Hmmm Birthdays..

Birthday....Y'know, I want some cake. I feel cheated. Yes, I have had my pick of sweets, but there's something about a cake that takes days for the whole family to eat that is so awesome....I hope my family gets me one. I was scolded for not telling people about my birthday....but i DID....for the first few hours. Then it just felt like I was asking for congrats, and I hate that feeling, so I stopped. >.< Boo...
Yesterday....was like hell on earth, with a bit of heaven mixed in. I got to eat Akari's (bf's favorite place) with bf and his parents....ooh, I might get to repeat that tomorrow. .....yays.....=_=...I feel rather indebted about things like that.....Anyways, Other good things....Wood Hall was interested and has agreed to let their residents know about the program we're doing, so it's a collaboration~! YAYS! I also started my day with an adventure: I took the bus to my sweetie for the very first time!
So, I had four classes, 3 meetings, two meetings with my soon-to-be adviser, and one session of happiness with bf yesterday. Heehee. Countdowns are great. I started feeling really tired around 8, because I did an all nighter on Sunday evening, and oddly enough, my hall meeting woke me up. We decided lots of great (boring for ya'll) things, and I got to sleep around 1:30 or so. Then I got up today~!

So, today I...slept til 12 30, had a meeting with my Hall Adviser at 1, met with my Eng professor at 2:30-She said I had to take the skeleton of my paper, and totally rewrite it. I have to meet with her at the same time on Thursday to present my new paper. *cries and goes back to the mine of her mind* Then I was late to Jap, so I had less time on my Kanji test, and I FAILED it! I studied for two HOURS on Sunday for it, but it all left my brain before the test. It is NOT fair! I don't do well with tests anymore...I think that's self-pity talking. I just don't try as much. I'm sure that's it. I'll work hard on fixing myself, so please cheer me on! Anyways, after that, we had class, during which I made vocab cards for my wall, and then I met up with bf! Yays! He seemed really tired and out of it...not yay....I got food! yay! Then I got coffee: DOUBLE YAYS!!!! Then I went to Religion class! yay! Then I didn't sit with my freinds....not yay.....my compie got worn down....not yay....I had to leave my friends and go to a yearbook meeting....meh. BUT! On the way, I saw there was a sale at the store, said :what the hell...may as well...: and called my mom and asked if she wanted anything. I ended up buying like 5-7 shirts for my family. *sigh* Then I went to the yearbook meeting, and worked on Post Secrets the whole time. We're doing a program for it. Its fun and kewl. Then we had a publicity meeting, and we'll go to Bali Hai for our end of year banquet. yippee! I continued working on post secrets while we did that. It was really funny and moving, because while I was working, I slowly gained other random ppl that were willing to help, so we're nearly done with the prep work for it. ^_^ Hee hee. Whelp, I have to go buy tons of candy for our scavenger program on Thursday, so that'll be exciting. But because I was mindlessly working on PS stuff, I didn't make the publicity for my hall....so I'm doing that now....but my photoshop froze....*cries and goes back to the mine of her mind* I'm a little fond of that now....heehee. So, bf is snuggling and saying "Mine"....I think that's my signal to get off. Also, thankies Rozy, I loved the birthday shout out when I read it in class today. ^_^ I appreciates it. Also, if it makes you feel better, apparently they bring up canceling it every year. You may not lose it. ....he's kissing my arm now....I really think that's my signal. Talk to ya'll later!

Quote of the Day: "I could pout and make a sad face to get out of it, but I have a limited number of times I can use that card in my lifetime, and I feel like I'd need it for more important things than getting out of underage drinking. With my family history of fighting for no reason, they'd prolly hold to the threat of bodily harm if I don't drink" -The mine of my mind

I don't wanna write this damned paper!!

But on a more funny note, with no information as to how I acquired this, a quote to lift my spirits:

"When you were on the edge of unconsciousness, did you nuzzle my breasts with your cheek?"

*he froze*

"Yes...yes I did."

.....*awkward silence*.....

"Oh...Well...That's good to know..."

Waaaaah

Today's so pretty!! I wanna play outside!!
On a side note, I woke up WAY too much last night. I nearly got UP at 9 30! That's just plain CRAZY talk on a Sunday. Arrrrgh...Why am I so lazy? *cries* and I have a sneaking suspicion I have two language tests tomorrow....SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Today was fun~!

Faithfully, I shall record the events of today, as we all have promised to do. ^_^

