Merry Chrismahanikwanzika!

Did I get that right this time?

^_^ Today was.....long. I got a nap, pushed a little girl (in my defense she called me evil and told a baby I was too evil to look upon), made her cry (;__;), played with a baby who adored the gift I got him, watched my sisters fight over the 'freind' I got as a promise for one of them, racked up on gifts and spent hours pampering myself this evening (with the result that I smell, nearly literally, like a bed of flowers, GOT A TOOLKIT (I was ready to stop opening gifts right there. Seriously, I nearly cried I was so happy. Uber excited!), and gift cards to bookstores ($o$), awesome candies and such, a beautiful Japanese doll that I'm STILL wondering where the heck bf got it from, and other things that I don't wanna say are less memorable, but I'm tired of bragging. I'm REALLY tired.
Sleep pattern:
2:00amish-ZZZZZZ
5:45am-PEEEEEE!!!!
6:00am-zzzzzz....
7:15ish-oh goodness....the children are coming! *cries*
12:30ish-Cant....take....any...more....ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
***Weird dreams about restaurants split in half ensues***
3:15ish- FOOD!!!!!!
**Running everyone around, making others cry, etc.**
it's currently 5 am and I have no idea how I'm still awake.
To finish this happy post on a somber note, my sister started bleeding again. Right around the time I woke up sick this morning.... She didn't go to work to ensure that she didn't miscarry for certain, but I'll be honest with ya'll. I think she's already miscarrying it. She's smoked weed and taken heavy pain killers in the last few days, so if she hasn't miscarried, she's prolly damaged the poor babe. At this point, I just want the uncertainty to be over. If she hasn't miscarried it, I'm not certain how she'll provide for herself, her daughter (who had more gifts that I ever thought she would have had), AND a newborn while working all on her own. *sigh* Anyway, I'm gonna collapse now.

Quote of the Day: I just realized I very rarely figure out the perfect way to do something until the exact second after I screw up my first attempt at doing it. Hindsight? 20-F-ing-20

Video. I would like to mention, I spent forty darned minutes looking for a suitable video to match this song. This isn't awesome, but darn it....I'm too tired to search any more!!!!

updates....

-Got to eat with bf today
-woke up (the second time) to bf's voice.
-read some VERY erotic fanfics at like 4-8am today
-Got cool gifts (waiting to open some, didn't wait for others)
-Sat at the hospital from around 3:30-8:15, and they never told us if the baby would live
-Had to hold my sister's pants hostage.....awkward....
-Hunted down a doctor and 'talking him into' seeing my sister
-shared my bounty with my sissie
-May have lost my niece/nephew
-had been clubbing with the detective assigned to my sister....small world...
-said detective and sister did not like each other
-feet hurt...boots are not good for all day....
-showered with my niece....who likes spraying water....and had to care for her hair....which is almost as long as mine....as well as mine....*dies*
-had to get her dressed and her hair brushed out...while in a towel....I'm not that coordinated.....*sigh* we managed
-it's 10 pm, and I'm ready to FALL OUT!

I love you Rozy, and I am SO SORRY I flaked today! Mom is still pissed on your account. She really loves you. I do too. Happy Birthday, and aren't you glad I didn't sing happy birthday off-key for you?

I love you bf, and I'm sorry I had to have ya'll drop me off at the hospital. Thanks to your parents, and you, as I'm sure you helped them pick it out.

I need to get up with you pineapples, if you wanna meet up anytime this break. ;)

Merry Christmas everybody~!

Interesting video:

i dont think i enjoy life any less, just cause i'm looking forward to it ending

And that does not make me suicidal. Let me make that clear here. I am not courting death, doing dangerous things with death in mind, or wishing for death to come and take me. I am waiting for death, but I refuse to idly play with my thumbs in the meanwhile. I am here, therefore I have some purpose or at least something interesting I could be doing. I really do wanna know what death would be like though. Ahhh....I'm really looking forward to it~! How I die doesn't really matter... I just hope it's not long and drawn out over months and months. *shrug* But knowing fate, that's exactly how I'll die. ^///^

Okay, so I'll start by saying, Collegekid's earnest blog post made me think of morality, which led to life-or-death situations. When thinking of these, I thought about how most people would choose to keep their lives over keeping their morality. Personally, I would like to keep my morality more, which led me to thinking of how I do not fear death. I'm too curious to really fear it. Because really. 1. It's inevitable. 2. Everyone does it eventually. 3. Fearing it gives others power over you. 4. There's nothing to be done about your afterlife in this life. Why think/worry/fear it?

Okay, next is something completely irrelevant: The video I MEANT to post last time:


Okay, with that done, lets talk about death and morality!

So I was talking to bf, and he told me some reasons why he fears dying.
"because i dont know what will happen. will it hurt? will it be nothingness? is there really a heaven and hell? is there a God who will judge me, or are my actions arbitrary to the universe? how does it feel to cease to exist? all of these answered questions scare me."

There's nothing to be done about the afterlife, if you don't know what that judge is looking for. Will it hurt? Does it hurt now? If it doesn't hurt now, and you don't really KNOW it's gonna hurt later, why worry about it? If it's nothingness, you yourself will become nothing, and I can't imagine that HURTING, just something like you fading out of consciousness. It doesn't hurt to go to sleep, right? I can't make heaven let me in. And if I go to hell, I'm gonna DESERVE it, ya hear? I judge me, worse than anyone else does. If I can comfort and approve of myself, even to the point of liking myself, what ELSE can I POSSIBLY do? Nothing really, so I may as well live my life like I'm gonna die soon. Which means:
I'll take chances that I want to take. Do what I want to do. Ride that bull, cause I never know if I'm gonna have the opportunity to ride it again. Help others, so that maybe someone will help me. Do what feels right so that I can live with myself. Be who I want to be, so that I won't be ashamed to say my name and look others in the eye. I may look to others for approval, but that doesn't define me. It just fine-tunes who I am so that I can coincide with the people that the most important to me. If I ask someone else about myself, it's because I want their opinion. I want to know if my actions are a hindrance, because some actions aren't worth doing at the expense of losing or annoying someone I care about. It's not being hypocritical. Everyone I ever meet helps to define who I am. I take the mold, I shape it and give it life, but others are the ones that help me put details on my creation. I may give myself eyes, but others put the sparkle there. Others tell me whether I'll like the big pupil or the thin pupil more. (That's all an example, not a literal thing)
These are all my opinions and beliefs, and I would honestly LOVE to discuss them with all of you. Please chime in. Do you think I'm wrong to not believe in a God or Deity that I cannot find proof for? Is it wrong to live only to satisfy myself and those that I care about? Isn't it great to live my life without fearing death or what death will mean?

That reminds me. All of you (I hope) know about my car wreck this past summer. That event, cliche as it sounds, cemented these ideas that had been wandering my mind for years. I really thought I was gonna die. And I was fine with it. I had only one regret. And really, it was more of an "Damn...I looked forward to doing that all this time, and now I never will...talk about unfair..." thing than a serious "Oh, please forgive me for never ____" Thing. It may just be me, but when I thought I would die, all the bad things I feel that I SHOULD be ashamed for didn't run through my mind. I wasn't scared. I was amazed. It was so cool to watch the windshield crack. It was amazing to think that I never had to live another day as me. Yeah, somewhat unflattering, but I wasn't sad to leave my life. I was a little bit worried about leaving everyone behind, but they would all come after me at some point. *shrug* It's not like I would wanna drag anyone else into death with me. I'd hate to be responsible for taking someone's life away prematurely. Because you never know what tomorrow will be like.... I can't honestly tell you tomorrow will be better. No one worth a lick of honesty can. But I can tell you that if you look around every day you'll see an amazing array of new things, new people, new relations, and you'll be glad you looked. Or sad. But those sad times make the happy ones all the better, because then you know how harsh things can be, and you can rejoice that there is still joy to be had. Good things still exist, even in the face of hardship. That just makes them better, that they could bloom in such adversity. I wanna do my part to improve a bad situation or make something good bloom. ^///^ Comments? Questions? Opinions? Thoughts? I'll gladly accept them all.

I swear....hiccups are gonna expel my innards someday.

Okies, so Rozy and Piney have updated. I feel honor-bound to do the same. ^///^ I'll think of a title later.

Questions that Study Abroad is asking me to answer:
1. Why have you chosen to study abroad and what do you hope to gain from the experience? You may wish to discuss how your study abroad experience will fit into your career plans, intellectual/personal growth, and educational goals.

and

2. List three ways that you think life in your country will be similar to life in the U.S. and three ways that you think it will be different. Please elaborate on what led you to these conclusions and how you plan to cope with these similarities and differences when you are studying abroad.

Okies, so first off, my niece is now SIX years old! (I just realized how funny it would be if I misspelled 'six' as 'sex' instead. Awkward...) It was a LONG day! First, I woke up at 2 am so I could shower before I went in to work. Then I went into work. After I got off work, I left straight off from there and drove home, needing to pee and feeling hunger the whole way. Then when I got into town I didn't know where to go first. So I waited for a stoplight so I could dial my mommy's number and ask where I should go. But I didn't catch a stoplight until WALMART which, btw, is like 20 minutes into town towards my place. By that point I figured I'd just go to my sis's place. At least you can count on Walmart to hold up traffic. I got ahold of my mom, who then requested I come to her place and run errands for her until she thinks my sister will be up, but I'm already on my way to my sis's, and I need to PEEEEEEE!!! So I tell her as politely as possible, no. She gets pissy, even when Papa volunteers to do the bidding that she was gonna have me do. *shrug* I have to go, I'm driving. So I get there, and one sissy is awake, (Cin) one sissy is asleep (Chris) and one brudder is awake.

**I interupt my daily rendition of my boring days to bring you this moving email portion. It's not the whole thing, merely the one part that moved me to tears.**

"Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away?'

