Interesting

I just realized.....I very RARELY actually purposely cause pain....but once I've caused it, well, better to sit back and enjoy (laugh) than to fess up that it was an accident and spend the next day apologizing about it. I didn't realize that my purposely causing pain was so rare until I thought about it. Something to think about. Also.....RB knows my panic pattern better than I do. THAT is amazing. I didn't realize that I curl into a ball and shake and cry. I thought my panic would be screaming or running around wildly, but no, she was right. It's amazing that I have people that know me better than I myself do on occasions. Ummmmm...updates.....I'm late to turn in my very first assignment. (Rewrite: This is the first time I'm turning something in late this year) I'm sad and impressed at the same time. The assignment isn't too bad, it's just that I didn't look into the details soon enough. Also, last night was the first time I actually fell asleep at my post. So, to combat that, I was forced to watch Anime for the first time since summer. What did I watch? The rest of the Princess Tutu series I had been watching with E. I don't think he cares for me as a friend any longer. It's sad really. I wanted to talk to him about so much, and he just brushed me off. So rather than be a burden, I decided to let him alone. I'm studying for my Japanese Test on Tuesday, writing my report to turn in, planning my day, and feeling pretty good about life. I just discovered the paper shredder at my job...I kinda wanna play with it. RB has a bf now. Bf and I are fighting all the time now. It makes me tired. Princess Tutu is an interesting series, and even though I REALLY DONT WANT TO, I recommend it. You have to watch til the end for it to really get interesting though. I am STILL looking for a certain episode where Fakia takes Ahiru from Mytho and brushes a finger over her lips. I don't recall seeing that, and I watched ALL the episodes. *frown* Any info on that, lemme know please. I had to check out a key for my RB today, cause she dropped her keys between here and the frat house. She may never get those back....and that would be incredibly expensive for her. It seems like hardships are piling up for her. I wanna help, but I feel like these are her trials, at the same time. Hmmm...I seem to be writing fast, so everything is just coming from my head with a few filters for things that 'aren't appropriate for blog talk' as bf would say. He gets pissy about things. I should stop. I talked to TJ today, and without really wondering why or anything, just asked a simple question. He got REALLY riled up about it, but he was still completely honest, and it ended up making me incredibly happy. I asked "Can you live without me?" and he replied, ". . . . . i would be sorely disappointed; i would be devastated if you just cut me off; i would mourn if you died . . it would take a long time; *frown* and loads of effort; i dont want to." ^_^ It made me happy because he was so honest. He then got upset with me, and was all "why would you ask something like that????" and I had to admit it was cause i wanted to see if he would answer me honestly. ^_^ I guess it's kinda mean. He had mistaken me for a person that asked that as proof of my worth, but I just wanted to know. I know he could live without me. Everyone can. Heck, a lot of people would be better off without me. But that doesn't mean I'm not wanted. Just not necessary for survival. :D I guess that sounds depressing to some of you. It's not. It's freeing. I'm not necessary, but neither am I a true hindrance. If I feel like one, you only have to say something and I'll move on. I'll get out of your life. I may mourn the separation. I may be depressed for the loss of your valued company. But I will not die from it. Because people necessary for me to live....I lived before my nephew was born. I lived before I dated bf. I lived before my niece's birth. I will continue to live after. Maybe. Losing my babies may tear me apart, especially dependent on the manner in which I lose them. But I might live after. There's the strong possibility that I will. ^_^ So it's only right that if they lost me, they would continue to live as well. That's how it should be. And it's great. idk. Please don't tear at my beliefs. They're a part of me, a part of my thought and feelings. When you easily contradict what I say or think without giving thought to it, it hurts alot. Especially when you are the one that is wrong, and then you don't apologize. It really hurts then. Because,....I'm not worth apologizing to? It's okay to say I'm wrong and then be proven wrong yourself? I have value. No one can tell me I don't. So to say something that I believe is wrong because you feel like it is just mean. It hurts me without good reason. And I won't be continuously hurt for a long time. I'm NOT the masochistic one. .....Um. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant that I suppose has built up for a while. I need to be careful not to let things build up in me. They explode unexpectedly and cause casualties. ^_^ My bad. On to the videos!:





So funny!:


Anyone want to brush up on their note reading?