I got an IPOD Touch!

I was trying to think of a good title, and remembered how ambiguous titles really mess me up when I'm looking for things in previous blog posts. So yeah, I got an IPOD for Christmas. I also got sweaters. I'm ecstatic about both.

Two of my sweaters are already messed up because my cat decided to attach herself to me by the claws, and then messed up the sweaters because they're so awesome and kinda delicate. :( I am now resolved to keep my cat away from me whenever I wear one at all costs.

Apparently you need to register a credit card for your IPOD, even if you're only downloading free apps. I am suspicious, so I am putting off doing this.

Papa also got me military tested cases, and the most expensive head phones they offered, so I have some damn good quality material. This is GREAT because I have already dropped my IPod Touch....more than once. I swear I don't do it on purpose.... It just happens.....

I'm supposed to go to bf's parents' house on Thursday after I get off work (I also have work, yay!) I was uber nervous, but I'm beginning to calm down about it. The worst they can do is start to hate me, but I always seem to end up the favorite of anyone whose house I stay at, so logically I shouldn't be worried. Unfortunately, logic get's its ass kicked when it goes against an emotionally-charged female. Every male in the world will likely agree with that statement, along with a currently logical female. :P Yay sexism?

I'm working as an English teacher for Honda employees from Japan. I have four students, but I've only taught three students at any point in time so far. My first time teaching them by myself was last week, and they were saying how they learned a lot of useful vocabulary, and were super surprised when class ended. All of them checked their watches and were flummoxed by the time. "It's already over?!" is what they said, so I think they might have enjoyed it. I hope so, at least.

I have two more exams (one tomorrow, actually), my Women and Literature class and my Social Deviance class. I'm not all that worried about the tests, but I really want to do very well, so I'm attempting to study for them. Not sure how well that's going to turn out.....

Papa leaves on Friday to go back to work, and that's why I got the IPod early. heh. He gave me my present in the same bag I gave him his in, and explained he didn't have time to wrap it. I guess you could say we exchanged presents early this year because he won't be here.

BF got to see my family at a more normal pace, where we all got dinner at KFC (he was amazed by the amount of food mom bought), and everyone watched TV together while we ate. We ended up watching iCarly, so he was kinda disillusioned, I think. Made a comment about how shows nowadays suck. I think they're pretty interesting, and show what kids are into now, but I like psychoanalyzing and he doesn't, so I think that just illustrates our differences.

I stayed Friday and Saturday over at his apartment, actually. But not the way you all just imagined. I slept in his roommate's bed. C-kun's bed is big and comfy, so I prefer it. BF and I don't sleep well together on a twin bed, so it makes sense.

Finally, I broke my promise to pineapples, and forgot to talk to her on Sunday. I agreed to talk to her on Sunday because I thought I'd be sleeping at my own place on Saturday, and waking up early enough to be online long enough for us to chat together. Instead, my room mate kicked me out of the house apologetically so her parents could stay over, and though I woke up thinking about talking to her, by the time I actually got home, I'd forgotten. I played on the computer and studied for a few hours, but then I watched movies for the rest of the night, and only remembered again when I was laying in bed. I still feel terrible. I'm debating calling, but I'm not sure if I'd be welcome, so I'm holding off.... >.< Any advice for me?

Kitty Power

Heyla,

There's lots of interesting stressors in my life right now, but the most stressful one by far right now is my cat. She looks pregnant, acts pregnant, but has been fixed, so cannot BE pregnant. I would, however, much prefer her to be pregnant miraculously than to find out that she has a terrible case of worms, or that she has cancer (as was so kindly suggested by my beloved roomie's jackass boyfriend). She cries for me, cuddles to me, attacks me, follows me around, protects me, and essentially is being incredibly unlike herself. I'll be taking her to the vet on Wednesday. :S I'm broke, but maybe they'll work with me to get her the help she needs.

Cursive makes you more creative, seem more smart, and faster at gathering ideas/keeping up with the person talking. Sweet, I have good reasons to support writing in cursive all the time. (Sorry, Tesh was talking about it)

My nephew has suffered some kind of body seizure the doctors called a muscle spasm. Sis said he looked like he was having a heart attack. It's worrisome. ...And that's an understatement.

I went home this weekend and helped paint the cabinets white, clean mom's room, living room, kitchen, and just essentially get the house in order for my step-dad's homecoming. :)

Just got a call from home. Niece is at mom's house, her mom's in jail, and just... my family takes one step forward, three steps back. I'm getting more and more worried.  So essentially life sucks at one point, and is pretty good the next. Or vise versa.

Anyway, I have a presentation, test, and homework to do tomorrow, so I'm gonna head to bed. Wish I had more positive things to report. Oyasumi~

Driving

Heyla!

It's been a while. I won't apologize, because that's not a good way to start out something. But I have missed this, just a little. And I've been urged to continue for a while, so~ Thanks, and I'll try to write a little more often. :P

Lately I've been stuck driving by myself for about 2 hours every weekend or so. (This weekend, my boyfriend drove, and subsequently damaged his car. I'm sure he'll post about that.) I'm thinking I want to do a blog post about my driving experience.

I have a long time to just think by myself. It helps me untangle my thoughts, but it also helps to jumble my thoughts. I can roll the windows down and sing at the top of my lungs. I frequently have a sore throat by the time I make it to my mom's house, since I can't help singing along if it's a really good song.

But I often end up finding 'partners' in the other cars. They match my speeds, or I match theirs, and then we journey for a surprisingly long time together. Sometimes we play skip frog, where I'll pass them, then they'll pass me, and we'll follow each other. It feels fun and somewhat safer than speeding along by oneself does. I imagine that I can guess something of their personalities when this happens, because they feel like new friends.

On some rare occasions, I end up 'leading' cars (numbers range from 2-20) because I'm going the most acceptable speed, so no one bothers to pass me. I always get nervous and start to feel responsible for them, so I'll go into the slower lane (when there isn't cars in the way). But then they (or at least a few of them, most of the time) follow me into the slower lane, and we stay with the same order of who's in front! It shocks me that I'm 'leading' when I'm only 21.

I think my driving has gotten a lot better. I managed to follow my mom, though I scolded her later about going too much over the speed limit for me when I had to speed to catch up to her as well. But neither she nor my aunt said anything bad about my driving when i drove them around. And neither she nor my sister said anything about my driving when they followed me to my apartment a while back.

