So it turns out....

Our appointment wasn't canceled, but no one told us that, so we missed it. Thankfully, when I called later that morning, they were able to get her in today, but that meant we had to leave Hubby at his work for an extra.....3 hours. At least one hour of that was traffic. I utterly detest and loathe this city. The traffic, the heat, the noise, the bad neighbors, the dangerous situations and the general feeling of being cramped and bogged down just bothers the shit out of me. 

Anyway, poor Hubby was left all by his lonesome, while I was stuck with a bored MJ that didn't want to do her homework properly, so I made her go above and beyond what was asked of her. 

I have a fun situation at home. I think Hubby resents MJ for taking me away from him and making our home life somewhat crazy. Meanwhile, I think MJ resents Hubby for taking me away from her, and making me pay attention to more than just her. So they both tend to ignore each other, act cautiously around each other, or have simple, gentle, impersonal interactions that leave me feeling like an outsider because I'm so intimate with the two of them, and to have them so impersonal with each other is alienating. 

The Pediatrician's office is super interesting. It's in the exact same place where I had surgery and physical therapy. And the office has all sorts of cool things that kids should like, but since it was designed by an adult (I'm not sure why it's so obvious to me, but it is) the kids are only moderately interested. MJ decided it was the perfect time to ask me tons of questions while I was trying to answer the receptionist/nurse/doctor. 

MJ has decided that now that she's learning sign language (one of her classmates is deaf), that I should obviously know it too, and she's been mouthing stuff to me like i would understand that. It frustrates me and makes me want to mouth nonsense back to watch the confusion spread.

Augh. Everytime I rub my eyes with my hands, my eyes start itching and watering. I guess I need another shower.... Hmph.

I'm tired, and have been for days. (TMI WARNING) I've been on my period for a really long time now. At least a week, and it's draining (haha....terrible pun, sorry) me dry. Interestingly enough, almost all the females at my job have synchronized their periods now. Someone read up on it, and said that sharing clothing hastens the process. So if you don't wanna synch with someone, don't share your clothing!! 

I wanna start doing yoga or something. I've begun developing tendonitis in my quad muscles (near the knees) and it's nearly debilitating. I have also somehow gotten Sciatica in my left lowerback/butt/hamstrings. Damnit. I don't want these things!! Interestingly enough, when Hubby rubs my butt, he eases the Sciatica pain. 

I'm really bothered that none of my clients have ever written a yelp review about me. On the one hand, half of the reviews for one coworker are bad, but on the other, one coworker has a shit ton of reviews, and always gets booked more. I would like to be recommended by my clients, but I'm way too shy to be like 'hey, if you liked this, you should yelp about it.' I think that takes away from the overall experience. I suppose I'll suck it up and ask sometime though. 

I've made appointments for MJ to have therapy next week, and an eye check on Thursday. There was some miscommunication with the therapist, but I'm very excited to have MJ meet her and have someone to discuss her issues with. I really like this therapist, and feel that she will be very helpful. 

We still have to find a psychiatrist to take MJ to so we can find out if she can be eased off of one of her more harmful medications or if she really needs it to maintain her mood stability. I don't think it doesn't enough, since she's has asked me for a mood ring 'so she can know what she's feeling'. I have one, and will give it to her when I feel she has earned it, but I really think there's an issue that keeps cropping up.

She doesn't earn anything. Like, she isn't exceptionally bad, and she isn't purposely mean to us, but she also doesn't seem to want to cooperate with our family very much, and says that 'we don't want her to be herself'. There may be some truth to that, so I'm hesitant to say anything back to her about it. I mean, we really don't want her to act out, or say mean things, or do stupid shit like punch the ground. But I'm also hesitant to agree that those things make up who she is. I might ask her to draw herself as she sees herself, and write a big list of what makes her .....her. I’m really unsure how to go about helping her shape her self-image, but I think she needs it.

Another thing worth mentioning is that she’s seriously beginning to doubt the Christianity hype. She said before she came to live with me, she believed and said (quite adamantly) that she hated anyone that wasn’t Christian. Now that she knows me, and knows that I’m a good person, despite not being Christian (rolls eyes) she’s had to amend her thinking to ‘I hate people that aren’t Christian and do really bad things like rape and hurt people’. I asked her ‘So you don’t hate Christians that hurt and rape people?’ and she said ‘No. Because I know that they’ll ask God for forgiveness, and he’ll forgive them, so I don’t hate them.’ And I had to ask…. ‘So you’ll forgive them because you think God will?’ and she said ‘Yes.’ This way of thinking is so very foreign to me that I couldn’t find a good response, so I simply said ‘I can’t agree with your belief. I think it’s wrong.’ And she said ‘Well, maybe I’ll change.’ And I said ‘I can only hope so. But it’s your belief and I can’t make you change that.’

The things this kid believes and says sometimes just defies reality to such an extent that I’m lost. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.