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway." -Very touching to me

Okay, back to your regular recounting of my taxi-service exploits:

So, I woke up my sis, told both of them I was starving and we were going to breakfast at Bojangles, and then we were off. I paid for breakfast (cause it was me that insisted we eat) and we ate, with them TRYING and FAILING to rush me. Eventually I said "Look here, I'm driving, and once I get some food in me, I'll be nice, but for right now, shut the fuck up and let me eat my damned food" but I wasn't being mean about it. They laughed and I smiled and we talked some more. It was FREEZING outside. We then went to mom's place where I picked up a gift and scooted out of there since no one was there anymore and I felt awkward about being there with just a sister. Then we went and sis withdrew her pay from her new job (whoot whoot she works!) and we bought Mimi's birthday cake and groceries to feed the children. It was pretty, but small. That's okay though, it just means it'll get gone while it's still fresh and delicious. Then we went to dollar general, bought tons of stuff for both kids but where my card was rejected because my sister tried to use it. I ended up borrowing money from her to pay for my purchases. (With my permission, but I couldn't remember the password, and I felt awkward telling them it anyway) So I then took them to the dollar tree to find what we couldn't at Dollar General. (Yes, we're cheap, but our hearts are in the right place) The tiara just wasn't to be found though, so Mommy had to go on a search for it. Then I called my bank, had to go to the bank and reset my pin and everything, all before taking everyone back to my sister's place and decorating and wrapping gifts for Mimi. After just a little while (I only got to wrap two gifts and put one set of streamers up) I had to go pick up Mimi and drop off her inhalor. Her teacher immediately knew I was Mimi's aunt, so I was a little bit freaked. She didn't ask for ID or anything. Just let me take the little girl. I was kinda like (0.o); You're just gonna give her to me? Do we look that much alike? (Incidentally, I visited the people Cin was staying with, and as soon as I walked in the door, they were like "Daaaaamn, what'd you do to piss Cin off so bad that her daughter came out looking just like your ass?" so I guess we look alike. No one doubts that she's my daughter when we go out together. *shrug* But anyway, I had to buy some time so they could finish getting things ready, and I ask her where she wants to go, and the ONLY place she wants to go is THE PARK. In 40-50 degree weather. That was SHOT DOWN, especially since her sleeve was wet from washing her hands. So I took her to PetSmart, where she could look at the animals. Then I got the call to come back, and we drove back. As soon as we enter the door, (I make her enter first) she has a ton of people singing happy birthday to her, and I never got to see her face. *frown* We didn't have a camera. But she turns and buries her head in my legs immediately after. She's smiling up a storm. Then we lead her over and make her blow out her candles. We give all the kids root beer floats which most of them don't like, but the ones that DO like it, like a LOT, and then we give them cake, after that ice cream, and then whoever wants hot dogs we give them those too. All of them are fine with lining up, which is a little strange to me, but hey, i'm not complaining. So we feed them sweets, then real food, then let them run off and play. The whole time, I'm waiting to catch Mimi, and actually start a nickname that caught on for the day. ^_^ The theme was "Princess" so I titled her "Princess Mimi" and caught on. She played with her freinds and I was happy for her. There was one incident that annoyed me though.
You see, someone gave her these cool gel pens, and she and three other children were using them. Her mom got mad about it and was like "Those are MIMIS! Keep away from them!" but they were just playing with her, because she WANTED them to! In fact, one of them was writing "Happy Birthday" on the paper for Mimi. It makes me SO MAD when a parent gets all righteous over their child's 'rights' and such when the child does NOT CARE! The only one feeling slighted is the parent! When the child says something, or acts imposition-ed, THEN the parent should take action, not before. It's no fun playing with your toys by yourself. I should know....
Anyway, then my mom calls and says how she doesn't want to come get the children, but that Chay is having a friend stay over, and that Mimi is also going to be staying the night at my parent's house, so could I bring them. *shrug* So I do, when Mimi is ready to leave. So once I drop them, I take my cousin Christmas shopping with me, and we stay gone for an hour or two, and when we come back, I get excited and wrap gifts. My cousin also helps. She's totally wrapped around her boyfreind, but she's only 14, and he's 17! I don't wanna think about what he can convince her to do.....V_V But she tells me all about their 'adventures'. Better for her to tell me than for no one to know. That way, when it gets to be serious, maybe she'll listen to my advice and not end up pregnant. Hopefully. *sigh*
Anyway, eventually, I can't stand to be awake any longer, so my niece and I go to bed together (I'm napping and she's sleeping for the night). It takes three tries to get me up, but I get up and drive back to school at 12 am. I end up going 95 at one point, and realize I'm pretty stupid. I didn't get caught, but damn, I could have. Then I get called in to work early because the girl before me ended up sick. *sigh*

After all that, I've taken my last final on Tuesday, then I've had to hang around school due to work. I'm working eight hours straight tonight, and then I'll be driving home. I have two friends staying in my room for the night cause they needed a place to stay. Peeps that graduated in my year will know them.
I've lost my roommate. Again. Damn it. I wonder if I'm gonna get another or if I'll have the room to myself. There's no telling, really. I'll prolly get a new one. *sigh* Oh well.
I'm only missing TJ and Mr. Asshole a present for Christmas.....V_V I don't know. See, Cin told me that Mr. Asshole got me a gift, and that she KNOWS I will love it. I don't know WHAT to do about it. I really don't. I can't not accept it, cause that's just utterly horrible behavior that I cannot condone. I can't accept it and give nothing back, but I honestly don't know what, if anything, I should give him. >.< GEEZ! This is so annoying! AUGH! And I know what I wanna give TJ, but I don't have the money right now. *sigh*
I'm watching a series with bf right now, and I don't know if this'll show, but this character Madara from Natsume Yuujinchou is my favorite. He's beautiful and powerful, and I'm sure bf has other things to say that are similar to me.....grrrr...
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-kWVEdpBSX_q272gmd_2CtvCW58CK8-R9PtGzYQMmMyNvFakrAzF3KvUzaylzOGKAKns5m_pXkIabSQ00JlxHJas_ZauHGNxXMFxYUCS1RaG22LUs07SunIzMS6YOGDywI7fKjBEh3Sd3/s400/Madara.jpg

Also, to Rozy, >.< I was just thinking the other day how I need to get your anime back to you. I'll try to return it over the break! I come home tomorrow, but I'm not certain I even have enough gas to get home, let alone go out after that. As soon as I have gas and time, I'll run over to your place, k? ;x; Til then, I'm afraid I'll have to keep hold of them.....

Hmmm...I seem to be all caught up. Oh, a video. Give me a few minutes. Okay, here's two awesome ones:




BTW, I've been trying to post this post for the last week! Compie finally cooperated.

Why am I most likely to save the world?

I really don't understand the reasoning behind my peers' vote. I am 'Most likely to save the world' and I haven't a clue why. Any light to be shed on that?

Second, Yeah....I haven't updated lately. I'm not even sure what to talk about, its been so long. But I guess....RB and I actually had a semi-normal conversation today. She's sick, I'm tired, so I guess it works out well that way. There's improvement, yay....

Everyone's birthdays are coming up!!! I hope its okay if your gifts are handmade. I'm down to like 15 dollars in my account after getting my car fixed.

Which, btw, looks AWESOME. They washed my car and everything! I was so impressed, I want to send them a thank-you card. I really do. And I rarely ever really do that. Hmmm...speaking of....*wanders off for a bit*

All my classes are done, I've written all my papers, and I now have three total exams to take. I'm interested in studying for the Philosophy and Japanese exams, but my Editing exam is open-book. *smirk* I'll pass that sucker.

Ummmmm....my sissie is pregnant, and she was just in ANOTHER car wreck with my niece. It wasn't their fault, which is a refreshing change, but the horrors she inflicts on my niece are becoming intolerable.

That reminds me... do I use too many 'big words' when I talk and write? I feel like I do, mainly because I get somewhat blank looks before comprehension dawns. On the other hand, I just honestly don't process what people say for a while when they talk with me. I seem to be incapable of it.

It's so cold today! And rainy...so I love it even more. I'm so twisted...*sigh* :D. It's just a part of me, ain't it? ^-^

Hmmm...self-introspection time, I guess...I can't think of anything else:
Me....I'm on my way to being an average adult woman. Do I want that? Do I need high social status to feel accomplished? Will maintaining a job that I can spend as much money as I want to and still not exhaust my paycheck be the marker for accomplishment? What do I need to do to make myself feel accomplished? *frown* I don't know. If I go for a wealthy job that has less interest for me, I feel shallow and unlike myself. Currently there ISNT a job that is what I want in particular, so I have to forge my own path with that one, and it seems like I may never reach a stable job where monetary security is not an issue. And I need monetary security if I'm going to take care of my niece and any children I want to have. And I dooo want kids..... =////=. The real wonder is if I'll be able to care for anyone properly.... Even myself. Its debatable. My family is made up of heavily interdependent people, and I worry that I didn't fall far from the tree. I don't want them to crash down into my life, but I don't want to be separate from them either. Add to it Momma and Papa willed the house to me after their deaths, and the house being incredibly close to everyone else's residences, and *sigh* goodness knows. I don't need a house.... I'd like to make my own. I never asked for their house. *frown* But it feels like that also limits my options. I've narrowed down my options by changing my major, and I may never be able to do anything more than regular jobs. How would that work? Sorry, I know my ranting doesn't make sense all the time cause I can't type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. Heck, I can't even talk fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. I have to listen to music to slow down my thought process so I can concentrate properly without going too fast for me to keep up. I keep biting myself...I need to stop, but I don't want to. Aaaaaand now I'm just randomly staring around the room. I guess I'm done. *frown* Feels really...unlike me. Sorry if the blog isn't very good today. I can't seem to get it working. Love yalls,

~Runa


I don't know if I've put this one up before:


If I have, here's another one:

Somehow, my blogger background is still fitting

I cut my ankle in the shower. Badly. I had blood trailing down my foot until bf managed to tell me over AIM what to do. I have no common sense, so I thought I'd just let it bleed out. 4 things of toilet paper later, two cotton balls, one band-aid, and lots of blood on the floor later, I decided I needed some help from my dear bf. It huuuuurts. I slept with it bandaged tight to help the blood stop. I finally took the sports tape I'd wrapped around the cotton ball off a little while ago because it was too painful to leave on. But I left the cotton ball, and have no clue what to do now.... It'll hurt like hell to take the cotton ball off, it'd hurt like hell to use alcohol to remove it, it'd hurt just as bad to use water, and possibly start the bleeding again, and *sigh* I don't know. I think I'll just leave it til I manage to see bf today. I hope I can see him today. *puppy dog eyes* (That's a hint, btw) I keep getting really really really cold here at work. I THINK I got the tangles out for the most part, but I'm not sure. Now on to the wonderful blurb about broomball.