My roomie said that my driving isn't bad, though it's occasionally a little scary. But she also said that everyone's driving is a little scary sometimes. But bf says it's ok as well. I think it's a ton smoother, and I always work on switching lanes, and signalling, and anything else that occurs to me when driving by myself. I think of it as an opportunity to practice. But then no one ever really comments on my driving anymore, so I guess it's just becoming 'meh'. Makes me not really want to drive.

I like this song because of the imagery and revenge.

My goals from when I was 17: Then and now

Go to Japan: Accomplished.
Get straight As: Working on it
Get into UNC-CH: ....well, I ultimately ended up happy with my runner-up.
Get a job: Funny that, goal then and now. I've had a few though! Yay!
Earn buku mula: .....yeah, about that.....
Stop buying books (DAMNIT): Beyond my $20 shopping that one time since I came back from Japan, I haven't bought any. Proud of me?
Get volunteering done: ...well, yes, I not only got it done, I was invited back last time I went to the library.
Be hired where I'm most appreciated and want to be: Working on it.
Lose weight: I'm happy to say, I have accomplished this goal. :D
Learn more about myself: Considering I have two+ pages of introspections I wrote while in Japan, I'd say I've done well with this goal.
Become a wonderful, honest, upright woman: ....I don't feel qualified to judge.
Take care of the four most important people in my life: (Reading this one made me realize how naive I am. And how many more people I have to consider important now)
Become proud of myself, but not arrogant: I'm apparently leaning towards becoming arrogant, but I've definitely upped my confidence.
Stop hanging my head: Except when jogging on the track, I generally hold my head as high as I can without losing sight of the ground.
Smile at everyone: ....well see.... I did that before I went to Japan. Since coming back..... well, I'm working on it. XP
Try to be less easily discouraged: Sometimes I still am, but if I really want it, I get stubborn. Yay! (My roomie said that for me)
Make beautiful things for the truly beautiful people I love: .......I made some nice paintings for my mommy....? ......Guess this should go on a to-do list.
Help others: I try.....
Make others happy: Yay! I'm told I do, and I should trust those I love, right?
Learn better self-control: ....Nope. Hasn't happened.
Exercise more: ....I just got back from the gym, I do taijutsu weekly, water aerobics twice a week, and walk around with Ke-chan and Maya pretty regularly. I'd say I exercise more.
Stop being a germaphobe: I think I've gotten better about it.
Stop being scared to throw up: I still don't like it, but I'm willing to do it when the pain becomes intolerable.
Get a driver's license: *checks wallet* Yup, I have one. *checks for car* Ooh, I have one of those too!

Thanks to bf and Kei-chan for helping me answer some of these. I wrote this list on 3:15 May 22nd, 2007. Fun stuff, right? What do you all think of it?

Perverted Convention

Yes, I went. It was great. There was a second convention right next door that we didn't know about beforehand. It was a doujinshi (fanmade manga) convention populated mostly by women. The perverted one was mostly populated by men. It made for an interesting day, since the three of us went to both, and there was two girls and one guy in our group.

We had planned to attend the perverted one. So I'll describe it first, though we went to it second (the other started first). There was a total of three non-cosplaying girls that we saw there at first. This is not including ourselves (I was highly tempted to cosplay, honestly). I have so many fliers that cannot be shown to children's eyes, and my friends actually got mad at me because I kept getting more flyers, and they weren't. We had to retrace our steps more than once so they could get the fliers I'd quietly plucked from an advertisers hands. It was funny, to say the least, because they kept exclaiming about how "We're walking together, so how did you end up with so much other stuff?" I just shrugged and told them they weren't paying attention properly.
There were naked anime girls painted onto cars, shirts, cups, fans, and various other things. There was a body pillow cover with a naked anime girl, and then the clothed version on the other side. There were so many random breasts popping out I started to look around for a real girl to pop one out. (I'll get to the cosplaying females in a minute)
There were tons of new games and advertisements for games being presented, and a lot of lines had more than 30 people in them waiting to buy a game. I couldn't believe it. There was also a video game that you were allowed to play if you would wait in line, so V-chan and I waited in line and got to play it for free. Like her name suggests, she kicked my ass. That's what I get for picking archery-based characters. >P
Cosplaying girls: They only really emerged near the end, but they were in a corner, and their costumes were less of a cosplay so much as they were an otaku's wet dreams. And if you stood in line, you could take pictures of them. I saw a maid, a ninja, Neon Genesis Evangelion, a playboy bunny, among others. These are separate from the cosplayers that were selling merchandise as a marketing maneuver. It was fun, overall.

The Girls' Side:
We went there first, and R-kun felt incredibly left out, since we were checking out boy on boy, and various manga that he had little interest in. He was also the only guy actually walking through the isles, instead of standing back and watching their partners dive in. The good ones sold out so fast!! We found all sorts of things, and it really reminded me of Animazement in alot of ways. So it was a little nostalgic.
Now here there was a ton of Cosplayers, and it all seemed to be ninja themed. I mean it. If it wasn't ninja, 90% was Gintama, and outside of that ....well, there were a few outliers, I'll just say that. It was really cool, honestly, despite the overwhelming numbers of people in the same room.

It was actually my first time to use my Alien Registration card as an age identifier. I had to use it for both, so I applaud their discretion.
It was also the first time I went on a bridge in a skirt and had my skirt decide to decorate my hips instead of my thighs in front of a crowd of guys while I was carrying perverted posters. I, like any girl, dropped all my posters on the floor, and crouched to hide my shorts/panties from being seen. None of the guys helped pick anything up, and I actually hopped around trying to grab the tentacle sex one before anyone saw it. Then a poor girl and her friend helped me pick up a few close to me while my friends gathered the ones the wind was playing with. You should have seen the look on her face. She was so embarrassed, and she was holding a more subdued one. My friends had a ball comparing that to manga and anime, and exclaiming about how they never expected to see that actually happen in real life. I laughed so hard I teared up. I couldn't believe it happened either. I knew this skirt was cursed.
They then actually held my stuff when we returned from having lunch (we had to cross the bridge again) and I held my skirt tight in both hands to keep it from showing anything. V-chan kept an eye on my skirt the rest of the day, and more than once ended up resting her hand on my thigh to keep it from flying up. When I snagged an ice cream on the way back to the train station, I had to choose between my ice cream and my modesty. Yes, ice cream won. Yes, V-chan and R-kun ended up shielding me from the wind and prying eyes. ...As much as possible. I didn't care, I had ice cream and shorts on underneath. The fact that my shorts were skin-colored? Didn't matter :D

And this was a quick peek into my Sunday~! I'm a good girl! I blogged! Praise me! Yay!!

