And that does not make me suicidal. Let me make that clear here. I am not courting death, doing dangerous things with death in mind, or wishing for death to come and take me. I am waiting for death, but I refuse to idly play with my thumbs in the meanwhile. I am here, therefore I have some purpose or at least something interesting I could be doing. I really do wanna know what death would be like though. Ahhh....I'm really looking forward to it~! How I die doesn't really matter... I just hope it's not long and drawn out over months and months. *shrug* But knowing fate, that's exactly how I'll die. ^///^
Okay, so I'll start by saying, Collegekid's earnest blog post made me think of morality, which led to life-or-death situations. When thinking of these, I thought about how most people would choose to keep their lives over keeping their morality. Personally, I would like to keep my morality more, which led me to thinking of how I do not fear death. I'm too curious to really fear it. Because really. 1. It's inevitable. 2. Everyone does it eventually. 3. Fearing it gives others power over you. 4. There's nothing to be done about your afterlife in this life. Why think/worry/fear it?
Okay, next is something completely irrelevant: The video I MEANT to post last time:
Okay, with that done, lets talk about death and morality!
So I was talking to bf, and he told me some reasons why he fears dying.
"because i dont know what will happen. will it hurt? will it be nothingness? is there really a heaven and hell? is there a God who will judge me, or are my actions arbitrary to the universe? how does it feel to cease to exist? all of these answered questions scare me."
There's nothing to be done about the afterlife, if you don't know what that judge is looking for. Will it hurt? Does it hurt now? If it doesn't hurt now, and you don't really KNOW it's gonna hurt later, why worry about it? If it's nothingness, you yourself will become nothing, and I can't imagine that HURTING, just something like you fading out of consciousness. It doesn't hurt to go to sleep, right? I can't make heaven let me in. And if I go to hell, I'm gonna DESERVE it, ya hear? I judge me, worse than anyone else does. If I can comfort and approve of myself, even to the point of liking myself, what ELSE can I POSSIBLY do? Nothing really, so I may as well live my life like I'm gonna die soon. Which means:
I'll take chances that I want to take. Do what I want to do. Ride that bull, cause I never know if I'm gonna have the opportunity to ride it again. Help others, so that maybe someone will help me. Do what feels right so that I can live with myself. Be who I want to be, so that I won't be ashamed to say my name and look others in the eye. I may look to others for approval, but that doesn't define me. It just fine-tunes who I am so that I can coincide with the people that the most important to me. If I ask someone else about myself, it's because I want their opinion. I want to know if my actions are a hindrance, because some actions aren't worth doing at the expense of losing or annoying someone I care about. It's not being hypocritical. Everyone I ever meet helps to define who I am. I take the mold, I shape it and give it life, but others are the ones that help me put details on my creation. I may give myself eyes, but others put the sparkle there. Others tell me whether I'll like the big pupil or the thin pupil more. (That's all an example, not a literal thing)
These are all my opinions and beliefs, and I would honestly LOVE to discuss them with all of you. Please chime in. Do you think I'm wrong to not believe in a God or Deity that I cannot find proof for? Is it wrong to live only to satisfy myself and those that I care about? Isn't it great to live my life without fearing death or what death will mean?
That reminds me. All of you (I hope) know about my car wreck this past summer. That event, cliche as it sounds, cemented these ideas that had been wandering my mind for years. I really thought I was gonna die. And I was fine with it. I had only one regret. And really, it was more of an "Damn...I looked forward to doing that all this time, and now I never will...talk about unfair..." thing than a serious "Oh, please forgive me for never ____" Thing. It may just be me, but when I thought I would die, all the bad things I feel that I SHOULD be ashamed for didn't run through my mind. I wasn't scared. I was amazed. It was so cool to watch the windshield crack. It was amazing to think that I never had to live another day as me. Yeah, somewhat unflattering, but I wasn't sad to leave my life. I was a little bit worried about leaving everyone behind, but they would all come after me at some point. *shrug* It's not like I would wanna drag anyone else into death with me. I'd hate to be responsible for taking someone's life away prematurely. Because you never know what tomorrow will be like.... I can't honestly tell you tomorrow will be better. No one worth a lick of honesty can. But I can tell you that if you look around every day you'll see an amazing array of new things, new people, new relations, and you'll be glad you looked. Or sad. But those sad times make the happy ones all the better, because then you know how harsh things can be, and you can rejoice that there is still joy to be had. Good things still exist, even in the face of hardship. That just makes them better, that they could bloom in such adversity. I wanna do my part to improve a bad situation or make something good bloom. ^///^ Comments? Questions? Opinions? Thoughts? I'll gladly accept them all.