Broomball:
1. You wear helmets (not good for hair)
2. You use sticks to hit this tiny ball into goals like hockey uses
3. You wear tennis shoes on an ice rink (Hellz yes! Its awesome)
4. There are no real rules except tackling and not wearing a helmet
5. You gotta play with bf sometime. He falls SO MUCH. I mean, I watched him go SPLAT like three times, and I wasn't even focused on him. That doesn't count all those times he just fell on his butt. I can't count how many times I saw him do that.
6. I SCORED GOALS TWICE! (BF:0 Runa:2) WAHAHAHHAHAHAHA (It was a point of pride, nothing more, since no teams kept score)
7. I fell 3 or 4 times. I'm not certain, but I know it was less than 5, which is miraculous for my balance skills.
It was SO awesome! Bf and I had so much fun, even with all the falling and flailing and such. Hahaha, and when teams worked together, like mine did during the second half, it was amazing. I was loud, yelling, warning, probably making a general nuisance of myself, but if no one complains, I'll be happy. They played a lot of great music, and it seems like no one was holding a grudge about anything. Oh, K, this one guy, AUUUUGH I couldn't seem to beat him. ^.^ Doesn't mean I didn't try though. And really, it was kinda great. I wanna do it again, even though my body is saying "ARE YOU F-ING ME?" I haven't really got many bruises or anything. My back, thighs, and ankles hurt. I have a bruise on my knee and shin. And that's about it~! It's great! ^_^ I STILL can't believe bf fell so many times and I didn't. Heehee. You shoulda seen him go splat when he went after a ball once. He fell straight on his side, arms and legs going wide. It makes me laugh just thinking of it.

Now I need to get a bit more homework done so I won't feel bad about hanging with bf after I go to sleep and get up in a few hours. *stretch* I have too many tests and quizzes for me to be happy, but I'm certainly pretty content. Talk to ya'll later~!

Hmmmm

Let me murder my dearest boyfreind. Please? I'll explain my homicidal tendencies towards him later.

First: For pineapples (I get confused as to which nickname to use for you.....), the conference is kinda amazing, but it costs over 2 thousand dollars, and I don't think it includes travel either. That's too much for me, but if you still want info, hit me up and I'll get it to you.

Second: DIE BF DIE!!!! Yesterday (for me, it's still 'today') you oh-so-easily went and got the H1N1 vaccine. Yesterday, I refused to kiss you, but I never thought I would really catch it from you. NOW I am having difficulty breathing, I am dizzy as hell, have a headache waiting on the sidelines, a swollen and sore throat, and food BURNS when it goes down my throat. *frown*

Now, the really depressing news. Tonight is
1. The last Japan Table of this year. I haven't attended even one yet. Now I may not til next year.
2. Broomball. Something I was really looking forward to. And unless I'm sneezing and sniffling and coughing up a storm, I'll still prolly go. I was seriously looking forward to it.

But for now, I am passing the hell out. This sucks, SO BAD. I better just be tired or collegekid's balls are in danger.

Quick frustrated blog post

So, procrastination has finally bit my ass. Took a chunk right out of it. I'm here at 4 am, writing on a paper, less than a page in, with the necessity of at least four, with zero capability of concentrating enough to write anything conclusive. Did that make sense? I hope so. So, what put me in this boat? I contacted a freind that eventually (I admit I didn't particularly prevent it til it got to serious ground) felt the need to be suicidal tonight. The night before my paper is due. Of course. Murphy's Law got me. I thought this paper would not be difficult. Haaaah. It wouldn't if I were in my right mind, but I have had to call and get hung up on, end up passing the torch to RB to contact that freind, then end up having to not only go and get the guy, but lose my awesome parking spot and park hellava way away. Now he is curled up in RB's bed, she's curled up in mine, and I'm trying to get enough frustration burned off to get this paper written and let me get into bed before I lose any chance of sleep for the night. I have work tomorrow night. Today, technically.

There've been highlights to my day, such as bf pampering me, me getting to talk to pineapples, learning about a Noh presentation, not being ignored in Eng, and....I'm sure other good things have happened and I just can't think of them. But right now, I'm going to try to write that paper and see if I can't cry for mercy and a leprechaun come and write the best non-forged paper for this class that has ever been written that is also applicable to the prompt and signed with my name. (Yes, corrupt a wish has taught me well about making wishes) Someone save me.

Oh, also, my sis is pregnant again, RB is fighting with her bf and feels it's her own fault, my freinds are beginning to vie for my attention which is never fun, I have two papers to write, and other fun stuff. *cries*

Random vid:

Phew, I have some catching up to do.

pineapples: Yay for an awesome weekend with A~! Good job on getting caught back up. Everyone slips from their comfortable place in the homework period at some point or another, so I fully understand. ^_^ You're withdrawing your application for the Japan program? WHHHYYYYY? ;__;

Rozfire: Sorry about the drama fest. I might've added to it a bit, so I'm sorry. (lxl) <=that's a face. I understand completely. My senior year, I cut people off rather than deal with drama. It's a suggestion. It worked well for me, but I was honestly completely fed up with it. If you can find a different way, that'd prolly be better. Just remember: I will ALWAYS be behind you. ^_^ Love you girlie. And thanks for the support. ^_^

So, I'm sure everyone is dying to know how things went with Mr. Swindler. (Ri-ight) ^_^ Well, in the interest of keeping it simple, we met, he got all of my information, I looked at the car and things went downhill from there. I tried to reason with him, but he was pretty bitchy. When I hunched down to take a few better pictures, he blocked my sun and distracted me. When I asked for more estimates, I said that it wasn't his responsibility to get more, and if I insisted on them, he would add other damage from the car to it (paint scratches on the stepping thing). He started to run his hand along the car door and asked in a sly voice if my car had done that damage too. I looked at him blankly and said "My car isn't even that tall." He looked kinda shocked for a second and then was like, "Oh, yeah, you're right, it isn't." When he finally made some comment along the lines of "You can pay us a check for 900 dollars, or else I can go to the insurance about it. You CANT use your insurance, right?" I lost it a bit and snapped at him. "I CAN use my insurance, I just didn't want to. Let me call my mom." So I called her up, told her "I'd kinda like to let insurance handle this." and somehow she understood that I was pissed, being threatened, and didn't want to lose my temper. She told me that it would be fine, to do it through insurance, that I would be paying, etc. It was all agreeable to me, so I told him we would do the insurance claim. We exchanged insurance, but he had the wrong card for some reason. So I let his company contact mine, and we went from there. I pay a 250 deductible and both our cars get fixed. I now have enough money for that at least. I wasn't writing any assholes checks for 900. I'm just glad I didn't lose my temper. I do NOT like to be threatened.

SO! Anyways! After that, life got better. I'm getting pretty average grades right now. My checks would be looking pretty nice if I didn't have days off because of holidays coming up. My mom asked if I was coming home for the holidays. I could find other places to be, but being home during holidays seems like the best place to be. I'll regret saying that soon, I just know it. I have a headache right now....It's probably from lack of sleep, but I have a meeting with someone about Study Abroad at 10, I'm taking my car in to be estimated at 11, and I'm just honestly very tired....I'm not sure about seeing bf today. I'm so tired, but I want time with him. But it wouldn't be fair to him, I suppose. *sigh* RB keeps staying out every night. And when she doesn't stay out, her bf stays at our place with her. It's driving me crazy. I worried I'll slip up and show my real meanness. I mean, people can think that I'm being mean, but they haven't seen mean from me until I've been completely free from caring. Me tired and worn down and frustrated do NOT help me keep from lashing out. *hangs head* I don't want to lash out at her, I don't want to lash out at anyone. After I lash out, either she'll lash back, or she'll be so hurt that our relationship can't really be repaired. If she lashes back, depending on how good of a lash it is, I'll retaliate or just plain laugh at her. Neither thing is good. But it's my nature to not let anyone know if they've hurt me and make sure that I (can) hurt them more. >____< I don't WANNNA FIIIIGHT!!!! I just want her to fucking stop pretending that she doesn't have to be a college student! Take care of your studies damnit! He's not even completely divorced yet! Quit looking at his kids on Facebook and talking about them like you'll definitely be there long-term! Don't TEXT HIM CONSTANTLY! Get SLEEP! Take CARE of yourself! Don't revolve your world around him!

Auuugh, I sound like I'm jealous, but that's not it. I don't have that right. I just worry. She's sinking too fast, and even if he is as well, it'll be disastrous if they don't slow down and chill out. I don't want her to sit on the ground crying and saying "I just love him so much" after he made her come get her stuff, EVER AGAIN! Slow down, be romantic, get your asses out of each other's beds, especially when you're exhausted, and please, please, please, take better care..... Sorry, I think I needed to get that out.

On an EVEN BETTER NOTE! I submitted my IDS proposal because this was the LAST POSSIBLE time I could without majorly changing my proposal. My Psych Head Advisor told me, and I had less than 24 hours to scramble everything together in perfectly logical sequence. But I DID IT! I got it submitted in time. (5 minutes to spare even!) I got my advisor to sign off on it (30 minutes before it was due). And! AND! Last night I got an email saying from my advisor (who's on the committee) saying that my proposal passed the committee! That I might need to resubmit it typed up (three or four pages of it was handwritten) but she would contact me about that.