Recent events

-My student that I had a semi-lust-crush on has repeatedly canceled, ran late, and shown no interest in me or practicing his English. I would be happy to just let it die that way, except that my host mom invites him over and he thinks it's from me. I'd feel pathetic about it, but it's only a student, so beyond a slight dose of mortification when he politely says *he'll contact *me, I'm great. Not a big deal.
- I have two essays due every week. In Japanese. Fucking hell.

- I also have a debate every week, starting from last week. This would be fine, except for the bassakwards way our teacher does it. I won't even go into that, because I have high hopes for it yet.

-It's foreign exchange student week. We're in high demand, to put it simply.

-My back has been injured, and when it was almost healed on Saturday, a well-meaning friend massaged it and completely reinjured it. I'm terrified when I move, sitting is painful, and the pain puts tears in my eyes regularly. Despite that, I am hoping it will heal soon.

-I can't do Aikidou. Not until my back heals. So I get to sit through practices and watch everyone do what I wish I was doing. We were excluded from the Great meet they went to on Sunday, so the other girls are feeling like giving up on joining.

-I broke a vase in Ikebana on Monday. I was mortified, though they were only worried about me being hurt.

-I have been correcting/fixing various fanfiction chapters lately.

-I have also been exchanging emails with friends more than ever. This merely means more writing for me.

-My host mom is sick. When she gets sick, I get sick. I do NOT want to be sick.

- I had work on Friday, I have it tomorrow, and I have it on Saturday as well! Work is fun, but prep is NOT.

-I still don't have a plane ticket home, and some of the cheapest I've found are about $5,000. That's the cheapest. And what isn't that high, doesn't exist. This means that many of the planes I was looking at are now sold out. Thanks parents.

-Speaking of parents. My mom hasn't answered a call, email or Instant Message from me in a week. But she can still forward damn chain letters. I see my level of importance there.

-I haven't been able to play with my friends in days. I would like to sit and chat with my friends quite a bit. It would make me feel much better.

-I have taken the leadership role for my group project, quite accidentally. So now I'm in charge of coordinating things. Fun stuff. We have to interview 5 people, I'm making the powerpoint, and everyone's chipping in. Not that much of a stresser, except that I have to compile everything.

-One of my friends regularly needs help with understanding his homework. I don't mind, but he doesn't allot enough time to get the explanation done, and he doesn't prepare enough for me to help him without practically doing it for him. I refuse to do that, so its a little stressful.

Events that have been pretty good:

-I visited an elementary school today. The kids were adorable. ...I have to write a paper on how they are similar and different to my own culture's. That's not so adorable.

-Ikebana has been moved to the tatami mat rooms. We have a great view, and we sit in the proper sitting style. We also have to transport everything every time.

-Aikidou hasn't been working out lately. So I have more time to hang out with friends! And run into Aikidou members.....everywhere.....*sadness*

-On Saturday I had a sleep-over. It was supposed to be us going camping, but the forecast said it would rain, so we moved it indoors. It didn't rain. We went to see the fireflies, ran into more of my host family, drank a bit, went to a bathhouse, made tacos for dinner together, and had fun. Not in that order.

-On Friday I got two new students for my kids' class. It was interesting and fun to meet them.

-My Ikebana is said to be improving, though I see no particular difference in how I did it before versus now. *shrug*

-My ankle hasn't been hurting that badly. Yay?

There is, of course, a lot more, but I honestly don't have the time for this. I regularly try to get about 7 hours of sleep, otherwise I snap at my teachers and end up pissy the entire next day. It doesn't help that I'm waking up without the help of my alarm clock nowadays.Yay for programming your body?
Ironically, the song I'm listening to at the moment:

Bwahaha. Considering my last post title, this is ironically funny

So I have actually been thinking of posting for a while now, but there were issues, and I was lazy, and I didn't feel like it. *grins* My bad?

I have joined Aikidou and Ikebana. If you don't know what it is, look it up. It'd be redundant for me to try to explain it when you can get a professional opinion somewhere else easier.

Aikidou has literally kicked my ass. For two or more days I couldn't fully open OR close my legs. Make all the jokes of that you will, I felt awkward as hell. I also attempted a stilted, pain-filled walk that made me feel like Igor. But it was fun! Doing aikidou, not hurting. My host mom likes to poke my rub my bruises and cuts.....She's evil in a way similar to me, so I feel like I'm getting what I deserve.

Ikebana is very laidback and I like it, but it's like an hour a week total, and I'm not sure I'm learning anything really. Eh, okay, maybe I'm learning, but it feels a little too relaxed when  I compare it to Aikidou.

I borrowed a uniform for Aikidou from the student that just graduated high school. ....Ironically the pants fit awesomely, and the top could not cover me. I will be borrowing the pants. Now I just have to decide if I want to buy a pair of pants for myself or if I just want to borrow the pants and buy the top and obi separate. I'm still thinking about it.

I have made and am using a Whiskey-based medicine for my cough. It helps, surprisingly. And the taste isn't too bad, but I felt like a drunkard buying cheap whiskey at the supermarket. Especially since I just kinda stuck it in my bag and toted it around with me since I had other places to go.

I sent boxes off to my family today. So expensive!!! I even sent two of them over ship. And there was some trouble when the lady forgot to add the insurance I requested. But overall it wasn't too bad.

I've rented Mulan and Tarzan and some other movies. I feel silly renting these movies, but then everyone sits and watches them (the kids actually end up getting sleepy and noisy and it irritates me because I feel like movie watching is nearly sacred. If you're not making a smart ass comment about the movie that's funny enough to make me laugh, I shouldn't be hearing you.) so I feel less stupid.

I watched Penelope the other night. It was pretty good. Though (SPOILER ALERT) I feel like it was somewhat ironic and stupid for the curse to be broken like it was. Just when everyone is getting used to it, it breaks.

Sweetie and my 'fights' are quite amusing to participate in. Usually one of us willingly defers to the other and lets the other scold or shake their head in a 'What am I going to do with you' kind of way. Then we generally give up on the scolding and continue with other things.

Ow. Why did I just poke my scabbing knee? I do not know but it hurt. I need to start thinking about it before I do things to my body, but it doesn't seem to come naturally. As much as I watch and observe others, I am remarkably unable to govern myself well. I've tried the method of "If I saw someone else about to do what I'm about to do, what would I say/do" and.....it fails. It fails so bad..... I just utterly blank and start wondering why someone else would do what I'm doing, and if I would be doing it if someone else had already done it, or I just can't imagine it properly.