6 comments:
I think it is good to only accept things that have proof behind them. Science, logic, and reasoning encourage that. As a man of science, I am accustomed to that way of thinking. But it only gets you so far. I believe you when you say you are content in living only for yourself and the ones you love.
But I feel that your way of living may be neglecting one aspect of life that I think of as important. In essence, it is the meaning of life. Why are we put on this earth? Were we really caused by some random chemical reactions from the Big Bang? Are we really just some advanced type of monkey? Is evolution the sole cause of our (so far unique) self-conciousness, morality, and ability to plan for the future? Or is there an intelligent designer god somewhere who had planned all of this out? Are we really a means to an end or is there no end to begin with? I suppose that your goal of satisfying yourself and others is good, but I am looking for something that goes beyond that. Why are we so unique on this planet and yet claim to not have a purpose beyond the present? Have you considered such questions? What do you think about them? Could religion possibly have answers to these questions, even if there is no absolute proof behind them?
I've considered them all. All of your questions are rather mundane at this point. Of course I've wondered WHY I was born, WHY my life IS as it is, HOW it is that we're here, and the only logical thing I can think of is, "What the hell am I gonna learn by trying to answer those questions?" It seems like a case of "Can't see the forest for the trees". I don't mean to be insulting, but hundreds of years of human inquisition hasn't given us a clear, 100% applicable answer. Each person's reason for existing is their own. I think it's unique to them. My reason for existing is to do anything and everything I can, and to be a tower or pillar of support for anyone that needs me. That's the answer I've found. I'm here because I wanted to be, and because I want to be useful to those that I have met and learned to love. I have my answer, and it may not satisfy your questions, but I've found that wondering about inconsolable things has only ever brought more questions and confusion. If you have answers to them, I'll listen, but I don't believe there's a 'cure-all' answer to them. I think it's an individual based question with no right or wrong answer. How did I get here? I must have wished for it. I'm too willful to have listened to someone's orders for me to come here. What will I do? Whatever I feel is right. *shrug* Really, it's all I can do.
And now for the really offensive part. Religion: It is a cult for the weak-willed or weak-minded that cannot face the idea of death without some illusory lie about it not being bad. It is a cult that imposes ideals and morals that may or may not be moral or just at all, in the hopes of imposing some order on a society. Lemme take a breath and try to restart that. Religion is a security blanket for those that are scared of the unknown, created by others that wish to have power or some type of control over other people in the hopes of either helping to ease their minds or gaining something from those people. I'm not saying they're all sinister. I'm merely saying it limits people and constricts their imagination and abilities to find their own answer to life's questions. Alright. Attack me on the religion front if you'd like, but be somewhat kind to my personal answers to my existence.
Really. I'm disappointed in your answer. I felt like your responses were mature, considerate, and well reasoned up until that one.
I think that your response can basically be summed up as "Well, I can't figure this out, so it must not be important enough for me to waste my time contemplating." Really? I wasn't asking you to have an instantaneous answer to every question I asked. You're right that we don't have solid answers. But to say that we shouldn't pursue such answers or even contemplate them is somewhat contrary to how new knowledge is formed. What would have happened if Newton had said, "Damn, I don't know how that apple falls from that tree. It must not be important." What would have happened if Ben Franklin said, "I give up. I have no idea how electricity works." I'll tell you what would have happened. We would never gain new knowledge. So I do not think such questions are pointless, even if we never get concrete answers. It is by exploring the world and being naturally curious that we are able to gain more knowledge and use it to better human life, whether it is science, religion, or anything else.
You can think whatever you want to about religion. It just makes me wonder what you really think of me since I am technically part of such a church. That I am deluded into keeping this security blanket because I can't handle death without it.
