedules, heck, we even have different class schedules, but somehow I feel like we can live together really peacefully. I like our door. It has amusing signs on it. I might get some good posters and such to hang up. Otherwise my walls are a little too plain. (Roommate, now to be referred to as RB for as long as I remember, has some posters up, but I don't yet) Classes, classes.....what to say....? Erm....
Yesterday I had two classes.
-The first was Self Defense, and it looks as though it is going to be a hell of a class. The instructor is nice, funny, open, strong, knowledgeable and very approachable, my favorite characteristics in a teacher. I think that class may become my favorite. Not really a surprise, but....
-The second one was Intro to Editing. It looks....somewhat difficult. But it also seems to be really interesting, and the instructor is very nice. There's a lot of work, but I want to be able to do everything! (Says the girl that hasn't done a lick of homework yet, while reading about how many assignments are gonna be coming up next week)
On Mondays I'll have a class between these two that is a counseling class, but I haven't had it yet, so I don't know much about it.
Today, I had four classes.
-Philosophy was so amazing!!!! The teacher doesn't mind when you argue with him!!! And oh did I argue. It really made my day to be able to start off with a class like that. He'll argue back, and even though I felt really bad about talking so much, I was just too happy about being able to hear others' thoughts about things. >///< I should behave better, but it makes me so happy to be able to discuss points and possibilities with others.
-After Philosophy (squee~!) I had Japanese. @__@ It's been a little bit too long since I had a Japanese class. I felt totally inadequate. But I also was not the only one. EVERYONE looked like "Oh shit..." and tried their best. I love when peeps try their best. ^///^ Our teacher has a slight accent that rolls all the syllables into one type of sound, so it's a little difficult to understand him a lot of the time and you have to pay close attention. HE TOOK MY KANJI FROM ME!! The kanji that Arisa-chan gave me....that I use for my name....he TOOK IT!!! He said it was incorrect, and then he also changed the katakana of my name. I didn't make my own, S-Sensei did!! I want my kanji back....;__; I wonder if he'll ever let me have them back?
-I then went to the wrong classroom for my history class. There were 5 of us, and we all went together to the right classroom, though none of us ended up sitting together. I had a seat free next to me, and a little afterward, a group of like 15 came in together. One girl came and sat with me, and she seemed interesting enough, but I wanted to try to hear with the teacher was saying, so I didn't talk much during class. She had japanese hirigana on her notes though, so i asked about it, and told her that i was designing my own major in japanese. We went out to a coffeehouse together because we got out of class at least 30 minutes early, and talked there. We exchanged AIMs, and names, and it seems like we'll get along rather well. I just hope I can recognize her next time. -.-
-After the coffeeshop experience, we separated and I went to Cultural Anthropology. My teacher, before I talked to her, before she spoke, seemed rather ....unfriendly. But once she got started, I wished that I had sat closer. Not only was the room too big for us to hear very well, she was interesting and clear about her explanations, and then it started raining. I'm rather excited about the class now, even though I wasn't before. She had a writing assignment for class, and you chose to write about American views on body fat, or views on the homeless. She totally cut straight into the meat of people's insecurities, sensitive subjects, etc. It impressed me a little.