I think I have to say goodbye to my pretty legs...If you have any interest in pretty feet: your own or another's, do NOT do Aikidou. I'm sorry dear, but my feet may very well end up scarred and calloused in odd places. I'm so glad you don't have a foot fetish.

Okay, I'm really getting tired now. I'll just post the video I'm listening to right now. G'night~

I realized how little I post on here lately

I also just realized that on Sunday, not only do I get a movie day with my lust crush, but he will be helping me practice my self defense which means lots of physical contact....wow. I'm suddenly seriously looking forward to the weekend. And I'm dreading it now for the exact same reason.....That sucks.

So today I took a day off. :) Or so I say. What I actually did was:

-Wake up around 10.
-Eat a piece of toast,
-Hang up Ikuchin's laundry and start my own (starting with my bed sheets)
-Take a shower
-Hang some laundry up
-Eat some orange slices and something else
-Get dressed, put make up on
-Go out to Tsutayas ( a rental store) where I rented 5 movies: Mamma Mia, Public Enemies, Juno, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and My neighbor Totoro
-Pick up a set of donuts from Mister Donuts
-Come home and cry over the state of my feet ( a few cuts that I really hate getting)
-Cut the donuts in half and essentially scarf them down since I was really hungry by then
-Turn on my computer and hang more laundry
-Check for anyone online, check bf's schedule to see what his plans/etc were
-Ikuchin came home, so we ate various breads and donuts for lunch
-Watched Juno and had a discussion on adoption in the US. We also discussed my family tree which looks so much more complicated on paper than in my head
-Watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith. We both enjoyed that.
-She made dinner while I finished up the laundry
-We ate. ....She made this really bitter dish that I didn't really like, but I could eat, so she was really impressed. ....It honestly turned my stomach just a little. But I didn't want to make her eat it all by herself.
-I got online again and started sending out emails etc.
-Ikuchin offered me ice cream. Of course I said yes, so I then was sick to my stomach from it....
-Took a scented bath
-Sang in the bath (embarrassing, but fun)
-Talked to bf


...hopefully soon I will sleep.

This song has not left my mind completely in days: (And it describes what I've done today fairly well)

Let's see how bad my grammar can get when using a school computer.

And how long I can last before I get too bored to write anymore. (Spoiler: I got bored pretty quick)

I overslept today so I skipped my first class with Hat Lady, and only had Ahiru-sensei. I adore him; he's got this pace to him, and he knows how to teach very well. My day is always better for having him, even though he teaches kanji.

I've been on a Reba roll. She's really got a good voice and her songs have meaning, which kind of turns my :song listening: into story time.

I got an 80 on my last kanji test!!! It's not the best in the world, but its a huge improvement over what I've been getting.

I'm dying to do a movie day, and I think I'll do it on Friday. Maybe go kimono shopping as well. I don't need one, but my friend wants to get one cheap, and you know I know where to get those. :)

NEWS ALERT: I just managed to spell 'friend' correctly my first time! (I confirmed it by remembering that friends end. Take that, optimism!)

The computer room is actually a pretty good place to make friends. "Hey, could you help me with this paper...?" and it usually works! :D Not that I do that.... Heehee

I keep finding reasons to tell myself how awesome I am. I think this is a good thing so long as I also see my silly/worrisome points as well. :)

Okay, I'm hungry again....I just ate three hours ago! I'm gonna go scrounge some food up from the コンビニ (convenience store).

Ah, right* about my previous blog post: I will continue to write mostly about myself. I realized when I was reading Pineapple's blog, that I'm very happy to hear about her, so I believe you guys when you say that you like hearing about me now. :P Thanks for the comments!

I really like this video/song:
http://youtu.be/OVXNOIWqcTc

This one is good too. I had it stuck in my head all day yesterday:
http://youtu.be/5Faw065zp8k

And this one just surprised the hell out of me when I actually started paying attention to what I was listening to. It's also very good:
http://youtu.be/C_Ky6F-8O9o

Just a quick snippet

I should really be doing my kanji homework....But it's tedious....

It's rained the last two days, so I've enjoyed ridiculously crowded trains. I'm not being sarcastic, I actually really enjoy crowded trains. I think it's my appreciation for awkwardness that makes it so easy to enjoy though. When I explained to my friend how you don't have to stand on your own, that others support you, we then got on a train that was fairly crowded. After we got off, she said she understood why I like them so much. ^.^ <3 <3 <3 I don't know how to adequately express my love for uber crowded trains. It's the companionship and support (quite literally) that clinches it for me, I think. ....Yeah, I can't even fully understand it.

I should really go to school by bike, but I've been so lazy....and it really has been raining. I'm hoping it rains tomorrow too so I can take the train guilt-free, but I don't think it'll happen. It's been beautiful in the morning, then rainy during the afternoon/evening, and beautiful again at night. It supports my belief that nature is a woman.

My weekend is looking busy, but Rozy is gonna come stay with us while she enjoys a Takarazuka performance. So I'll at the very least get to see her at night. <3

On Friday I have a tentative date with a friend to look at kimono at the shops where I usually get mine cheap. I have work on Saturday, and a date at the zoo with my usually busy host sister on Sunday, so I hope my ankle can bear with the work I'm gonna be forcing on it.

I haven't wanted to wear pants lately. They feel so cumbersome....So I think I'll wear skirts more. They're embarrassing, but it's not too bad if I wear some shorts or something underneath, so I'll do my best to bear with it. I just got a hole in one of the two pairs of pants I've managed to keep through the winter (yes, I'm disappointed), so I don't really have the pants to spare/wear anyway..... *sigh*

Is it weird that when I'm missing home I end up eating Oreos?

So I know this is a blog, for me, about my daily life, epiphanies, and quotes that are awesome. But don't I talk about myself too much? I get tired of writing 'I'. (Yes, the irony does not escape me) *tilts head* Should that be a double negative?

I've made plenty of acquaintances lately, but am unsure as to how to proceed to make them into friends. Any suggestions? It's a little lonely here sometimes. I may get a cell phone for my remaining months, but I don't know that I really want to. I enjoy not being able to be contacted until I get home. Call it a lack of restrictions/responsibility.

On the topics of the point of this blog, as well as skirts, a quote for you:

"Today in class, someone asked how long our essays needed be. My teacher replied "essays are like a woman's skirt, they need to be long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep it interesting". Favourite teacher? I think so MLIA" --Obviously from the mylifeisaverage.com site

"Essays are like a woman's skirt"....."short enough to keep it interesting"....I'm both amused and frightened.