Today, I went to a good deep sleep around 7 am. Yes, 7 am. I blame bf. It's hard to sleep with him....I'm too light of a sleeper. But after that, around 10 am, bf tried to get me up, like we had decided the night before. ....yeah....about that....He didn't turn on music, so of course it was difficult to wake me up. But we got up, and kk called, and told us that she and nugget would be coming up to my room. I panicked! I had clothes EVERYWHERE!!! So while bf went to meet them, I put all my clothes up. When they got here, kk and I hugged. ^///^ Bliss~!
She and nugget used the bathroom (seperately) and we all talked for a bit, and we all listened to some music, and kk whistled along with some of it, and then we left for S&M!
On the way to the car, we saw a chipmunk! It had a ratty, thick, furry, cute tail, and it climbed trees! KEWL~! Then we got to the car, and they gave me presents. Yays~! (For my birthday in two days. kk gave me a strange manga that is oddly enchanting. And nugget gave me an awesome calligraphy type set thingies to practice my kanji with. Wait...now I have no excuses....CURSE YOU NUGGET!!!!! They both made me homemade chocolate chip cookies. It's been so long since anyone's been that nice to me and made me homemade yummies... *sparkly eyes*
Then we got in the car, and were intimidated enough to know not to talk with kk drove. That rule relaxed eventually, and we were all giggling and laughing. When we got to S&M I was told about the new police, and how we needed someone to come get us. I wanted to surprise Rozy....But, in the name of legalities, I called her to come find us. We hugged. ^\\\^ Bliss~! Then we went up to her room and hall to check it out. Her room was suited to her incredibly well. There were dragons and anime everywhere!! She had so much....*drools* she even let me borrow some of it. Yays~! Then we checked out the lounges, ran into Mama, who helped us contact TJ, who we then met up with. He was on his way out though, so we had to say bye byes really soon. But then we all went to eat~! Nummy nummy. ^____^ We had to wait for a while though....it let us all catch up though, so it was kewl. I shared an AMAZING shake with kk and nugget, courtesy of bf, and we all had yummy nummies. Bf graciously paid for my food (because I'm broke) and we went to get bubble tea, in the opposite direction. o.O;;
The bubble tea place was closed....*cries* BUT! we played in a park. kk and nugget play-fought with sticks, and I was commentator. Once, kk came after me for a comment. heehee. What was the absolute most amusing thing was, I watched a kid watch them play, pointed it out to bf, and then the kid went and picked up a stick and a huge lance-size stick for his mom to play against him with! kk and nugget were like "OMGosh! We're bad people!" I'll skip over the incident with Poyo. It drizzled a bit so we came back to the school, checked out the art room and the upstairs, and the big eye of evil in the elevator. Then we parted with rozy, and met up with her again at the mall.
At the mall we looked at anime, then we went and ate dinner. Bf paid for me again...so I made him buy yummy cookies I knew he'd like, with a nummy one for me. Then we went and bought chocolate covered apples that are really expensive, and went to a book store, where I disappeared for an hour. Then we came back together (read: I met back up with them when I was ready) and thought about who had changed the most. I can't really say who has changed the most...I think we've all changed, but we've all stayed the same, so the sides that have changed are inconsequential to the parts of us that we value and see in each other. Rozy had to leave us, and we came back to my campus.
At my campus we looked for kk's brother's brick, but couldn't find it. *sadness* Bf will find it later though, so it's no sweat off my back. ^.^ Heeheehee. Then bf and i walked back to my place and took the bus the rest of the way, but there wasn't a string, so the bus nearly skipped our stop! I had to yell. Poor bf, he cried. ;_; But it was so sweet, it's because he didn't want to say good-bye to the other half of our quartet. I didn't wanna either, but if I keep thinking of how much fun we had, and all the silly things we did together, then I can definitely keep smiling. He has me, and even though I can't make up for the other two, I can certainly distract him. I wonder if I should though....-_- hmmmmm....I think I will. He's crying for the third time now. Love ya'lls, and I already miss all three of you.

Pheeeew

So, short list of things I did today:
-Gave up my compie to the ITS of College
-Picked up board games from IRC for my hall's Rainy Day Games Event
-Picked up a yummy salad for lunch before returning to my hall with E
-Hosted the Event with only one other member being there the entire time. Everyone else was in and out.
-Went to eat with bf...the only time I had with him today....even though I called him at like 2...*cries* I wanted him to be the first person I talked to today, but that didn't work out...
-Went at 7 to IRC meeting...we had elections....I got out at 12...
-Came home, talked with bf, (caught a ride home, actually. YAYS!) took a shower, thought of bf, and missed him....
-Should be doing hw....yeah....about that....
-Sent a good amount of emails out, but have yet to do that hw....


I didn't even have class today. Isn't that bad? I didn't have class, but I am still so exhausted. I need some BREAKS~! I take on alot. I don't feel like I take on too much, just alot. It'd be nice if I didn't have to deal with English though. It's not the English I thought it was. It's all about academic papers, no room for creativity. *cries*

Also, I think about bf alot...it worries me. I think about things that we've done, and I want to do again, and I think of how he would enjoy this, or that, and things like that. I want him to experience everything with me, and I want him to want to do them too. I'm becoming ridiculously attached to him!! How am I going to survive a year in Japan without him if I don't keep some sort of barrier up? 0_0 I think I'm screwed.

I'm not sure if I like this video or not, but it has the song I wanted to hear:

I feel like there's this ebb and flow that keeps my feelings contrary to bf's....

=_= So sad...just as he gets optimistic, I get pessimistic. I'm not doing all that great. But I'm not doing all that badly. I suppose I'm just a little shaken up? This is why I'm shaken up:

I took the bus back to my room by myself. It wasn't late, it was only around 8:30 pm. There's this 'assistant driver' type person that stands with the driver after it gets dark most days, and I normally smile and nod to him, sometimes talk with him a bit. He reminds me of my brother. He has this....aura, that reminds me of Bubba, my brother, but that...aura is like....=_=;; (This is politically incorrect) the aura of a retarded person. So I feel little to no danger from those types of people, even if I'm uncomfortable with them. (They tend to be big and strong and able to beat me if I were to fight them) Well, tonight, he stopped me as I was getting on, and said "You know, you have the MOST beautiful hair I've ever seen." I was a little flattered, and I had just been talking to two strangers, so I was already in an open mood, so I stood and talked for a little, and when someone near us moved his bag so I could sit down, I did. The bus driver got off the bus, and went off somewhere for a minute, and the guy got closer. He was all "Aww, You know I'm just flirting with you" and I took it as a joke, and said "Just as long as my boyfriend doesn't find out" (I WAS NOT SERIOUS!) He looked around and asked "So where IS he tonight?" and I was all "He's having dinner with his parents." and we continued to talk a bit, but he kept looking at me oddly. Like....appraisingly. I was unsettled, but it doesn't particularly bother me to be stared at a bit. My freinds do enough of it. But then the guy reached over and took my hand! I was so shocked, I couldn't react. Then he patted it and let go, and I looked at him like "Why the hell...?" and he said "I'm fine, I'm fine." And he stared at me again. I was totally uncomfortable now. But I didn't know what to do, and I didn't have time to react when he reached over and took my hand again. He let it go really fast again, and this time I stared at him and asked him, "Are you okay?" He said he was fine, and then he reached over and put his hand over mine again. He let it rest there and I stared at it. I honestly could not think of anything but like "I can't jerk my hand away, that makes it seem like I find him repulsive and hated. I want him to let go. Why is he doing this? Why won't he stop? If I move my hand, will he grab it tighter? Can I move my hand?" And then the bus driver came near, and he let me go. I left my hand there for another minute, to make sure he didn't think I was trying to hide my hands from him (my hands had been resting on my bookbag, over the water bottles to be sure I didn't lose them) and then I moved my hand quietly under my bookbag and wiped it on my jeans, and tried to keep it there. But on a bus, the bookbag tends to move, and so I ended up leaving my hand back where it had been originally until time for me to get off.

Other stuff happened, but not in relation to this event or person. I know ya'll are prolly thinking "What the hell Jme! Don't be worried about hurting his feelings! He doesn't have the right, blah blah blah." But I really think he was just socially awkward, and even though he was trying to hit on me, I would rather he pick someone more receptive. I don't hate him for it. I'm fully happy in my relationship. I just....don't like the idea of bluntly telling a guy with mental issues to fuck off.

When I got back to my room, I could still feel his hand on mine, and I really was freaked out a bit. I tried to call bf, but it didn't go through, so I IMed him. He didn't answer. So, I did the best possible thing. I called my mom. When I told her what happened she said "You were prolly right. He prolly is retarded, and the reason he withdrew his hand was because he knew he was doing stuff he wasn't supposed to. You're like me; you're open and freindly, and you won't look down and ignore people around you. But you've gotta be careful, that's how they get you. You think they're harmless, and the sweetest things, and they will PICK YOU AND TOTE YOUR ASS OFF!!! You need to be more careful." I agreed with her (not about the toting me off part, but...I'd rather be safe than doubt her wisdom right now) and when I told her I couldn't get the feel of his hand off mine, she told me to wash it. I told her I didn't want to do that, because I might scrub the skin off. But she made me feel better about it, a little.

I think the thing that bothers me most about it, is that I just sat there and let it happen. And so did all the other people on the bus. They actually sat there and stared. I even KNEW some of them! Not like 'freinds' knew, but at least 'aquaintance' knew. I was totally in shock. It floored me that he felt he could just touch me. I don't like to be touched! I HATE it if I didn't give the okay prior to that! I felt betrayed in a way, and I want to avoid the buses from now on. And the whole time, I was thinking of bf, and near tears. I wasn't embarrassed exactly, but I felt a little bit like I had betrayed him as well. When I said "As long as my bf doesn't find out." i was KIDDING! I tell bf just about EVERYTHING! And I still feel betrayed and like I betrayed him.... ;_; Why did that guy have to touch me? Can't he just....not do that shit???

I told mom that i didn't want to take the bus by myself anymore, and she said she didn't blame me. I don't think I can avoid it without being obvious about it though, and mom said "So what? Be obvious. That way he knows not to do it again." I feel like that's the right thing to do, but I don't want to hurt that man's feelings in such a blunt, "I hate you for what you did" way....>.< Argh...I hate my feelings sometimes.

Now I'm feeling queasy and unwell. I keep thinking about that man, and I hate it. I want someone to hold me and tell me it's okay. I know it's my own fault, but I still don't want it to be.

Augh....can't.....re....sis....t.....it......auuuuugh

BF is wearing the cologne that I cannot resist...Whhhyyyyyyy???? He hasn't worn it in so long, I have no immunity left against it! It's like sunlight after months of living in a cave! There is no safety! Heeeeeelp!!!