No fear

So.....guess what peeps? I apparently fear more for a little girl that I don't know's life than I do my own. Yesterday:

I have bad cup holders. I can only use one unless someone is with me. Then they hold mine. I mean, my cup holders throw my drinks. So I had a water from my job. I got turned around trying to get to Old Navy before I realized I didn't have money to shop for shirts anyway. SO I stopped by the Cook Out and got a 99 cent shake. CHERRY! Yummm. Then I started thinking, and I realized I still hadn't seen my sister Cin since before I went on a cruise. So I went by their house, thinking maybe she'd be there. Lies. I talked with my brother, who tried to persuade me to stay and talk with him for a while. I don't get along with my brother for extended periods of time. I politely refused, using the reason that I hated my uniform and wanted out of it to leave. Shake still in hand. Drove home, but on a little winding road that doesn't have a speed limit posted anywhere on said road, I began losing control. My car started listing off to the right. Over and over, more and more frequently. I steered the car back onto the road, but went too far to the left. I looked at this maroon looking car heading straight for me, and took the time to notice there was a man in the driver's seat, and a little girl in the passenger seat. I became terrified that I would hit them. I didn't want to hit a car with a child in it. So veered to the right again, but lost control, and killed a mailbox on my way across gravel, grass, a ditch. I became airborne, and flipped into some trees. And bushes. Over a ditch. On my car's side closest to myself. I think I may have blacked out, because it seemed to me that people were there almost immediately. Two men. One in cargo pants. The other one in a red checkered shirt. They called the police and the paramedics, calling at me, asking if i was alive, if there was anyone else. I told them it was just me. They asked if I could get out. I said I didn't think so. I was looking around. I had watched my windshield crack. It was really cool. But I saw clear fluid pouring out of my engine area, and I saw smoke in the car with me. Right in front of me. (It was from the airbag, is what Mommy said) I didn't know that at the time. But I saw my phone hanging from my keys, *SCORE ONE FOR ME!!!* I turned my car off, because the radio was still on and everything. I tried to take the key out, but it wouldn't come out. (Later I realized it was because I didn't put my car into Park) So I ripped my phone away and called my mom while I was hanging by my seat belt. She didn't pick up, so I left her a voicemail telling her the road I was on, what had happened, and to please come find me. By that point I had found my buckle, and released it. I fell a little bit, but it wasn't anything bad. People were asking me if I could get out, and I told them I'd rather not try, cause I would have had to step onto some branches that it seems like I would have just sunk through. A woman in blue with blonde hair called to me, told me she was a nurse, and asked the guy in cargo pants to push that passenger seat back so I could get out. She told me I HAD to get out, and I got up slowly, working my way out, and putting my phone in my pocket. I couldn't find anything else worth taking. *SEE???? If my phone was in my purse, I would have had NOTHING!!!!!* When I got up, the man with the red checkered shirt held the door open for me, and I literally pulled my leg up to get it over the ceiling of the car while the woman held fast to my arm, telling me she was a nurse, that it'd all be okay, could i move? I got up, got out, and she walked me over a bit (I could totally have walked farther. I wanted to, but she insisted I sit down ASAP) and sat me right down in an ant bed. I asked if I could move, but no one would let me. The woman whose mailbox I had crashed into asked if I needed anything. Everyone kept asking that. I thought about it, and was like, my purse. I need my purse for identification. No one could get in the car to get it out though. So then a fireman person with his son who apparently lives close by were in my face. He told his son to hold my neck, and for me to not look around, keep my head as still as possible, while he felt along my body for damage. I didn't break anything, but when it got to the chest area, where my seat belt had been, it was too tender to touch. Really painful. And my neck also hurt. Rather badly. They asked me basic questions, trying to see if I was disoriented, but I was fine. Well, I was somewhat hurt, but I was fine. I didn't have a concussion or anything. My mom called me back, asking me for more specific directions, and that's about when I started silently crying. I answered her, she hung up, and a few more tears ran down. Then they stopped. They put a neck brace that reeeaaaaallly hurt on me, and then made me get on a board. I was still on the ant bed. My hair was down. *siiiiigh* For those that don't know, my hair reaches the ground when I'm sitting on said ground. Also, I was looking at my car, thinking, "My poor car....it's completely totaled.....I can't believe I actually did that....I really don't wanna die a virgin.....I wonder what everyone's gonna say? They're prolly going to be mad at me....I'm so glad I didn't hit that other car.....Mom's insurance just went up.....I'm supposed to pay my own insurance soon......Oh man, I hope I can get to work tomorrow.....Damn....My poor, poor car." Yes, those were my honest thoughts. Plus a few more. Silly, right? But true. Those were indeed my thoughts. During the crashing, I