Aw ducklings. I just impulsively commented on a friend from elementary school's facebook status. I'm an idiot...See, she's always posting about 'heartbreak' and 'playing the playa' and 'I won't be defeated by one heartbreak!'....The girl is whiter than me, her family is as redneck as mine is, and she's living the life, drinking underage ( think she might be legal), going to college, living with her best friends in a flat. I just get sick of her posts that sound nothing like the girl I was friends with. V.V So when she said 'ya gotta play them before they play you', I had to comment on how it takes all meaning out of any relationship when you assume everyone is playing.....Ducklings! 5 people were liking that status. I wonder how hard they're gonna jump my apricot. ....And she said 'Exactly' to my post...I'm not sure she understands what I was trying to say....

I think I'll try to replace all cuss words with cute, inconspicuous words in an attempt to stop cussing so much. Can you figure out what I was trying to say before I censured myself? :)

Epiphany: I have friends, and I have friends that I want to be REALLY GOOD friends with. I just have no idea how to go about making them that. :(

I wonder if I've posted this one already? It's rather hypnotic to me.....

The Woman I want to be

I've been thinking about it, but since I don't know what I want, taking steps in the right direction to become that person is really hard. I could use some input. Here's where I stand now:

-I'm capable of anything and everything. My morals, preferences, and choices are my limiting factors. I can be a goddess, a wrestler, or a murderer if I so choose, and honestly, I'm the only one that can decide it. I realize that.
-I also realize that I don't know what I want to choose. There's no limit, so there's no problem will asking for input to help me decide what to keep and work out. For example: -I'm shy, but I act confident. I'm fine with this. Friends that know I'm actually quite shy are the ones that are the 'keepers' for me. If you can't figure out when I'm nervous, you might want to work on getting to know me.
-I want Japanese to be involved in my future. Preferably Japan itself being involved in my future, but I haven't decided how badly I want that yet.
-I'd like a job that doesn't have normal hours. To do that, I have to be really awesome at whatever I choose to do. I can do that.
-Whoever I am, has to be able to show they care.
-They also have to be kick-ass and able to protect those I care about.
-I'd kind of appreciate having a 'fuck off' part of myself. I'm usually a little more mellow than I should be (on the outside).

....Yeah, that's about where I stand right now. What things about me do you love/hate/love to hate? Remember, if you don't mention it, I might think it's a bad thing and decide to twist it around. ;)

Addictions and Complaints

My title is kinda epic, if I do say so myself.

First off,

My ankle is swollen. Walking hurts. I have reached my 'silent staring ahead and daydreaming in order to make it where I'm going' stage of pain. What am I daydreaming of? It's best you don't know. They aren't meant for anyone that's not middle aged, on the verge of death, or extremely deranged. Yes, they're THAT strange. And awkward to explain. I have overworked my ankle a little too much, apparently. I would apologize to it, but a small part of my brain is still thinking "Quit being a sissy and man up already you damn appendage!" And trying to sincerely apologize when you're not sorry isn't one of the things I do. I just don't.

 Now, on to things that aren't me bitching.

I have new addictions. One day I WILL take revenge on this woman for always finding things that interest me on fb. Until then, like an addict I will keep looking at what she posts. My recommendations?
mylifeisaverage.com and brotips.com
They're really interesting. I really like them. I would recommend 'givesmehope.com' but it makes me cry. I don't like things that make me cry. ....Apparently they don't make rozfire cry though! I've made my voice hoarse trying to make her cry with them. Grar!!!!

My birthday is coming up on Wednesday. I'm having a party. :) We will play games and eat snacks and I'm going to the Aquarium that day. The day before, we'll be going for a flower-viewing party.

Reading things out loud with a British Accent makes story-time SO much more fun. And reading out loud is actually easier, as well. I begin to understand why I chose a British accent when I was so little. My teachers thought I was from England or something. They were wrong, but hey, it's amusing, right? ^.^

Alright, I'm out of juice. Enjoy the song I was humming in the shower this morning. :D

The hair is GONE! WAHAHAHAHA

To every single person that said I would miss my long hair:

Besides some minor habits, such as arranging my hair when I go to sleep (Which I've only done for about ten years), I have NO signs of missing my hair, mentally, physically or emotionally. (Or any other -lly that I'm forgetting)

My mother is showing signs of being more attached to my hair than to me....I can't say I'm surprised. She says my bangs are throwing her off, and she looked close to a break-down by the middle of the conversation. I feel a little bad. But damn it, it's my hair, my life, and I'm the one that has to DO the damn hair. I couldn't even get someone to help me BRUSH my hair without puppy dog eyes and pouting half the time. Forget actually STYLING it. In essence: A PAIN!!!!!

I've been so bored lately, what with always sitting, and sometimes walking, but mostly sitting. *eyebrow twitches* I can't handle the not-moving!!! ....Which is why tonight we all danced together: Sarah taught Ikuchin and I two new dances, and then I taught Sarah the Danca De Manivela. Yes, I know the whole thing. And do it.

....Which is why my ankle is sawing away at a knife that it will plunge into my body at some point (i.e. IT HURRRRRTS).

Anyway, I went to a Ryokan where there are 7 different Onsen in the same area with rozfire recently (as in, we came home today). The food was....too much quantity!! It was delicious, but I swear, they must have served us a good 7 crabs at least! In more than 2 ways. ...Three, since we had it raw too. It's good to know you CAN eat it raw....I hope to never need to use that knowledge.

I'll eventually post more about the Ryokan on the other blog. Now on to FUN stuff!

I have found a new life goal, and it was inspired by something from MyLifeIsAverage.com. I will paste:
Today I read a post on dearblankpleaseblank.com that said, "Dear store employees, If you don't want us to joust, stop having electric carts and Nerf swords in the same store. Sincerely, immature". I think I have a new life goal, find a store with both of these. MLIA
--Therefore: If you ever find such a store. Please, let me know post haste. :)

Holy cow....When I type my real name in Google and click "I'm feeling Lucky" it goes straight to my open profile on facebook....O_O I'm somewhat worried and seriously considering making my account private now.
Maybe having the same username for a few sites isn't the best idea....But damnit, my name is MY name! I'm attached! *pout* When I type in my entire, correctly spelled name, it pops up with a document of my graduation from my high school. Google is getting smarter.....And I'm scared.

