I really want to tell the guy I agreed to tutor in Japanese this. I'm just not interested in the stomach twisting, crazy mind-reading-necessary tasks, and I'm very unhappy being pointed to as the 'reason all goes wrong'. I don't think he's a bad guy, but I genuinely don't want to deal with him anymore. And not his 'old' personal assistant either. I feel like she's deriding my every decision. I'm new at this, and I thought I was doing a really good job, especially considering I was dropped into it with no real instruction.
I just want to get it all over with. I tense up every time my inbox records a new message, and my stomach clenches every time I see it's an email from either of them. Most of them are criticisms, and I just end up trying to defend myself. I'm not even gonna get paid for last week's (week four) work because 'he didn't ask for it'. I haven't been paid for week two or three yet, despite repeated appeals for it. And believe me, asking for money is nerve-wracking for me. I really want the confidence to bluntly require it, but I just don't have that aggressiveness. The only reason I've been able to ask for it more than once now is because its over $500 dollars, and that would really help us move.
Oh yeah. We're moving. Back to NC if Hubbykins doesn't get offered something better before then. It's the whole reason I took this job on. I was like 'Ooh, extra money to help us move!' and now I haven't been paid in so long I'm like 'Fuck it. I want the money, but not the recriminations. Just fuck it.' But I'm still holding on because Hubby is super worried about the cost of moving and I want to help as much as I can. >__< I'm not saying I'm not worried, but I do have confidence it'll work out.
I got my NC massage license application in the mail today. So I need to fill it out and send it back pronto so i'll have my license by the time we move back. They require 2 months to process the application.
I was gonna write a lot more, but we need to get to bed. Love you all!
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