After my last class, I thought bf was picking me up, so I hurried to use the restroom, and then ended up waiting for a long time. I called him twice, wondering if he was alright, wishing I had a physical copy of his schedule *hint hint* before I noticed that I still needed to turn in my form to be a Rape Hotline Advocate again this semester. >.> I'm not sure whether I really want to do it again, because it certainly makes me nervous, but I feel a little bit like I'm obligated to do it, if only because it scares me. So anyway, I went to turn that form in at the Women's Center and I met the Director of the Women's Center. She insisted I call her by her first name, which I stuttered out, and blushed, and dropped my eyes. Yes, I was thoroughly embarrassed about it. We had a huge in-depth discussion about the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule. For those not in the know (like i wasn't), the Platinum Rule is to treat others the way they want to be treated. It's really hard to know how they want to be treated though. I ended up going through an Allies to GLBT notebook, because of a random comment, discussing the suggestions and rules in it, before bf called. Turns out he's in class later than I am on these days. 0_0; But I wrapped up my conversation and went downstairs when he finally caught on that I had no idea where the coffee talk I wanted to go to was. ^__^ Heehee. He hugged me in the stairwell. Yay hugs~! Which reminds me. I got to see E today. He said I'd been avoiding him....it wasn't like that, it was simply that he doesn't show up on my list at ALL when he's away, and I think he's permanently away. ;__;
We went to the coffee talks, which weren't like I thought they'd be at all, and then got free pizza at a meeting for IRC. I think I'll be an At-Large Member, since I don't want to run against anyone for anything. I really wish bf would be a member too, since he's gonna get sucked into it anyway. He should get the credit he deserves for it, and it makes a good resume-builder. *pout* I hate advertising things like that. I'm just gonna stop now, cause I feel foolish.
After that, we went back to my place and played until he eventually ended up giving me a massage. Yays~! It made me really happy, and I was ready to pass out, but my roommate called and said she was stopping by Subway before she came home, but that she'd be back in a few minutes, so I told bf to take a hike (nicely, of course. ;)) and hopped into the shower. I took my shower in the dark. YAY! Then I got out, stayed up a little bit, but I honestly was really tired, and while I tried to wait for RB to be ready for bed, it wasn't happening, so I turned out the lights and layed out. My back has seriously been hurting though, so I groaned after just about every movement I made. Eventually I fell out, but I found that I was late for work! >.< So I rushed, while still trying to not wake RB (FAIL!) and it was just sad. There was a 15 minute lateness that I am now ashamed of. It's been a quiet shift, so I'm going back to my room and going to sleep as soon as I change my blogger layout.
I was gonna scold bf for not blogging, but then checked my own first and realized I had no right to say anything. It's been a busy week. ^_^; Eheh...
I like this song, but I'm really sure why...it seems like the type I would DISlike.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Politics, Birds and Storms of the Heart
This is interesting.
My Political Views
I am a center-left social moderate
Left: 2.93, Authoritarian: 0.99
Political Spectrum Quiz
I don't know how accurate it is, but hey, I spent too long taking the quiz to just keep the results to myself. *shrug*
This is my first time working tonight. Right now. Oh yeah, babe. I'm working for that dollar right now. 4-8 am. I'm secretly dying, because I went to sleep at 10, and I have no idea when Bekah will be getting here today. @__@ I'm tired....but it's okay. I went to the bank today, and I have less than a hundred dollars left in my account. That was so scary I didn't know what to do. So for a while it's gonna be all work and no play. I finished the Constitution I needed to do, and I still need to work on my Application for Japanese Major (I know some ppl think I'm already registered to be one, but it just takes too long to explain that no, i'm still applying for it, and yes, i have every intention of majoring in japanese no matter what i have to do). I'll prolly devote most of my work time tomorrow to it. I have about an hour left and the sun is rising now. Of course, it's so cloudy that you can hardly tell. I love this weather. I signed up to cover someone's shift on Monday night from 12-4 am. *sigh* I'm so wonderful. Now I need to find out how OrgSync works and make an account there, so I can start getting involved in my JClub. I'm the VP, I need to be involved. I'm just too lazy normally to care without prodding. *sigh* I'm horrible. But I have anime to watch until my shift ends, so toodles~!
This was the best video YouTube had. I wonder why this song affects me so much when I'm so nonreligious....it bothers my peace of mind....
