That was my epiphany of the day. If you want me to be nice, I'm gonna be mean. If you want me mean, I'm gonna be sweet. If you expect a fight, I'll refuse. If you expect compliance, I'll argue. I'm the ultimate Devil's Advocate! I don't know if I should try to change this about myself. It seems to be a core part of me. In many ways it helps me, and in other ways, it hinders me something awful. Did any of you know this? Is it an obvious trait about myself? *gapes* I'm surprised I just really noticed it. Maybe I noticed and forgot? I do that a lot. So if I just think that everyone expects me to fail, I'll succeed at everything. Probably. *nods* That's prolly why I did so great in general school. None of the teachers expected anything from us. And at S&M, they expected so much, that I was like *plunk*. *Nods* Yup. I can use that as my excuse. ;) Cause that's what any explanation is, I learned from my 4th grade teacher.
There's this girl, D, that's been challenging lately. I've just asked a mutual friend if I did something. She said that I'm just not D's kinda person. And it's really fun to play with D, so I can't really argue... but I've been a good girl! I've hardly played with her at all. But she's cute. She's all "I'm alpha female! Grrrr!" and I'm sitting there thinking, "Alpha female....riiiiiight.....you're a pup. But I don't wanna be Alpha, so I'm not gonna argue." She's very animalistic, so I adore playing with her, but I don't know if I should assert myself with her and risk making her an enemy, or just leave it and ignore her challenges. *tilts head* Knowing me, I'm gonna end up doing both. In such a way that she's not gonna know what to do with me. I almost feel bad about it, but it's my nature. And she's throwing the challenges. It's my choice how to deal with them. *nods* Yup yup. I've now justified the treatment I will be submitting her to. I won't do anything bad. Just mess with her a little.
The mutual friend says that D can prolly sense that I will play with her and is responding to that. *shrug* She shouldn't be so cute. I haven't hardly done anything. And Ms. Mutual friend confirms that I didn't do anything to cause it, so my response is my choice.
Oh also, thanks to bf, I've watched this video that makes me wanna cry:
Feel free to leave any comments. Sorry it's short, but I'm doing work, and procrastinating as much as possible.
2 comments:
I'm wondering why I inspired you to post this video.
And yes, I already knew you were contrary....you did too.
You inspired that video because I got it from your blog.
And being deliberately difficult and being contrary by nature are different. Or so I think. *pout*
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