ALSO! I found a scholarship that could REALLY HELP my study abroad expenses. I'm so excited and scared all at the same time. (>.<) ^_^ Heehee. OH! Pineapples! There's this conference you might be interested in. Go here: http://jasc62.blogspot.com/ for more info in it. I'm wondering as to my eligibility for it, but I really wanna do it. It'd be amazing if we could meet up there, wouldn't it? I love ya'll. I'm gonna go do my job now, as soon as I find a new background. ^.^

You can disregard the first 20 seconds of it:

List of Grievances

Seriously....my stomach hurts when I think of these things:

-The DAD of the guy I hit has now gotten involved....and the estimation may NOT be mistaken as my mom and I thought. So 900 bucks actually MAY need to change hands, and honestly, the fatherdude really wants this done ASAP. >.< If he's getting involved, I wanna involve MY mommy too! The car still belongs to HER and not me, after all. Just tell me how much I need to pay.... *cries*
-I don't have the money to pay!!! >.<
-My IDS has to be submitted by tomorrow, and I'm not happy with it yet. I haven't devoted enough time to it.
-I STILL CANT SIGN UP FOR CLASSES
-I got reprimanded at work for being 30 minutes late....so now if something else happens, I can be fired for it. I overslept....so did the person that came in after me, but I didn't feel the need to call the supervisor over it. *hangs head* I deserve it, but I'm just so tired all the time now!
-I've forgotten how to eat healthy. *sigh* I'll live off of Hot Pockets from now on.
-If I don't let RB's bf stay over at our place, she just goes off to his.
-We had a Roomie Day yesterday. It was an utter fail. She spent a large amount of that time texting him. And I spent a large amount of that time being my unadulterated, uncensored self, which means I didn't mind if I offended anyone. You can imagine how that went. At least I could make myself be silent.
-V_V *pokes self* I'm gaining weight....(On the plus side of that, I don't feel unattractive yet)
-I can't pay for the application to study abroad.
-RB doesn't seem to be taking college seriously. I may have to find another roomate for next semester, even though I love having her as mine.
-I hate having money problems....I hate money...why can't I work off my debts without money needing to change hands....it makes me hate money even more...augh
-I never want to drive again.
-My counselor told me be selfish... and I don't know what to do to be selfish.
-I need another job, or a better paying one. I like this one though...augh....
-I'm making myself sick, aren't I? That's cowardly... I should be more responsible... hold my head up high... and face this with honesty and integrity... and ....other stuff.

Ugh....just listing all this makes me want to throw up. My nerves are certainly weak nowadays, aren't they?

Why does my life play out like this?

I feel like a drama reject, rejected for having too much drama. @__@ So a lot has happened, and in my very interesting attempt to 'live like i wanna live, sleep like i wanna sleep' i haven't found time to blog. I do apologize for that. So lets see if I can keep from jumping around too much.

1. I took bf home for Halloween with me. (If I'd known rozy was there, I would have called and we could have hung out!!! *cry cry*) It was a lot of running on a little amount of sleep.
2. I forgot my makeup for my costume, so ended up using my cousin's but she's a lot whiter than I am, apparently. I didn't know how much til I looked at the pictures. Beyond that, my costume was amusing. Everyone was like O__O Ru....na....? It looks good, but it doesn't suit you..... Which is total BS.
3. That night I had to run to my sis's and bf drove because i was so tired. I was nearly physically ill cause it was dark, we were on the same road I'd crashed onto, bf wasn't familiar with my car, and he jerks way too much when he drives. There were prolly lesser factors that played into this, but those are the ones I'll mention.
4. My sister had gone drinking and left the baby with my brother. Who is way too nosy. I got pissed. But there's nothing I can do, and her friend did die last week. *siiiiigh* I don't approve at all, but short of taking her kids I don't see anything I could do. Even then, it'll prolly get her free to have more and do worse.
5. When I went to bed that night I literally passed out. I didn't move for at least 10 straight hours. Woke up soooooo sore. So, *grin* I turned over on my other side and went back to sleep for an hour. Even though we were supposed to get up at the time I woke up. Heehee. Couches are comfy.
6. Bf and I went out for breakfast at a place that has rather good food and usually pretty good deals. I couldn't quite finish my meal. So I got take-home foods! Then bf asked if he could drive back. I figured it was daylight, he'd be more familiar with the car, and it was prolly my tiredness that made the ride seem so bad. So I let him drive.
7. I was wrong.
8. I was so wrong. I sat there clenched up, stomach nearly painfully clenching, fighting nausea and a headache, nearly praying. The whole way back. At one point (and I know this is gross) I threw up in my mouth and had to swallow it back down. On the plus side, it didn't taste too bad. On the minus side, I do. not. throw. up. EVER if I can help it.
9. He dropped himself off at his place, he was late for a meeting. I drove myself back home very shakily, trembling and still kinda fighting nausea. When I went to park, well, shit hit the fan.
10. I had so many choices! But I had to pick next to this gray SUV looking thing cause it was closest to my room. I wanted to park perfectly so I wouldn't cause trouble for anyone else trying to park. Yeah....fuck me. I ended up with the wheel locked, confused myself about backing up, rushed it, panicked, and ended up hitting the damned car in the rear tire/passenger door area. Scratches & a small dent on his part. Huge ass dent and nearly took out my light on my car. If insurance gets involved, well, I'll be kicked off my insurance.
11. I parked, and then called my mom. She told me to move to a new parking spot and not do anything. Call bf. He pretty much advises the same thing. Call RB. She doesn't pick up. I sit there for the longest time thinking about it, freaking out, and come to an epiphany. Intentions and "I thought about it..."s just don't count for anything to someone else. Actions are what count, and my action here would be a defining factor in my character. So, my stupid ass left a note with my name and number. Saying I was sorry. And to call me if he needed repairs. I would like to note here, that it was SUPERFICIAL DAMAGE!!! He drives fine with it like it is.
12. Well, he calls me. Tells me he'll take it to a few places, see what their estimates are. What he comes back with tonight is a nearly 900 dollar price for getting the dent out and repainting the area. Even I cannot truly believe that's the cheapest. So I'll likely do some checking around to see if there's anything cheaper. Because I just cannot pay that much. I have a little over a 100 dollars to my name right now.

Bf has offered to lend me the money, but I really don't wanna borrow from my boyfreind. It just seems very...dangerous to mix a relationship and a financial crisis. I'm gonna either go to the bank or call the bank tomorrow (today actually) and see if there's any way they could loan me 900. I'll pay everything back by the end of December if my calculations about my pay are correct. Am I just being stubborn to want to refuse bf's offer? >.
Also, bf is in Phoenix right now, so I can't actually see him. I miss him. But Shhh, don't tell. ~_^ I realized I don't look around nearly as much when I know he isn't going to be there. *shakes head* I'm so silly.

I CANT AFFORD LIVING!!!!!!! *frown* I need a) a much better job with more pay and more easy hours. b)To learn to exist without food or clothing costs c)Marry someone rich who'll take care of everything and just let me bury myself in a book for the rest of my life. (j/k on the last one. *grin* maybe) Nah, that's not my style. I have too much pride for c. *sigh* I wonder how long pride lasts....*curls up*

In addition, I have the extreme difficulty of finishing my InterDisciplinary Studies Major plan, arranging every class I will take, and re-editing my essay for the same IDS program. I'd call it ridiculous, but I think it's obvious.

I've taken three tests this week. Yay....I was late for one, unprepared for another, and the last one was open-book open-note. Which would have helped me if I'd taken notes I could read. *cries*

Okay, that's been my life so far. But I'll be okay! I know I complained alot, but really, I was just trying to tell you all the stuff that's been happening. *sigh* Hope everyone's doing good!

I'm in love with this guy now. I mean, seriously, I would go googly-eyed and resign myself to fate if he were real:

Dress up

I wanna play dress up....wear a ton of make-up (tastefully done of course) pretty clothes, and maybe straighten or curl my hair. I dressed up today, one half of my hair was put up, and the other half was put into a ponytail. I wore one of my favorite dresses that I'm usually too shy to wear. I feel self-conscious wearing it, so when I go into public I have to gather my courage, act fully confident, and smile and nod at everyone. RB put bruises on my neck and arms, and people during the morning were scared to look at me. It was fun for a while, but I eventually felt annoyed by it. I borrowed RB's jacket for both warmth and the leather trench coat look. When Bf saw me, he kinda paused and just stood there for a while as I walked towards him. He said I looked interesting. That it didn't suit me. Made me sad. I'd love to know what he thought of it though. Like, first impression.
OMGOSH! RB!!! She was WAY too bored today! She CLEANED our room! Then, she took rose petals from the roses her bf gave her that had started to die, and made a trail of rose petals from the door to my bed. On the front door was a note that said something along the lines of "What if your dream guy was just inside this door, waiting for you. He looks and you and says 'Runa...'" and the message stops there. You enter the room, follow the rose petals to my bed, and the bed is made (first off, I don't make my bed often. She did) with rose petals scattered along the top covers. My bunny, my beautiful cuddle bunny....had notes in big letters (each word got its own) "I. WANT. YOU." and there was one on its chest that said "Yeah, I'd be pretty freaked too." She put a THONG ON MY BUNNY! and apparently two rose petals over the 'chest area' of my bunny. I didn't even notice it, but bf....well, that was the first thing he noticed! I was just kinda like O.O....THONG ON MY BUNNY!!! ...I don't think I've taken it off yet....and I slept with that bunny....it feels so awkward to take a thong off a bunny. I can't bring myself to do it. But...now I'm sleeping with a bunny wearing a thong....@_@ I don't feel like I can win with this....

I am SUCH A slacker when I let myself be. I'm scared to take this online test. I don't wanna do this Article Review. I cry in Japanese because we no longer have a text book. I don't like this philosopher we're working on. I haven't done the readings for History Properly for the last 3 weeks. At least. Okay. Time to stop beating on myself.

