Alrighty, scholarship crunch!

So I have the essay requirements now, and I have drafted essays meeting their requirements. I hope you all will provide me with some instructive criticism and helpful advice so I can turn this in on Monday with a clear conscience.


The first one says to write: a 250 to 400-word statement regarding why you wish to become a massage therapist. What I've written is 397 words long. Here you are:

When I was a child, I would often see my siblings rubbing my Mom's shoulders, legs, and back. It was such a common sight that I soon joined in, and as I got older, I began receiving the same treatment after a rough day at whatever sport's practice I did that year. I also practiced my massage in order to make my Mom and sisters say 'Ahh' or 'Oh' or 'Yeah, that's the spot' more often to me than anyone else. Their pleasure and inability to restrain their satisfaction was the ultimate victory to me. When I reached my teenage years, I often supplemented my paltry allowance by giving massages to my Mom. The price steadily increased with my skill, because when she asked me how much I wanted for it, I would say 'Pay me what you think the massage is worth.' I could make up to twenty dollars a week, just for being able to ease her aches. I thought there couldn't be a better job in the world.
When I was sixteen, I discussed becoming a massage therapist with my Mom and was surprised at her adamant refusal to consider it. She was a nail technician herself, and swore that massage would wear my hands out within five years and I would be useless in the field after that. Scared and willing to trust my Mom, I dropped the issue.
Years passed, and I was always reminded of how massage could connect you to someone with just a simple touch. When I got married and we moved here to Austin, despite being happily married, I was very lonely. My husband isn't the best masseuse I've ever had, and he doesn't enjoy doing it, so the pleasure I can get from it isn't like with my family at all. Aching, lonely, and confused by the magnitude of my loneliness, my husband and I searched for professional massage establishments. I found relief for my body and soul in those places, and realized it was integral to my happiness. I asked the therapists about their hand shelf-life, and they assured me it was long. With that fear eased, I began looking into massage school for myself.
I want to connect with others, ease their pain, and provide an essential stress reliever. Being paid for it is a bonus. Getting certified and learning is what I'm here for.

The second one is an essay explaining your current situation and why you are in need of scholarship funds.

Its too late at night for me to draft this one up satisfactorily, so I'll sleep on it and write it tomorrow. I hope you will check in and give me good advice on both. Thank you all!