My Political Views
I am a center-left social moderate
Left: 2.93, Authoritarian: 0.99
Political Spectrum Quiz
I don't know how accurate it is, but hey, I spent too long taking the quiz to just keep the results to myself. *shrug*
This is my first time working tonight. Right now. Oh yeah, babe. I'm working for that dollar right now. 4-8 am. I'm secretly dying, because I went to sleep at 10, and I have no idea when Bekah will be getting here today. @__@ I'm tired....but it's okay. I went to the bank today, and I have less than a hundred dollars left in my account. That was so scary I didn't know what to do. So for a while it's gonna be all work and no play. I finished the Constitution I needed to do, and I still need to work on my Application for Japanese Major (I know some ppl think I'm already registered to be one, but it just takes too long to explain that no, i'm still applying for it, and yes, i have every intention of majoring in japanese no matter what i have to do). I'll prolly devote most of my work time tomorrow to it. I have about an hour left and the sun is rising now. Of course, it's so cloudy that you can hardly tell. I love this weather. I signed up to cover someone's shift on Monday night from 12-4 am. *sigh* I'm so wonderful. Now I need to find out how OrgSync works and make an account there, so I can start getting involved in my JClub. I'm the VP, I need to be involved. I'm just too lazy normally to care without prodding. *sigh* I'm horrible. But I have anime to watch until my shift ends, so toodles~!
This was the best video YouTube had. I wonder why this song affects me so much when I'm so nonreligious....it bothers my peace of mind....
Monday, August 10, 2009
Dedication
This is just a slight post, because I meant to post this....This is a song that I heard shortly after talking to bf today, and it suited my feelings so well that I was vastly amused.
heehee. I like your AMV, rozfire. Also, I hope that not everyone you meet smokes. And I'm glad you get along with your group!!! What group is this?
To kk: I meant to call you today about meeting up this week; you me and bf. Either way, bf or I (or maybe both) will call you.
I'm moving into my dorm room tomorrow and I'm on the schedule! Yay~! For three consequetive days, I work from 4 am - 8 am. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I figure I can go out and dance, and then come back and work for four hours, then crash. I don't have classes on Fridays after all. But I don't know. There's no telling with me. ^_^ I'm tired, Chay's waiting, so I'm just going to sleep now. G'night everyone~!
heehee. I like your AMV, rozfire. Also, I hope that not everyone you meet smokes. And I'm glad you get along with your group!!! What group is this?
To kk: I meant to call you today about meeting up this week; you me and bf. Either way, bf or I (or maybe both) will call you.
I'm moving into my dorm room tomorrow and I'm on the schedule! Yay~! For three consequetive days, I work from 4 am - 8 am. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I figure I can go out and dance, and then come back and work for four hours, then crash. I don't have classes on Fridays after all. But I don't know. There's no telling with me. ^_^ I'm tired, Chay's waiting, so I'm just going to sleep now. G'night everyone~!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
So, I'm.....dangerous
In this really "What the fuck? I can feel myself not thinking!" way, to the point that I should scare myself, and sometimes I get a slight crackle of fear, but for the most part, I'm just "What the hell...may as well...." =___=;;; Wonder if I'm gonna be one of those teens that took a turn too fast and somehow died....I always wonder how you take one too fast if you're in control of the car, but I know firsthand just how easily you can lose control. I wanna try being a race car driver sometime... it'd be interesting.
Thanks Rozy, for the bloggage. No, I haven't finished your anime yet.....*cries* I'm working everyday, including Saturday! Over at Ramsey on Saturday, Owen on Thursday, and Raeford on Friday!!! I'm everywhere! It's ridiculous. I wake up in the morning and BEG myself to take a nap after work when I get home. When I first wake up. I really do. Then I end up staying up way too late trying to stay connected to the few freinds that haven't given me up. *siiiigh* I'm a horrible freind. Long-distance-wise, definitely. I recognize that about myself. I accept it. I just can't convince everyone ELSE until they experience it firsthand! Auuuuugh.
Sorry, Maya got lonely and demanded attention for a minute. Her kittens are adorable, but they're taking a lot out of me....I wake up at night to adjust them so they'll stop fighting over tits. It's silly. BTW, they have taken residence up on my trundle bed. I can't for the life of me figure out why that's a 'safe' place for Maya.....I have to count the kittens everytime I come home to find out if I need to look on the ground for kittens that fell off the bed. The kittens huddle towards warmth, so they do like my warmness, but they still don't like being held all that much. I'm getting them used to it.....slowly....and painfully....for me.....