I bet more than half of you will be trying variations of my names that you know of in an attempt to see what pops up, if not your own names. :)


It's a little awkward when someone asks if you've googled them and you have.....eh...heh...eheheh?

I was watching my high school's air bands on youtube, and only now realized: We were high schoolers. It was okay to be immature. Why couldn't I have REALLY accepted that all those years ago?

Quick Post

Heyla,

It's been awhile. ;) So sorry.

I actually meant to post this by mid-afternoon for me, but I didn't count on coming home, dropping for a quick nap and sleeping for 4 straights hours instead. This means sleeping tonight might be a little harder than I planned for it to be. Damnit.

I really wish I would quit dreaming about people being killed or in the process of being killed. It's not pleasant. I actually wake up fairly shocked, even when it's people I don't know in real life that I'm dreaming about. But damn if my dreams wouldn't make for good movies. I'm near tears thinking of where my dream last night ended up this morning. :( 


This weekend, though I only had plans for after 3 or 4 in the afternoon, I still ended up worn out. Last night Hanna stayed the night and we ended up (like girls are bound to do) talking about tons of different things for over an hour. Though it ended up revolving around our boyfriends. Guys are surprisingly similar sometimes....


Yes, I'm rocking out to music while typing this. Wahahaha. I miss being able to turn on a radio and just rock out. Radios here have so much talking, and the song stations aren't in the range of the radio I've got right now, so I have to go buy one.


I have unofficially arranged my living arrangements for next year. Now I can look forward to going home and knowing I'll have a place to stay. :) AND that my parents are willing to pay for it. That's called : NO WORRIES!!! I just have to pay for my own food. Even just paying the bills, my parents save a total of 1,540 by letting me live with Kellie and I DONT have required 'Go home' holidays. SCORE!


I appreciate that ATC has dancing in their music videos that they do themselves. *nods* Their songs are okay, but I like their dancing more. And there's no slouching against a wall while gesturing with their arms to emulate 'dancing' or 'entertainment'. C'mon rapper boys. You're entertainment right? Dance rapper boys, dance!! *Insert evil cackle here*


Homework is nearly overwhelming, the material is mostly easy, and the teachers are interesting. There's one teacher I adore messing with, but I've been a good girl and not played with her too much. Though she scares the crap out of one of my cutest, sweetest freinds, and apparently has even deliberately been mean to her, which pisses me off. But since I heard that from a biased source, I'm holding back judgment until I see it for myself.


So I'm thinking to do a Sailor Moon cosplay before I cut off my hair. It'd be such a waste to not do it when I actually have the hair for it. =) I'll take pictures. Though I won't be posting it on this blog. Sorry. For those that don't actually know me in person, I have really long blonde hair that reaches my pants and further. It settles on my thighs when I sit. And I'm about to cut it ALL OFF WAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!! I've picked out a hair style, set the date, arranged to sell my hair, and begun planning hair styles for short hair. I am SO ready. And just a little nervous. :)


I wonder if cutting your hair is like cutting your nails. You get used to the length and the things you can do with it, and so there's this ghostly feeling of 'Oh, I can still do it' before you remember, 'oh, no I can't...'. And I wonder if there's an equal chaffing like I get on my fingers after cutting my nails. You know, because my nails normally protect my finger pads from too much use, so when they're short they end up incredibly sensitive and overused. They end up chafed and hurting.


It's been raining here for two days now. Yes, I'm ecstatic. Let's see if I can explain my view of rain:


There's a comforting patter of sound gently lulling you into security. When you step outside, you see beautiful temporary threads of silver that shoot toward the ground, kissing it with all the strength gravity can give it. Reaching out a hand, you feel those pin-prickling kisses for yourself and they tickle just enough to make you want to smile. Stepping into the shower of moisture, you feel kisses landing with abandon, no plan or organization to the touches of nurture from the atmosphere and it's a peaceful, gentle display of affection. You find a puddle of this water that has been generously given to you, and as you begin kicking the water up, trying to help it reach the sky once more, you have to laugh because it feels so cold and you feel so childish and happy to be able to play in such a simple way, no matter your age, sex or busyness.


That is my view of the rain. *nods* I hope I have inspired you to the dark side. We have soup and hot cocoa for when you eventually get sick because no one drew a bath for you while you were out playing and you got a cold from a lowered immune system.



What Red Carpet happened over the weekend? I'm out of the loop apparently. Crest has been connections than I do. Yes, I have Crest as a 'friend' on Facebook. You can never have too much toothpaste. Now if only I could get it for free.


Alright. I've been typing on and off for an hour. I think I've done pretty well. *nods* ....If not, well, I DID try....



I'd like to learn this dance. It helps that the guys are really cute and the girls are really fit.

Can you spot all the mistakes?

Or alternatively titled: I'm tired, irritated, watching a really annoying drama with my host family grandma, and essentially wishing I was in bed right now.
Or, "I have NINE followers?!?!?!" (O_O) Why?! Well, I don't understand, but um, welcome to my mind?

Celsius is actually surprisingly difficult to spell. I was trying to figure out how warm the room actually is. Oops. Ikuchin is out of the bath. Be right back.

Why is it that out of every 5 commercials, there is at least 2 foreigners. And out of 5 commercials, the background music English 3/4 times? I don't understand, but oh well.

Uh....I'd really planned to write a lot more, but Desperate Housewives has utterly caught my attention. You wouldn't believe the idiocy of some of these scenarios. The actors and actresses are really good though. I rarely have any kind of "Wait....that wasn't believable acting at all..." reactions. In fact, their roles are very well done. The scenarios however, leave me gaping on occasion. There's even one character I just really don't like, and one character I love to watch mainly cause she's ridiculous. But despite this (out of character) praise for a drama, I still want to roll my eyes, bang my head, and break the DVDs when Ikuchin pulls them out. I feel like reading a synopsis of the whole thing just to avoid having to actually WATCH these idiocies happen.


I'm trying something new here: I had a question, so if you have an opinion on it/answer, please let me know. When a person calls you on bad behavior (on your part), or on a fault with yourself, what kind of attitude makes it easiest for you to accept the criticisms? That's a really convoluted question, so I'm sorry. I'll give you an example.

Example: There's a hair on your wrist. The person next to you that you know, but not very well, reaches over, gently takes your hand and pulls the hair off, before returning to their original position and acting as though nothing had happened at all. What kind of response would have been best to set you at ease, if acting as though nothing had happened wasn't the best?
Example 2: You just commented on how a teacher will do nothing but criticize you. A friend turns on you and points out that the only time you talk to that teacher is when they call on you and you cannot avoid answering. When they call on you, you are never paying attention, and do not even know the question, let alone the answer, so of course you wouldn't be praised. The friend then politely suggests volunteering to answer questions and attempting to pay attention during class. What kind of attitude should the friend use to get the best, most accepting response from you?

