Wow....It's really been a long time.

So I suppose you should settle in for a long ride. Or not. My time is reduced because I have to get up early in the morning. Damn. I wanted to write an insanely long post, but I ended up reading Questionable Content (Its a webcomic) for most of the day. On the plus side, I should catch up to TJ fairly soon.

Anyway, It's been a while! Sorry! Uh, would it be utterly terrible of me to focus on my body for this post? I guess it would....so I'll do that at the end, where you can skip it if you don't wanna read. *raises brow* Though knowing all of you, you'll read it because you're curious, regardless of whether you really think you wanna know or not. And then regret it, or shrug or something.

Anyway, lately I've been getting plenty of gifts. Not just Christmas, but like, extra jobs, and the monies kinda been coming in rather nicely. I didn't really get very many Christmas gifts, and I don't expect to, but I've received some pretty awesome stuff lately. It makes me feel guilty though, because I don't feel like I deserve them.
I've gotten a Hana-Kanzashi, and I know those are fairly expensive, but the person literally set it on top of some of my bags as I transferring seats, and then ran off before I could look inside and see what it was. I haven't seen them since. But I really wanted one....but they're expensive!! Argh, I'm still conflicted. I don't know what to do about that.
I went shopping with Ikuchin the other day, and she bought me a jacket and some underpants (by that, I really do mean pants for wearing under clothing) for winter as a Christmas gift. I told her it was unnecessary, that I was really just happy to be able to borrow a muffler from her, but....*sigh* She's so scary sometimes....She takes that "Kill with kindness" technique to new levels. I hope I can be half as strong with that type of thing when I get back. Seriously, sometimes I feel like a hen-pecked husband. I had the insane urge to buy flowers and chocolate on my way home from school simply because I skipped my first class that morning (I overslept). Anyways....

I have discovered that if you get in a bath filled with Yuzu (a type of fruit similar to a lemon) and you have scrapes or scratches on any part of your body, it will hurt. It will burn and itch, and turn really red, and you're just kinda like 0_0????. But it was a really nice smelling bath.

Wow. I had no idea I knew all these 80s songs. I'll post them here after I'm done because I'm sure you all know and love them too. I'm not sure how I got onto the 'listen to 80s music' bend.

We're finally finished with school for the next two? weeks. I'm so excited, except that I now am not getting any exercise, and I feel lonely cause I can't talk to anyone but Ikuchin unless I got out somewhere, but even if I go out, all my friends are busy, so I'm kinda lonely lately.....So I think I'll go out running (yes, I said running. Gasp and widen the eyes children) if I don't do anything productive that day. Or if I gained weight the day before. *nods* That'll keep me out of the figurative cookie jar. Sadly, Ikuchin has no cookie jar here.

I've been feeling the insane urge to post some of my more insane thoughts on facebook and AIM, but I realize that's not the best idea, because it may freak out people that don't know me as well as all of you (should) know me. (If you don't know me that well, I'm not sure you should be reading this type of blog. I basically bare my soul here, after all. Or at least my regular happenings and thoughts) So I decided I should post those thoughts on here, but .....yeah, you guessed it. I forget the thoughts a few minutes later. *sigh* I'll try to write them down or something, because I really wanna share them with everyone. 

Can I talk about my body now? Thinking about it makes me a little stressed, so I wanna write it out and see if it's really that bad a few days from now.  Uh, this means skip it if you don't somewhat intimate details. Go straight to the videos if you're not interested. Skip now.

So everyone knows I've been dieting, right? Yay me? Not really. My weight kinda jumps a little. It jumps a little up, and a little down, and Ikuchin gets all excited and I'm like ".....No, really. No cause for excitement..." So my weight fluctuates, but it's been going steadily downward. So that's a good thing.
My body shape however, has changed quite a bit. See, we have a HUGE mirror in the bathroom. So everytime I weigh myself, I also get a great (note the possible sarcasm) look at myself.
My waist has toned down, I can feel the muscles in my stomach. That reminds me: I now totally understand why bf loved to rub my belly. It's so soft and warm. Uhhhh.....Anyway.
I have a bit of the hourglass shape going on until you get to my overly endowed thighs. Those babies are like "BAM!" and they keep my legs from tapering from the hips.
But below the knees, there's practically no fat, and my feet aren't ending up nearly as bruised as they used to from walking and stuff.
My chest seems to have shrunk, and even Ikuchin seems disappointed. She's like "Just lose the stomach! Don't lose any breast! They're great! Lost the stomach and you'll be perfect!!" Heh. I'm relieved to lose a bit of it, really. They like to say 'Hi' a little too much for my comfort.
My chest area below my breasts is getting a little definition now. It's kinda cool.
My arms....meh. I think they might be a bit smaller, but I can't really tell, to be honest.
My jaw-line and neck however: The entire shape has apparently changed and everyone who doesn't see me regularly comments on it. My host family is all "You've become so cute!!!" in a totally not-being-mean way. I just shrug it off. I mean, I'm happy for the compliments, but I'm not fully satisfied yet. There's room for improvement, you know?
Besides, I don't know how to receive a compliment in Japanese. We were strenuously told not to say thank you for them. To point out a fault or something instead. That's hard when you have limited Japanese!
With this, you have a fairly detailed description of the changes in my WAIT! I forgot!!! MY BUTT!!!
Dude, you peeps wouldn't BELIEVE my butt! I'm getting an ass! Like, I can SEE an ass! And it isn't saggy! And it's all curvy!! And it hurts like a F****ER most days. But it's getting some serious definition!!! I'm utterly amazed. Though I admit, I have a chant in the mornings for when I'm going to school by bike. "I don't need an ass! It hurts! I don't need an ass when it hurts!! Damnit! I don't need an ass! It hurts!" It's a cycle of chanting. *nods*  It's very difficult to get to school on bike. I've actually shifted my way slowly all the way up to the 6th gear. You should all be very proud of me, except that I usually end up like @_@ when I finally get to school. Then my skin gets all blotchy and red from the blood flow to new parts of my body, and I have sweat just pouring down my brow.
Speaking of skin, while my skin is somewhat dry, I've had pretty clear skin for a few months now. I really do think Japan agrees with me. Except for Oysters and Natto. *grimace* If you think my body description is bad, ask me about the oysters. Bleeeerph.  Anyway, skin! I don't use anything. I just wash my face pretty often, which contributes to the dryness, but I put lotion on before bed, so it isn't all that bad. I've even gotten compliments on it lately.
My hair however....everyone suggests I just cut it off. If I had a 100yen coin for every time Ikuchin has insinuated that I'd be ultra cute with short hair, I wouldn't have to worry about money for the rest of my stay here. If they're not suggesting I cut it, they're saying it looks like a wig, or wow, it's surprisingly soft, or wow, It goes fwah fwah. Yes, literally, they say fuwa fuwa (which sounds like fwah fwah). And that's a description of my hair. Welcome to my world. I'm still debating cutting the stuff off. But not until winter is over. I need the warmth. *nods*
With this, you are know aware of my bodily changes....well, the PG ones anyway. I could go farther, but that's just entirely unnecessary, don't you think? ^.^ G'night!

I got this song as representative of me on a fb quiz. Quality is terrible, so please look it up on youtube. I couldn't embed the good ones: (Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper)



 



 

 

Sap overload

I was cringing and reading the lyrics to the song collegekid posted. X_x I think the sap killed my brain. I love you and everything, but bleeeeeeeeh. Though the song was fairly accurate. *shrug* You should find a different video though. It's "You're" not "Your" GRAR!

It amuses me to leave chapstick marks on my glasses, though I bet Ikuchin isn't so amused. *shrug* I'd feel guilty if I could help it, but since I can't, there's nothing to be done but enjoy it. My lips need the moisture and my throat needs the water.

I'm trying to lose weight, but with all the cakes and sweets Ikuchin keeps giving me, I think it's a useless endeavor. I've already decided that this winter, comfort beats normal clothes. I will be wearing sweats and such to school whenever I get up the courage to do so. They're so much warmer and comfy. It's getting cold here, but I think it's much colder back home right now. Lately I've been subjecting myself to pictures. So you can see them on facebook if you wish. I'll try to take a picture or two myself, but meh, I have no interest in it.

Too many parties and social obligations! *cries* I'd reject it, but promises are promises. *sigh* At least I don't have any homework due tomorrow. I can work and do it all tomorrow if I'm diligent. ....I can't imagine myself being diligent right now. I need more sleep. *nods* If I can get the sleep I need, I might be able to pull myself together. I'm still impressed every time I enter my bedroom. Last night after celebrating Gon-chan's birthday, I came home, showered, and cleaned my room. It's clean! I just need to vacuum it and it'll actually be completely clean.

Ah, I got totally distracted by this TV show. It's so funny. They're so cute and evil at the same time. ...I have no further comment. I need to post on Takarazuka Revue, but I really don't wanna do it right now. I'm sleepy and still laughing at stuff. Look forward to my post tomorrow with all the mistakes that come with posting on a Japanese computer. Til then, fare thee well and be happy!