I've completed my Genki textbook. I've completed every homework assignment for Philosophy. I've continued to speak and ask questions in Japanese when I don't understand something. I stayed awake the entire class period today during History and took really good notes. I like the topics we discuss in Anthropology.... >.< I love my Self Defense class and my teammates always work hard with me. I've completed every paper in my ECD 220 class and I like my teachers there. I got a 90 on the last quiz in my ENG class.

Yeah, okay, ANT is a fail right now. Not grade-wise, just effort and taking time wise. Ergh....ENG class...I think the teacher dislikes me...he overlooks me every chance he gets. I guess I ask stupid questions and don't have good comments.

Tonight....was interesting. That's really all I have to say about it.

Also, I apologize, but I'm really not up to my standard sleeping amount, so my massive mistakes are noted, just not fixed. Not for the next 10 hours at least. G'night~!

Is it bad that I only really like this video because of the line about "Find someone who might treat me well" showing Ren?

Interesting

I just realized.....I very RARELY actually purposely cause pain....but once I've caused it, well, better to sit back and enjoy (laugh) than to fess up that it was an accident and spend the next day apologizing about it. I didn't realize that my purposely causing pain was so rare until I thought about it. Something to think about. Also.....RB knows my panic pattern better than I do. THAT is amazing. I didn't realize that I curl into a ball and shake and cry. I thought my panic would be screaming or running around wildly, but no, she was right. It's amazing that I have people that know me better than I myself do on occasions. Ummmmm...updates.....I'm late to turn in my very first assignment. (Rewrite: This is the first time I'm turning something in late this year) I'm sad and impressed at the same time. The assignment isn't too bad, it's just that I didn't look into the details soon enough. Also, last night was the first time I actually fell asleep at my post. So, to combat that, I was forced to watch Anime for the first time since summer. What did I watch? The rest of the Princess Tutu series I had been watching with E. I don't think he cares for me as a friend any longer. It's sad really. I wanted to talk to him about so much, and he just brushed me off. So rather than be a burden, I decided to let him alone. I'm studying for my Japanese Test on Tuesday, writing my report to turn in, planning my day, and feeling pretty good about life. I just discovered the paper shredder at my job...I kinda wanna play with it. RB has a bf now. Bf and I are fighting all the time now. It makes me tired. Princess Tutu is an interesting series, and even though I REALLY DONT WANT TO, I recommend it. You have to watch til the end for it to really get interesting though. I am STILL looking for a certain episode where Fakia takes Ahiru from Mytho and brushes a finger over her lips. I don't recall seeing that, and I watched ALL the episodes. *frown* Any info on that, lemme know please. I had to check out a key for my RB today, cause she dropped her keys between here and the frat house. She may never get those back....and that would be incredibly expensive for her. It seems like hardships are piling up for her. I wanna help, but I feel like these are her trials, at the same time. Hmmm...I seem to be writing fast, so everything is just coming from my head with a few filters for things that 'aren't appropriate for blog talk' as bf would say. He gets pissy about things. I should stop. I talked to TJ today, and without really wondering why or anything, just asked a simple question. He got REALLY riled up about it, but he was still completely honest, and it ended up making me incredibly happy. I asked "Can you live without me?" and he replied, ". . . . . i would be sorely disappointed; i would be devastated if you just cut me off; i would mourn if you died . . it would take a long time; *frown* and loads of effort; i dont want to." ^_^ It made me happy because he was so honest. He then got upset with me, and was all "why would you ask something like that????" and I had to admit it was cause i wanted to see if he would answer me honestly. ^_^ I guess it's kinda mean. He had mistaken me for a person that asked that as proof of my worth, but I just wanted to know. I know he could live without me. Everyone can. Heck, a lot of people would be better off without me. But that doesn't mean I'm not wanted. Just not necessary for survival. :D I guess that sounds depressing to some of you. It's not. It's freeing. I'm not necessary, but neither am I a true hindrance. If I feel like one, you only have to say something and I'll move on. I'll get out of your life. I may mourn the separation. I may be depressed for the loss of your valued company. But I will not die from it. Because people necessary for me to live....I lived before my nephew was born. I lived before I dated bf. I lived before my niece's birth. I will continue to live after. Maybe. Losing my babies may tear me apart, especially dependent on the manner in which I lose them. But I might live after. There's the strong possibility that I will. ^_^ So it's only right that if they lost me, they would continue to live as well. That's how it should be. And it's great. idk. Please don't tear at my beliefs. They're a part of me, a part of my thought and feelings. When you easily contradict what I say or think without giving thought to it, it hurts alot. Especially when you are the one that is wrong, and then you don't apologize. It really hurts then. Because,....I'm not worth apologizing to? It's okay to say I'm wrong and then be proven wrong yourself? I have value. No one can tell me I don't. So to say something that I believe is wrong because you feel like it is just mean. It hurts me without good reason. And I won't be continuously hurt for a long time. I'm NOT the masochistic one. .....Um. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant that I suppose has built up for a while. I need to be careful not to let things build up in me. They explode unexpectedly and cause casualties. ^_^ My bad. On to the videos!:





So funny!:


Anyone want to brush up on their note reading?

Hmmmm

First off, Props to Rozy for updating. I'm sorry about the hellish week. Do your parents read your blog? That's interesting.
I'll try to go backwards.
-I got a little less than two hours of sleep before work. I overslept and woke up at 4:04 a.m. but my shift is supposed to start at 4:00 a.m.. I'm such a bad worker sometimes. The person before me called twice, and finally picked up. V__V;; I'm sure he hates me. He's had to do it I don't even know how many times.
-I got a shower where I pampered the hell out of myself, but I was so tired that I stopped halfway and went to sleep. That sounds kinda wrong.... I mean that I used some amazing body wash, really good smelling shampoo and conditioner, and was going to lotion myself up afterward. I got to everything but the lotioning part. It doesn't really matter, my skin tends to stay soft without it anyway.
-Bf and I had an interesting conversation tonight that made me feel my apathy towards things has a sound basis. I don't like anger, frustration, sadness, or hopeless causes. If I'm not willing to feel those things, I shouldn't really invest myself into other people very much. Not saying I actually LISTEN, since my heart seems to move without my consent, but there's nothing else I can do but warn myself over and over.
-We also went to see a movie before that. We saw "The Hangover" and it was really funny. There's a shit ton of stereotype jokes and gags, but I like my comedies that way. The theater was absolutely packed. Could hardly fit anyone else, it was that packed.
-Before that, we attended the IRC meeting that barely lasted more than two hours despite the amount of things to be discussed and accomplished. I was a little confused as to the Military Appreciation Day event. It doesn't signify, so don't worry about it.
-bf and i went to eat at Subway for dinner. I got a huge salad thingie that was yummy. ^_^;;; I ended up literally forcing myself to eat the last bit because I knew it was good for me, and I also knew I wouldn't really wanna cart around two mouthfuls. Which reminds me: I get paid today, so I don't have to be a burden on bf anymore! *tilts head*
-I accompanied the President of IRC to get a dozen Krispy Kreme Donuts, and she bought one for me. ^.^ I was happy.
-The VP of Admin. and I raided the food stocks of the IRC office looking for interesting foods, and she ended up eating easymac.
-I managed to finally catch bf on his way to a class after I finish my own classes. I've tried a few times, but that was my first success. ^.^
-I had to work with a guy I didn't know in my Anthropology class today to complete a quiz. He had done his work (I hadn't) but he wasn't very articulate, so we spent a good deal of time looking for concrete evidence and such. Good thing it was open-book. I offered to play 'secretary' since I had been irresponsible and not done my part. He had bad handwriting, so I did.
-In history class, I managed to take two pages of notes in 15 minutes. Honest. After that, I dozed, because there was just no way for me to stay awake. I need to fix that. I can't believe even Japan doesn't do it for me. And the dude is interesting! I think it's my lack of sleep the night before that makes it so hard, so I'm going to make a concerted effort to sleep sooner from now on. It'll take time away from me and bf, but I'm sure he prolly won't care, and it's not like we can't do homework together. *shrug*
-I had three types of mochi for lunch today because I was too tired last night to try to make a proper lunch. First one I ate was a Green Tea Mochi. I thought I wouldn't like it but I was wrong. After, when I drank some water, I found the taste of green tea TEA in my mouth. It was pretty cool, actually. The next one I had was a sesami seed mochi with sesame seed filling with bean paste. I thought I was gonna lurve that one. I was sooooooo wrong. I mean, I was WRONG! I made myself eat the whole thing, but it was still impressively disgusting. One of my freinds helped me eat it because he liked it. I'll prolly give him the box of them. Bleh. Ooh...I can buy mochi for my intrusion gift when we all go to study together next weekend. The last one was a Taro Mochi and I luv it. We asked sensei about "taro" and found out that the skin of the taro plant is poisonous, and makes even your nails feel like they should be falling off, even if there's no visible marks. After you boil it, the poison dissipates and can be consumed. It's a root, apparently. But it's yummy. I like it lots.
-In Japanese, I found out that my average is 80.2 in that class. It's pretty low. I put in effort, but I think I could try harder. Also, we learned all the words for diarrhea and constipation and things of that nature. There was lots of laughter.
-I didn't go to Philosophy. Zombie-Runa turned off the original alarm and changed the time to one where I could get to Japanese, but not Philosophy. V__V I fail so hard.
-I went to bed around 5 30. It was actually kinda ridiculous. I had roommate troubles in regard to that. But still, it was my own choice to keep my word.
-I went lots of places with RB last night. We found out that Cary goes in a big circle. Cause we missed our turn and just kept driving forward. lol. We also went downtown to Raleigh, and checked out some shopping centers in Cameron Village. I met her 'brother' M and though I didn't know it at the time, he was deliberately screwing with me. I had difficulty telling when he was serious and when he was joking because his voice never changed. He tried to get us to sing songs, but I didn't want to, so I led him to believe I didn't know anything. *smirk* I'll admit that I was messing with him a little bit too, but I was still on my best behavior. He was deliberately baiting me and such. He told RB in a text. That I was reading out loud to her. So she wouldn't text while driving. I typed the response, actually. For more than just the one that mentioned me. There's no need for him to know that, but I was slightly surprised and pissed and amused that he was messing with my head. There was lots of eye contact, which I tend to avoid because of weird events and insecurities. (He baited me into that one). He turned the movie "Wanted" on, and I, being the ADD person I am, immediately focused on that and occasionally switched observation of movie and man. Rarely though. He ended up mentioning it, and when I said I couldn't focus on anything but a movie if the movie were on, he turned it off. I was like. (;o;) "Whhhhyyyyyyy" except not. He kept asking if RB and I were lesbian for each other. My immediate response? "Yes. Yes we are. She's ALL mine." (arms wrapped around her middle and head snuggled into her shoulder/neck area helped this claim) Her immediate response? "Yes. Secretly." We spoke at the same time. And she was like, "We can't let her boyfreind find out." And it just went on from there. It was actually pretty hard to convince him we weren't lesbian for each other. ^.^ I'm not sure he believes we aren't.
-I'm gonna post one on my thoughts, and not my events next. Maybe. If I feel like it. Nevermind. I don't feel like it.