Epiphany: (This should be obvious, but) Popularity is not satisfying. Touching other people's lives and having something good to say about anyone is satisfying.

Pretty sure I've posted this one before, but oh well.

This will be short

Mainly because my energy is rapidly failing me.

!. Love you dears.
@. Cats are very strange. If you're nonchalant with them, they sit in your lap and let you pet them until a random stranger suddenly sits near you. Then they waltz away. Happy and sad about that. :)
#. I made cookies! Peanut Butter cookies and regular cookies with a light vanilla flavor to them. I made a lot, and they all got eated (written that way on purpose) so I so happy! My classmates, teachers, friends, AND the CIEC staff all got to have some, and everyone complimented them. It makes me wonder about that saying that your feelings are conveyed in your food's taste....Everyone said they were super delicious, so they obviously didn't taste the frustration, hate, and pissiness I poured into it. Or else they like the taste of angst.
$. Papa is now officially at home. Yay? I haven't talked to him yet. *shrug*
%. I have a new reader? Welcome, Woe. Heh. I feel oddly as though I'm welcoming the emotion, and not the person. :)
^. Yes, I've been doing these symbols on purpose. Who says I have to follow a trend?
&. FREEDOM! ...Kinda. I feel pretty free, so that's all that matters.
*. It snowed a LOT today. At school. I was really glad I'd taken the train, since...well, a girl fell and slipped right behind me and Tami-chan today on our way home. The poor girl was obviously embarrassed and it looked like it hurt. :(
(. It took me an hour and a half to get home today because I walked my bike home. There was nothing else to do, since the snow NEVER STOPPED! And it was super icy, and we still slipped and slid. *shudders* That was really impressive.
!). I just wanted to make a '10' symbol.

I'm done. :) Happy Valentine's Day! (Everyone here is sick but me....)

I think I've posted this one before....


So here's a new one? Sorry it's not romantic.....

Let's see what I can write about this time....

I'm still not sleeping well.

I've gotten to be rather awkward at making friends in my class. I have a few 'friends' in my class, a few people I don't really know, and and a few people I know well enough, but haven't built connections with. So I have to try to be approachable and not offensive. Which is so HARD for me! I'm not good at holding my tongue and playing nice...*sigh* But I *am* a nice person....so I should be able to make good friends, right? The answer is 'maybe'. At best. *sigh*

I have found miniature Ritz crackers that are so very delicious, and not too high in calories. Can you say 'score' ?

I have plans with Rozfire! She's coming to Tokyo, and I'm super excited! It looks like we'll be able to meet up with a Finland friend and her family, as well as Aki-san, if we want. *dances around* Things are looking up on that front!

Which reminds me. I signed for my scholarship money today, and I'll receive (I think) 2/3s of it tomorrow. I'm both excited and scared. I feel like it'll be taken away at the last minute, but if not, I'll have little to no worries for the rest of my stay here. Well, besides classes, but I've been rather diligent on that front.

I've decided on my hair style for when I cut my hair off. It's finding out if Daisuke can cut my hair on a full moon that I'm not sure of. But hey, I'll even get money for my hair. *dances around* Though admittedly, I'm thinking of donating the money, since I can't donate the hair. I'm nearly counting the days with both excitement and trepidation.

You know, looking at all these changes and interesting things, I think I might understand why I can't sleep for shit these days. I'm never normally this excited for more than a few hours in a week at most.

We have free tickets to go ice skating and I wanted to go with my host family, but Ikuchin told me to take my friends instead if I could. It looks like it'll be snowing/raining for the next few days at least.

Valentine's Day is coming up. I'm thinking of making sweets, but, to stay true to my dear, *flutters lashes* I won't make chocolate sweets. I'm thinking of short cakes and/or peanut butter cookies and/or sugar cookies. Depends on what I feel like doing.

We're trying out all sorts of bath recipes lately, and I'm rather happy about it. Last night I bathed with oatmeal and baby milk with a touch of chamomile. We were supposed to use lavender, but we didn't have that handy, so we went with chamomile. I'm beginning to look around for other possible sources of fun bath times, because that was fairly awesome. :)

I've been on a Sailor Moon bend for a while now. Makes me want to hear all the soundtracks. I've also been planning a nice little lesson about Thumbelina and showing my students the video after we read the book. I'm nearly wiggling from hoping they'll like it, but I feel like if I get too excited, they'll actually have little to no interest in it. It may just be my mental state, but it's never been wrong. If I'm too excited, no one else is interested. *sigh*

It was only last night, as I was gulping down my lukewarm green tea that I realized how used to it I've gotten. Unlike so many others who either take to the damn stuff or don't, I didn't particularly like it, but I didn't have a lot of trouble drinking it. I mentally grimaced, but no one besides myself had to know. Last night I was drinking it down with absolutely no problem. No grimacing, no mental *ugh*, nothing. Which made me realize exactly how used to it I've gotten. I've also gotten used to taking baths in addition to taking my shower, which may not be a good thing for my return trip. It really, honestly, makes me wonder what I'll have to get adjusted to when I return to America.



Epiphany: Things are never as great as when you first open/start them. True for chips, crackers, zippers after a meal, and doomed relationships.

One Sappy Post.....Darnit

>.>
<.<
>.<

Sometimes I look at my hands with the fingers spread and I ache for your fingers to be in between them.

Sometimes I see a cute picture of a couple kissing on the cheek and my lips tingle to kiss your (always) stubbly cheek

I look at post cards or Christmas cards and turn to comment on them to you and realize you're not here and there's no way to share that moment with you. It really makes me sad then.

I read articles on the internet and want to laugh at them with you, but realize you're sleeping due to the time difference, and by the time you wake up, I won't find them funny anymore. I bookmark them anyway.

I eat something that I find delicious, and my lips curl all by themselves because I'm thinking of the disgusted face you'd make if you were here.

I sometimes look at my underclothes and find myself smirking because there's no way you can see them, and that amuses me. No embarrassment or nervousness = Score.....but then I want to show you something cute I just bought....And I'm back to frowning.

I watch a comedy show and want to share the joke with you. It's only when I'm fumbling to translate it for you that I realize it loses its humor....and I didn't want that.