I just got a financial aid status thing that says I can't get my Grant from S&M until I turn in a ridiculous amount of documents because my parents GAVE UP on doing it in the middle. From the look of it, they actually gave up after the first document...There's 7 more, and I'm doomed.....*cries*
Looks like school really is getting back into session soon. I'm scared. I'm very scared. ;__;....I don't even know how I'm gonna handle VP of the Japan Club, let alone any IRC position, considering I need a job DESPERATELY this school year, and I won't even get to see my sweetie for most of the week! >.< I haven't heard from E in FOREVER! I miss him. And I wanna hang with kk a little bit before we all go to college and don't see each other for a long time again. But she's going on a trip....call me when you get baaaack!!
Kitties just huddled around me.....O_O.....Maya went for food, that's prolly why...but it was still surprising.
Augh. My nephew has been fake crying for two hours so he could wake his friend up, turn his game on, and then eventually because i wouldn't let him watch TV and wake his freind up after he deliberately broke the rules. My head aches so bad, I just wanna go to bed. I've been trying, but he upset himself enough to make him really cry, so he became unconsolable. I would have let him cry til he cried himself out, but Mom came and interfered. Tch. Oh well. Hopefully she won't let him turn his TV on. It's right near my head, and makes this incredibly high-pitched squeaky noise the entire time that hardly anyone else hears. I'm only reporting this because I remembered I forgot to post the blog I wrote a while ago.
Thanks Rozy, for the bloggage. No, I haven't finished your anime yet.....*cries* I'm working everyday, including Saturday! Over at Ramsey on Saturday, Owen on Thursday, and Raeford on Friday!!! I'm everywhere! It's ridiculous. I wake up in the morning and BEG myself to take a nap after work when I get home. When I first wake up. I really do. Then I end up staying up way too late trying to stay connected to the few freinds that haven't given me up. *siiiigh* I'm a horrible freind. Long-distance-wise, definitely. I recognize that about myself. I accept it. I just can't convince everyone ELSE until they experience it firsthand! Auuuuugh.
Sorry, Maya got lonely and demanded attention for a minute. Her kittens are adorable, but they're taking a lot out of me....I wake up at night to adjust them so they'll stop fighting over tits. It's silly. BTW, they have taken residence up on my trundle bed. I can't for the life of me figure out why that's a 'safe' place for Maya.....I have to count the kittens everytime I come home to find out if I need to look on the ground for kittens that fell off the bed. The kittens huddle towards warmth, so they do like my warmness, but they still don't like being held all that much. I'm getting them used to it.....slowly....and painfully....for me.....
I just got a financial aid status thing that says I can't get my Grant from S&M until I turn in a ridiculous amount of documents because my parents GAVE UP on doing it in the middle. From the look of it, they actually gave up after the first document...There's 7 more, and I'm doomed.....*cries*
Looks like school really is getting back into session soon. I'm scared. I'm very scared. ;__;....I don't even know how I'm gonna handle VP of the Japan Club, let alone any IRC position, considering I need a job DESPERATELY this school year, and I won't even get to see my sweetie for most of the week! >.< I haven't heard from E in FOREVER! I miss him. And I wanna hang with kk a little bit before we all go to college and don't see each other for a long time again. But she's going on a trip....call me when you get baaaack!!
Kitties just huddled around me.....O_O.....Maya went for food, that's prolly why...but it was still surprising.
Augh. My nephew has been fake crying for two hours so he could wake his friend up, turn his game on, and then eventually because i wouldn't let him watch TV and wake his freind up after he deliberately broke the rules. My head aches so bad, I just wanna go to bed. I've been trying, but he upset himself enough to make him really cry, so he became unconsolable. I would have let him cry til he cried himself out, but Mom came and interfered. Tch. Oh well. Hopefully she won't let him turn his TV on. It's right near my head, and makes this incredibly high-pitched squeaky noise the entire time that hardly anyone else hears. I'm only reporting this because I remembered I forgot to post the blog I wrote a while ago.
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