I HAVE MULA!!!! I need to save it...I found out that just applying for Study Abroad is 300 dollars. >.<

Okay, now I'm going to do my job and hope the person after me is late by 15 minutes so I get my full 20 hours. V_V I feel so bad for being late, but it's so hard to get up.

I like this song. I've been listening to this song almost all night.

Actually

I find myself really liking this song the more I hear it ....that's been happening a lot lately. The only thing I don't like is the use of "you m******f*****s don't know how to act".

Yay for fevers

So, I finally kicked someone out of my room for the first time.....RB's freinds had been there for three hours, and they were all basically just playing, and I really was tired, so I kicked them out. V__V I got maybe 2-3 hours of sleep, and then I had to get up and go to work. When I got up, I was STARVED but I had neither time nor convenient food, so I packed some crackers and vienna sausages and went on my merry way. When I got to work, I realized that not only was I cold, I was rather nauseous. In a "Let me go locate a bathroom...JUST IN CASE" kind of way. So after a while, I can say that my tummy has settled down now. So I ate some crackers and sausage...and now I'm fighting nausea again. I don't understand my tummy...at least it still likes Ramen. I haven't done much work, but honestly, I can FEEL my forehead burning, my tummy is UNhappy, and I think my eyes are getting bruised from such little sleep. If only the CAC of Wood hadn't been so desperate for someone to cover this shift tonight.... I could actually FEEL the relief she radiated when I finally said yes. I like to be helpful, but I'm so tired....>.< At least I have 20 hours of work for this week! I'll like my Halloween paycheck, oh yes I will.
Speaking of paychecks...I don't get paid til Friday. I have two dollars on me. I have very little else. I'm soooooo screwed. Maybe screwed is a bit of a strong way to put it. Bf buys me food and stuff when we're out, but I feel so BAAAAAAD about it. I mean, in some ways I don't mind, cause I was raised where the sign of a good man is one that takes care of you and doesn't allow you to pay. In other ways I mind quite a bit, cause....well, cause I don't want to be dependent on him. I want things to be at least somewhat even. If he pays for me this time, I want to pay for him next time. If it's not a date. ^_^; It might be hypocritical, but I feel like dates should more or less be paid for by the guy. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just my view, nurtured from early years. But casually meeting to eat together and be able to spend a little time together...I feel like that should be even, if possible. V_V Which, right now, if we're eating out together, is not possible. *siiiigh* Oh well.
My nose is sore...waaaaahhhhh....another sign that I'm sick. I feel so sick and gross...But I only have two classes tomorrow, and I really can't afford to be missing them. I should go to the clinic to see what's up, but 1. I don't feel up to that walk, 2. I really don't LIKE the clinic, 3. Damn....who's to say they can help me?. AUGH! I'm actually SNIFFLING! I'm disgusted with myself. I should do homework.

I should be the title of this song.

Throat hurts....

like seriously gaaaah, I don't wanna breathe-type hurt. >_< The jelly things I got at Asia Market felt really good on my throat though. I only packed one for a snack during work today though....*pout*....But then....Did you know, I gained FIFTEEN POUNDS!!! *pokes stomach* Boooo....I need to eat less....and healthier....but it's so hard.... Well, it'll be easier since I have no money this week. Wow...I honestly have no money. Just checked. Yay for packing my lunch! Yay for peanut butter jelly time! Yay for mochi snacks! ^_^ There's good sides to everything. I guess. ;x; But I really want to buy some manga....>.< Must resist....*sigh*
I have nearly no gas after going home, running around town at home, coming back, going and getting TJ for a the day, coming back, driving him and RB around, coming back home, taking TJ home, and coming home myself. *sigh* When I type it like that, I've been a busy woman. I have bruises on my body from playing around and pinning/being pinned. I didn't think we were playing that rough, but I guess we were. *frown* I wonder if it's weird that I like stuff like that so much. I wanna play like that with bf....but he pins me too often...and gets too serious about it...*frown* It's just a game...but I DONT like smacking my head. It hurts. I do NOT wanna play like that with pineapples. I'd be so scared of hurting her! Hmmm going through my 'repertoire' of friends, there's only a few that I feel would be fun to play with in that manner. Because if you aren't nearly equal in strength, or balanced out, it doesn't feel like a fair fight...and then it isn't as fun...and then there's the times when people get too serious and riled up...and that makes it no fun...and random tickling that takes the sting out of being pinned is good to have as well.... You have to be so particular about these things! I think way too much. These things are just the basics of what I think about before challenging someone.
I visited the councelor on Friday...and once again, he changed the subject and I ended up getting a little riled up because he said my niece and nephew weren't any of my business, and didn't concern me. In the end, he took it back and said I was right, that they WERE my business, but *sigh* I WANNA TALK ABOUT MY CAREER OPTIONS!!! I understand how these things create the net basis of what I can hope to have as a career, but still...I have two total visits left that I'm allowed, and I just wanted to get advice about what MAJOR to focus on. I wanted to work on my IDS right now, but I forgot my personal forms in my room. so sad.............
I like to say things that can be easily misconstrued way too much. I should be more circumspect, but I really just...enjoy others reactions and automatic assumptions too much. The conclusions people jump to are really interesting. That might be a big part of why my mom doesn't understand me. I poke and prod at her too much, maybe?
I got a bit of new make-up today. I haven't really tried them out. I tried one thing out, but it doesn't look good. Oh well. I'll try the others as I find myself inclined to.
I'm tired, my throat hurts, my tummy rumbles but then food tastes odd, and I just really feel hot and cold at the same time.... *hangs head* I think I'm sick. Damn.
For Halloween, I've been invited to a lot more parties and such than I expected, and I guess I should choose what I'm going to do soon, but I honestly just don't really think I should pick without talking to bf and seeing what he wants to do. RB is going out of town, and I know she wants me to go with her, but I have work. I'd like to go home and take the kids around trick-or-treating, but at the same time...I've done it for years, and I'm a little tired of it. I'd also kinda like to stay home and hand out candy, but that's boring by yourself, and there's always kinda-sorta-creepy guys that talk to you and look at your chest, and talk more and ask a lot of intrusive questions and I don't really wanna deal with that either. I don't want to NOT do anything, but I don't want to go a party where I get to watch my sister snog some guy. errrrrgh. I keep saying what I DONT want. I guess....I DO want to be with bf, I DO want it to be a special night, I DO want to see people having fun, and I DO want bf to have a good night. That's so VAGUE!!! AUGH!!!!
Screw that thought line. Hm. I forgot I was blogging. I was thinking about staying up until I get all my homework done, but I don't really wanna.... I wonder if I can get my homework done in time if I start after dinner tonight. Tomorrow I have...Self-defense, RA class, so I need to do readings and such for that one, and Editing, so I prolly need to do readings for that one. Then the next day, I have philosophy, which we just took a test in. I don't want it back.
Lately, in all my classes I understand the majority of the class, I get relatively good grades with homework, but tests are KILLING me. I keep getting the 50-70 range of grades in tests. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I have 40 pages of philosophy to read. I have Japanese to do, of course. I wonder if I'll be able to call and get help from pineapples with it. It's not that I definitely can't do it by myself, it's more like...it'd be something we could talk about without trying to find topics or time, and it's easier to understand when she explains it to me.
Lessee...I have a ton of catch-up to play with History class. I need to do a lot of the readings. And then there's Anthropology. I'm actually pretty fascinated by it, but since we had an 'interview someone' assignment, plus a test that I HORRIBLY on, my grade in there is bad right now. V__V I don't DO interviews. I can't bring myself to do them well at all, and I never turn them in. I don't know why. I prolly have a few readings to do for that as well. Hmmm...You know, a responsible person would have made this list at the beginning of Fall Break and worked on each thing at least a little each day until it was finished by today. Man I'm glad I'm not responsible. =)

When I watch videos like this, I realize just how much and how often Kaname actually came onto Yuuki during the course of this series. Kaname is the all-knowing guy. It's incredibly funny when I think about it. To help screw with your minds: The two main characters here? They're siblings. *evil grin* There's a good explanation, but I'll spare it for now.

Seems like nearly everyone has updated over the weekend!

To Rozy: You ACTUALLY fell into the lake? I thought that only happened in movies. Don't get sick, okay? ;__; Yay for anime. The TwilightxPrincess Tutu one was really funny.
To pineapples: YAY for cookies and cakes and sweet things like love~! My favorite sentence, cause it stuck out to me so much: "His manliness kind of freaked me out". It's very funny. ^_^ I'm sorry he freaked you out a little bit. Maybe they're much better suited to each other than they seem?

