I can see the horrors and difficulties in life. Those who know a bit about my family in general know you can't grow up there without learning the harsh realities unless you completely shut yourself off from others (as I suspect my nephew does). Since I've always refused to shut my eyes to what I see, even if that requires me to look a beggar in the eye and admit I won't give them money, I grew up seeing things, hearing things, and knowing things most people may never learn about. It wasn't particularly scarring (I think I'm desensitized), but it definitely gave me a grim outlook on life.
I can usually look so hard for a silver lining that most people believe me to be an optimist. But in reality, I rarely expect things to go well. I never enter contests or drawings because I just inherently believe I won't win anything. To enter is to set myself up for disappointment. To me, that's reality but even I'll admit that it borders on Eyur-like depression (You know, Winny the Poo's donkey friend?). I can quote statistics and probability at you all I want, but the truth will always be that I just don't think I would get it simply because I want it.
On the other hand, I always get what I want, just never the way I wanted it. It's fun in a way, watching life screw with me. Hubby is one of the few 'things' I've gotten that I didn't feel I had to sacrifice overmuch to earn. This makes me appreciate him all the more.
Anyway, back to optimism. It's great to look on the bright side of things, but humans in general like to focus on the negative. They relish in dire predictions and scandalous behaviour. Look at any country's history and you'll know I'm right. So those who refuse to be depressed with everyone else are ridiculed, sometimes deliberately targeted by jealousy, and often misunderstood. It makes for great story-lines. :)
Last night I took a pain pill for the first time in over a week. My leg has been twinging a lot and the leg often feels too hot compared to the rest of my body. I'm not sure if I should be cooling it as much as possible or letting the blood work through the wounds to speed healing. Anyway, the medicine left me nauseous all night, and it was like sinking in and out of a haze until about 8:30, when I took my thyroid medicine. Then the medicines in my stomach came to a rumbling boil and decided I wasn't enough for them. They decided to explore their options, we'll say. With the result that I'm not sure if I'll be able to take either medicine ever again. I've always found it difficult to eat something after it's taken alternative routes through my body. I may never be able to drink apple cider again. I hope I can still eat chocolate chips.
Being my over-cautious self, today we had chinese (since we NEVER have chinese, so even if I find myself unable to eat it ever again, it won't be very inconvenient) and it was quite disappointing. Hubby said the waiters were actually asleep in the restaurant when he got there to pick it up. My sesame chicken was floured up so much I couldn't even taste the chicken, and the sauce was too thin, but hubby enjoyed his food, and that's all that matters on days like this.
Speaking of food....
An interesting recipe I'm thinking of trying out soon:
http://www.cookincanuck.com/2013/05/grilled-eggplant-zucchini-salad-recipe-with-feta-chickpeas-mint/
I always feel rather guilty when I make/order vegetarian options. I know that I'm not actually taking food from someone else with a better claim to it, but I can't help feeling like I'm lying to the staff. I always wanna make a disclaimer like "I'm not a vegetarian, but it sounds delicious!" so they know I'm a meat eater, and can withdraw the option because it's not meant for me. Silly, but I totally worry about it.
Something I found online just now. I agree.
1 comment:
Great post!
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