Frustration

Heyla,

I'm trying to type this as fast as possible, so please excuse my mistakes. I'm unbelievably frustrated right now because of the homework and kanji I'm expected to learn in one week. In one week, there's an average of 35 new kanji, 2-3 new chapters of vocabulary and grammar (the grammar isn't new for me, but still) that has about 6 pages of homework EACH. Usually due the next day. Then there's the speeches, the sakubun (I can't remember what it is in english), and every other class that I'm taking's homework. I'm running out of energy and willpower, and I haven't even been trying that hard.
I tried to take a bath and study for the kanji test, but I just kept getting more and more frustrated, to the point that I dunked my head below the water and just yelled. I hope it didn't disturb anyone, but ARRRGH!
Then, there's the fact that right this minute, I smell freakin' AMAZING! Like, incredibly good. I took a Chamomile and Eucalyptus bath, used some amazingly great smelling shampoo and conditioner, medium bath soap, and my night clothes have absorbed the smell of my perfume because I spray my bed with perfume when I change the sheets. It's a good thing that I smell so great, right? 
.........Not when I start thinking about how much I'm going to sweat and end up reeking tomorrow, since I can't seem to escape the grossness of riding a bike 2-3 kms. I think my problem is that I'm actually concentrating on what needs to be done, and that's making me overwhelmed.

When I think about it, I have:
-3 Kanji tests (at the SAME time-As in 6 sheets of it)
-2 Vocabulary Tests this week (and every week)
-3 4-6 page papers due
-2 presentations
-1 major project that requires the group to work together, >.< My group's been pretty good, actually....
-Etcetera

That's not mentioning my social life at all, which is heavily packed with parties (not the alcoholic type), volunteering, working, birthdays and other things. O_O I just realized I have a musical to go to. Gaaaaah!!!

I'm also trying to skip a level in grammar, because it's silly to continuously go over the same things I've been learning for years. A little review is fine. A ton is just redundant. I wish I could drop a level in kanji, because I'm so frustrated by all of it.

Poor bf, I'm starting to think of you as "Kareshi" in my mind too, because that's just how I refer to you all the time here. :P I may just switch to "Kareshi" instead of "bf" soon. BTW, thanks for blogging. ^.^ <3 I like the music.

On the plus side, I have a new bag (We played White Elephant recently), two boxes in the mail (which is causing me stress all on its own, because I keep looking forward to them, though I don't know when they'll get here), possibly financial aid coming, and lots of ideas for stories. Just no time. Yay?

~Runa

So I hear I havent posted in a while.....

Figured I'd fix that.

Today I have nothing planned at all, and I couldn't be happier. I think I'll go to the bookstore later, and also pick up a cloth bag somewhere, and maybe some banana tea for Ikuchin. It was her birthday yesterday. And I didn't have anything for her. *cries* I'm a terrible person! I'm missing everyone's birthdays.....*sigh* I'm so insensitive.

And I'm reaching my apathetic stage, which only makes it worse. *sigh* But it feels so good to be apathetic....Yes yes, I know I'm terrible.

....I wonder why I have a pending waive when the day before I got an email saying my waiver was accepted.....So confusing. It's nice that I don't have to reapply though.

There's the chance (its only a chance, and I'm not depending on it) that I could get a short-term scholarship. It's a rare circumstance, and I don't think I'll actually get it. Yes, pessimism and all that. But really, it feels a little bit like I'm just being poked and prodded as a joke, not that I could actually receive it. But I got help and input from the people most important to me, so I guess it'll go well if they're serious about it.

I'm actually managing to be an acceptable "pen-pal" lately. I'm exchanging emails without too much difficulty. And I'm getting along with most people, though Hanna-chan has had a really rough week. I wasn't in the mood to be accepting of the silly complaints, so I wasn't too good of a friend. I did what I decided would be best for her, (after she got near tears. In my defense, she got near tears because she didn't want to go to an elementary school) and left her alone. Literally alone. But it was a good choice, I feel, because I really wanted to bully her over her reasons. And I'd already brow-beaten her a bit, and figured it would only get worse if she got left alone with me, so I went and studied elsewhere. So in my mind, I was being a good friend by not beating her.

Ooh....Ikuchin has all these interesting and useful little gadgets, and I have no idea where she gets them from! Which also means I have no idea what to give her as a gift. Le sigh.

Yeah, I really don't have much to add, since I don't want to talk too much about things I don't know everything (as in results) about, so I don't wanna update! Meanie bf, asking for an update when I don't have anything good to say! *booooooo*

Hisashiburi~!

I am currently eating a cookie that got fried with an apple slice, chilling at my house with my host family while the littles are 'eating'. I guess I'll try to review my week or something.

My hair didn't get cut, until Ikuchin cut it for me on the day of the full moon.
I keep running into the Teacher that's a little scary and a lot of interesting.
I made it to school by bike within 30 minutes. I was scared I was late. I paid for it by nearly being sick to my stomach.
I've been eating spicy things lately. Not because I want them, but because they're in my dinner/breakfast. Wasabi powder beats paste. But I can still handle it. Curry is awesome. Even if I have to stick my tongue out to cool it.
Speaking of hot, my baths have been WAY too hot lately. And I'm the one that's filling the water. I keep ending up sick to my stomach outside the bath. It's a sad day for the Runa. Hot baths have always been my favorite. And now that I can have as many as I want, I don't seem to want them anymore. Well...my body doesn't. I'm totally all for it.
The kids are just getting cuter here. Ah, that's right. Yesterday was Ai-chin's birthday. I didn't know until everyone showed up as we were winding down our night, with a cake and happy faces. I didn't have a gift, but thankfully I have massage skills, so I gave her a body massage instead. She said it was the best present, which is most likely a lie, but I was still happy I could give her something.
Yesterday I had work with the English teacher that wants me to come in so her kids get real foreigner experience. I had to pretend not to understand Japanese. I think I might've annoyed her a bit with that, because then I insisted on English translations of her Japanese instructions. ^.^ I was a little annoyed at having to lie for her. So it all worked out. And I didn't get on the wrong train once the entire way there or back. Yay me.
I've been annoyed a lot lately. I get frustrated, and then feel bad because I didn't have sufficient reason for such annoyance. I'm trying to work on it.
I've lost even more weight~! Yays! Now my pants don't really fit. But still, yay!
I get to play I mean teach, the kids that don't have their parents with them today! I wonder if that came out right. Prolly not. Oh well.
I'm kinda cold now. Brb.
Its amazing how cold you can feel one minute, and how hot another.
Oh right, So my hair, right? I cut it about 2 and a half inches. My mom lost her mind. Told me she'd cut off all funding if I cut my hair off, so I better be well situated before then. Yes, I will be disowned over my hair. And in typical Runa fashion, that just makes me want to cut it all off even more. I mean really, do you think ANY threat is a good idea? When I don't give a damn? It just makes it more likely that I'm gonna do it. But I'd already decided to wait til after Winter, so we'll face that hurdle around my 21st birthday.
I went to a Coffee Shop with Gon-chan where we had yummy sweets and coffee and read manga they had there. It was really nice, and they didn't even tell us when they'd closed. So we overstayed our welcome without knowing it. But they told us to come back with a genuine smile, so I don't think they minded.
Ikuchin's unpacking the Christmas stuff. I think she's really brave to do it with kids around. Yuuna has started teething. She keeps biting me. It doesn't hurt, but it feels like I've been demoted to food. Alrighty, I should stop so I have something to post on the other blog.
Bye byes~!


I cried at this video. It's actually amazing. I'm not sure what message you guys will take from it, but I was impressed.


This video is SO WEIRD!!!!! But it's kinda interesting.....

Hair Talk

Yes, it's about my hair. I see the eye rolls and sighs of resignation. Bear with it.

So I have an 'appointment' of sorts to get my hair cut tomorrow. It's tomorrow because the full moon is on Monday, and I'm still following the family tradition of cutting only on the three days of the full moon. (Yes, the day before and the day after count) So I keep thinking about what to do with it. At first, I decided on just a trim because I have all of these various reasons why I shouldn't just complete get it cut off. Then it occurred to me that I could just tell Dai-chan to do as he likes. Which means the decision will be completely out of my hands. But if it turns out bad, I have no one to blame but myself regardless, and then I still have to live with it.
Until now, I'd been thinking of my hair in terms of how others will like it or react to it. Right now, I'm trying to think about what just *I* want. And it's so hard! Because I'm naturally apathetic, I don't really care. It's interesting that it's so long it can be sat on, but it's not difficult to care for. I get a little giggly and happy about that kind of thing. But I'm also rather tired of dealing with all the tangles at the end of the day. And thinking of new hairstyles.
My hair is really important to me in a few ways, but it's also utterly useless in other ways. It's a symbol of my femininity, and it's such a pretty color. It's soft, and it feels silky, and it almost always smells good. I get compliments on it and it's often a conversation starter. Also, winter is just starting, and I've always kinda laughed at people that cut their hair right before winter since it provides warmth. Actually, oddly enough, that's the strongest reason yet for me to not cut my hair too much. And I hadn't thought of it before writing out this post.
In other ways, it keeps tangling and turning into a rats nest. It's hard to think of hairstyles, and I get headaches if I have it up for too long. It feels like I'm flaunting it when I take it down even if I don't have any intention of doing such a thing. I feel like too much of my pride and personality is wrapped around my hair, and that such vanity is unnecessary. It's always getting split ends, and there's various colors in it that make me feel awkward. Buying Conditioner is a pain, and I only use it on the ends of my hair.