If anything, your apathetic attitude towards the questions of life is more constricting to finding the answers than religion will ever be.
Egh. Okay, Religion concerning you. It's a part of you that I have no real wish to intrude upon, because I don't want to offend or ruin the peace of mind you get from it. I don't think much of anything about your religious involvement, except the occasional "Gaaaahhh...I don't get it!!!" *shrug*
As to your disappointment in my answer, I told you it's individually based. I can only tell you some of my reasons for existing. My idea of why I exist. I believe I asked to exist here. I believe that whatever I do here, it will overall be a good thing in some small part that may impact a larger thing in a larger part until the world is somehow affected by me. But if not, I'm content to effect my loved ones in a positive way. I don't need to leave an imprint on the world. Only on a few people's hearts. I don't strive to be famous after my death. That's for people that wish to 'live on in others' memories' and I really don't care much. Honestly, I just hope my death isn't painful for anyone. But living without interacting and loving others is too painful for me, so that's my own selfishness. I want playmates while I live, and I want peace for those playmates in my death.
I don't think my answers constrict me or my views at all. I'm always open to others ideas, and it's one of the reasons I love philosophy classes. I may not agree with you, but I certainly want to hear all sorts of ideas. I feel like my answers give me wings to fly, glide, or drop in the sky of existence. *shrug* ^_^
What's the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? That's EASY! Why it's 42 of course! Phew, I thought this was going to be hard. So where's my cookie?
Okay, Okay, maybe 42 isn't the answer to everything, just almost everything. In terms of death and all that jazz, the reason people fear it is because it is the ultimate unknown. I just think the best way to live is to live a life with no regrets. But do I fear death? Of course! That's the reason I'm such a bore to be around. I want to live as long as possible because how the heck can I expect to take over the world if I die young? Yeah, I know I probably won't take over the world in my lifetime ... I'll just take over most of it. :)
As for the religion aspect, speaking as someone who is kinda sorta in the religion gig, but not really, religion means quite a bit more than just a cult. (although there are definitely some cult religions out there)Even though I'm not really all that religious at the moment, religion oftentimes gives people a sense of community and togetherness that they wouldn't have separately. It's sort of a common ground for people to have in common with each other. True it can also lead to some really nasty disputes, but it's not like people without religion are all that more friendly.
But I think that the most important part of religion is the implementation of the morals (you know those really annoying speeches our parents keep wanting to give us). I also understand that a lot of this is using the afterlife as scare tactics to get people to act good in this life so that they can have paradise in the next. I guess this is the part where your personal opinion comes into play. If you believe that humans are naturally good creatures that are looking out for each other, then religion really isn't all that necessary, because the scare tactics really aren't necessary and all religion will be doing is pretty much providing comfort. However, if you believe that mankind is naturally evil SOBs that are more concerned with looking out for number one than anybody else, than that religion is quite necessary to make sure that people have some sort of higher fear so that they don't just go around killing all the people that look at them wrong. Since I lean more towards the latter, I do believe that the fear and comfort provided by religion is pretty necessary. And besides let's face it Runa, if we hold the entire planet to your standards 99% of humankind is weak (me included). But you know what? I'm cool with being weak! Heck I've pretty much lived my entire life as a creampuff, so what else is new? But that's my two cents. Later! :)
I love you Rozy. And I'm weak too, by my own standards. *shrug* It's not an insult, just an admission of self-knowledge. I think Rozy has some really interesting insights. I didn't really think about the community thing, and it's true the humans are inherently lonely and seeking companionship.
I also think it's a good point about how we think humans are inherently. I personally believe they're blank sheets, shaped by social circumstances and family. But if you assume that people are inherently 'bad' and selfish, you're realistic. If you assume they are good, you're overly optimistic. Its a good point, and something I'm glad you brought to my attention. I like to believe the best until I'm proved wrong, but realistically, I should believe the worst until they're proven to be okay. Heh. In some ways my view on the world is unnaturally optimistic, and in other ways, it's crueler and more harsh than some of the most inhumane. Oh well. ^_^ Makes me me, I guess. lol
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