Two Weeks

I noticed when rereading my blog post on Tuesday, that I didn't mention that management had made an error that left me without any support on Tuesday, with 20 Work orders, and 15 due that day. It was my breaking point.

So tomorrow I'll be putting in my two weeks notice, via letter/email to management. I still really really want to just say 'efffective immediately, I am resigning.' but Hubbikins disapproves of this, and I know they might need help getting FB sorted before I go. On the other hand, I've apparently screwed up fairly badly with two work orders that is basically leaving me looking like a stupid filthy dog (or at least thats how I'm being treated). They're costly mistakes too, that makes me very upset on behalf of my company, and vaguely resentful towards my client for putting me in this position, because it's basically 'Oh we didn't notice it either until now, but you should have. Since you didn't, you dish out the $6,000 it's gonna take to fix it!' *Grimace*

I don't like leaving on a bad note like this, I wish I could leave as a successful, useful member of the staff, but it's more and more likely they're going to take what knowledge I can offer and then just tell me to leave. At this point, finishing there any day before the 24th is going to be taken as a victory, even if it's a sour, 'get the hell out' situation.

I'm trying to arrange things so that future Team Members for my client have all the resources that I didn't. It takes a bit of planning, honestly, and with my client keeping us above 100 active work orders, it's a little difficult to find time to do it. I do however feel that the more resources they're able to find, the more successful the company will be able to continue to be in the end.

Oh, here's my letter, if anyone has any critiques, please let me know ASAP so I can make them before I send it tomorrow before I head in to work.

To Whom It May Concern,

I, Runa, am tendering my Two Weeks Notice effective 6/11/2016 to Company Name. I have had the great opportunity to learn and grow with this company for the last several months, and while I have enjoyed my time here, I feel it is time for me to explore my horizons in a new field. I have learned so much about Property Preservation thanks to your time and efforts, and I am very thankful for the experience but I feel that I am beginning to stagnate as an employee, and am no longer performing my best work. Rather than give less than my very best effort, I would prefer to end my employment while I am able to give my all.

I am humbly grateful to everyone at Company for the patience, attention, and positive attitudes they have displayed towards my endless curiosity and questions.I came into this position with zero knowledge of what an HVAC is, why water stains are bad, or even how to effectively eradicate mold to a Governmental standard. My current knowledge level is entirely due to the willingness of the staff and management at CPR to check over my bids, identify strange objects in photos, and answering sometimes impertinent or even stupid questions. 

Thank you for the experience, and I wish you all the best in the future. May your company continue to grow until it reaches across the nation and is held up as the pinnacle of professional property preservation. Thank you for your time.

Runa

A lot of my sentences are tongue in cheek sarcasm, actually, as I rarely found support, patience, positive attitudes, or attention unless I fought for it. Many of my mistakes were because someone higher up didn't have time to answer my questions, and the answers had to be given on a timeline that they did not adhere to. Still, I am trying to end it on a positive note. How uncouth would it be to give my two weeks and maybe come in for a day or two and then just stop before the two weeks is up? Really. Because I get the feeling it is either going to be a bittersweet experience, or very bitter, trying, and caustic. I'm nervous. But I'm elated at the idea that I might not have to return to them again. 

So, my Auntie Died last night.

She was really getting on in years. I cried immediately when my mom told me, and though I'm sad, it's not the consuming grief that I felt when Granma died. She died in her sleep, which helps, cause at her age, that's honestly prolly the best way to go.

I've been thinking about it off and on today, and in the shower I realized she was prolly my favorite Aunt. I've always wanted to make her proud of me, and I've always enjoyed visiting with her. It's sad that she's gone, but her mind was already going, so I'm glad she's not unhappy anymore, and maybe she's walking where she is now.

On a less bad note: We visited a duplex today. Rent was $825, but there was some tiny bugs, a broken window pane, and the bathroom downstairs was super tiny. I liked it, but Hubby didn't really. We all rated it at 1 to 10, with 10 being 'Sign me up now!' and it got a combined score of 19, so it didn't pass at ~65%.

That's all.