was trying to control it, but never once did I become scared. Maybe there wasn't time for it. I'm still not scared. I never was scared, except for the fear that I'd hit a car with a child in it. Anyway, they laid me on the board, my mom showed up, and they started strapping me in. When my mom showed, I started to cry a bit again. But nothing bad, cause I couldn't really see her. They strapped my neck with a kerchief, then, They TAPED my FOREHEAD! I did NOT want them to do that. But they did. Then the paramedics showed. Everyone picked me up, and I don't like placing my body in other people's hands, except, of course, for bf's. Even then though, it's scary. So I covered my eyes with my hands, the sun was super bright, and I was being carried. So yes, I closed my eyes and pretended it was a roller coaster. I mumbled something about that, and they were like "That's about as close to one as you're gonna get." They didn't understand what I had meant. And from that time til the time that the doctor took it off, I would not stop asking them to take the tape off my forehead. They said they didn't have the authority to do it. I asked "Don't I?" and they said, "We can't stop you, but we really wouldn't recommend it." So....I waited. Til I was alone. And I was alone. For a good hour before my mom showed up, with my sister in tow. But that's later. When I was alone, I subtly felt along the tape, trying to tear it. Wouldn't you know it, I couldn't do it. So I waited. And as soon as the doctor saw me, he took it off, unstrapped me, got me off the board, etc. Told me I had to lay flat though, in case there was spinal damage. But the bed was much softer than the board, so I didn't mind. I lay there, and there were a ton of people coming in, most of them asking me if I was possibly pregnant. I kept saying no. The doctor asked me, get this. I said no, and he asked if I was sure. I said yes, I'm sure. He said And exactly how are you so sure? My lovely answer: I'm a virgin. I told three people that. Then I gave up. So my mom when she showed up, was quite happy to take up the mantle and tell anyone that asked. I mean really? Does it matter that much? Oh well. I didn't care that much. While they were sticking me with an IV, another nurse was having me drink some fluid to make my scans show up. Some color stuff. She said "I'm sorry, I know it must taste horrible, and we're doing so much to you at once." Actually, I didn't like the taste, but I didn't mind it. And when the guy was sticking me with an IV, before he did that, he took off my bracelet. THE bracelet. The only bracelet I wear everyday. When I noticed he was about to, I tried to stop him, and reached out to prevent it, but I was too late. It made me cry that another man had taken off that bracelet. He was like "O__O IM SORRY!!!" Do you want me to put it back on?? I just don't want it getting in the way of the IV, etc." I still cried. I didn't want my bracelet taken off by anyone that wasn't me or bf. That it was another male was just worse. He put it on my other wrist, and asked me the significance. I told him it was an anniversary gift from bf. I was so sad. When mom got there, she asked if I'd called bf, but I hadn't, because cell phones can mess up the stuff that saves people's lives. I asked Mom to go call him. She asked if there was anything special I wanted to tell him, and all I could think was, "I can't come up and see him, and I love him very much." Isn't that sad? I couldn't think of anything more worthwhile. V__V Sorry bf. So she went away with my sis, so they could both smoke while they called various people. They always go away for a long time. So I watched TV. When they came back, bf called my phone, and mom picked it up. Apparently he called and something like "Can you please tell Runa I love her and..." Mom cut him off, telling him to hold on, and she handed it to me. I felt bad, cause I didn't want to kill anyone for a phone call, but I was so happy to hear his voice. Made me cry just a little when we got cut off. But it was okay. I felt better just hearing his voice. I'm sorry I worried him. But anyway, I think the pain meds are starting to work now. Or at least make me sleepy. Nope, nevermind. If I touch something that hurts, or move more than a little, the pain is just as great. I took that medicine at like 2 45. It's 5 45 now. Geez. Oh well. Anyway, I went back for testing, and when I came back, they were like "We still need a urine sample...." See, what had happened earlier was, they needed a urine sample, and asked right after I got an IV in, but they wouldn't let me get up in case I'd hurt my spine. So my options were to either use a bed pan, or to have a bag thing attached to my urethra/pee exit. Neither of those was acceptable to me. So I politely told her then, "I'm sorry, but if those are my only options, then I'm afraid you can't have any of my urine. I'd be more than happy to give you one if I could use the bathroom." She told me it wasn't possibly until my results came back. Then she told me that it was mainly to check for pregnancy. I'M A VIRGIN. I already had told her that. The worst part of the entire ordeal was that, I, in actual fact, really really really really needed to pee. I held it for 5-6 hours though. I was NOOOT using a bed pan. So I held it until the results came back. *dances* wahahahahaha. My will is greater than their obstinancy. Anyway, that's about it. I was banged up, but I wasn't seriously injured. I have injuries in all sorts of places, and Mom told me I couldn't work today, but beyond that, I'm good. I got a doctor's note. Good night. I'm napping now.