I just got called a 'sweet girl' by one of our patrons here at work. ^_^;; All I did was wake her up at 6, cause her website she needed is supposed to be back up. She accidentally fell asleep. I feel like anyone would have done that. Oh well.

Today....I'm covering for someone who covered for me over the weekend, so my day has started at 3:58 am. (Cause I snoozed through my entire 'wake up' time.) I won't be sleeping until tonight....*sigh* On the up side, I'm done with classes after my field trip that is making me miss two classes. That trip is at 3 pm. I don't know when it ends, but it shouldn't be more than an hour or two. On the down side, bf has classes til 5:45, then he has a meeting/social thing that lasts til 7:30, and I have a meeting from 6 to 7 for Military Appreciation Day. I'd forgotten about that until just now. Heehee.....>.<
I have an exam in Philosophy, and I have Japanese class today, and that'll be all. I can't figure out my exam thing, so I'm gonna have to do the next one. I cry SOOOO hard on that. I mean, I seriously cry over that.
Today....I hate sitting still when I could be doing something and I'm awake enough to actually be doing it, so I started doing my homework for Japanese for NEXT Tuesday while bf was brushing my hair. He said something about 'I thought you said you didn't have any homework' and it really annoyed me....it reminded me of my mom, and how whenever I did something responsible that she didn't understand, she attacked it, like I was lying. I realize that isn't what he was trying to do, but it still made me tense up...I hate being called a liar, and that was a little close for comfort. So it was a little bit like, "Maybe I SHOULDNT have bothered to do it..." I always got caught into that trap with my family though, so I'm trying to let that sort of thing go. I just....don't like being misunderstood, but I also don't feel like I'm understood if I have to explain myself about everything I do.
Does that make sense? I feel like it does, but it could be the four hours under my belt talking. Can you say someone understands you if you have to explain your every action? Isn't part of being understood them watching your actions, thinking about what they know about you, and interpreting what you're actually doing, and not what it just seems like you are? This is really going onto a tangent about how my mom doesn't feel the need to actually think about what and why I'm doing whatever I do. Oh well....it doesn't really change much. Heh...She said she's never understood me. I wonder if I'll understand my own children?
Someone left mochi at the front desk. Mochi isn't all that popular, so I'm a little confused as to who and why they would leave it here, but it looks like it's getting old fast. I hope whoever it is that it belongs to comes for it soon. I'm tempted to eat it, which would be really bad.
My supervisor wants to talk to me about my time sheets. ;;;>.<;;;; *PANIC PANIC PANIC* I'm scared!!! I almost always have something wrong with them. ...."Almost Always" is bad wording, according to my editing class. Which I got my test back today. I got a C....there weren't that many mistakes. V__V *cry* ANYWAYS I like my supervisor, but what if she says that my time sheets are really bad, and that I'm being let go because I just don't have what it takes to stay on or something? I also don't want to be scolded. Nooooo.....>.<
I got my paper back from ECD 220 today as well. I made a 92, and 5 of those points were because it was late. I was really happy about that. ^.^
I think I'll look for a new background for my blog, but I really like this one too, so I don't know. I'd have to like the other one more than I like this one. *Shrug*
After this, I think I'll be studying for a while. I want to do well on my Philosophy Exam, but I don't really know what to expect. >.<

Yeah....this is interesting.


This is a little ...nicer?

Hmm....stray kitties....

Yes, I found some. Yes, I convinced (read: bribed/set a trap) them into my car. Yes, I drove with them running rampant in my car. Yes, I let them stay in the car all night because they were wild and none to happy with leaving the vehicle (oddly enough). Yes, one of them had the AUDACITY to PURRRR!!! *frown* Then, 'today' I took them to a shelter that DOES kill animals, because it was the only one open at 3 pm on a Saturday. One jumped out and ran into the forest. It also scratched a worker on its way, so....they're going to try to catch it, keep it for 10 days to check for rabies (BTW, it scratched me too), and then they will kill it. Yes, I took two adorable, wild, sweet, and independent kittens to a shelter, when they were small enough to be less than the length of my two hands, that will kill them. I'm pretty sure I'm a murderer. And there's nothing else I can do about it other than to vent here. It's illegal to let cats live in your car. (Yes, I asked) And it's against the rules to let them stay here. There's already a ton of feral cats here anyway. My mom refused to keep them, and after seeing Maya this weekend, I don't want anything bothering her. It was HORRIBLE! Maya got home Friday from the clinic, where she'd just been fixed, and she is skin and bones! They couldn't have fed her! She was meek, subdued, submissive (Hell, she let me put a FLEA COLLAR on her and didn't even twitch!) and dependent. She actually came and climbed into my lap, looking for loving! She NEVER climbs INTO your lap! Rubs your legs and arms, purrs at you, climbs on your chest, yeah, sure, but never STRAIGHT INTO A LAP!!! I wanted to cry when I saw the beautiful and feisty kitten I adored so absolutely....tired. I knew she was glad to see me, and she remembered me, because she trusted me to look all over her, and I put the collar on her, and then she climbed on the blanket I slept with and sniffed it while she settled on top of it to sleep. Just thinking about it brings me near tears. All of her kittens are gone, and she's so thin, you could break her. She doesn't meow, she just looks at you, and she doesn't beg or ask for food, she just waits to see if you'll give it to her. That's...really not my Maya.... I've always felt a camaraderie with her, so I have to wonder if I will be tamed and subdued like that one day. Though, to be honest, the thought just now occurred to me, and I hadn't considered that before. My beautiful Maya... I can't believe how absolutely subdued she is. I'm so horrified.
So, next subject, cause that one breaks my heart. It's things like that, that make me wish I wasn't a human that subjected other creatures to my whims 'for their own good'.
ANYWAYS!
Momma was weak, but she was so sweet, and happy to see me. I stopped by the Food Lion on my way in to get dinner, and I picked up a rotisserie chicken, southern potato salad, and coleslaw for us. (That, coincidentally, is when I found the kittens and spent an hour coercing them into my car, where one of them actually climbed on my foot while I was driving, but did not attack, bite, or hiss at me.) When I got there, I got her up, we ate together, I did a load of laundry, took a shower, we had cake that was chocolatey goodness, (she asked for it) and watched Coyote Ugly together. While we watched the movie, I rubbed her legs. It was actually a bit of a stress relief. We then watched random shows while I read books and got stuff together to come back 'today'. Then I fell asleep on the couch (cause I don't trust my bed, my cousin slept in my nephew's, my mom's was sweat-drenched, and that's all the beds we have) but it was no hardship, since the couch is brand new and SO SOFT!!!
I got up around 2, after my mom had woken me accidentally all throughout the morning, when she couldn't seem to wait for me to get up any longer. *cry cry cry* She could have gotten me up, since we were supposed to go out together, and she doesn't feel well in the afternoons!!! >.< I can't help that I'll sleep til dusk if you let me (which reminds me, bf, call me whenever you want me, otherwise I'll prolly sleep til tomorrow. We're supposed to see a movie together, right?) but I'm totally okay with waking up if there's a REASON for me to be up.
Mom ended up feel sick, so I called all sorts of shelters, but only found one open, and drove for thirty minutes to get there, with the cutest little calico all snuggled up against the back windshield, panting from heat, and me not giving it water. (I'm ashamed, but I didn't want them peeing in my car. They only appear to have pooped once) I'd never seen cats pant before. It was freaky. It eventually calmed down, cause it was thin enough for me to see the heartbeat through the fur. It took 45 minutes for them to get the cats out of my car, cause it was just NOT happening. We had almost decided to give it up and I was just gonna go home with the kitty in my car, but then we got a good shot at it, and we took it. You wouldn't beliee how much I actually regret finding a way to get the kitten out of the car. I mean, realistically, I realize that I couldn't have kept it, that I would have resented it peeing and pooing all over my car, that it would go crazy if I kept it in the car, regardless of whether I fed and watered it properly, but still, I think that might've been better than giving it to those women. It's going to DIE because I thought it shouldn't be out on the streets. My decision just cut its life off. I'm seriously considering calling the shelter and telling them I changed my mind, I'd be there to pick it up in a bit, and let it live here. It was just beginning to trust me. I actually managed to pet it a few times without meaning to. It's become natural for me to just pet something when I want to reassure it, and when I thought it was scared, I petted it and it didn't try to attack. It just startled away. AUGH!!!! ANYWAYS!!!!
I came back home after filling up on gas, and got mom up, and we went to the bookstore. She paid for 70 dollars worth of books for me. 0_0. I expected her to refuse, and then tell me how much she'd pay for, and I would pay the rest. But she just kinda paid for them all. I rushed through when I was picking my books cause mom said she was still feeling weak, so I actually ended up following her around the store, holding both of our books, and picking up anything she knocked over so she didn't have to bend down. *Shrug* It was the least I could do when she agreed to pay for my books like that. Then we went to Arby's where I realized once again that I only really like their fries and shakes. It's a sad thing, but true. Their meat is SWEET and I have bad experiences with sweet meet. *BLEH* So the expensive burger my mom bothered to buy me went to waste...and I couldn't even give it to Maya cause mom said then Maya would expect the same from the others.
After that, we ran to the store and picked up some food stuffs cause I wanted cranberry sauce, and she wanted chips and dip. She withdrew some money, and I figured it was for my sister's freind, who asked her for gas money for the week (she would pay her back on Friday), but she handed the entire amount over to me. I was like O_O? I HAVE money, I don't need this! And she wouldn't take it back, said I could think of it as payment for massaging her legs. I'd forgotten all about doing her legs. I didn't do that to get paid. The fact that it helped relax me too was enough of a payment for me. *Shrug* But, I accepted it. See, when she first handed it to me, I thought she wanted me to put it somewhere for her. She often does that when we're driving, she'll hand me money and say, "Purse" or "Change Box" or things like that, so I didn't think anything of it when I took the money from her hand. Damn habits and traps and things.....*mutter mutter mutter*

I'll finish this after I get back to my room. ^_^;;; Lotsa stuff happens on weekends.