Depressing thoughts

Hello dears. It's been a while since I've posted. I'm close to the thing that makes me a fertile woman, and it's caused me to have some rather depressing thoughts, like how overweight I am, how ugly, how lazy and useless, and how horrible in general I am. I don't know if anyone gets this experience once a month, where you self-hate for nearly a week, but I am *not* enjoying it.

Even as I'm having the thoughts, I combat it with 'I'm overweight, but I'm very healthy. My well-check showed my only issue is a lack of good cholesterol, and everything else is actually really good.' or 'Well, maybe I'm not pretty to me, but Hubby thinks I'm beautiful. That means I have to be at least a little attractive.' or 'I work really hard at two jobs, and I still try to do things with my family, instead of collapsing and sleeping whenever I'm at home.' or 'I'm useful! I can do lots of things others can't.' or 'I'm sadistic and mean, that's true, but I'm still a pretty good person overall.' but even as I'm combatting it, my mood just sinks lower and lower.

It's depressing. In other news, the munchkin is taking on more and more of our mannerisms, and it's kinda fun to watch. She'll open her mouth and Hubby Jr or Runa Jr will pop out and shock us. It's fun to see what she 'catches' from us.

I feel like I'm getting a little overwhelmed working two jobs, and I'm thinking of trying to switch to a bank job that's still doing preservation work (since I've gotten all trained up, after all). I think they would offer comparable pay, and i'd be able to see my job from the opposite side, and they'd prolly not work me as hard, and have more days off and more reasonable expectations of 'working at home'.

Unfortunately, I don't see myself quitting until the owners come back, and they'll be gone for nearly a month. I'm not sure why, but there's rumors of the Head Man getting sick, so maybe that's it. On the plus side, they gave me a second dependable minion to chuck work onto (not really, she's just very dependable, and she's on thin ice since she caused a $20,000 mistake, so I have to check over all of her work). On the minus side, my client tried to make us install an HVAC for free (at our own cost) because 'we didn't report it missing on the damages report' but I did report it was missing. I didn't bid to replace all the appliances, why would I bid to replace the HVAC, especially when it's out of my crew's scope? Doesn't make sense, so I am disputing it, and I hope I win, because damn it, that's like $6,000 to complete. I reeeaaaally don't want to deal with that.

Hm. I could talk about how we're trying to find a new place to live, and stopped by an apartment place that was pretty nice, but a little expensive, and the homes were little lame and the windows were kinda scary, but overall it wasn't a bad place, but I don't really wanna. Teehee. Talk to you later.

It's our Anniversary today.

And since we didn't plan to celebrate it (something about year four just seems kinda lackluster), neither of us got the other gifts. Instead we went on a Vacation with my company this weekend to North Myrtle Beach. It was fun. Lots of swimming, free food, unwanted alcohol, and child being her normal whiny bitch self. We went to a store called 'Break Out' where we attempted to get out before the serial killer caught us. We all died. It was super convoluted. Lol.              

Anyway, I'm actually posting because I got another letter from the Past Runa. I just wanted to share, because it was a great letter to receive. Thanks for reading!

Dear Future Runa,

The last letter was unexpectedly fun to read, so I have high hopes. It's our 3rd year anniversary today, and I just got my job scaled back for kinda being incompetent, though I followed normal procedure, so don't think it's entirely my fault.
MJ lives with us, and wants us to be Mom and Dad, but still refers to us as Auntie and Reb. Has that changed? How is she? Please tell me she's not pregnant....
Speaking of, are you pregnant yet? Or is it still not a good time? The condom slipped off today, so maybe I'm getting pregnant right now? I guess you'll know much better than me.
Cin is in Jail, and expecting to get out at the end of July. Did she? What is she doing now? Have you been able to arrange visits between her and MJ?
Maya is still a whiny kitty, and I can't wait to get a house that she can be an indoor outdoor cat in. And I can't wait to move out of Austin. There's nothing here worth staying for, we're just waiting for somewhere worth leaving for.
Is your heel fixed? I'm getting a lot of flak for having that 'cut' on the bottom of my foot, but I can't exactly help it, can I? I visit the doctor on Monday to see if s/he can get it fixed up. I hope so.
Don't stress yourself out, and don't worry too much. I know it can be hard, but you're a naturally positive person. You love deeply, you feel strongly, and you're logical to a fault. You deserve every good thing that's happened to you, and all the bad are just ways to make you stronger and give you a wider range of experiences. Understand and admit when you're wrong, but don't beat yourself up more than you need to either. You're beautiful, sweet, intelligent, and earnest. Fuck the other people (besides Hubby and MJ and Maya). Well okay, you should only be fucking Hubby, but you know what I meant by that.
I love you, Future Runa, just as I know you love me. We're gonna be fine. Teehee?

