Why is life so damned difficult? Ugh...in the old days, one could grow up learning your parent's trade, learn to clean house, look pretty, and conversate. After these basic requirements you get married and have children that fill the hole in your heart where a good job would normally fit. *drops head* Even with me this depressed, sleep-deprived, and annoyed with life in general, that STILL doesn't appeal to me. V__V Maybe RB is right, and I really am a masochist. So, first off, GO ROZY GO! Do your best, kay? Take the courses you want to, and you can actually apply to med school with any regular degree. There's no really set course you have to account for (by course I mean series of plans and pathways, not a specific class) before you apply and get into med school. hmmm, I think, with your parents, they just REALLY want you to be able to take care of yourself properly. So do your best, dredge up some numbers for good paying jobs in the field you wanna be in. Maybe it will help.
As for me, I'm reconsidering my childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian. It's probably useless...I don't like the thought of hurting animals...but I would love to see if I could. And the pay is probably going to be better than an editor's job....(btw, there are SOOOO many types of editors, its making my head spin around! @_@) I really like editing, but I love animals even more.... I feel complete with animals, whereas I feel amused when I write. I'm not sure which one is more important in a job, but I know mom would prefer I take the higher paying one. I wonder if I could get an internship in a vet's office.... and in a book-writing-place. (No idea what it's called....>.<)
I didn't realize it, but the ONLY class I failed, that affected my GPA, that was actually necessary for my plan of work, was the one that based 60% of its grade on the tests. The ONLY one. I don't know if I'm going to have to retake that class, or maybe find a way to not make it a concentration course for my plan, or what. I don't even know if retaking it would help me at all, since the syllabus will likely be the same, and I'll still fail the tests. I need to talk to my advisor or something. Life would be so much easier if I could just convince myself to take a normal path. I'm not unique to the point that I honestly have to create my own path like this, but at the same time, I don't think I'm able to settle for being normal enough to take a regular set path in life. V__V I want at least two to four people to talk to about this. I need a variety of opinions. Educated opinions. Ones that can help my decision without thrusting me into a direction I hadn't decided to take.
I'm beginning to accept that I'm never going to be a skinny girl that can fit into anything. I'll always have meat on my bones, and I'll probably always have a chest that annoys and amuses me. But I guess that's just something that I could come to like. Fitting into clothing is always somewhat of a challenge. (Think about finding good bathing suits....it just doesn't happen with this shape) But I suppose I'm up for it. There's plenty of things I like about myself, and I can even be proud of how little time it takes to find something I like about myself.
I went home today, and had to tell my mom about classes and how they were going, and while I didn't lie, I felt cornered and guilty. I don't think I've told her that I basically failed two classes last semester. I think of the quote "This new generation of women was raised being told "You can be anything," but all they really heard was "You have to be everything,"." (I wonder if that ending for the quotes is correct...now I wanna ask my teacher....>_< So curious!) I have so many varied interests, and I want to explore, but at the same time, I don't feel a particular pull of one thing over anything else. It's horrible. Everyone tells me that I will know when I find something that will make me happiest to work there for the rest of my life, and if I can't understand that then I just haven't found it yet. I don't believe it though. I could happily take any one path that I've found for myself, and I know I'd be satisfied and happy with them. But I feel a constant ache to not just settle for one thing. That it's being ....well, unlike me. I'm very passionate about multiple things. I don't want to take the hardest path when it isn't more rewarding than the others, but likewise, I don't want to take the easiest path, because it feels like I'd be a sell-out. Maybe I should set up an appointment for a counseling session to see if they can offer any insights. Heck, I'll do it right now. Augh. I need to go in to make an appointment to go on another occasion. *rolls eyes* This is ridiculous in many ways.
Oh well. As anyone can see, I'm not the best person to deal with right now, so I feel bad for all my friends, including bf. I keep having heavy thoughts, and there's no way to share them all when my throat is as painful as it's been lately, but at the same time, I want others to sort of instinctively understand me. It's not fair of me, and it's mean to them. I'm impatient, needy, clingy, withdrawing, obsessed with keeping my promises, and outright rude most times. I know this. But....damn. I don't know. I think I should offer a choice to my freinds and family. They can deal with the blunt me described above, or they can deal with me as I deal with strangers. Offer them my kind, un-obtrusive, courteous, soft, sweet with a touch of maturity side. They're both me, so I can't say one is fake over the other, but I feel like it notes the closeness I feel to my loved ones when I can be childish and selfish, and even bitchy. I shouldn't though. I should treasure them and treat them like royalty so they can see how much I treasure them..... *sigh* But that feels like I'd be putting them on a pedestal and not really communicating and loving them and allowing them to really love me in return. auuuuugh....WHY IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT?!?!??!!?
Funny AMV: (i guess....humor's not my strong point right now)
Hmmmm....
2 comments:
I love you, sweetheart. But I am going to tell you exactly what I think about what you have said. Please don't take it personally. I am only trying to give my opinion.
I think that, at this point, being a veterinarian is not really a good option for you. I don't think you realize the amount of scientific knowledge that is required for this field. Even if you were interested in taking required courses like chemistry, organic chemistry, microbiology, statistics, and biochemistry, you don't have the required 3.0 GPA to get accepted into the program. The link to what I am talking about is here: http://www.cvm.ncsu.edu/studentservices/admissions.html . And by "book-writing-place," I think you mean a publishing company or something. Though there are probably editing companies too.
Yeah, I think you should talk to OASIS or something to figure out about that class.
You aren't going to know now exactly what you want to do. But you need to pick a good general direction. I picked a major that would allow me to do all sorts of things because I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do. I think you should stick to what you originally came up with, which was to be a Japanese translator/editor. You should never choose something just because it will give you alot of money, because I know that money in and of itself will not be enough to motivate you to do your work. It shows in school. If you're not interested, you don't do it. So choose what YOU think you want to do most right now (which is probably what you're already working on) and worry about the rest later. Like I said in the beginning though, I would stick more to the humanities and less to a scientific career.
Oh, and I figured out why I was feeling bad yesterday. Its because I was sick. And I blame you for it. *sticks tongue out*
Looking at required courses for it....bleh, yeah, you're right. Humanities is more my alley. You're sick? ;__; I felt sick this morning, my throat was really hurting. But that's all for me. I haven't been sick at all until today, so don't blame me. I didn't even get sick til the first day I didn't see you! But I DO hope you're alright.
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