You tell me you want hugs and kisses, but that just perplexes me because I don't want them. I need them, and I know you're saving them up for me for when I get home, so I'm just looking forward to my homecoming. I know you won't disappoint me.

I still haven't sent the gift to you because it's a couple set, and I'm unusually scared to separate the couple, but giving you both feels wrong.


I looked back at posts from years ago, and feel like it's laughable that we tried to pretend we weren't a couple.

Damnit....I'm going to go cry in the shower now. I may take this damn thing down in the future. It's incredibly embarrassing. .....*sigh* But I still love you.

Happy Early Birthday BF!!!

Heehee. I'm three days early, but I kinda wanted to be the first. ^.^ I still remember when we pretended not to know each other on here in an effort to keep who we were anonymous and leave comments without it being detrimental to our relationship.

Okay, *claps hands* that's all for the sap. Ooh. Bf's back on aim. Yay!

I'm only typing for as long as I feel like it since I'm utterly drained of energy.

Today I had a disturbing dream that was basically a fighting dream (physically fighting), where since it lacked closure, I didn't want to end it there, so I spent the next 5 hours kicking ass in my imagination in bed. Yes, I was that awesome. (Any 'that's what she said' comments will be flamed)

After that I got up, dressed, made my lunch all by myself (only one person commented on it, so I was kinda disappointed), ate breakfast, and still got there early enough to go buy a drink from the store before we had to leave.

We went back to the elementary school today. I'm going tomorrow too. The kids.....mimicked me. I was vaguely offended. But since mimicry is a form of flattery, I tried to keep that in mind and somehow kept my humor.

After that.....we ate lunch together, played dodge-ball together (one of the most intense games I've ever played, and I didn't even really get to participate), had basically the same class with different kids, and came home. Yeah, that simple. But it was fun, even though one little girl kept telling me to "Hurry Up" when we finishing up lunch....I eat so slow. *cries*

Then on the way home I bought some taiyaki. I don't understand why they made sweets in the shape of fish, but they're really yummy and I kinda wanna try the apple custard ones.....I ate it together with Ikuchin and she bought donuts for us to share, so we actually had a bit of a sweets fest. ^.^ At 4 pm.....so dinner was a little bleh.

After that we went to Off House (Though I don't have the money to spare) and got a new DVD player. We also got kimono accessories for little girls, and I got some bath stuff and a little measuring tape giraffe that has photo frames for Kay (my nephew).

I've been building up my Queue on Youtube so I have an awesome list. Wow. Nicole Kidman really was quite beautiful. She's still pretty, but there's a difference between young-pretty and mature/aged-pretty, and you can see it well on her. Huh. I wonder if that makes sense.

.....On that note, I give up, and I will be going to bed/bath shortly. G'night

Yay Self Reflection

Because really, I haven't the money to go play right now. Before I get into boring questions about myself, read what goddess I am. I like these results quite a bit and would be happy to be this way.:

Ishtar - The ancient Babylonian Goddess of sexuality, love, healing, courage and warriors, and also rules the sexual dynamic between men and women. When you fancy someone, it's Ishtar at work! Shes often depicted as an angel whose eyes burn with passionate energy. Although she's very compassionate, when crossed she can become wrathful and destructive so beware of these times.
Harness her strengths and beauty!

You're brave, strong, dynamic, passionate and sexually alluring. A bit of a diva, you like to indulge and pamper yourself with sensual pleasures such as delicious food, ornate clothes and uninhibited sex. You're one of life's great survivors and you triumph over adversity, emerging like a phoenix as a transformed and stronger person. You're compassionate, non-judgmental nature means you feel just as at home with the down-and-outs as you are with the celebrated and wildly successful.

Call on this Goddess when you feel life getting the best of you.

 

Doesn't that sound interesting? ^.^ I like the last sentence of the last paragraph best. 

I've been called cute quite a bit lately. I have a theory about it that makes me a little less confused by it. Just by looking at me, you would NOT say I'm cute. I don't have 'cute' features. I recognize and (honestly, I embrace it) accept this. But my personality, and the movements and sounds I make color people's perceptions of me and make me 'cute'. That's the only way I can believe that someone means it when they say I'm cute.  *nods* What do you guys think?

 It occurred to me earlier, that helpless is seen as cute because it provokes the urge to protect in the watcher. ....Oddly enough, this occurred to me while washing dishes because my sleeves were kinda long. I thought that if they were super long, like the ones everyone tells me is really cute, then I wouldn't be able to wash the dishes. This makes me 'helpless' and would make others smile and want to help me out. I don't know if that's accurate or not, but I think it makes sense.

The genuinely (and somewhat unhappy) shocked faces of people when I let them know that I'm cutting my hair has been amusing me quite a bit lately. I have every intention of cutting it off in March as a birthday gift to myself. I've never had short hair and I really wanna see what it's like. I'm reading lots of lovely Yaoi right now. Poor bf had to endure a conversation on it. 

Now I think I'll just add some music because I haven't posted in a while. :) 

Fall Out Boys's videos are generally REALLY interesting. :)

 

My subconscious

is a scary thing. I mean, seriously scary.

I read years ago a description of Aries, and remember thinking "Oh, it matches me pretty well. It'd be great if it matched me perfectly." ....Reading it yesterday, it matched perfectly.
I think to myself, I should improve my skin. Weeks later, blemish-free skin.
It's not always a good thing.
If I think to myself, "I'm going to mess this up." I usually do.
If I stress too much, I literally make myself sick with worry. 
I think I'm not capable of living entirely without help, and now I'm not. I used to be. Now I need opinions and help getting up, and just little things. *sigh*

You're prolly sitting there thinking I'm overreacting or that it's a coincidence, but I'm fairly certain it's not. Even my body's shape, abilities, and limits are determined nearly entirely by my subconscious. I have never truly wanted to be a skinny girl. And I haven't been since I realized I don't like feeling my bones. Medium-size is fine, since this size makes exercise hard for me.
But essentially, I have to be careful what I find myself thinking, because it will become true if it's in regards to myself. That's not only scary, it's amazing.

My body has been shaping up. That's good. My language skills have been improving. That's great. I found myself thinking I might not remember all the english I've learned up til now a few weeks ago. Writing this report tonight, I found myself thinking of all the japanese words, but not any of the English. I could probably write a good half of this report in Japanese with no problem, but I sit here trying to remember the english equivalent for a good twenty minutes. That's kinda messed up.

So essentially, I scare myself. That's kinda normal for me, right?