~Past Runa

I have a moral dilemma on my hand.....

One hand in particular. You see, I went to the doctor on Thursday (Finally, I've been trying to go for weeks), to have him check out this hard bump on my hand. He glanced at it, poked it, called a wart, but said I needed to see a dermatologist to check it out and see what exactly it is, because they just classify it as a wart if its hard, and a blister if it's soft. Regardless, it hurts like a bitch when there's pressure on it, it's at the base of my thumb, and it is constantly being irritated by the massage work I do.

Now the moral part: It could be contagious if it's a wart, so I should. not. be. touching. clients. with. it. Except it's been six weeks since the damn thing formed (apparently a drop in immune system lets them form, like cold sores), and I didn't take any precautions before this because 1. it's super hard to keep a band aid on the damn thing because of where it's located, and 2. It looked nothing like the typical warts I looked up online. Even now, it looks more like a blister to me, but Hubby says it looks like a wart now (I've irritated the shit out of it experimenting). So my dilemma: It's mothers day weekend, calling out could mean i lose my job, especially if i'm not able to come back in until this wart is gone. I did cover it with a bandaid and tape today while I was working, and changed the bandage between each massage after rewashing my hands, but again, that irritated the shit out of it. So I'm trying to remain ethical, but the reality is more difficult than school really shows you.

Thoughts, opinions?

Now she's trying to skip.

Child needs to learn to plan these things out. If you're planning to skip because you're 'sick' you need to start prepping days beforehand. 'Mum, I don't feel great....' 'Oh, just the one serving for me please, my stomach is a little off.' or 'It's kinda hot/cold in here, isn't it?' a couple days beforehand, sprinkled out and slowly becoming more apparent until the day you planned to skip: "Uuuurgh. I think I'm gonna throw up! Do you have anything for my stomach? And my ears.... they feel like they're ringing... No, no, I'll go to school. Wouldn't want to miss it.' And BAM. 'No. Get your ass in bed. You're sick.' ITS NOT THAT HARD.
Her half-hearted 'My stomach and head hurrrrrt' the morning of? When she was well enough to eat spicy food and ask for ice cream the day before? Hah. Not likely, childling. I drove her to school, and was twenty minutes late to work.
She didn't even protest when we demanded she get up and ready for school. She knew she was caught. *shakes head* As Hubby says, she's in the phase of testing us.

Her mother isn't helping. She keeps asking if she can talk to MJ, and if she can stay the night, and spend time with her before she goes back to jail. We said she could come visit for a few hours (it will have to be in public), but we're not going to Mom's for mother's day (I have to work both Sat/Sun), and we're not letting her stay the night here. I was wavering on that, because she's my sister (For you that have siblings, imagine being unable to offer your little/big sister a room to sleep in for a night or two because your partner doesn't feel it's safe. Not a pleasant feeling, makes you guilty and feel like an awful human, even if you agree logically with your partner) and she really needs help. But after this phone conversation, when she admitted she's on a balcony in FL on the 22nd floor, and has been to multiple beaches in the last few days 'because it was offered to her' and suddenly I'm a lot more wary. She was offered something generally means they had a use for her. Whether as a user, as a warm body, as a helping hand, etc. is unknown, but drugs are likely involved. *sigh*

"I took my clothes off to please you. You can use your clothes to please me.'' My response when Hubby told me to stop using his shirt as a napkin.

End Post

X-Rated post

Those days when Hubby fucks me so hard that I can hardly stand, and have to slowly stagger around, I remember a goal I have. A goal I will one day realize.

I am going to truss him up like a turkey, and fuck him just like this, until he can't move around either. That day shall be glorious. That day shall come. And he will not see it coming til he's tied up and getting prepped. Beware you bastard, because if I have to hobble like an old woman, you're gonna hobble like an old man.

I have a goal. And it WILL happen. End post.