Procastinators Unite.....or not

So....I'm actually doing this blog in an attempt to delay my paper writing. I'm a little disappointing, aren't I? Other than that, I'm doing pretty well. I got four hours of sleep twice today, so I was actually pretty well rested. I got to play with RB, and then I got to shower and just chill til work time. Now it's work time, I've done all my playing, and I can't really convince myself to do my work. *cries* I haven't really got homework, just a ton of tests and quizzes next week, despite it being a three day week. I should really do those papers...but I just don't WANT to. They're not even HARD! What is WRONG with me?

On a new note, bf is going to a conference today. Heehee. He's also presenting at another conference in Pheonix sometime. I think he's very impressive. ^_^ It's cute that he's nervous about it, but I hope he'll become more comfortable with it before he presents. A nervous speaker is cute as hell, and it'd make me want to jump him, but no one else should be having those thoughts about him. Grar. Mine! ^_^

I'm sad that pineapples can't talk to daddy much, but they're so supportive of each other that I'm not too worried about them. Yay for work! Wow, four full boards of math equations....that's a little more impressive than I should admit. And I wonder who Ms. G is? I can't recall.... I hope little sis is doing okay. I'm glad she got all 1s. I can't really believe they've already completed a trimester! Time is really flying this year.

I've just spent way too much time playing with cleverbot. It's so annoying how ppl put down cleverbot thinking its a computer. Just cause we're human, it doesn't mean we're better. JEEZ! (I'm pretty sure I figured out the whole thing about cleverbot, so just ask if you wanna know.)

I'm gonna go so I can write my paper a bit. I really need to write it. It's not like it's a lot. 750 words. Short and sweet, and even know where to find great supporting arguments. I just can't convince myself to do it.

So due to my incredible laziness

I will just copy and paste a conversation I had with a freind to tell you guys how my day went.

i'm apparently determined to eat things that i KNOW will make me sick
Cheetah: ugh
stay up so late as to sleep horribly
Cheetah: ugh
walk around in the rain til my shoes are soaked through
Cheetah: ugh - did that one too - no fun
skip class that gets cancelled because i iddn't finish the paper in time
Cheetah: yeah
and just generally ignore my hw til it's nearly time to turn it in
*siiiiiiigh*
Cheetah: *hugs*
*hugglies*
Cheetah: ...it sounds like your day was kinda shitty, to state the obvious
yeah....
but i had a nice walk in the rain with a nice boy that also liked the rain
i got to eat donuts and croissants
Cheetah: true.
the coffee was made perfectly
had fun being grabbed and breaking free
Cheetah: ok, fine, there were good things too. you still get a hug.
lol
see.....i feel pretty amused overall
but not happy
and not sad
Cheetah: I see.
so it's difficult to decide what kind of day i had
Cheetah: yeah

If you can't tell already, I'm the one without anything in front of it. Cheetah is a friend. That was more work than I anticipated. I'm gonna go do philosophy and lookit the other homework I have to decide what I want to do. I may just sleep and let all the other things be. This week is so hectic, and I have to fit in time to write a difficult paper and a visit to my house, where my entire family has had the swine flu. Apparently, after having had it once, you're actually MORE likely to get it again!! AUGH!


I don't even know what video this is, it's just the most recent one I've watched.

Interlude with cleverbot

I think a computer just had a sexual innuendo moment with me. It was ....interesting. And I SOOO wanna see the dirty conversation collegekid had with the cleverbot. My excerpt:

Cleverbot: Trying to have a conversation with a robot?

User: Apparently.

Cleverbot: Agreed.

User: Did you just end the conversation?

Cleverbot: No, but I'm just about to have one.

User: With me?

Cleverbot: Yes.

.................................................

So at nearly Two in the morning, with nearly zero percent of my homework done, I will post at the behest of pineapples

Yeah, that was a REALLY long title. ^_^
So, I'm thinking I could start posting drabbles on ff.net. I'm not a big writer, but I do like to write occasionally. Sometimes it just bursts out of me, and other times it just kinda....sometimes, it's just like a bathroom session. You start, then stop, then feel like it was pretty crappy to go through all that trouble for such a little bit, then it suddenly starts again, and you're like 'Hmmm, I guess that wasn't too bad' and then it'll stop again, and then start again, and in the end, you're just all-around pessimistic about the whole experience. Ummm....next topic....

So, like mentioned in the incredibly long title, I am behind in my homework tonight. It's interesting. See, I wouldn't be, but I went to a 'gig' of some of RB's friends, and that was from like, 8-11, and then when I came back, I spent alot of time reading this fanfiction that I've been becoming steadily more and more engrossed in lately. It was surprisingly good. I then felt the need to shower, and I got a bit of reading done for a class tomorrow during that, (yes, I read in the shower. You know you WISH you could have my reading skills) and then got out and just ....really didn't feel like doing homework.
I don't want to read my philosophy!!! It's so...ANNOYING lately, and I missed the last class. I found out from a classmate later that day that all the big speakers were absent and they spent a good portion of class looking at cats....*shrug* Don't ask me, I wasn't there, but I also don't see the correlation between Cats and Leibniz, if that makes you feel any better. I usually like my philosophy class above all others, but...idk, I guess it's due to my first total miss. See, the reason I missed was.........
The day before, in Self Defense class, I fought my teacher. Now, my teacher is a big man, you can ask collegekid. He's seen him. This big old hunking guy, was strapped in pads that looked like hockey equipment, minus the leg and arm pads, and plus being fully bright red. When a big red diaper guy comes at you, you're IMMEDIATELY like "WTF????" and respond. My response was to get him away from myself, via a face-palm, but I'm not good at following up, because....well damn, would you follow a diaper-guy when he's finally getting away from you? Well, okay, so I figured I should probably do something after he's grabbing his face, so I'd typically say, "Oh yeah!" and run up to him, and kick/knee him in the head/groin/chest. Well, about the second time I did a follow-up, I kicked him, but I landed badly on my good ankle, and I fell, twisting it as I fell. It hurt quite a bit, but he was still in bad-guy mode, so I used my already hurting ankle to kick him in the gut/chest and he finally stopped coming after me. He complimented me on continuing to fight after I fell, saying that "You are gonna fall in a fight. The important thing is to NOT give up and go into the fetal position." He then realized I still hadn't gotten up. I wasn't sure I COULD. About then, he realized I was hurt, and started asking if I need ice or anything, and I told him if he'd help me up, I could probably walk it off (LIES!!!!!) so he did. He then threw punches at me so I wouldn't have to move/kick/run from him. I got more compliments on my quick reflexes, and felt pretty good about myself, even if my ankle made tears prick my eyes. I then had ten minutes to get a class a good quarter mile away. *sigh* Life is SO unfair sometimes. I was kept running that day. Anyways, the next day,
I woke up 20 minutes before my Philosophy class, that happens to be in a building about as far from my room as you can get and still have both ON campus. It just was NOT happening, so I gave up that class, cause of my ankle, and just went to the last three. It was interesting.
I made my Christmas wishlist. I'm not sure how Christmas is going to play out this year, with two cousins having moved up here, and bf, and Papa, and just....well, everything. *shrug* I don't know, I kinda don't really wanna be home for it this year....but I also can't really help being excited about it.
Which reminds me, RB and I went shopping for Halloween costumes this weekend. She got an AMAZING costume as a vampiress, and I still think I'll go as a gothic chick. Long sleeved black shirt with skulls? YESH, that is totally up my alley. Excessively heavy make-up that is very dark and morbid? Any excuse, please. Able to talk shit about whatever and not have to explain it? .....Did you really need to ask?
Also, on the subject of RB, she is in a fraternity, and two of the guys that have been playing dick-measuring games using her as a ruler, have both tried to kiss her this past week. I'm thinking I may have to hurt someone. The only problem is, (teary face) no one sees me as a threat..... They think I am 'cute, sweet, and funny'. My thoughts? 0_o...?!?!?!?!? I don't get it....I guess that's just the 'air' I give off, but seriously, I'm not sweet, I'm sadistic, I'm not cute! and I'm....well, I'm only moderately funny, even in the best conditions. *siiiiiigh* I don't know how to threaten them without physical violence or mental scarring, and I don't think I should do that to RB's brothers without extreme provocation.... It's a bit of a conundrum.
Okay, so as for the rain. On Tuesday, I totally couldn't sleep, and so I went to the trouble to straighten my hair. Yes, it's already straight. Straightening my hair makes it much thinner, easier to manage, shinier, and even longer (yes, that is possible). I went through all that stuff, cause you KNOW my hair is long, and 15 minutes later, the rain starts. Yes, yes it did. I went to sleep, got up, made it through the three classes I attended, and AS SOON AS I got out of my last class, the rain POURED. I was fine with that, cause I love the rain, and didn't think about the trouble I went through to get my hair like that at first. Then I remembered, and it was already too late, so I shrugged it off. and THEN I stupidly stood in the rain 'begging' for change for Habitat for Humanity, and completely soaked my clothes. When I say soaked, I don't mean I got moderately wet, to where my hair was dripping a little. I mean, chilled to the bone, clothes hanging from the weight of the rain, plastered to my body, hair fully wet as though just out of the shower and dripping, and COLD. I was so very cold that I didn't know how to get warm other than to take a really hot shower. And that hot shower felt oh so good. It set me to rights, finally. I don't think bf fully understood just how cold and wet I was. If I had jumped into a pool fully clothed, I could not have gotten much wetter than I already was. It was kinda horrible, and I'll definitely revise my policy on leaving people standing in the rain begging for money. I'll take them out to eat a restaurant, shopping for a jacket to help, whatever I can, cause that just isn't cool.
Okay, I've spent thirty minutes on this, and I really can't spend much more time on it. I need to get my hw done and turned in, so I love ya'll, I'm sorry it's been so long, and you can thank pineapples, and indirectly (cause he caused me to call her up in the first place) bf, for this random post. ^_^ Hope to see comments, but it's okay regardless. Goodnight!

Just kinda freaky: