Drama is back in full measure

My Sissie, who now has a newborn and no home, is considering giving up her kids. I think it's a fairly wise decision. Now WHO gets her kids, is what I worry over. Mom won't take Mimi if Social Services doesn't give her custody. Z-nee is a newborn, and I worry over what's going to happen to her. And it seems like Cin has no idea what to do with herself. My own opinions on the whole thing seem rather dampened and uncaring. I really don't feel strongly in any measure. I'm leaving and can't commit to doing anything. I can only do things short term. So I don't have anything to offer. I can't say I didn't expect it to come to this, but it's really sad that the 'mother' of my childhood can't hold onto her own kids.

Uh, it looks like my family's criticisms of bf are starting to get to him, so I'll have to try to refrain from talking about everything to him from now on. I'll prolly slip occasionally, but there's really nothing I can do but try. As I told them earlier, at least I'll never have to worry about bf going to jail for thievery.

I've slept all day. It was the kids' first day at school today. They were both so excited. I hope everything goes well for them both.

I haven't spoken Japanese for weeks now. And I haven't studied properly at all. I wish I could find my textbooks. Mom wants us to redo the bathroom, pack up everything in my room case she needs it for the kids, and send off my boxes. I agree that two out of three of those things are necessary. Any guesses as to which two?

I've been staying cold in the house lately. I literally walk around in sweats most of the time. *shrug* They're comfy, but I need to send them to Japan, so I don't know what I'm gonna do without them. How many sets of clothes should I take, do you think?

I'm bored. And this isn't really helping to clear my head like it used to. I feel restricted in what I can say. Like, what I say can hurt other people's feelings. This doesn't feel like the diary I hoped it would when I started it. I have a private blog that I don't allow anyone access to, but just typing my feelings doesn't seem to be helping that much. This isn't a complaint, and I'm not saying the blog makes me unhappy, but I feel pressure to write or not write things that I may (not) want to discuss. Maybe my inactivity is chafing at me. I haven't done much of anything lately. I just keep waiting around, and I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. Ever had that feeling?

I think I've decided. I'm going to start another blog for my time in Japan, so no one I don't know reads this one when I don't want them to. I'll provide a link or something so you guys can still see. I may on occasion update this one, but I'm not certain of my internet access in Japan anyway. I love you guys, and I wish I could have seen more of you over the summer. Please call me sometime soon. (Repeatedly, if you can manage it. I tend to ignore the phone when I'm sleeping) Please keep in touch, okay?