Those are my arguments for and against it. So you see I'm fairly stuck. I'm not asking for opinions on it, though you're all more than welcome to tell me what you think. I'm trying to figure out what I think, and what I want. It's nearly impossible though. I'm just not used to caring about silly things like this. *sigh*

On a new note, I've been reading through my blog from a year ago to get a sense of the me from then versus the me from now. When I read my posts, I cringe at my grammar mistakes, but I'm impressed with how vividly the memories of the event come back to me. I even remember the dream I mentioned in passing on Christmas. It's so weird. But I'm rather glad that it's so. Damn....I really really wanna know what that quote I mentioned was from!!! Does anyone know?

"Could it be that I...I...I was wham-bam-thank-you-ma'amed?!"

Heehee....sorry, still giggling. I see why I posted it.

Have a good weekend everyone!

I have 7 minutes to write this blog.

I am limiting myself in an effort to not turn this into a hard-to-do thing. Okay, that totally makes sense in Japanese, but I think the grammar is wrong for English....*frown* But this is for the peeps that apparently choose my blog over their homework (Yes, TJ shoutout)

Rozy, I can't believe how busy you're staying! What school did you apply to, and where is it located?

I miss everyone. But I've noticed I get the most lonely when I'm sitting by myself, or not interacting with someone I like. So for all you peeps with a hole in your lives where I usually am, start talking up some other peeps you want to get to know better. (I kinda have this weird feeling I'm suggesting I get cheated on.....=.=?)

Coffee Hour SUCCCCCKS!!!! I spent FIVE HOURS on something I have zero interest in, and that is NOT including the hour and a half I spent waiting around for it to start up. (3 hours in travel, 1 hour in tour that I didn't get to participate in, because I got left behind so I did homework, and 1 hours of 'coffee hour') We are required to go if we don't have a conflicting class, so we talk to people very awkwardly, don't know what questions are okay to ask, can't always understand the answers, it's so crowded and noisy you can't hear yourself think, and even though there's food, its free so of course it's gone before you can blink twice. Jeez! I was so hungry!!! Not fair!!!

I'm beginning to get irritated today, so I'm trying to step back and see things from another point of view, but it's kinda hard. I just really wanna hurt someone lately....and I don't know any masochists here.....or anyone that loves me enough to accept the pain I cause (yes, bf shoutout) here. Times up.

Dude, Bee looks utterly awesome in the anime....Now I wanna watch the anime.....=.=;;;; Damnit....

Don't enter a really hot bath when you're still recovering.....

@_@ Not to be explicit, but I ended up so sick I had to lay on my bed in nothing but a towel and try to control my breathing while my body cooled down. =.= That was after I stumbled into a fair number of doors and walls on the way. And after I chugged a good amount of water down. Which also left me feeling less than stellar. Bleeeeh.

I'm trying to get this posted, write a new chapter for my story, post it, and get offline, all before 10 30. Bf tends to get online right around 11 every night, and then I canNOT get to bed before 1-2 am. I need sleep damnit! So I'm trying to avoid the temptation and get to bed before he even gets online tonight. Sorry love.

I just KNOW there was something else I wanted to mention....

Oh, only *I* would be looking at a bag, thinking, "Oh how useful and cute!" only to realize it was a diaper bag. =.=;;

Today I went to a girl scout's thing, where I got to play with Aki-chan. (I was surprised she was like 33) She's really fun, so I'd like to hang out again, but I don't wanna be a bother.

Errr....It looks like Ikchin might not be able to go to the Crafts Museum with me tomorrow after all. I might go by myself. It shouldn't be too hard or dangerous, right? *shrug* I'm more worried about how expensive it might be. But I have to go for a class, so there's no helping it, you know?

Speaking of expenses....I'm supposed to teach the Salon-tachi on Friday, but Hanna's birthday party is the same night, and around the same time..... >.< I don't know what to do, really. I wonder if I can go to the party late, and maybe start the lesson early, or push the lesson back, and leave the party early. :S I don't wanna not go, cause it feels like forever since we played together.

I'm so surprised by people's concern here. I've been sick all week, right? Every day that I've been there (for as long as I managed to be there), I've been asked if I'm all right, encouraged to not push myself too hard, and all sorts of other things. One girl that I don't really know all that well, but wouldn't mind getting to know better, told me "I miss your genki-ness!" about a class we take together. Normally I talk in that class, but I only spoke twice (and that's pushing it) that day and when I did, I actually made the teacher wait for me to clear my throat and finish hacking before I spoke. The talkative, disliked girl basically took over the class while I was indisposed. Oh right, "Genki" is health or energy or enthusiasm. I was both flattered and surprised that someone actually gives a damn about what I say in that class.

I also got an email from a classmate that I don't know all that well (but I like) where the first line was "Hello my sweetheart!" and I had to giggle. We had explained that day that 'sweetheart' is generally childish or condescending unless you know the person well.

I received an email from an author I edit for with an e-card attached to it hoping I got better. It was so cute. She used another beta for the most recent chapter at my suggestion, and reminded me that I have access to the next chapters already. I totally forgot about it. Now I'm excited and contemplating reading it. *grin* And my other main author refused to use another beta, and then told everyone to ignore the beta-note I left for the readers, explaining that it was my fault it was so late, and to please complain to me. She said she'd throw a fit if anyone complained because I couldn't help being sick, but I should have still been able to do my work, you know? Seriously I feel so spoiled, especially when I think back to how life is at home, where everyone is ALWAYS taking care of me. =.= I feel both childish and confused as to how I'm motherly when I'm constantly cared for. But it works for me. I love so many people! ^////^ It's the least bit awkward because others can rank their loved ones, but I really can't. At all. *siiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Okay, I really need to get going if I want to evade poor bf.

I stared through the entirety of this video. Ikuchin also didn't understand a bit of it, so that's the only warning:

Wow, Everyone's blogging

I'm happy! It's great! I've read up on everyone but April. She never told me her blog..... :S

I caught a cooooooold!! It sucks...I didn't even go to school today. I just slept and studied, cause midterms are this week.

I'm honestly surprised by the severity of colds here in Japan. I now understand why people collapse from them. I always thought it was exaggerated, but like most things, I'm realizing they're not very exaggerated in manga after all. It's always really surprising.

I feel like there's a lot more I should be talking about, but I'm tired and want to go to sleep. I'm really disappointed that neither bf nor mommy were online this morning. It's totally weird. Oh well. Time savings set in too, so it's even earlier now. *sigh* Sleep it is.

I'm teaching some children tomorrow, so I'm reading up on children behaviors and I found this one. I'm wondering if maybe it's not rather accurately decriptive of me.

"Satisfied with Second Place
Behavior: Specific attitudes and actions of this child at home and/or at school.

1. Can always identify classmate who is first.
2. Won't really compete against first-place student.
3. Usually believes he/she is only worthy of second place. Though a top student, seems to have a sense of inferiority.
4. May fear failure.
5. Sees accepting second place as security against having to keep first place.
6. Reveals this stance in many situations: academics, sports, getting in line.
7. Seems to make no comparison between him/herself and others, which is a healthy stance. However, always talks of being behind first-place student, and this alters his/her self-concept.
8. May idolize-or resent-first-place student.
9. Often very well liked.
10. Humble.
11. Considerate."

Heehee.
So now to find a song.....

My Weekend has been....****

*hangs head*

First off, I am so sorry to my beloved bf. This weekend has definitely been the worst one in Japan thus far. First off, Friday, I didn't get nearly enough sleep. Then I went to the Salon, and things went well for a while. Then things began to go bad there, though I didn't realize it.

First, Ikuchin told me she wasn't going to the concert. The concert was a Tango music concert. I didn't even really want to go, except that Ikuchin was going, and the tickets were expensive. You don't reject expensive gifts like that without serious reason. Like Ikuchin had. Sao-tan caught a sickness from Yuuna-nyan. (Ikuchin caught it from Yuuna-nyan too, but took medicine and got better.) So Ikuchin had to take care of Sao-tan instead of going to the concert. The horrible thing is, I didn't even want to go, but Ikuchin had been preparing for it for weeks. She was uber excited. And she couldn't go. *hangs head*
I also had a bright spot on Saturday: My box came! I feel warmth again!!!
So anyway, Saturday, I got ready, and wore high heels that I thought wouldn't hurt my feet, but I was wrong. I've got like 4 spots of skin that were torn off before I managed to get home last night. *grimace*
Then, my friends and I were late. Then my hope to get to know the Salon peeps better went up in smoke when they all ran off even before the concert ended. (BTW, the concert was fine for the first half, but the second went into drama overdrive, and the only one able to dance was the singer. I played with a glow stick for most of it...too much energy) After that, four of us went out to eat.
Dinner was actually good. I enjoyed that.
Then we came home, and I realized I'd lost the very important necklace that I always wear. I insisted on getting on the computer because I really miss bf when I don't wear it. I got to talk to him, but everyone went to sleep and our time had to be cut short. I've kinda been tearing up randomly since I lost the necklace. I feel like I failed myself, bf, and even Kei-chan. I know I'm prolly the only one that put that much stock in those things, but it was really my happy charm. I could always toy with it when I was worried or thinking of home and loved ones and immediately feel better.
Ikuchin went on a trip today, and she was leaving super early in the morning, so I figured that Sao-tan, Ai-chin and Shin-san would leave at the same time as Ikuchin. So I promised to be online to talk to bf, and I lied. Because even though I barely slept (I'm sick from Sao-tan, and I rather detest Japan's colds right now), and I was totally awake and ready to talk to him this morning, they were still in here sleeping. And Saotan woke up screaming a few times last night for certain (cause I listened to it), so I couldn't just insensitively waltzed in and turned on the computer and made a racket. Hell, I was so worried about waking them up that I didn't even eat breakfast. I just got ready and left. Which wasn't the best idea. Today has really sucked.
I had a field trip. Yay? Not really. I spent about 15 dollars today just on the field trip. And I didn't even pay for my own lunch. I was treated by the teacher because she's my advisor's kohai, so I'm kinda under her wing or something. Don't know. We realized we had a common bond on Friday. Talk about fortuitous.
First, 'chikai' which translates to 'close' is a LIEEEEE!!! Never believe them! 45 minutes by train is NOT what I would call close. And I had to change trains TWICE! I got lost on the way back and it took 2 hours. *rolls eyes* On the plus side, I no longer panic. I just get off, figure out where I went wrong, and try again.
Then, we were at a perfectly cheap and nice festival and one SINGLE PERSON was bitchy about how she was sick of the festival food, so we had to go to a restaurant. The teacher paid for me, so I guess I shouldn't care, but I ate one measley plate, because it was Korean food, which means pretty spicy, and had to pay 840. From a buffet. One plate. Just saying.
After that, we had to take ANOTHER train, to a godforsaken place, pay ANOTHER entrance fee, waited forever for slow ass people to catch up, wandered a museum about human rights that just made me want to cry even more than I already did, and then walked this abandoned road to a ferry that took us across the river. Where we met an old man I would not term as 'creepy' but certainly not as 'normal'. I half seriously joked the whole way that they were taking us to their evil lair to kill us and stuff our innards with yucky vegetables. Because none of us had a clue where we were.
Then, we listened to the guy talk in Japanese for an hour or more. I'm NOT that good at Japanese. And most peeps were obviously zoned out. But only three of us left early, and we were all female. This is how I discovered that I am NOT the only one with a creepy stalker or three. All of us have experiences with some creepiness apparently. If I didn't feel so bad right now, I'd go into detail about it. As it is, I'll do that later.
Like I said earlier, I got lost. Then I stopped by the store to buy dinner and a daikon, because I heard cubed daikon is good for colds. No one told me they were spicy as hell if you ground them up. I discovered that myself. Bleh. My throat still hurts from that. *hangs head* Today just really sucks.
There were obviously good things this weekend as well, but the majority was overwhelmingly bad. I'm sick enough that I'm just not even entertaining the thought of going to class tomorrow morning. I MAY go to the last one, but I don't know. I really just wanna curl up under a blankie and sleep for the next two weeks. I'm gonna get started on the hybernation soon. Wish me luck!

The Theme song (at the end) from the Drama I just finished watching:

I made a little girl cry today......

And I didn't even do anything except call her name. I was supposed to give her a name tag. She was terrified and had to be dragged to even get into a picture with me. Eventually she smiled at me and laughed with me, but that took like an hour and a game that's kinda like Fruits Basket.

Tomorrow, I go to teach english to some more kids. It's a volunteer thing, so Nana-san is paying for my travel fees. I'm totally cool with that. I'm even looking forward to it.

Sunday I'm going to a Halloween Festival for the children in Itami. Everyone says they want to meet us, but I'm secretly worried that isn't true and they'll cry at the sight of us.

New Topic

I'm getting a care package! Yay! You wouldn't believe what my poor momma did. Admittedly, it's her own fault since she didn't print out the list she insisted I write for her in the first place, but some of it....*shakes head* Poor momma. I asked for some personal items and she sent me the wrong size. I asked for candy, and she sent that. I asked for my warm clothes that I'd already organized, but those clothes have completely disappeared. She sent what she could find. And that's it. And that alone cost $150 just to ship. Papa paid for it. I would have more sympathy if I didn't send that list a month ago. She shipped the box yesterday. FYI: It has gone down into nearly freezing temperatures here already, and I have nothing but a few layers and a gray little jacket to keep me warm. She had a month to get everything together and send it to me before it reached "WARMTH PLEASE!" temperatures. Now I will suffer for another week or so before I can get warm clothes to keep the frostbite away. But that's okay. It's just a week. ....*sigh* It's so cold.....

She's making me a new care package and sending that one. This time she wrote out the list and we reviewed what she had, and what she had to go buy. I think she's going shopping today to pick up what she can of it. I really really really wanted some bubble bath.....my skin is super dry with all the sweating and winter.  I'm excited. I asked for surprises. Maybe I shouldn't have....but I desperately want something I didn't expect. I just hope I don't get a lot of things I won't recognize. :S

Meh. I'm tired. I wanted to start Otomen, but I don't think thats gonna happen. *sigh* I'll try to start it tomorrow. Damnit. Oopsie. I forgot to post this. I guess I'll find a song.

Sappy, but hell, maybe you need the sap today.

You're lucky, twice in a week

No one comments....

There's a really interesting video I hadn't had the pleasure/satisfaction of watching before. I'll try to remember to embed it, but I'm listening to other things right now so......
Sometimes I think bf gave me a fake metal bracelet so it will brand my skin....It's turning a little purple now. *frown* I guess I'll stick to just wearing the necklace. Sorry dear, but I don't think a purple ring on my wrist leaves a very good impression.
Ikuchin is an avid newspaper reader. I'm both jealous and interested. I'd love to try every once in a while, but she'd prolly get impatient with my embarrassingly slow reading. I don't know, she'd prolly still let me.
I really wanna start watching Otomen. I'm super excited. But I can't find a time for it!! AAAAAUGH!
My sissies took photos of me doing a fishy-kissy face......I bet they post it somewhere......Damnit.
Wonder what else I can think of to talk about. Life's interesting, that's for sure.
I did Karaoke today. It was superbly embarrassing. Everyone else seemed to know their voice range and sang within it, while I was fluctuating all over the place. Too high, too low, too gross, overall. V_V But it was fun, so I'd like to go again soon....Geh. I need more money before I try that though. On the plus side, I'm getting really good at figuring out where I am when biking, and when that fails, I can understand the directions I'm so kindly given. I utterly fail sometimes.....lol.
I really like the yoga stretches I've been taught. I'll prolly continue them. I'm losing a bit of weight. I'm not even sure why. My lips are getting a little chapped so they stay rather red, and my skin is getting pale from my habit of staying indoors, so I feel rather pretty lately. Is it vain to think that way? I think it's a lot healthier than always thinking of one's flaws. I look pretty good and I know it. I'd look better if I could get rid of the bags under my eyes, but jeez, I don't know what else to do to get rid of them. I try to sleep, but sometimes it doesn't happen. I lay in bed for 2 hours trying to sleep on sunday, and didn't get but 2 hours total. It suuuuucked.
At Karaoke I kept singing really messed up songs about twisted love. What does THAT mean about my love life right now? (Since my music reflects the opposite of my feelings) I realized it and then got even more embarrassed about that than my voice.
Nickelback btw, almost always has a story to go with their music video. It makes me super happy. I'm just super happy in general right now. I think that means I'll cry tonight from loneliness or something. My moods fluctuate too much for my comfort.
Alright, I'll post this soon since bf is asking about my day. And I'm too lazy to write it over and over again.
I'm sending out emails to new friends and acquaintances right now. People I met at the party yesterday. I hope I can do a lot of odd jobs for this teacher. I really like her. She's from San Francisco. I'm not sure why I like her, she seems rather strict. But I do....*shrug* She scares all the other exchange students. Anyway. Posting!

Okay, after watching it again, it's not particularly realistic, but still. It's touching to me. I think I have a bit of a Daddy complex since I never had one. (Basically I romanticize the idea of a father) As long as I recognize it, there's no problem.

And my parents are worried about MY drinking?

Or lack thereof, really. I have just subjected myself to half an hour of the most torturious tales of drunken revelry. With tobacco smoke clogging my throat as an appetizer. You will not see me:

-Having sex in the bathroom
-Masturbating while my friends watch in the courtyard of the school (sober, btw)
-Giving a guy a hand job with another girl at a party
-groping another girl
-talking shit about each other and then being forced to remember it the next week
-Getting so drunk I do no remember the night
-having flashbacks to said night and not being sure what happened where or when
-going places with people I dont really know to places I don:t understand. (or know how to get home from)
-Various other things

Now that we're clear on that, we can continue. Yay, Edamame picking!　It　was fun but....I keep going places with older people! Like, fifites old. I don:t really mind since they:re all really nice and they treat me to stuff and open doors for me and pick me up and everything, but I feel bad about it. I don:t really hang out with friends on the weekend if they aren:t staying the night, and when they do that, I don:t know what to do with them.

If there's mistakes, its because I'm on a Japanese style computer and I'm rather irritated with those people. In the middle of the coutyard! To prove hes a *pimp*. REALLY?!

Uh, beyond that,....Meh. I just wanted to bit** about that. I'm good now. Thanks.

Playing with Fire

I thought about writing the other blog first, but realized I prolly need to edit what I'm thinking before it's presentable. :P
My title is from the newest chapter of a story I read today. I'd forgotten it was rated M. And how it deserved that title....*blush*
So, I'm in need of doing homework. Heh....I kinda suck, don't you think? I only had one class today, but I still managed to only do 3-4 pages of homework when I have like 6 due, and a ton of reading material due as well.

I got to walk home with Toofu-san! He's so awesome! I swear bf, if I wasn't dating you, I'd seriously consider going after him! He's great. And he works out three times a week! I was like @_@. Well, I got to walk with him to the train station, since I ride my bike home.

Speaking of the bike...I think it hates me. If I'm not on it, it scratches my legs, and when I ride it uphill, it's so haaaaaaard. Though admittedly, it might not be the bikes fault for that. Okay, none of this is the bike's fault. Doesn't mean I can't blame it.

Hm, I've been super busy, so even though I slept for nearly 12 hours last night (subtract all the times Sao-chan screamed) I'm still super tired. I just wanted to climb back into bed.

Eh....It's like 9 30 at night, and Ikuchin just went for a run...I kinda wanna go too....But like, accompany her on my bike instead, because running really isn't my thing. REALLY isn't my thing.

Okay, I officially can't think of anything to add to it that isn't detailing the events of the last few days. Ciao!

KomattaKoto

Which translates roughly to "Troublesome things".

*sigh* I have something to admit. I hate to admit it, and I hate to think of anyone knowing, but .....*dundundun* I'm out of money. I can say I'm 'running low' but that translates to "I've been eating 1 dollar's worth of food each day for lunch in order to still have something to buy food with the next day. I have less than a hundred yen to my name that belongs to me here. I had to borrow money from Ikuchin just to buy a ticket for the train ride home.

See, I thought I would be paid tonight but I wasn't. So I am in some real trouble. I must pay Ikuchin back. And then there's the bank's fee which I was never aware of until I received an email about it when I got here, and a few other 'bills' waiting to be paid. Beyond that, I'm on my own for lunch every day, so it's really troublesome. I'm attempting to find scholarships, grants, jobs, or anything I can do to bring in the money, but I'm not certain what is available. If you know of anything I can do, or where I could go, I'd be extremely happy to hear it. My parents aren't an option.

Beyond that, I'm super tired, and on the verge of making myself sick from the worry. There was this sick moment when I realized tonight that I wasn't being paid tonight, and that I didn't even have the 210 yen necessary to buy a ticket home. (BTW, 1 yen roughly translates to 1 cent) My stomach kind of curdled and I felt like I might throw up if I opened my mouth too much. I refuse to cry, because that won't help anything. Instead, I'm going to look at my options, and figure out what I can do. Any suggestions are appreciated.

*sigh* My class really isn't hard at all....it's just alot of work....I get about 3-6 pages of homework a day. I can do all of that homework within 45-60 minutes, depending on the content. I would say within half an hour, but kanji is infinitely more difficult, so I can't make that claim. I think I'm gonna take a shower and try to relax. Stress makes me so ill, and I really can't afford to be sick right now either. I'm rather mortified that people are going to know I'm broke, so please don't rub it in if you can help it. When I have to admit it to my mom, I can already hear the "See? What was that 'I can make it on my own' talk about? Come home! That's the only money I'll give you!" or something of that nature. How depressing. There's the slight chance she'd react with "My poor baby. We'll send you money, but make a budget, and we'll work something out when you come home next year" but honestly? That's like a 3% chance. So depressing. AUGH! No more depression! I really wanna talk to bf though!!! He's never online when I'm bursting to consult him....whether I'm in America or Japan. ARGH! That's depressing too! That's it! Shower time! Then I'll blog about my week in more political ways on the other blog. :P

.......I lied. I didn't post this before my shower because I couldn't find a good song. After more that ten different videos, I've decided on this one. *sigh* It sounds like an apology, but it's just a soft song. G'night.

A momentary loss of mental abilities

In class......

 

i said '___ha nani?'

she turned and said "___ha nandesuka"

I looked at the teacher, who had already come over and was looking at what i didn't know, looked back over at her, and snapped out in my most bitchy and fuck off voice "___ha naaandesuka"

of course with perfect diction

which she doesn't have

i didn't even mean to

i just had a momentary "Bitch....please." moment, and spoke before i thought about it.

 

True story.

I start riding my bike tomorrow! Save me!

I rode it to school tonight to learn the way (soooo looooong) and my bottom now hurts. But damn, if that doesn't help my diet, I don't know what will. 

I'm SO TIRED! And all the females of my aquaintance seems to have synchronized, making this a week of hell for everybody.

Okay, I really am way too tired for this. I love ya'll. Ttyl,

I've reached my giggly mode

Which means this may not entirely make sense. But I'll try, okay?

Important/Amusing things today:

-I played with Hanna. Like, she did homework, and I was randomly making her body itch in different places and busting out laughing when she couldn't hold back anymore and had to rub the itch away. SOOOO FUNNY! I'm still giggling out loud from this.
-I'm dressing as a cat tomorrow. Imagine me on a train dressed like a cat....yeah, now you're getting my issues. lol. I'm kinda looking forward to it.
-Today, my Gaukokujin bubble disappeared! (It'll likely be back in fully force tomorrow, but it wasn't there today!) I was alone on the train (meaning no other foreigners) and it was crowded, and at first, I had a bit of a bubble even though it was crowded. Then the doors closed, and the guy facing away from me and behind me edged slowly closer to me til he was brushing me. At first I was worried about gropage, but I checked and his hands were in front of him, so I stopped worrying. Eventually we were somewhat leaned against each other, which was really useful for me, since I didn't have a handle to keep my balance and kept having to try to shift to stay on my feet. He supported me very well, and I'm certain I can't even describe the poor guy. lol. He certainly never stopped talking to his friends, so he didn't have a problem with it. When we reached my stop, I just walked out and never really looked back. I thought about turning before I got off and whispering thank you, but felt too weird about that, so I didn't. Just walked away. lol.
-I talked to my mom today. She hasn't even prepared the box I sent her details about ....lemme check. Eh, it's only been 10-13 days. She'll let me borrow the movie I wanna show Ikuchin and Naobe.
-Chay's been refusing breakfast since he hasn't been allowed to have milk (he's allergic). Mom's worried about it. I told her to let him have it, and when she argued that it contributed to his coughing and stuff, I pointed out that not drinking it hasn't stopped the coughing yet, and letting him go without breakfast was just silly.

Which reminds me. Is being allergic to milk and being lactose-intolerant two different things? And if they are, how so?

Beyond that, I can't think of much to mention. I talked to one of the girls I don't like, and she apparently took a liking to me. V_V;;; I tried to discreetly get away, but I think she realized I wasn't interested. I hope her feelings weren't hurt if she did.

Uh....You might need to watch this a few times. I'm still gaping.


OOH! I have new chapters to edit!!! Kyaaaaah! So happy~!

I'm listening to Japanese right now,

so my writing might be slightly erratic. Nevermind. I just waiting until I was done.

The other day, I was reading the script of this book for class on the train, and I had more than one person looking into my book curiously. Japanese, don't-know people. It was troublesome, so I decided to just listen to it tonight instead.

Sometimes Japanese movies/series are so stupid. Or at least, the actions and characters are. The stories are actually usually really good. The movies are just done so...dramatically or over the top, that I can't help shaking my head.

If ya wanna know about my weekend, please see the other blog's post. Otherwise I'll be repeating it again.

Today I read a lot of manga, even though I should have been doing homework. *sigh* I'm really so terrible. I also have now written two chapters to one of my stories because the plot bunnies have been stomping in my brain so long I thought they'd do brain damage. It must be Japan. I've had way too many story ideas floating around lately. I'll post the second one in a few days. Otherwise I won't get comments on chapter 5.

I'm tired. It looks like Ikuchin fell asleep in the living room floor again. See, it isn't just me! It's a comfy floor!

I had sushi tonight! I really wonder why I can handle wasabi but not other spices. I mean, I don't LIKE wasabi, but I can handle it.

Yesterday, Ikuchin and I had a little mini tea ceremony, where we mixed our own tea, and had sweets (that weren't really sweet) to help them go down. It was delicious and relaxing. I also made friends with a high school boy! He's really short, but he's cute, and he was so quiet, I HAD to talk to him. ^.^ He then responded to me quite admirably.

Oh, right. I'm going to a Press Conference on Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about it, really. I think I'll go as a devil. I tried out a new hair style, but it kinda looked like Sailor Moon, so I don't know that I'll ever wear it out of the house.....Devils are easier to manage than cats, after all. Maybe I'll be a rain devil....or demon. *nods* That'd be pretty cool, and not take much effort.

I've written so much today! I've also edited so much! It's so exciting! I edited four chapters, wrote two, and still haven't done any homework....I'm terrible. But it was so fun. It put me in a great mood.

I didn't get all my laundry dried, but what isnt dry will be dry by tomorrow afternoon. That's a good thing, right?

Okay, I'm regressing to boring stuff now. Ikuchin keeps buying sweets, and since she's not allowed to have sweets when I'm not (her insistence, not mine), she keeps tempting me with them. Its so funny, since she's the one that made me swear them off to start with. Argh, if I keep drinking so much water, I wont be able to make it all night without waking to pee agaaaaain...! Grrr......I hate that. Especially when I'm too tired to get up, so I just ignore it and go back to sleep anyway.

Alrighty, I need to pee (once again) and I'm rather tired, so I'll say goodnight now! Heehee....Ikuchin just started snoring! So cute! ^o^



I like these instruments. Yay!

Couples in Japan....Scandalous!

Not really. Okay, maybe a little. At the mall, they definitely hold hands and stuff. And I DID see a guy grab at his girl's butt. And there was this semi-cute occasion today with a guy leaning back to rest his head on his girl's chest while on the escalator today.
So couples here are a lot more demonstrative than I previously thought. Hand holding is no big deal, and sometimes more than that is okay here. It kind of blows my mind.
Beyond that, I'm really not sure what to write about. I guess....I'm still waiting for my immune system to get back to normal, and until it does I may have a bit of a cough and such. *shrug* Go figure. Once you're sick, you're always sick. I'm turning into bf!! It always takes him forEVER to get healthy again! Nooooo!

Friends are hard to recognize

But enemies are worse.

I've recently been dissuaded from blogging because I ended up so mad at my family for chewing me out over drinking I'm not doing. Yes, reread that sentence. Now you've got it. There was really no point in arguing with them, because, essentially, I'm halfway across the effing world. I'm going to do what I'm going to do, and they should be happy I even bother telling them about it. I mean, I'm not gonna say shit anymore if it just gets me chewed out. Who would?

Anyway, back to enemies. I've recently been meeting a TON of people, right? Well, within the group of people that I instinctively like (and that's just instinctively), there's also people I instinctively do NOT like. And without any reasons to start with, I just dislike them. Of course, being human I can easily find reasons to dislike them. Their voice is annoying (they can't help that). They say shit about America(ns) and think it's okay cause they're FROM America (they have a point, but they aren't the entirely of America. Therefore, they really can't speak for all Americans damn it). They're condescending (but they help with work, correcting me, even when I'm not really wrong.....) and don't believe me when I try to help them with THEIR work (but believe others that give them the same answer). They talk shit about other people's accents, when their own is pretty awful (And that's not just English or Japanese). So you see, I can easily FIND reasons to dislike them, but the gist of it is, I didn't like them even before they really started talking to me. Which really isn't fair. And I'm all about the fairness. But just being in their proximity puts me on edge and makes me want to snap at others. Which isn't fair to others that I have no problem with. Because really, there's only a few.
To explain this more easily, say I meet 20 people. I instinctively, without rhyme or reason, like about 7 of them. I also instinctively dislike 2 or 3 of them. So for the other 10 or 11 people, I'm initially curious, and very much open to knowing them. Some won't like me, and I can sense that. Some will like me, and I'll be freinds with anyone who's personality doesn't clash with mine. I like other people. It's just a little awkward when I can sense that they really like me, and I just rather kinda like them. All the others will be passing acquaintances that I don't really know very well. They'll get a head nod, maybe a few conversations now and then, but nothing really memorable.
That about sums up the arrangement now, and in just about every situation I've ever been in. So I really can't remember ever instinctively disliking someone, and them turning into really good friends of mine.

So to continue with a new topic, I'm dieting. And Ikuchin is helping me. So I'm trying to help Ikuchin help me, so it's not like this grudging, I'll listen, but only because you're doing this for my sake kind of thing. But somehow she talked me into no sweets....until I lose 3 more kilos. Yes, kilos. Don't ask me what that is in pounds. I don't want to know. I just know I've lost like 2-4 already. So I was thinking "No sweets? No problem" and of course this means today I didn't lose anything. Even without any sweets. But when I came home today, I was so hungry I was shaking (though I ate plenty for lunch) and commenced to eating like 7 bowls of vegetables and meat and rice. Which is perfectly fine. But then I was still hungry. So I had a banana....and some other thing I cannot name. Literally. I don't know. So I got full for a while, but not nearly long enough. I'm hungry again! I ate like, 4 or 5 hours ago....Ah. So that's why I'm hungry. Figures. Veggies go fast. And I didn't really eat much meat. *sigh* Silly Runa.
But my friends and I have a custom of buying new sweets and sharing them about ourselves to figure out what we like. So today I couldn't have any, and I didn't really bring any....so it kinda sucked for me. But it's temporary....Or so I will continue to tell myself.
I also got new clothes from Naobe's company! She's a designer, so the clothes that get rejected, but only have one or two things wrong with them are up for grabs there. *dances around* I have some new clothes~! But I'm too big for most clothes, so at the same time, sucked, just a little.
And then I went to a musical in Japan. In Japanese. Yes. I did. And I understood the gist of it. For the most part. It was very touching. Name? A Common Beat. There was definitely a country that represented America though.....*hangs head* I was a little embarrassed about that. But there was bellydancing, and notes from the staff, and a lot of hard work really went into it. I really enjoyed it. Even if I was like one of three foreigners there. In a room full....like, 300-500 full. Meh, it was really cool, even if I needed help to read ....well, anything.
We kept getting on the wrong train! Ikuchin kept trying to take short cuts! And we had to backtrack so many times! (laughs) It was pretty funny. Then we were late, and we had to run from Naobe's company all the way to the train platform. THAT was embarrassing. But mainly because....well, I'm female. When a female runs.....Yeah. I think you've got it.
But beyond that, I slept a lot, and still ended up sleepy all day today. So maybe tonight, when I only sleep about 7 or 8 hours, I'll feel better tomorrow. I wanna be all healthy and happy and energetic again!!!

Oh right, I saw a train sign saying "Females only from (Some time at night) to 23:30." Which is kinda cool, until you think of the reason such a train car is necessary. Which brings me full circle to a fun concept we've all embraced here.

The Gaikokujin Bubble. The literal bubble around foreigners that Japanese people refuse to penetrate without very stressing reasons. Like more people on the train car than can be comfortably fit. Like tonight. For a while, A. and I had our own little bubbles. But then at the next platform, so many people squeezed on that I was pressed against two guys. Now yes, that is essentially no big deal. But when you consider I am taller than both males, and it's my backside against them....Well, I won't make you worry. My bottom was repetitively brushing the poor guy's arm. and my back/side was against the other one the entire time. And since I had sweat all day today, I am rather certain I stank, though everyone else insisted I smelled fine. Isn't that terrible? But it's the first time I've been in such a crush on a train, so I find it rather memorable.

Meh, it's 1 am here, so I'm going to bed. I'll leave you with one of my favorite songs (And it proves I'm rather happy)


If you're not getting the picture, my music tastes run directly opposite to my feelings.

Lessdodis

So I worry about what I can do to prevent people from hating me. Suggestions? Comments? Memoirs? I accept all types here. I worry because I make a lot of friends to start with, and then lose them steadily as drama unfolds. I don't really know what I do wrong or even if I really do anything wrong. I think I might be the only person I know that regularly actually laughs when they type 'lol'. It's kinda fun.
I think my nervous habit of licking my lips is gonna get me into trouble. I can't seem to stop! And it causes my lips to turn red and get raw and feel very very baaad!!! So then I use chapstick, but it doesn't help because it's flavored, so it doesn't make me stop at all. I've tried eating lollipops instead, but I feel awkward eating those in public, and today bought hard candy to try. I hope that goes well.
My friend has a Finnish accent in Japanese, and I like it, but I think she took offense to my mentioning of it. She then said *I* have an American accent in Japanese as well. I was flabbergasted. I'm always complimented on how accentless my speech is, regardless of the language. She then lost confidence and said "Sometimes" followed by "I think". This left me wondering if I do, and Ikuchin says I'm fairly perfect with my accent, so I can't help wanting to ask everyone I talk to about it.
I had curry! It burned my mouth! And then I had it for breakfast! Owchies! But it was oddly yummy too....
Okies, there's alot more I wanted to talk about but bf is going away, and I'm super tired, since it's past midnight here. bf is telling me to go to bed, so I'm going already, Yeesh! ^o^ G'night~!

Trip to the hospital....fun

Same blog title, different content. Since I have to get up at like 7 to leave for the train by 7 50, I'll try to make this fairly fast and short.
Ikuchin is showing me a movie based off a manga. It's a little bit...okay, really amusing.
My weekend has been rather busy, but yesterday I was able to relax and do laundry. There was the issue of it not being hot enough to dry without the sun's help, but I left it out overnight and solved the problem. Papa came home, and I got to talk to him and Mama for a bit before I left for the hospital today.
.....wow....that's some really ....uh....interesting acting.....heh. Hehehehehehehe.
 Japanese movies and commercials are so awesome.
Its hard to believe I've only been here for two weeks. It feels like so much longer. I'm adjusting really well. I just realized I recognize one of the actors in this drama. Psh. Too much dramatic silence for me. He's crying....because of the pressure? I'm not sure....but now they're all crying...and they haven't lost yet...they're about to win if he doesn't screw up. Yeesh. At least lose or win before you cry.
They won. Go figure.
Anyway, I was trying to look up the actor I recognize, but it's not showing up. I'm really surprised by how many of the mangas I read have been made into movies. I wanna go see them all now!!! But that costs mooooneeeeey! Gaaaah!!! I'm supposed to start helping Ikuchin's niece with her english on Tuesdays starting this week. Must remember!! Gaaaah! This Friday also, I'm supposed to go to see the Salon-tachi. I'm looking forward to it.
Ah, found him. Wow, I'm surprised I recognized him. I didn't even like him in Hana Kimi. FWAAAAH! So many movies!!

I keep getting compliments on my hair, but it just makes me want to cut it.... It ends up matted and sweat soaked so often that I really just don't even know why I haven't cut it yet. Though I did think of a reason recently. I've always wanted to donate it or something, but I don't know how to do that here.....*sigh* I guess I'm creating reasons to keep it long, so maybe subconsciously I don't want to cut it. Really, I don't even know. It's just annoying to figure out what to do with it each day, and still try to keep from getting a headache from it. Any suggestions?

I haven't blogged....my bad

Momma and bf complained. My bad. So, in an (obvious) effort to get you guys to read my other blog, I won't expound on what I already wrote about. What I will mention is:

-I went drinking socially. Didn't get tipsy, drunk, or lightheaded, even on top of a mountain.
-I was called Motherly for taking care of the group of freinds I went back down said mountain with. "Come this way~!" and "Look out, Car!" are motherly, apparently....damnit....
-I was called motherly repeatedly when I helped take care of Nyunya (not actual name) and she started to call down and go to sleep on me even more than her mother. I literally took her while she was crying from her mom so her mom could eat. She then got quiet and didn't make much noise at all while I tinkered with her. It amazed all 12 of the other adults I played badminton with. *hangs head*
-Wednesday, I wore a skirt to school. This translates to: I SUCCESSFULLY RODE A BIKE IN A LONG SKIRT!!! Praise me! I'm so impressed! I wore said skirt for hula dancing. Hula dancing did not happen. Damnit. I couldn't find my Nihongo partner, and if I understood her right when I saw her briefly yesterday, its because the club didn't meet that day, or met somewhere else.
-I did laundry today. Yippee! I also saw the boy living next door to us while doing laundry. In a short dress that showed too much breast. .....Yeah....a little awkward. Especially when he then kept sneaking peeks through the little gap all ninja-like. *sigh* Yes, yes, foreigner here. Gape away....I'll be here all year.
-Ikuchin bought me a bed today. It'll arrive on the 12th. I didn't know. I also didn't know she'd noticed how much my back had been hurting me from the 'bed' (Read: futon metal frame thing) I'd been using. But really, I could have easily moved to the couch if it had been hurting me too much. I've just been trying to get used to it. I can't believe she's spending so much money on me! I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything! I feel like soon I'm gonna make her hate me and regret spending all this time and money on me. I'm so worried!

Okay, now that I opened that can of worms I'd been suppressing, Ooh, wait. I have another can of worms.

My sissie got married yesterday. Le sigh. To the brown-noser. Go figure. It was just a courtroom thing, but they did it. She says they'll have a real wedding when things settle down. My niece has been having breakdowns about all sorts of things. I'm so worried about her. She's breaking down about how she is fat (She's chubby, I'm not gonna lie, but she's damned beautiful how she is. She wouldn't be nearly as pretty if she were thin.), about how she has no friends (she really doesn't have a stable enough environment to make lasting friends. And the 'friends' you make in the neighborhood where we have all lived and she's currently at, are backstabbing bitching crazy ass freaks in the disguise of cute, sweet young girls anyway, so I don't think her lack of friends is her fault, or a bad thing, looking at her options), among other things. I feel like a fist is clenching in my gut when I think of my Mimi. Mkies. I sent out an email just now to my sissie to let her know I want Mimi if anything happens, and to make it legal now. I doubt she will, but damn, how many times can I remind the girl before I become uber obsessive about it?

Okay, I'm too tired to think of anything else. Le video(cause it's what is playing right now on my playlist):

Phwee!

I'm so tired!! I always am here! I never feel like I've slept enough. And there's not enough hours in the day to do everything I WANT to do. Really. I never have enough time. It's ridiculous.

So on the scale of weird events.....Jeez. I'm not even sure where to start. I guess...

First, I got interviewed, and then the dude like, disappeared! Oh well....I wanted Mommy to get a copy though, since she's worried sick.
Second, my bottom HURTZ!!! The bike....it's bruised my bottom!! *Cries* And this is the second time it's happened! My bottom JUST GOT USED TO THE OLD ONE!!! Owies. But it's definitely easier to use, and it's got some nifty gadgets.
Third, a Japanese student blew a kiss at me and my friend when we were watching him dance. They have some seriously skilled dancers here!!
Fourth, I'm gonna try Hula Dancing. It's a club, but laid back. For that reason, I'm wearing an adorable skirt and shirt combo that Naobe helped me pick out. (from my closet. I'm so close to broke, it isn't funny)
Fifth, Everything is so expensive!! I need some income, fast! And since I'm kinda teaching (though it's not official, and it's not allowed by my school) maybe I won't have to beg Papa for money. I know textbooks are gonna be a problem..... Waaaah.....
Sixth, There's a guard that speaks to me everyday in English. It's kinda cute, I have to admit.
Seventh, Oh my goodness! Trains are so crowded!!! I tend to press against the side of the door, to the side of it, where there's this bar I can hold from behind. It makes me more comfortable than holding my arms over my head in a crowded area.

I've really only made a few Japanese friends so far. I'm a little worried about it, honestly. No one seems to want to do more than gawk at us. Admittedly, we're rarely completely on our own, but that's because we're just utterly outnumbered! I walk alone to school, but after class, I almost always have a freind around. It's too scary otherwise. They all look, but they never speak to me! And they stare so much!

Ikuchin is helping me diet, so I'll hopefully lose some weight before I come back! Wish me luck! She feeds me so much food.....And I think I AM losing weight. I really don't get it, but hey, that's Japanese food for you....

Nowadays, when I'm trying to think in English, the Japanese word pops into my head and I have to think for a minute before I know what the right word is. So if I take a minute to answer, it's because the English word isn't coming to me.

That doesn't mean I'm any better at Japanese. It seems like my every effort to learn more Japanese is just going down the toilet. Nothing seems to stay in my mind. I'm not sure what to do to keep the information there.

Ikuchin buys grapes for me almost every other day because I'm eating them so much. They're so yummy! And they're different from the ones in America.

I'm trying to get over my aversion to photos, but it's not working out that great.....Ah well, points for trying?

Okay, I've reached my "swaying in the seat" stage of tiredness. Owwwww. I just got a cramp in my leg!!!!

Heyla

My tiredness is catching up to me. Today was boring enough that I nearly contemplated falling asleep. I also got to drink my beloved iced cocoa again. And I made friends with another person. In the bookstore, while looking at a dictionary, I realized I was the only American, in fact, the only native english speaker in the entire group. This only mattered because I wanted an english/japanese dictionary. I found a nice Kanji learning book instead. It's for children, so it suits me perfectly.

If my post looks a little random, it's cause I'm tired. Yesterday Ikuchin was gone, and I ate lots of bad stuff, like sweet bread and ...candy....and other bad things for my body. I didn't like it. Tonight Ikuchin came home late, but she still made dinner for me. It was the egg thing, with mushrooms and meat and ketchup and some sorta sauce that was great. SO yummy. She also had me try the Japanese Pear, which I didn't like as much, but I liked it better than the American ones. I worry sometimes that my comments of "Meh, I don't like it, but I don't dislike it either" are going to annoy her. But I really just don't know how else to describe half of these things. Usually they're really delicious, so there's no problem, but sometimes I just can't say I really like whatever it is.

Tomorrow I'm going on a field trip, and I'm risking wearing short shorts. We're going to Nara again! Yes, the big buddha statue place. I wonder if we have to stay in a group. After our field trip, I'm meeting Ikuchin at the station and we're going to her nephew's beauty saloon. I'm going to be speaking to everyone in English there. I worry that I'll be too strict. I'm not a very nice teacher. At least I don't think so. And that's saying something.

I got to talk to bf and mommy today/yesterday. We used Skype so they could see me and vice versa. Today Momma got up early to talk to me, but I wasn't here, cause I went out with some new freinds. Speaking of that word, the only way I can remember to spell it correctly is to think "Friends end". Isn't that a REALLY sad concept?

Huh. I just realized I sat among ants today cause I was that bored, had some crawl over me, and even found one on my shoulder, and I don't have a single bite on me. The one on my shoulder I let crawl onto my hand and then put my stuff down and walked (quickly) outside and let it off of my hand. Yay no bites?

I'm a level 2 japanese speaker/writer/learner. Out of 6. 6 being the best. Yes, I feel inadequate. I'm also taking as many classes as I can, and I've already found two 'circles' I want to join. One is Hula Dance, and the other is this cute International  one.

It takes so long to eat breakfast here when Ikuchin makes it....she makes so much....and honestly, I really look forward to it. Bread just really didn't cut it for me these last two days. She brought back omiyage~! Anko, specifically. Yuuuuum.

Now I'm just chilling, waiting for bf to get back from class. We're finding times where we can talk now. Momma was really put out that my computer needed to restart a few hours ago, and I just didn't get back on it for a while after Ikuchin came home. She'd been waiting for me. I hadn't known. So I felt bad. Momma  told Ikuchin thank you for taking care of me, but it didn't come across very well, and Ikuchin didn't reply with the customary "I'm happy to" or "Of course" or anything....it was a little awkward. But I liked having them meet. Bf should be getting online any minute, after which they'll meet.

Mommy asked if I was homesick. I'm not, so I had to tell her no, but I think it made her sad that I wasn't withering away from lack of Americans. I've experienced a bit of culture shock, but it's mainly just sleepiness. I sleep alot lately.  But I do that elsewhere too, so I'm not sure it's culture shock.

Okies. Bf is here, so I'm gonna go. Love you guys.

Oh, and I have skype now, and it's under Runadaemon, so look me up!!

Contacting me

Heyla,

I've been finding it hard to work out meeting online with peeps, so here's when I'm online:

When I first wake up, it:s between 6-7am here, and 5-6 pm there. If you:re available, get online! I can use all messenger systems. Of course, if I keep missing people, I:m not going to bother. I like my sleep, and I don:t like getting on the wrong train cause I was in a hurry. (Yes, I did that)

When I get home from school, and stuff, like dinner is done, I:m online between (not always at these times. I have a life, you know) 4 pm and 11 pm here, which means 3 am to 10 am there. Which essentially means I:m available morning and night. And of course you can email me anytime. I:ll answer if you ask a question. If you:d leave a comment, I:d know you:re there. But that:s neither here nor there. 

Now, I:m wiped out, and tired, and bruised in weird places, so I:m going to sleep. I:ll have to blog about today tomorrow or something. I can:t manage it tonight. (Also, all my 's are : because I:m on my host family:s computer. Sorry)

Heyla from Japan

I'm sitting in our living room, the only cool room in the house, and though it's prolly around 80-85 degrees in here, it's so hot everywhere else, that I'm actually rather cold. Don't get me wrong: We have AC (in every room, actually) and such, but if we're not in the room, there's little point to having it on. I think when I go to get my clothes for my baths at night from now on, I'll just close my window and turn on the AC so it'll cool down while I'm getting clean, and then I can sleep without tossing and turning. I'm on an incredibly low to the ground futon that actually is very thin, and the least bit uncomfortable, but I don't mind. My room is super cute. And I think I've got everything I need. They even have a bicycle I can use to go to school, so I don't have to take the train. Which is a relief, honestly. But it's pink. *grimace* I wonder if Iku-chin will go with me to school tomorrow. I don't know how to get there from here. Everything feels like it was a gift, or it was bought from a brand-name, type thing. Which makes it really interesting. Every window has an amazing view. My window's view is right onto the balcony of a ton of people, including one buff, shirtless guy. Yup, quite a nice view. *grin* The living room's balcony shows buildings for miles, and looks over a garden a few floors down. The doors here almost all slide, the toilet is seriously confusing, the tub is scarily deep, and the kitchen is small but efficient. I really rather like it all. And I think that quite a few people I know would hate it. I never wished to bring a camera until I saw the inside of the apartment. Everything is so efficient, and I adore efficiency. I'm not gonna go into my daily life, unless something upsets me, because I'm blogging on the other one, runaandjapan.blogspot.com and I don't like making peeps read the same thing multiple times. I really, really like my family so far. I worry about being in inconsiderate American, but unless someone tells me, there's not much I can do. I'm their first American. The rest were Canadians and Philippines and Chinese. So I'm a new ground. *grin* For everyone. *strained grin*
Last night they were telling me about all these people that want to practice their English on me. I agreed to it. (If I don't, I may not be speaking English out loud for a long time. Plus, I really don't mind) Her nephew is a hair dresser, and everyone at the shop wants to practice their english, so twice a month I'm supposed to go there. She said I could prolly get my hair cut for free there. I mocked being horrified, but they didn't get it because they didn't realize how long my hair was. I'm a little horrified by how limited my humor is now. I can get the meaning of what I'm trying to say across, but all of my humor tends to require words I don't know. Makes me sad. Okay, Ikuchin's home now, so I'm gonna go. I may write on the other blog as well. I didn't quite expect her home so early, and I don't like typing while she sits there waiting. Love ya'll!

I SWEAR there's no meaning behind this song, it's just the only PG one I've listened to today.

No plans

Heyla,

I haven't really anything to say, but I felt the urge to blog. I'm near exhaustion, having done an all nighter, but I guess that makes me more chatty? (I've never thought it did)

I told my kids that I was leaving in the morning. And wouldn't be back for a year. Their reaction? "If I didn't have school, I'd go with you!" from both of them. I also heard, "Arent they gonna hate you cause you're American?"Interesting dears, aren't they? Of course there was the typical "Don't go! Stay here! I'm gonna MAKE you stay here! Why do you have to go?!" questions as well.

My sister made cookies for me. It was very cute, since she's not good in the kitchen. She kept running to me with "Where's ____?" and "How do I ____?" I'm the youngest, but she feels like the youngest at times like that.

My mom bought me a really nice carry on, and gave me a laptop case as well, so we've been trying to pack everything up tonight. I've finally finished everything and I'm ready to roll.

I'm getting up at 6 am to send the kids off to school, but I haven't figured out where I'm sleeping tonight. My sister's been using my bed, and like usual, my skin crawls at the thought of sleeping where others have been sleeping. (It doesn't seem to bother me if they're sleeping with me, or on other rare occasions, like in C-kun's case. I still don't understand why I like his bed so much. I just always have.)

My sissie did my hair for me today. It's actually really adorable. I don't wanna take it out. I think I'm gonna find a song/video and then head to bed. I've regained the fever, sore throat, stomachache, and nausea that accompany my typical all nighters. Love ya'll~!

No broken hearts allowed!

BF! Stop it! I'm still yours, I just happen to be physically inaccessable! *pout* We're just an old married couple that is separated by distance. Temporarily!

Warning! Underwear visible.


I heard that song while driving home today, and it kinda spoke to me. BTW, the lack of clothes is representing their comfort with themselves. *shrug* It amused me, but I was only really into the song.

Hm. Sorry, I got preoccupied with reading fanfiction. Didn't mean to. BF got me a webcam! Yippee! So expect me on Skype once I figure out how to use it. I'm in the midst of persuading my mom to buy me a carry-on. I wannit. But I have just over $250 dollars. *clenched fists* I'm gonna do my best to make it last me until January! (yeah, I realize the impossibility) But I can work once November rolls around. Assuming I can find a job. I already have an offer as an English tutor for my host family. So I'll be able to make a little bit.

I've got to be up in a few hours to talk to Papa over Skype. Momma says he just wants to talk to me before I leave. It IS a little sad that I'm only missing him by two weeks.

So, apparently there was access to one of my blogs...that should not have been accessible. I would destroy said blog if I knew how. I can't find the destroy button. Any suggestions?

I guess I'll head to bed soon.

Comments about this weekend:

~YAY PINEAPPLES!!!!! I was so happy I got to see her! And so mortified when I looked at that old blog. I'd completely forgotten about it. Tell me how to get rid of it!
~YAY TJ! Midnight PB&Js were awesome. 3 am Fire alarms....not so much. lol. It was still kinda nice to see some yummy college guys shirtless and sleep-tousled. Thanks for brunch. ^.^
~So...well....fed....Bf....I may never feel hunger again....blegh. Also so well-loved. Cuddles and playing and movies and games and anime and helping with my school stuff really does make you amazing.
~Kei-chan made me worried she hated me on the phone, but when I got there, she was normal. She was actually fairly cute. Heh.

Hm, you know, it really trips me up when people say "I wish I were going to Japan!" and "You're so lucky!" and things of that nature. It's hard to go to Japan. I've been alternating between wishing to be rejected and thanking the nonexistant gods for allowing me to go. I don't have a ton of money, so I'm worried about supplementing my income and keeping myself out of debt in order to do this. This isn't even considering the academic workload and transference of credits. I was flabbergasted when my advisor signed a blank paper for me to fill out for approval. He honestly didn't believe it mattered. *sigh* I shouldn't complain, since it made things easier for me, but it was still just a little heartbreaking. I really put a lot of work (okay, so bf is the one who put a lot of work into it) into those papers. He even tried to quiz me!

Honestly I'm alternating between fear of my Japanese language levels and pride. I wonder how I'll place on their scale, and while I'm worried about how low I'll score on writing and reading, I'm confident in my speaking abilities. I've always wanted to be able to speak as much Japanese as I can handle for days on end, but now that I'm so close to doing just that, I'm slightly terrified. I really want to, but I also really want to make a good impression. Waaaaaah. I know, I know. You're all gonna say "You have nothing to worry about! You'll be fine! We all like you!etc. etc. etc." BUT! There ARE ppl that do NOT like meeeeee!!!! I can't change myself to suit their preferences, because that wouldn't be me, but neither do I want to impose myself where I'm unwanted!! And it's hard to read social cues from a different culture!!!!! Waaaaaah...... *cries*

Okay, I'm gonna finish this thing now. I've been writing on it for goodness knows how long. Love you guys. I'll try to update this one as often as I update the Japan one. Wish me luck! >.<

I like the video aspect of this much more than the song, though when I listen to the song, I don't find much to protest about either: